Why Is This Happening To You?

why me

When you’ve experienced a massive breakup or divorce, you start asking a lot of questions, and many of them are not very helpful.

You’ll ask why this is happening to you.

What happened to your life.

You might ask what you did to deserve this.

You’ll ask why God isn’t listening to you and wonder if God even exists.

Actually, some of us tend to ask these questions and then end up writing books about them! I wrote Is God Listening? asking these types of questions (you can find it here).

While writing books may be productive and helpful, asking disempowering questions of yourself is not. There’s no sufficient answer as to why this is happening. If this was a natural disaster, a tsunami, or an earthquake, what can you do? What answers will satisfy you?

Tragedies, natural disasters, and yes, even divorce, happen. Yes, divorce involves feelings and people, but ultimately they occur. Relationships start and end. It is a natural cycle of life. In all of life, we want answers to questions so we can understand the world better. “Why me?” you may ask.

It’s natural and human to ask questions like this of ourselves, but it is not healthy or helpful to healing. A couple of different ways to think about this is to believe that things happen, and sometimes for no reason at all.

There’s no positive result that comes out of repeatedly asking why certain things are happening to you because some of these questions won’t have answers.

The divorce happened because you weren’t compatible, because you married the wrong partner, because you didn’t put the time into the relationship, because of an affair, etc.

It happened for any number of contributing reasons, but the big question of “why you” has no answer.

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.

No point in holding the universe responsible or blaming life itself for a sequence of events that resulted in divorce. You’ll just keep swirling negative thoughts in your mind, and wasting emotional and mental energy trying to understand why this happened to you.

One way to view your divorce is that nothing happened for this to happen to you.

Your divorce happened for any variety of reasons, but there will be no answer to why it’s happening to you. Like rivers and oceans and life for billions of years, nature and human experiences is just running its course. There is no reason or explanations needed.

You didn’t cause it, your karma didn’t create it, and God isn’t after you.

Sure, you might have done things that contributed to the divorce in your life, but there’s no good answer to “why you.” Divorce happened like it rained yesterday afternoon; there’s no rhyme or reason other than possibly it’s the rainy season.

There’s no particular reason why you were singled out in life to experience divorce.

Earthquakes happen. Tsunamis happen. Forest fires happens.

Your sixteen-year-old son wants to back out of the garage and drives into your house instead.

Natural disasters and life happens.

It’s not fate, karma, voodoo dolls, or anything else that has it in for you. Life happens like nature happens.

You’re a tiny speckle of the universe who has come into it for eighty-some years and will be leaving it.

Demanding to know what your role is in the universal scheme of things or having the knowledge of why your divorce happened as it did is not going to help any.

If you look at it from a billion-year view or take a meta-view (step ten thousand feet away from your situation), your divorce is just one set of events that unfold.

It’s a small part of a much larger picture. It will be a small part of your life when you look at it globally.

You don’t have to know why it happened.

If you insist on knowing why it happened, choose this message: Your divorce is happening for your greatest good. It’s happening for your spiritual growth. It’s happening to help you become the best version of yourself. It’s helping you become the person you’re capable of being so you can attract the right partner into your life.

If this isn’t a sufficient answer for explaining why you are divorced, then I challenge you to ask yourself more empowering questions instead.

Don’t ask yourself why this happened; instead, ask yourself what lessons you can learn from this experience. What is the divorce trying to teach you? How is this going to prepare you for the future? What is this teaching you about life?

If you start viewing the end of your marriage as a teaching experience and a period of growth, your mind will start focusing on more helpful and empowering answers.

You’ll be looking for lessons and insights to help improve your life.

Another way to focus on the situation is to think about what you can do now. Yes, this happened, but now what? What’s in your control? What can you change? How can you move forward? How can you rebuild a new life for yourself?

By letting go of one set of questions and focusing on more positive ones, you’ll help focus your mind on empowering questions that will lead to growth, learning and moving on.

Don’t like my answer? Want to know where God is and if God’s listening to you? Click here to pick up my book, Is God Listening?

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