How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship

In a toxic relationship?

Or find yourself in a pattern of toxic relationships?

How do you break out of one and find healing?

Check out my interview above with author A.G Billig.

A.G. writes about her experiences with toxic relationships in her book, 5 Easy Steps to Ending Toxic Relationships: Unplug the Negativity Cord and Jump-Start Your Emotional Healing.(affiliate link)

Three powerful take-aways from the book are:

1. Look for the patterns in toxic relationships.

She writes that “patterns are recurring situations that are woven into our lives, often with different people.” If you don’t learn the lessons with this partner, you’re going to have to learn it from the next.

2. Unplug the negativity cord so you can break out of the toxic relationship you’re in.

Surround yourself and cultivate more positivity in your life. Seek positivity and healthy interactions in all areas of your life regardless of the relationship you’re in. Start seeing and engaging with the life outside of the relationship you’re in.

3. Take your power back.

If you are blaming yourself for your misfortune and bad relationships, it’s time to take your power back. Stop blaming the person you’re in a relationship with. “See every person who challenges you and pushes your buttons as a teacher or mirror.” Look for the lessons in situations instead of focusing on how bad the situation is.

Now is the time to make changes in your life by exiting the toxic relationships you might be in. Change starts with learning, self-awareness, observing patterns and consciously making changes.

A.G. speaks at an emotional, spiritual and conscious level to help you realize that you don’t have to live with this kind of negativity forever.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or want to avoid getting into more of them, check out 5 Easy Steps to Ending Toxic Relationships today on the Amazon store here (affiliate link).

The Bright Side of a Broken Heart by Michelle D’Avella

This book by Michelle D’Avella is powerful and healing. It is poetic and soul-touching.

She speaks of a painful breakup in her life and discusses all the bright sides she discovered from this past relationship.

Read this book today. Pick it up at the Amazon store here (affiliate link) on your healing journey. Learn the profound wisdom and practical benefits of a broken heart which she shares.

Hoping Your Ex Comes Back?

You may be a romantic.

An idealist.

A hopeful optimist.

These are wonderful qualities in life and terrible qualities in love!

Normal people treat relationships like they treat books and movies. Some are good and some are going to be so terrible that you walk out half way or stop reading.

All of here reading, including yours truly, treat relationships like the sword we are going to die on.

We are going to go down for love.

We are going to be prisoners of war in this battle.

We are going to spend way too much of our lives and our time doing the right thing.

What is that right thing?

Believing in love.

Dying for love.

Holding onto hope that love will work out and staying faithful for years on end.

It may not matter that our ex remarried and moved on to live their best life.

We are going to stay in this place, waiting and hoping that they come back into our lives!

I did this for years of mine.

I didn’t date.

I didn’t move on.

I just waited and hoped that my person would come back into my life. It would be similar to someone waiting for Santa Claus to show up on Christmas eve and introduce himself.

The sad news is that she didn’t show up.

(Neither did Santa now that I think about it but I’m holding onto hope.)

Well, maybe she did show up years later but we both decided that we were not the right people for each. We had different lives, interests, values and were different people who wanted different things.

I mean I should have known that in the 7 plus years we were married but better late than never I guess.

Now, your turn.

Has your ex moved on?

Are they dating and living their best life?

Are you still waiting, hoping and praying your ex comes back and chooses you again?

Instead of holding onto hope for your ex, move on and cope with the sadness and grief of it being over.

You know the relationship didn’t work and hasn’t worked for years.

There are too many unresolved issues between both of you to try again.

It’s time to get off the “hoping your ex comes back” train and hop along to the partner who is waiting for you.

6 Steps to Give Up on Hope On Your Relationship Working Out and Move On With Your Life

1. Choose to see things as they are, not how you want them to be.

Look at the relationship for what it was and what it is today.

Look at the situation as objectively and realistically as possible. Avoid possibility thinking of what it could be today or dreamy thinking of what it was in your dreams!

2. Don’t over-romanticize the past.

Evaluate the situation like a regular human being, not like you’re writing a Shakespearean play or like you’re writing a screenplay similar to the Titanic.

Don’t add dramatic music and recall overly-sentimental scenes from your past relationship.

3. Don’t focus on the length of time you were together.

Know that the length of time has nothing to do with the quality of that past relationship. Being together 20 years is not a sign that your ex is your soulmate and you were destined to be together.

It could simply be a sign that you made the wrong decision for a long time! You were together much longer than what was healthy for both of you and moving on is the best way to preserve all those life events that you did share with your ex.

4. Don’t focus on your ex’s strengths and good qualities.

They may seem like the world’s great husband or world’s greatest human today but it’s really unfair to overlook all the hardships and struggles of the past. You can paint them as the saint they weren’t or choose to remember them as the people they were. They had good qualities, bad qualities and qualities that were not a fit for you. Don’t stay fixed to their positive qualities.

5. Bring yourself to the present moment.

Know that you can live through grief, pain and uncertainty of the present moment.

Often, we like to take ourselves to the future so we don’t have to live in the present moment.

The present moment might contains grief and heartbreak. It can contain sadness and pain so you’d rather hold onto the future of hope of possibilities of tomorrow.

Bring yourself back to right now. You’ll get through this as hard as it may be. The more you let go of the false promises of the future and live for today, the easier it will become to move on from that past relationship.

6. They are not the ONLY one.

You might be holding on to them for dear life because you feel like you won’t find someone like that again. They are so good that you can’t risk finding someone lesser or finding no one at all.

This is another mind trick that makes you believe you’re not good enough. It creates scarcity for you and tells you that the only person who could possibly love you doesn’t want you anymore. It tells you that if not them, then no one. Your mind makes you believe that you only have one soulmate and they were it.

Contrary to the poets and writers of our time, you can have more than one soulmate in your life. There’s not just one person for you in this lifetime no matter what Hollywood says. You’re compatible with many people. You just have to do the hard work of meeting many people to find them.

It’s time to give up hope on getting your ex coming back and to put your hope in finding someone who’s compatible for you. To help you on this process and for ideas on finding a new partner, pick up my book, Does True Love Exist? 15 Simple Ideas for Finding Your Life Partner

If You Feel Like You’re Going to Be Alone Forever After a Breakup

The first and most common thought that strikes us after a life-shaking breakup is that you’re going to be alone the rest of your life.

You believe that because one person rejected you or one person ended the relationship with you, then everyone is going to have the same reaction to you.

You may feel like there’s something fundamentally flawed with you.

Your ex didn’t want you. Or you ex cheated on you. Or your ex didn’t want to continue the marriage with you.

Whatever happened in the past, you are putting too much emphasis on it.

I believed that because my marriage ended and our relationship ended, I would never be able to find someone again. I believed that I would be alone forever after the breakup.

I put so much emphasis and attention on my ex, believing she was the only person who could love me or complete me.

I’ve since realized that simply isn’t true but we believe it at the time of our breakup.

When our mind is preoccupied with rejection and self-sabotage, it tends to spiral into this place of sadness and negativity.

Here are five reminders if considering love after a breakup.

1. There are plenty of people out there for you.

You just believe that there’s no one out there or worse, all the good people are taken. They’re not.

You’re either not meeting enough people or you’re meeting people in the wrong places.

There are so many people out there from your neighbor to your people on your online apps.

It’s not the people on the other end that are missing.

You may not be trying very hard or at all.

You may have a pattern of chasing the wrong people who are not meant for you.

There are plenty of people out there who are suitable for you.

Your job is to get better at filtering and discernment to figure out who is right for you.

2. You attract who you are.

Instead of focusing all your time on dating and trying to meet the right person, consider the possibility that you might have some work to do.

Maybe you’re meeting all the right people but….

you’re pushing them away because you’re afraid of intimacy.

you run when you notice that someone is open, healthy and available.

you keep self-sabotaging so people will run away from you.

How about doing a little less work on finding the right person and a little more work on becoming the right person for your person?

3. Your beliefs affect your outcome

Just like everything else in life, the way you think about something affects the outcome.

If you truly believe there’s no one out there for you, there’s seriously something wrong with you and you will be alone the rest of your life, you are likely right.

If you believe that you had to go through the wrong relationships to find the right relationship, you are likely right as well.

You get to choose your thoughts and your outcomes. You get to choose your beliefs.

You have more power than you believe you do.

4. You can’t be found if you’re hiding.

If you’re not putting yourself out there and you’re not trying to found, you’re succeeding!

Your prince is not going to come looking for you in the woods.

Help him out a little and put up a smoke signal so you can be found.

If you think you’re putting yourself out there but still not being found, trust me, you’re not.

We all think we’re doing enough but simply uploading your photo on a dating app is hardly trying.

Like anything else we want in life, relationships take work and effort.

It takes other people knowing you exist.

5. Be happy first.

You believe you’re going to be happy when you find love.

Doubtful.

You’re likely going to be as happy as you are now so why not get happy now.

Don’t put your happiness into the hands of your future partner or your love life!

Cultivate your own happiness.

Be happy today.

Own your happiness.

It becomes much easier for love to find you when you’re in a happy place.

If you still feel like you’re going to be alone forever after your breakup, you have no choice but an encouraging read from yours truly. Pick up my book, Does True Love Exist? today.

That One Time I Fell In Love With My Instagram Crush and the Case For Love

“may love find you. even. when you are specifically. strategically. hiding from it.” Nayyirah Wahid 

She liked my quote about finding love again.

I liked her post about her recent trip.

The exchange of heart-shaped likes filled our Instagram pages.

This was the beginning of a modern romance.

She was on a mission to travel the world and said she was an independent woman.

She also had 10,000 followers on Instagram!

I’ve never had had hundreds of Instagram crushes.

Well, I’ve had plenty of Instagram crushes but I’ve never actually engaged with an Instagram crush.

What was so intoxicating here was not only was she beautiful and from the homeland but she was spiritual and loved helping people.

A match made in Instagram heaven.

We exchanged messages and continued to become each other’s Insta fans until I decided it was time to share my feelings for her.

How do you tell someone you like them?

Normal people, “Hey, you’re cool and we should talk more to see if we have more in common?”

Me:

“Hey, the universe has parted ways, the divine has awakened and destiny has called upon me to initiate this conversation. We have known each other for life times and we must speak to discuss our future marriage, where will live and how many kids we will have together.”

This is a fantastic first message, if I do say so myself.

Also, a good way to never hear from her again.

I turned the woman I thought I had been waiting a lifetime for into a woman I would never hear from again.

The love of my life had gone silent on Instagram.

We were both on the Titanic when she just pushed me off the ship into the stormy waters to find myself, to fall into an emotional thunderstorm and to frantically search for a rescue boat.

Now, what’s the moral of this story?

Well, first, don’t fall for Instagram influencers on the internet.

(Oh random – have we connected on Instagram? Let’s connect on Instagram here – you could be the next internet crush I fall in love with)

But here’s the bigger point here.

Love.

We rise in love and we fall in love.

This mini modern romance was not of much consequence. It was likely a romance in my mind than in reality. Maybe she didn’t even think twice about me before I sent her an essay professing my love to her.

Yet those real romances that we have gone through in our lives and have fallen hard in are like those violent thunderstorms that took down the Titanic.

When a relationship or the marriage hits the sea floor, you’re likely dead. Or if alive, bruised, battered and can’t breathe by the time you get your head above water.

You don’t need a reinvention.

You need a resuscitation.

You don’t need a recovery.

You need a revival.

The worst breakups take us down and put us out for the count.

You will never feel like getting into the boxing ring of life again after one knockout.

You will never feel like dating again after one hard-fought, knock-down, dragged down breakup.

Please dear God never torment me and try to kill me like this again.

Yet, I am here with a message for you on why you need to get the heck up and give love another try.

No matter how much you were hurt and no matter how badly the other person did you wrong, I want you to know that it is worth giving love another shot.

As much as you have suffered in love, fell in love, drowned in love, knocked down in love, died in love, be willing to give love another chance.

The love that you desire is waiting for you on the other side of the love that destroyed you.

Your job is to heal the wound, forgive the past, rebuild your self-worth, find yourself and show up for love again because love is worth it.

Love will help you become the person that you were meant to be.

Love will help you expand and grow as a person.

Love will help bring you connection, joy, affection and intimacy.

Love will help break down your barriers of what you believe to be possible and break down the walls that are keeping you from fully experiencing life.

Even if love doesn’t show up, keep going in love because I am convinced that the journey to love is the path to love. You are not going to get to the final destination in love until you go through all the stops along the way.

Keep moving forward in love, keep falling down in love, keep getting up in love.

A broken heart is an open heart.

Falling down is an opportunity to rise up.

What’s possible is out there if you can stay focused on the path and stay open to the possibilities.

You and I are on a love journey.

Keep going.

If you haven’t even started, start.

If you haven’t considered the possibility yet, be open to it.

Don’t swear off love because that one cosmic relationship you were in devastated you.

If you don’t know where to start, reach out to me for some support in this process. I’m going to be unveiling some coaching options soon that will help you on this journey to overcoming heartbreak.

In the meantime, check  out this book that I wrote. It’s a good first step to finding love, Does True Love Exist? The short answer is yes but love requires your participation.

The Problem of Dating When You’re Stuck in the Past

Photo by Aditya Saxena

“There’s no greater battle in life than the battle between the parts of you that want to be healed and the parts of you that are comfortable and content being broken.” Iyanla Vanzant   

We had a phone conversation 3 years ago.

At the time, I was thinking she was the nicest and sweetest person I had spoken to.

Yet after one phone call, I went against my intuition, and thought this would be too complicated.

She too lived half way across the world.

It would be so hard to get to know each other.

It would take forever for her to move here.

It would blah blah blah

So I left it at that and went back into my happy world of trying to understand heartbreak, learn how to overcome breakups and learn the steps of letting go.

Little did I realize that it were these very things that was heartbreak and not being able to let go that  was keeping my stuck in my own life of dating and meeting new people.

While I was learning about letting go and trying to actively let go of the past, I also found that being stuck in the past does nothing for your love life.

In fact, you could meet the right person and you wouldn’t be interested or care because you’re still caught up with your ex.

You’re still wanting the old relationship to work.

You’re still blaming yourself for what you did.

You’re still hoping the old person comes back into my life.

3 years ago, this was where I was at.

Fast forward to 2019 (the year I wrote The Sacred Art of Letting Go) and this wonderful person who I met is coming to meet me.

We’ve been talking since the new year and I’m curious as to how this visit is going to go.

She’s a simple and spiritual person which in the Indian world of meeting people is a rarity.

She works in helping children in poverty get educated.

I’m wondering how someone so right for me could have fallen off my radar?

And it’s as simple as this.

When you’re stuck in the past, you’re wearing lenses that make you look at everything in the present as something in the past.

You view everything today from a perspective of what happened before.

You lose interest in today or tomorrow because of this weight that is holding you back.

The problem of trying to meet new people when you’re stuck in the past is that the new people and the right people for you may seem like the wrong people for you!

You’re so blinded by the lenses of the past that you can’t see things as they are.

I have no idea where this is going but I can tell you this.

The relationship you want and the person you want might be around you and might be closer than you think but if you can’t let go of the past, your view of relationships might be skewed.

You won’t be able to find the very person you’re looking for if you’re stuck in the past.

The solution?

Do the work.

Walk through the 12 steps of letting go.

Yes, I have a book on the topic 🙂

Practice actively letting go each and every day.

Similar to grief, not letting go means unprocessed emotions and holding onto something that once was.

The longer you hold onto what was, the heavier it weighs you down in life.

You can’t be open to what can be when you haven’t let go of what once was.

I’ll let you know how things are unfolding on my end.

Where are you in the process of letting go? Hit reply on email or sign up for the blog to join me on my journey from heartbreak to love. 

The Familiar Habit People Stuck In the Past Know All Too Well

I’m sad to confess my favorite song of all time is a song about being stuck in the past, called Nobody Knows.

I’m even sadder that nobody knows of this song.

It was a song that I played over and over and over in my life before I ever felt a pang of heartbreak.

It’s a song by a profoundly sad Tony Rich (at least I like to think so) regretting his broken love for a woman that he regrets not having in his life. He sings about how nobody knows the pain of his breakup except him.

You can watch the song here to know the depth of his pain and know what kind of a weirdo I am.

You might find this weird only because I had listened to this song thousands of times in college. It was the one song on repeat. The one song I played over and over and over again.

I listened to this song while I was up at night studying for finals. I listened to this song while I was sleeping. While I ate. While I talked about the meaning of life with my roomie James. What was even odder was that this was his go-to song as well.

Yet this post isn’t about what two single college-aged men were doing sitting around listening to a profoundly sad love song by another sad man.

Instead, it’s about putting something on repeat and listening to it over and over again.

You hear something, you like something and you choose that repeatedly instead of turning off the song and listening to something else.

Unfortunately, I came to find out a few years later in my life, as someone who was going through a divorce that I also tended to do this in another area of my life.

Since the marriage was over and the relationship no long existed, I fell into this sweet longing and remembrance of the past marriage.

I stayed stuck for years by continuing to repeat what had happened in the previous marriage.

I also reflected on the sadness and pain of the heartbreak and I enjoyed being in that place.

See, a powerful habit forms when we go through heartbreak that keeps us stuck.

You have these negative painful feelings of the past that over time become familiar and comfortable.

You become attached to the these feelings in the past and continue to ruminate on them.

Becoming familiar, comfortable and used to the pain of heartbreak can keep you stuck for months and years.

Holding onto past pain can keep you stuck and stop you from letting of the past relationship.

Pain can actually become addictive if it makes you feel good because it is a known and familiar feeling.

The habit of ruminating on past pain can become a habit that keeps you stuck for years.

You just want to hold on to this thing that is unpleasant (pain) but also feels good (familiar and known pain).

You feel connection and familiarity.

You feel familiar emotions.

You put it on repeat, turn it into a habit and become stuck in this place for years of your life.

The solution out is to acknowledge that this is in fact what your mind is doing.

To let go of the past, you have to be willing to let go of the known and the familiar.

Once you realize that you keep going back and taking comfort in the pain of the past, it’s time to break this habit.

To release the addictive habit of holding on to the past pain:

1) Acknowledge that your mind is replaying the past repeatedly.

2) Pin-point the thoughts that are creating these addictive feelings of pain and sorrow in your life.

3) Get clear on the underlying story about your past relationship that you’re telling yourself.

4) Work on changing the story you’re telling yourself about the past relationship.

5) Re-frame the past or generate new thoughts about the past that are healthier for you and cultivate more positive feelings.

6) Practice immersing yourself in new and unfamiliar feelings of peace and happiness.

If you’re addicted to past hurtful feelings, you might have no idea what healthier emotions and feelings may feel like.

I’m suggesting you try those on ahead of time, feel those feelings even if you’re not quite there yet.

If you’re good at feeling bad feelings of the past, it was because you’ve practiced it for years.

If you want to break free and move on from years of feeling bad and feeling stuck, try on a new set of feelings. Explore, experiment and try out something you’re not used to.

If you need some support in letting go and working through the insurmountable negativity of the past, I’d be happy to support you in this process.

If you’re tired of living in the past and feeling stuck in the past, check out my Awaking coaching sessions or Letting Go coaching sessions.

You Cannot Move On From Someone You Love Until You Do This

“You cannot let go of a relationship you still want to be in” ~ Vishnu

It was the third getting-to-know-each-other Skype date.

We had discussed how much we were each going to earn in our marriage, the value of the home we were going to buy and how many kids we were going to have.

No, we had not even met in person yet but nothing out of the ordinary here in the world of Indian dating.

As we chatted about our lives and our histories, one question she kept asking me was if I had moved on from my ex.

I can’t imagine why except for the fact that I probably spoke about this aspect of my life unconsciously or consciously for a good part of the time we were chatting.

We (I) talked about my past relationship, the painful breakup, the creation of Vishnu’s Virtues and how I helped people in similar situations.

Several women I been speaking to in the months and years to come asked me if I had gotten over my ex.

I didn’t realize this at the time but I likely was a bit too immersed in the happenings of the past relationship.

I was living my life in the past.

As a matter a fact, I think I was living so much of my life in the past, that I wanted my old life back.

Despite all the pain and the unhappy marriage that we had, I wanted that relationship back. I could not move on from someone I had loved.

Which brings me to this basic point:

You can’t move from someone you love when you’re still holding on to that past relationship.

Let me repeat: you cannot move on if you’re still holding on.

I know this sounds like common sense but it’s important to keep in mind.

If you’re still reminiscing, ruminating, feeling sentimental about a past relationship, you’re not ready to move on from someone you loved once before.

If you’re still wanting to be back in that old relationship, you’re not ready to move on.

If you keep refreshing your email and waiting for your ex’s text to pop up,  you’re not ready to move on.

If you’re thinking that you can go back to your old life where your ex would have had an awakening, changed and become a different person, you’re not ready to move on.

You also may be living in California, breathing in that late night ganja, having delusions of the beauty of the past.

You cannot move on when you’re still holding on to your ex.

You cannot invite new people in if you haven’t shown your ex to the door.

Get it?

If you haven’t moved on from someone you loved, why not?

What’s stopping you from letting go?

What’s the fear?

What’s the story you’re telling yourself?

What haven’t you processed yet?

Yes, holding on and going back to someone you loved is convenient but it’s not going to help you grow.

It’s likely not going to lead you to a happy relationship.

Things may not be very much different than before.

If you’re still wanting this relationship of the past, stop dating and meeting other people now.

I knew when I was doing that, I just found reasons about why every single person wouldn’t work. Or sabotaged my own dating so I wouldn’t get to know someone new.

We need to start getting real around here.

You need to have your life back.

You need a new relationship, new love and more happiness.

Isn’t it time to let go once and for all? Isn’t it time to call it quits on the past and honestly let go of the person you once loved so you can find someone new?

If you’re ready to move on and let go and need some support in this process, reach out to me.

If you’ve let go and ready to find someone new, check out my book, Does True Love Exist, in the Amazon store. The book is on sale this week for $.99.

Why You Can’t Let Go of Your Ex

You’ve traveled to India.

You’ve been to Italy.

Now, you’re planning a trip to Bali to fully complete this Eat, Love, Pray, adventure.

You’re trying so hard to move on and let go.

You’ve even read my book The Sacred Art of Letting Go and still wondering why you can’t let go of your ex.

This is especially hard when you’re having trouble letting go of someone who did you wrong, or cheated on you or you were in an unhealthy relationship with.

Why is it even harder to let go of your ex when they hurt you so much?

I’m going to break it down for you today on why you’re having so much difficulty and can’t let go of your ex.

Check out the video above which talk about the reasons you’re holding on to your memories and can’t let go.

Oh, I made that video for Instagram. Are you following me on Instagram? You can find a lot more regular content from me over there.

4 reasons you can’t go over your ex. 

1. What is everyone going to think about about the relationship ending.

You are so terrified about what your family, colleagues, office mates or religious community think.

You are desperately trying to stay together to show everyone that your life isn’t a complete and utter mess. A broken relationship feels like you’re airing all of your dirty laundry outside.

2. You’re not going to have a future.

You think all the good things that will come into your life have passed.

You look back at your past and believe that the past was the best your life is ever going to be.

All of your joys, celebrations, happy moments were in your past. You mistakenly believe that you can never have this again in your future.

3. No one will want to be in a relationship with you again.

This is one of the biggest reasons you can’t let go of your ex no matter how bad they were to you or how badly they did you.

You fear that you never will be in a loving relationship again. You fear that no one will ever want you again.

You fear letting go of last relationship because your battered heart doesn’t feel like it can weather another relationship.

Not only does your heart feel like it can’t handle another relationship but you start believing that you can’t attract another partner again.

The more you believe your ex’s hurtful words, the more likely you will attached to them and the less likely you will feel like getting go.

It’s counter-intuitive because they made you feel so badly about yourself and you started believing whole-heartedly what they said, that you don’t think that you can do better.

You wonder who will ever want you again?

4. There is something wrong with you.

Once again, you believed all of your ex’s words.

Your ex consistently and over time, found all your vulnerabilities and weaknesses, and used them against you.

They exploited your weaknesses so now you believe that your weaknesses are permanent.

The wounds of your past relationship are so deep, you feel like you’re scarred for life.

You believe this because it was repeated to you by someone you loved dearly.

You’re stuck because they made you believe that you were only good enough for them and not good enough for anyone else.

You were a sizzling fire before they tried to extinguish your flame.

You think you can’t let go of your ex but you can.

You can let go of your ex if you become aware of all the things that are keeping you stuck.

You’re stuck in the past because your ex’s words broke your heart and pierced your soul.

I want to assure you that happiness, love and joy are possible.

You can let go of these thoughts and feelings but I want you to know that this is going to take some work.

If you stand by the default story you’re telling yourself about the past and let time pass, you can stay here forever.

You owe it to yourself to move on.

You owe it to yourself to start on the journey of letting go.

If you’re needing some support to start on this journey, get a hold of me for some coaching. You can complete the coaching inquiry form or the contact form to contact me. 

Spiritual Steps To Let Go of the Past (+ New Book)

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thic Nhat Hanh

You want to let go of the past once and for all.

You’ve tried every possible method of letting go of the past…except the spiritual one.

Can spiritual practitioners teach us spiritual steps for letting go of the past?

As I took my own journey of getting over my divorce and overcoming the past, I tried just about every method and practice to let go of the past.

I visited everyone from coaches and therapists to reiki practitioners and Vedic practitioners. I worked with shamans and astrologers.

Letting go of the past took me a very long time. Nothing seemed to work. As we talked about before, I had a long list of reasons as to why I should live in the past.

I loved it there.

You might have loved it there, too.

It was so comforting, welcoming and familiar.

Ultimately, through my spiritual pursuits over the years, I discovered the path to letting go and moving on.

I had been reading about these practices and principles over and over again.

I’d seen them in so many different places and heard about them from spiritual teachers and practitioners.

When I finally did cross over and let the past be the past, I reflected upon the many steps I’d taken to get to that point of letting go once and for all.

No, it didn’t take time to let go of the past; it took work. Letting go of the past took several steps.

It took spiritual steps that were hard to complete. As much as we talk about them, things like acceptance and forgiveness are hard work when you actually start trying to do them.

Yet, you can’t let go and move on until you walk through each of these steps to letting go of the past.

I studied many of the spiritual leaders and authors of our time and tried to reach a consensus as to the spiritual ways of letting go.

If you walk through these 12 steps, you, too, will be able to let go of the heavy burden of being stuck in the past and breathe lightly again.

This may take months or years; however, knowing what the journey looks like is the starting point.

Once you know what the journey looks like, you’ll know what step you’re on and how many steps you must walk through before you’re able to let go once and for all.

A whole new life is waiting for you once you burn your past in the spiritual fire.

If you enjoyed reading about these spiritual methods of letting go, please pick up The Sacred Art of Letting Go: Walk 12 Steps With Spiritual Masters to Let Go of Past Relationships and Find Peace Today.

The book details these spiritual steps to let go of the past. It explains each step in detail and helps you apply these principles to your daily life so you, too, can let go of the past that is no longer serving you and, instead, embrace the life awaiting you.

Here are 12 steps to let go of the past from my latest book, The Sacred Art of Letting Go.

Step 1 – the Step of Acceptance. You cannot move on until you acknowledge and accept what happened to you. In this step, Eckhart Tolle reminds us to allow life to just be; we should not judge it as good or bad. When you take away the heavy emotions of your past relationship and view the events objectively, you’re better able to accept what happened.

Step 2 – the Step of Releasing your feelings. In this chapter, both Pema Chodron and Ram Dass suggest ways to become curious and inquisitive about the strong feelings you’re experiencing. You can move on only when you find a way to process the emotional storm you’re feeling.

Steps 3 – the Step of Melting Anger. This walks you through ways to release anger towards – and resentment of – your ex. It gives you a myriad of ways to use the power of forgiveness to wash away the anger you carried with you when you left the relationship.

Step 4 – the Step of Choice. You’ll see how much is truly in your control and how you can take charge of the process of letting go. You are not a wind in the storm. You can proactively work on your healing. You have the power of choice. Use the power of reframing to see your situation and circumstances differently.

Step 5 – the Step of Learning. You’ll see how to turn your relationship and the past into learning. You’ll learn how to find wisdom in your pain and use this wisdom in your future relationships. Learn how to turn your ex from a soul enemy into a heart teacher.

Step 6 – the Step of Connectedness. You notice how your ego causes separation between you and your ex. You start to realize that if you saw people and relationships differently, as your ego wants you to see them, you’ll find yourself in conflict and resentment. If you apply this principle to your life, you can put yourself in other people’s shoes and let go of the pain sooner.

Step 7 – the Step of This Moment. I talk about ways to stop living in the past that no longer exists and, instead, to bring yourself into the present moment. I show you that no pain or conflict exists in this moment in front of you and I reveal why you should strive to be in this place. I provide exercises that help you live in the present moments of your life.

Step 8 – the Step of Going Within. You’ll learn the power of doing the inner work necessary to move on. This step helps you drop all outside pretenses and get more clarity on who you are. As you get to know yourself better, you’ll have a stronger ability to let go of past hurts and move on.

Step 9 – the Step of Soul Awakening. You learn how to remove the mask of the ego and get clearer on yourself. This is the process of burning or stripping away all those things you’re not so that you become more of who you are in a spiritual sense. This is the step of opening your soul. It’s about getting curious, discovering your soul’s calling and arriving at your essence.

Step 10 – the Step of Compassion. Here, you’ll learn how to radiate empathy and compassion for yourself and others. The longer you beat up yourself or blame your ex, the longer you’ll remain in the past. The sooner you figure out how to put yourself in other people’s shoes, extend compassion to yourself and others, and see your relationship in a new light, the sooner you’ll move on.

Step 11 – the Step of Strength. You will see how to use your weakest and lowest life experience, heartbreak and loss to your advantage. This step shows you how to use past experiences and loss to build your resiliency muscle. It also shows you how to use the power of your friendships and inner circle to get through the tough times.

Step 12 – the Step of Trust. Discover how to trust the process of letting go. This step reminds you that you can get through this but you’ll have to trust yourself and the process. It shows you that others have walked a similar path. It asks you to believe that letting go is possible and to take a leap of faith into a better place.

If you enjoyed learning about these principles, please consider checking out the book, which describes these steps in more detail and gives you concrete steps for letting go of the past and moving on.

You can pick up the book, The Sacred Art of Letting Go: Walk 12 Steps With Spiritual Masters to Let Go of Past Relationships and Find Peace Today.

It’s on sale starting Thursday, June 6th and available at the Amazon store. You owe it to yourself to pick up this book to move on with your life.