Achieve Your Goals in 2013. An Interview with Life Coach, Susan Fox.

It’s almost the new year! Which only means one thing: new year’s resolutions to be made. And broken.

Why do you have such a hard time following through with your New Year’s resolutions?

Why don’t you complete and meet your goals?

How can you actually achieve your goals in life?

Great questions! I don’t have the answer to any of them.

So I spent a part of my holiday trying to figure out how we can actually achieve our goals.

Life coach and life coach trainer, Susan Fox, shed some light on the subject of how to achieve goals. Susan’s a professional life coach who helps her clients get motivated and inspired to get things done in life.

Check out the video below to learn more about how to achieve your goals, resolutions, and inner-most wants and desires.

Well, not sure about the last part but she does give you actionable steps you can take to achieve your personal goals and new year’s resolutions.

(Spoiler alert – there’s no magic pill, magic bullet or abracadabra involved)

Thanks for doing this interview Susan! If you’re looking for a terrific life coach, visit Susan’s site for more information. If you’re interested in a full workshop on achieving your goals for the new year, Susan will help you reboot your brain in late January. Details here.

Do you have a lot of goals planned for the new year? If you have a goal-achieving tip which can help others, please share in the comments below.

How Santa Hijacked Christmas from Jesus (and what YOU can do about it)

Why you got to hate on me, bro?

Santa Just Broke Into Your House!

Imagine Christmas morning. Smell of fresh roasted coffee, baked bread, and an aroma of Christmas cookies. Christmas carols playing on the radio.

And some dirty footprints by the Christmas tree. “What the…?!?” You definitely weren’t wearing shoes last night as you dispensed the Christmas gifts under the tree.

“Who the %#@%*@”

That Santa guy just broke into your house again.

Before you start sweeping up the charcoal footprints, clearing his half-eaten plate of cookies or filing a police report on the break-in, let’s look at what Santa Claus has done to Christmas.

Did Santa Claus hijack Christmas?

The dude from the North Pole with magical elves and reindeer who can circle the world in 24 hours is a legend.

He’s in movies, stories, commercials, and is the hero of Christmas around the world.

He makes lists about who’s been good or bad, brings us expensive cool gadgets and captures the imagination of all children.

But has Santa hijacked the meaning of Christmas?

Think about it – this guy has basically flooded the market and capitalized on the birth of God’s son!?!

What a no good son-of-a %*@)*%)@

Instead of celebrating the life of the Savior, born to the Virgin Mary in a stable, we’re stuck with a jolly guy who loves junk food and Coca Cola!

It’s not just Santa but everything he’s come to represent – endless shopping, gift-buying, wrapping paper and bows, lay-aways and credit cards, Black Fridays and Cyber Mondays. Pre-Christmas and After-Christmas sales bonanzas!

Santa has become the poster boy of a giant marketing campaign. Everyone from Coke to Macy’s has made billions of dollars of this guy! The entire U.S. economy has come to depend on year-end gift buying for the holidays!

How to take Christmas back?

Although Santa’s hijacked the holidays, does Christmas have to be about gifts, presents, food and buying stuff?

NO!

HELL NO!

We can take Christmas back. We can celebrate the guy who made it all happen – Jesus, the savior. We can celebrate His birth, what he stood for and how He sacrificed his life! No, that’s not as fun to hear as a jolly red-suited man with presents but Jesus is the reason for the season.

Let’s pull our Bibles out and read a passage. Let’s learn about the man who gave up His life for us. Let’s live a holiday season based upon the principles Jesus taught us and the example he set.

Five ways to celebrate Christmas to make Jesus proud!

1. Go to church. Listen folks, I’m not even a Christian and I’ve been going to Christmas mass for the last few years!

Going to church on Christmas is the ideal situation for the wannabe, non-Church going and disenchanted Christian.

You get to be in Church during the holiest day of the year and celebrate the birth of the Savior. You also hear the gospel, celebrate with music and participate in an activity that’s actually related to the holiday.

As Andy Wood suggests, make a choice to rejoice in Christ! And spend time with prayer and scripture.

2. Be compassionate.

How about spending the holidays doing less gift-giving and being more compassionate?

Jesus was compassionate to the hungry, the homeless, the blind, and everyone else around him.

Giving to others in the form of gifts makes you both feel good and results in more stuff!

Being compassionate to others in need, on the other hand, will be a service to help others improve their lives.  Give with your money, your time or your attention to a person in need or cause this holiday season.

Can you practice compassion and open your heart?

If you need a toolkit to practice compassion, my friend Sandra has put together a list of resources on her blog. This toolkit is neither approved or endorsed by Santa!

3. Be Kind

Isn’t it interesting that we pull our hair out and are in a mad rush on our way to celebrate Christmas? So many relatives to visit, so many holiday parties, so much shopping to be done.

The craziness of the holidays turns us into demanding, impatient and inconsiderate individuals.

Want to be kinder on Christmas or throughout the year for that matter? Visit Alex Blackwell’s blog to read the manifesto on kindness which features at least 100+ kindness tips.

4. Stop buying stuff

A person’s life, “…is not in in the abundance of the thing which he possesses” Luke 12:15

If you feel that gift-buying and the obligatory purchases of high-end luxury items and technology products doesn’t soothe your soul, then stop the mindless act of purchasing stuff!

Boycott Santa and all his marketing messages. Stop the sales, stop the buy 1 get 1 free, stop the Coke-drinking! Stop getting him cookies! The dude needs to lose weight! (He needs a tough Black Friday workout with Amy Clover to get in shape.)

Instead, take on the Buy Nothing challenge Leo has Babauta has suggested on the Zen Habits blog. Instead of buying whatever the hell you see in sight, stop the madness! Adapt some of the rules Leo’s proposed and cut down on unwanted junk this year for you and for others.

5. Gift experiences.  What if instead of giving gifts, we gave experiences?

Marcella who writes at the Perpetual Vacation, reminds us that human relationships thrive on experiences more than goods. She suggests giving memories and gifts that enrich the soul, instead of stuff.

Instead of stuff, we could give each other our time and attention. We could strengthen our relationships with others by spending time with the people we love and value them. We could give our time and attention to those who need our help.

If Santa shows up at my house, I’m calling the cops this year. I’m leaving the cookies and milk for you, my friends and readers. Have a great holiday and celebrate like Jesus would! 

* Photo credit to nberry

Are you for Santa or for Jesus? How do you stand up to Santa’s aggressive sales and marketing efforts? Yes, you’ll piss Santa off but go ahead and leave a comment below anyways.

How to “Eliminiate” Your Way to Finding Your Life Purpose

Straight "this way" to finding your pupose!

How do you find your purpose? It’s a question that plagues many of us.

In this week’s guest post at the popular Pick the Brain personal development blog, I discuss the secret strategy of ‘elimination’ and propose that doing many activities and jobs will help lead us to our life purpose quicker.

By partaking in many activities, jobs and skills, we can successfully eliminate those things that don’t fit us. The more our jobs reveal what we’re not fit for, the closer we’ll get to finding our true purpose.

That’s my 2 cents on the subject anyway – I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please visit the post at Pick the Brain and share your thoughts in the comments section. To read the post, click here for the guest post at the Pick the Brain blog.

A Conversation about Challenges, Faith and God In Our Lives (1st video interview)

What’s the role of faith in your life?

Is God listening during life’s dark times? (To read the book I wrote on this subject, click here)

How can we have God play a bigger role in our lives everyday?

Yes, it’s here. Although it’s almost a year after I taped this interview, I’m excited to share this conversation with you.

I spent a few minutes chatting with the inspirational Assistant Pastor Angie Taylor, in Reno, Nevada. We chat about the role of faith in your life, God’s presence during trying times, and how to strengthen our faith.

Dr. Taylor is not only a phenomenal faith-based leader but also a leadership speaker and consultant. To learn more about her, click here

I hope you enjoy the interview!

To pick up my book, Is God Listening?, click here.

What are your thoughts about God? Do you find God present in your life during challenging times? Please add your comments below.

What Can Spirituality Do For You?

If the Buddha, Deepak Chopra or your favorite televangelist have not yet made the case to you on why you get more spiritual in your life, you’ve been missing out.  I talk a lot about what spirituality can do for you on my blog and today, on my guest post at Pick the Brain.

Spiritually tends to get swept up with far out characters, hokus-pokus practices, and bizarre beliefs. The spiritual people you know you in your life also may not be the best examples for wanting to live a spiritual life. Your hippie Uncle, fortune-telling ex-girlfriend and organic-fasting colleague (who fasts while breathing organic air) make you want to have nothing to do with spiritual people or a practice.

A good spiritual practice is one where you are able to discover your true nature and self. It’s the process of digging through your physical and emotional makeup and reaching the essence of who you are as a person.

To read more about 5 benefits of spirituality, visit my post at Pick the Brain.

What do you think – what else can spirituality do for you?

For my book about spirituality and resiliency in life, Is God Listening, click here. 

* Photo credit, Jennifer in Meditation, to www.adhiwus.com

How to be Happy, Instead of Right.

"All right bro - you do happy, I'll do right"

I work in the social justice movement which regularly requires community and political organizing. I help people make positive changes in their lives and often taken on special interests, powerful corporations, lobbyists and even government entities.

In order to do my work and empower others to make change in their lives, I spearhead campaigns to create change; organizing people around issues, motivating them to take action and inspiring them to persist until change is made.

During the organizing and change process, I deal with the very real dilemmas of questioning myself about the “rightness” of my positions. Am I on the right side of the law, the issue, the moral dilemma?

More often than not, I regularly believe I AM in fact right so that I can do my job more effectively – with passion and creativity to help the people that I’m working with, win.

Why wanting to be (always) right is a problem?

In organizing people around issues, I work with conviction of my beliefs.

Belief in the cause is critical to carrying out an effective campaign.

But always having or wanting to be right is a problem. A big problem.

Wanting to be always right means that you might be regularly avoiding reality and you cannot be as strategic about the work you’re doing. For example, if facts, circumstances or situations change and you’re still clutching onto your position or point of view, you may not be able to make the necessary changes to the circumstances.

Also, wanting to be right always spills into other areas of your life. It is extremely easy for the professional to become personal.  I spend so much of the work day believing that I’m right that I start thinking and believing I’m right in every other situation as well – talking to TSA security guards at airport, when talking to my accountant and to my psychic.

Finally, wanting to be always right could be stopping you from your own happiness.

How to be happy, without having to be right.

I was struggling with how to be right and be happy. Or maybe even how to accept the fact that I may not be right all the time.

Is being right and happy mutually exclusive? How do I reconcile these choices?

Luckily for me and for you, my friend Galen, has come to the rescue.  In her inspirational and practical book, 10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place (and Staying There), Galen writes that in many instances, it was more important for her to be happy than to be right. She says it was “tough on my ego, but nourishing to my spirit.”

To be happy, instead of right, Galen suggests the following 7 ways:

1) Asking if there is even a right answer? There won’t be just one right answer in every instance. Being open to the possibility there may be more than one right answer in a situation is a start.

2) If there is a right answer, inquire if the right answer even matters. Galen tells us this story about how she let go of being right; resulting in her ego sulking and spirit smiling.

She recounts a work situation where, “someone was wondering about something that happens to be my area of expertise. When I offered the correct information, the speaker disagreed with me. I pressed. He pushed back. My ego knickers were in a knot. I was poised to pull out my expert status and crush all opposition, but I paused. The resolution of the issue was not relevant to the meeting topic.”

3) Pause and look deeply within. Galen suggests when we are filled with righteous indignation, to shine light on the sacred spaces within ourselves. Sit with those feelings that make us feel uncomfortable and breathe into it until our discomfort softens, our body relaxes and our mind clears.

4) Think beyond right and wrong. Pema Chondron, Galen points out, says “the concepts of problem and solution (in life) can keep us stuck in thinking that there is…a right way and a wrong way.” Chondron suggests another approach, one that focuses on “working with rather than struggling against”.

For example, how do you work with a problem or a set of circumstances instead of struggling against them? Working with doesn’t require you having to be right – it allows for changing your perspective when circumstances change. Struggling against, on the other hand, requires being set in your position and usually sticking to being right.

5) Reframe the issue. Galen uses her experience with tai chi to show how to make issues into nonissues in our lives. “Now when I find myself in conflict, I try to pause and explore the possibility of reframing the issue to avoid opposing sides. I have found this to be a powerful as well as a peaceful approach,” she writes.

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now

you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water

into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot,

it becomes the teapot. Be water, my friend.

–Bruce Lee

6) A quick cost-benefit analysis. How often do you analyze a situation to determine if it’s worth sticking to your beliefs and being right or is it better to be happy and bring happiness to others?

This approach requires self-reflection, awareness and a calculation. It requires us to step back from the situation and look at it from an objective perspective to determine what the real cost of being right is. Is being right less important in the situation than bringing happiness to others?

7) Be right when it is not ego-driven. This final point speaks most to me.

Galen suggests there can be situations when it is ok to be right. “The time is always right to do what is right,” said Martin Luther King. Galen suggests there are situations we must act based on integrity and courage for injustices in the world. We’ll know if this is the case when being right and acting on it would bring an underlying peace and joy in our actions.

Galen has really given me some good ways to think about being right and not having to be so all the time. And you know what’s the best part? This is only 1 of 10 other ways Galen highlights to bring happiness into  your life.

I don’t review books. Heck, I’ve never reviewed one yet but when I read Galen’s book, I thought she had basically written it for me. It was relevant and practical. And it made me happy!

Galen writes about giving up control, giving up judgment, being compassionate and being filled with gratitude but different than other books I’ve read.

Her writings are filled with inspiring and wisdom-filled stories and philosophies of other philosophers, inspirational writers and thinkers, intertwined with her personal life story. And infused with practicality and wrapped in humor.

I know I’m being right and happy when I recommend this book to you – go read it people and let me know what you think!

I was moved by this book to make a donation to the charity which Galen is donating all book proceeds to, the www.edwardscenter.org.  To purchase a copy of the book, visit: http://10stepstofindingyourhappyplace.blogspot.com/p/the-happy-place-book.html

Now, your turn. Is it better to be right or happy? How do you stop being right all the time? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

10 Ways to Get Spiritual for the “Spiritual, Not Religious” crowd.

Are you for health but don’t have time to eat healthy?

A world-changer but waiting to retire from your corporate Wall Street job before changing the world?

An environmentalist who doesn’t recycle?

Or maybe even someone who is “spiritual, but not religious?”

Which leads us to the question of what the heck is the “spiritual but not religious”?

Multiple choice question. “Spiritual but not religious” means:

A) You’re super religious but don’t want others to know it

B) Non-religious but use this phrase as a way to be politically correct and be socially accepted

C) Kinda religious when it’s Christmas time or someone dies

D) Not religious but spiritual enough to believe that if all this religious crap was for real and you found yourself in hell, you’d use the “spiritual, not religious card” to escape a life in purgatory.

“Is spiritual, not religious” a lame excuse?

It has become socially acceptable to say “spiritual, not religious” when asked what our religious preferences are. It  also seems to be the politically correct thing to say.

With “spiritual, but not religious” we get to say that we’re connecting with ourselves, a higher power or God but not in any formal or scripture-based way. And we don’t really have to do ANYTHING to satisfy that label.

How do you end up becoming “spiritual, not religious?”

Did you grow up in a cult and get burnt out?

Did you grow up in a strict religious household where you were constantly warned about going to hell?

Did you grow up in a household where you were told to stay far away from God and march with your comrades when the revolution started?

Did you live a life of faith only to find a God who doesn’t listen to your prayers and continuously disappointed you?

Why get spiritual?

If you’re neither spiritual or religious, fine.

If you’re religious, all the power to you.

But if you’re the “spiritual, not religious crowd” I’m writing this for you. And asking you to get spiritual if in fact you consider yourself a spiritual person.

I’m asking you to get spiritual so —

1)    You spend a part of your day focusing on your inner self and being, as you discover who you really are – your essence.

2)    You’re able to deal with life’s problems and challenges better with inner strength and wisdom.

3)    You realize that spirituality is a part of your personal development practice which allows you to be a better person to yourself and others.

10 Ways To get Spiritual for those without money for church coffers, time to attend religious services or tolerance for doctrines and dogma.  

Let’s say you’re  hell-bent on staying as far away from any and every religion, prophet, guru and sacred text. Then, try one of these practices for a few minutes a day to get in touch with your inner spirituality.

Stop saying you’re spiritual and get spiritual by:

1)    Meditating for a few minutes every day. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing without trying to think about the world around. You’ll become more mindful of your breath and ultimately be able to observe your mind.

2)    Attend a yoga class. Yoga may feel like a pure physical exercise. Yoga is actually challenging your body and mind and helping you make the connection between the two.

3)    Listen to music which stirs your soul. I would just suggest doing this mindfully so you’re actually listening to the music instead of when you’re on the exercise bike, playing a game of Angry Birds on your  iPhone.

4)    Attend a gospel concert. Yes, they may be singing about God but you don’t have to ‘hallelujah’ about God.  A gospel choir sings about God but also about hope, strength, self-belief and overcoming challenges.

5)    Be silent. No, I don’t mean shut up as a spiritual practice. Oh, maybe I do. I say be silent and observe the silence. Embrace the silence. In the silence, you might even hear or find your inner self.

6)    Watch your favorite televangelist. And no, you don’t have to pick the one that’s asking you to send in $5,000 to save your soul.  TV preachers ain’t all bad and many preach about overcoming life challenges and finding your inner strength during life’s rough times.

7)    Take a hike. When you’re one with nature, you can’t help but think about nature and before you  know it, your connection with nature. Nature has a way of revealing your true self.

8)    Watch a sunset or sunrise. Sure, this sounds like a recipe for a romantic getaway but also a way to uplift your spirit and soul. Glorious sunrises and sunsets may make you even start seeking a higher power.

9)    Help someone. Yes, helping others can be a spiritual practice all by itself.  The act of giving selflessly to others  brings out your best and highest self. Helping a friend when they  are overwhelmed, a relative who is struggling or an elderly person with a chore will help you make you feel a spiritual connection.

10) Send love out into the world. Sending out love is something that my friend Wendy Irene regularly writes about on her blog. This may be a little hippie-ish sounding advice you heard when sitting around the campfire at Woodstock. When feeling afraid, overwhelmed or worried for yourself or someone else in your life, feel love and illuminate love for a  few minutes.

You don’t have to be religious to be spiritual. But if you think you’re a spiritual person or want to be more spiritually in tune, practice a little more spirituality in your life every day.

You’ll instantly feel the benefits of spiritual living; clarity, strength, compassion and connection.

For my book, Is God Listening?, about spirituality and resilience, click here

3 Sacred Paths to Living an Englightened Life (without sitting under a Boddhi tree)

How to achieve enlightenment?

A question that we usually ask ourselves in between watching reality TV and during the last 30 seconds before we fall asleep each day.

It’s a big life question and many religious texts and practices have tried to answer it.

You may find that different people answer this question in different ways – drugs and alcohol will definitely get you enlightened for a few hours. Fancy cars and big houses may make you believe that you’ve been enlightened. A local visit to your temple or church may feel like enlightenment is right around the corner.

But what if you want enlightenment right now? Ok…during this lifetime?

Don’t worry – this story doesn’t end with you spending a lifetime under a Boddhi tree in deep meditation. (Although that has worked for others in the past)

The Bhagavad Gita – no, that’s not what you had for lunch at Taj India buffet.

The sacred Hindu scripture, known as the Bhagavad Gita, provides 3 sacred paths to living an enlightened life. If you’re thinking the Bhagavad Gita was what you had for lunch at Taj India buffet last week, you’re sorely mistaken.

The Bhagavad Gita or “Sacred Song” is a Hindu epic that takes place in a mythical holy battlefield. Arjuna, a hero in this battle and a representation of every human soul who seeks guidance, strategizes how to fight his distant relatives on the battle-field.

This epic conversation between Arjuna (enlightenment-seeker – i.e. you) and the God Krishna takes up about 18 chapters of the Gita and is filled with pearls of wisdom about living and enlightenment.

No matter what you think about Hinduism or holy battles, the message of the Gita is universal.  The Gita offers up three paths of salvation and enlightenment that you can put in practice into your life today.

The way of action (Karma Yoga) – Karma here is not in the sense of ‘don’t cheat your neighbor today or someone’s going to show up and slash your car tires tomorrow.’ While surely that can happen, we are talking about Karma in the unselfish action sense.

It is a path that states that you should do your duty in life (studying, working, raising children) but not for external reasons; glory, fame, wealth or praise. You do your life’s work without any expectations of a return.

Karma yoga instructs against taking action for selfish personal gain and suggests enlightenment by working for work’s sake.

When you ignore the ‘fruits’ of your actions, you become less attached to expectations, achievements and results. You can work for the sake of work, which Krishna calls divine work, and a sure-bet towards enlightenment.

So, in a nutshell, carry out life’s duties without expectations or seeking rewards.

The Way of Knowledge (Jnana Yoga)

This is enlightenment through knowledge; reading of texts or learning from wise teachers. Ok, I’ll agree with you – you’re right – reading Vishnu’s Virtues is probably a form of Jnana Yoga. So is picking up a copy of my book, Is God Listening? 🙂

Not the strongest form and definitely not recommended by 9 out of 10 gurus, but it’s one way. And many of you are great Jnana yogis as you may consume your fair share of wisdom-filled blogs (including www.tinybuddha.com, www.everydaygyaan.com, http://evolvingbeings.com/), spiritual texts and even read brilliant realized tweets to achieve the realized state.

Other ways include reading holy scriptures, being guided by wise men and women, meditation and even yoga.

Way of Devotion (Bhakti Yoga) This is the way of devotion or faith. It is the way of love, dedication, faith and worship.

If you sing in joy and celebration of a higher power, you’re practicing bhakti yoga.

Same if you’re praising, worshipping, or reflecting upon the higher powers.

This is a practice of love and praise. Constant and fervorous worship.

5 thing you can do to reach enlightenment today.

The Bhagavad Gita offers 3 ways to start on your path to enlightenment.

You can start on the path to self-realization today.

You don’t even have to sit under a boddhi tree for awareness. Or move to the Himalayas or jump the palace gates like the Buddha.

You don’t need to hit rock bottom or end up in your life’s lowest point to start your path to enlightenment.

You don’t need a groom running away at the alter, house foreclosure or income tax audit to help you get to the point of seeking spiritual realization.

1. Start working for the sake of work without minding so much about the results, achievements or goals. Yes, Hindu wisdom would say live a goal-free life. You can have goals in life but don’t expect enlightenment through a constant achievement of goals.

2. Read, inquire, question, learn. Check out practices, books, knowledge and other spiritual paths to start on your own path towards enlightenment. Enlightenment won’t happen overnight but you can start on your path today.

3. Worship, pray, meditate and make a connection with the higher powers in the universe.Some sort of an active spiritual practice can help you start your path to enlightenment.

4. Be a better human. Who knows? Maybe ultimately being enlightened is really about realizing that there’s a higher power that governs the universe. If this is the case, that higher power must be everywhere including within every human. Is enlightenment simply realizing this and being kinder, more loving and compassionate towards others?

5. Attend a rafastarian concert and rock out to reggae music. If you think enlightenment is utter nonsense and have no desire to get started on any spiritual path, I dare you to attend a reggae concert and not come out spiritually enlightened.  Sure, it may be a temporary state of euphoria (until the smoke clears) but you’ll have a taste of what enlightenment could feel like.

Will you become an enlightened soul in a life-time?

* Thanks to the book Hinduism by Vasudha Narayanan which I referenced for parts of this post and madam3181 for the Buddha photo.

To learn more about my book on spirituality and resilience, Is God Listening, click here

The #1 Fear-Conquering Secret to Overcome ANY Life Situation or Challenge.

Are you terrified this table-flippng New Jersey housewife will become your neighbor?

As the cabin door opened, I felt the Central American humidity and a strong dose of fear strike me. “How am I ever going to survive this trip?” I thought to myself.

I’m not the most adventurous traveler, haven’t traveled on my own previously and never been in a country where I didn’t know the language well.

I was afraid of being kidnapped, of getting lost, of being robbed, of losing my plane ticket and my passport, of not being able to speak Spanish well enough on the street to find a place to eat and then starving to my death in hunger!

How was I going to make it through Costa Rica and Central America for the next few months?

My fears had instantly become real as the stewardess was rattling off welcome greetings in Spanish and passengers stood up ready to make a mad dash to the exit.

I feared my body ending up in one of these carriages if things had gone horribly wrong in Nicaragua. NO BUENO.

What are you afraid of?

Fear is that pesky internal talk within ourselves that makes us imagine the worst outcome, makes us doubt ourselves and prevents us from being our best selves. Regardless of real or make-belief, fear is crippling and damaging to each of our lives.

As my friend Caroline just wrote , fear of success and fear of failure keeps us right where we are in life without allowing us to move forward.

We are afraid of trying out something new and failing because we don’t want to look bad, fall on our face, be laughed at or be ridiculed. (And I’m not just talking about the first time I went skiing a couple years ago.)

We are also afraid of success because we fear change, alienation from people close to us and simply being our best selves.

When trying out something or taking on a new challenge, fear holds us back from excelling.

The best-kept secret to conquering fear.

I’ve found one of the best secrets to conquering fear is reflecting upon past similar successes when you conquered fear.

Remember that trip to Central America that terrified me?

I reflected upon the times I did travel by myself, the times that I was in an unfamiliar country (trips to India when I was younger) and other travel successes. I realized that I had successfully made it through each of those travel challenges and enjoyed myself (and lived to talk about them).

Naturally, my travel adventure was one of the best ones in my life.  It was a journey to self-discovery and overcoming my fears of travel.

Reflect on past success when facing uncertainty or the unknown (and when filled with self-doubt and fear)

In my travel fears, I had to reflect upon my past successes and ability to overcome my fears in past situations, to remind myself that I had overcome that fear before and will do so again.

Now, you may be afraid of doing something in your life. Before you take another step, do this:

1) Acknowledge the fear and why you’re scared of doing something. The first step to conquering fear is realizing you’re in fact scared of something.

2) Accept that the fear is real in that it’s holding you back but unreal that it’s likely the worst case scenario you’re imagining. Fear is usually a  trumped up feeling of inadequacy and a creation of your mind.

3) Whatever it is you are afraid of, look at and reflect upon those similar past events in your life. If you are afraid of starting a new career, look at how you achieved success in your past career. If you’re afraid of giving a speech, reflect upon all the positive speeches you’ve given. If you’re afraid of whipping up a gourmet meal for your mother-in-law and getting her approval, good luck!

4) Go forth with confidence. Know that you’ve done it well before and will do it well again. Use your previous success and ability to overcome challenges to help you conquer your fears!

Here are 12 additional fear-conquering strategies.

When was the last time you felt scared about something in your life? What do you do to overcome fear? 

How Life Taught Me to Embrace Change; a Tiny Buddha Guest Post

Change happens.

Change happens.

In small ways and big ones.

A small change is that I’m now back in the States after nearly four months of travel in Central America. I’m glad to be home after my travel adventure. While I loved every minute of my trip, coming home is a welcome change.

Big changes can be life-altering events; unexpected and sometimes traumatic. Some of the changes I talk about in my recent guest post on Tiny Buddha sure felt that way.

As unexpected and traumatic as change can be, change happens. We can’t do anything about stopping change. We either embrace change or get crushed by it.

It took me a few life lessons to embrace change but I think enough life shake-ups helped me come to terms with change and embrace it.

The lessons I learned about change through some of my life experiences were featured on the Tiny Buddha blog recently.

Here are 6 life lessons on embracing change, courtesy of Tiny Buddha. I’m grateful to Lori Deschene for the opportunity to post on Tiny Buddha and share my experiences with change.

What do you think? Have you mastered big life changes in your life? How did you do it? Please share in the comments below.

If you hate change, fight change or have no change to spare, enjoy some of my photos below of Nevada:

flowers from a Nevada garden
the beautiful Eastern Sierras
northern Nevada sunset

What do you think? Have you mastered big life changes in your life? How did you do it? Please share in the comments below.