If you’re wondering what to do in your part of the world, this is the recipe for changing the circumstances around you.
Look at something you don’t like, let’s say, racism.
Imagine what a better, more equal, and more tolerant society can look like. Realize that you don’t have to accept the status quo.
Get inspiration and hope from people and leaders around you. Get ideas on how to do something about it and then do something.
We need more hope, more people deciding to change the world and more people taking action.
Believe it or not, this is how one person can change the world.
You just have to give a damn and not allow your circumstances to keep you in a paralyzed state. Don’t accept the way things are right now.
Friends, this is the same formula for changing your life too
Let’s say you’ve come out of a bad divorce or breakup. You just feel stuck and paralyzed. You don’t feel like doing anything. You can’t even get out of bed.
Maybe you’ve been stuck for years.
You ended up on this blog, so you know that you have to do something.
I’ve shared the formula with you, but it’s going to require a little work from you.
Not doing anything will not improve the situation.
All those people who say that time will improve your life are lying.
It won’t. All you will do with time is ruminate, get sentimental and start missing the past.
You have to do something to improve your future.
If you’re not doing it for yourself, do it for your kids.
If you’re not doing it for your kids, do something just so your ex won’t get the better of you. Don’t let them steal even more of your life. Don’t let them take your happiness and joy even more than they have.
One of the most powerful exercises I do with clients is getting them to see what their future looks like. I help them visualize what a life of love and happiness looks like.
You never see this future state. You are caught up in the past and remembering all that happened. You think all the good times already passed. You think the best love and the most joy already happened. You don’t think that you can find love, companionship, or happiness again.
I’m here to tell you that’s an incorrect assumption.
I was just where you were a few years ago. I thought my life was over, and there was no hope left after my breakup. I stayed stuck and replayed the past over and over again. I just gave up until I started doing this envisioning work and believing there was a more hopeful day ahead.
I forced myself to imagine the life I wanted even though every day I was living the life I had.
Then, I noticed that to get the life that I wanted, I would have to do some work.
I would have to forgive.
I would have to find closure on my own.
I would have to tell myself a new story about this past relationship.
I would have to rebuild my self-worth.
This took work but it also took a choice.
At what point are you going to make a choice?
Yes, you can grieve and process what happened, but how long are you going to stay stuck?
How long are you going to feel like you experienced the greatest tragedy and injustice?
Your ex walking out on your or cheating on you is pretty screwed up.
They destroyed you.
But how long can you continue to give them power over your life?
It’s time to take your life back.
It’s time to decide you don’t want to stay in bed, in tears and depressed about life.
It’s time to make a choice and then go about making changes.
It had to get to rock bottom point for change to start happening in my life. I left a career, left a job, and followed my dreams. I rebuilt my self-worth, forgave the people who hurt me in my life, and worked on becoming a better partner in relationships. I started meeting new people and found the most amazing love.
Beautiful things can come to you too.
Out of heartbreak, you can discover your purpose, your meaning in life, and why you were put here.
You can let go of a life that wasn’t suiting you and start living a life you love.
Once you get excited about the life that’s possible and not regretting the life you lost, things start to change.
You begin to do things you never did before.
You decide and choose to better yourself and your life.
You start meeting people and finding people who are a much better fit for you.
The recipe for changing the world is the same recipe for changing your life.
In fact, changing your life will help change the world. When you let go of anger, attachment to your ex, and your past, you will have more self-acceptance, compassion, and love in your life.
You will do more to change your life and the world around you.
If you’re looking for the roadmap for letting go of the past, start here with my book on letting go. If you’re looking on how to find love after heartbreak, check out this book. (affiliate links)
If you’re stuck and need help, reach out to me for support and coaching. One conversation can shift your perspective and change your life.
“It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get up.” Vince Lombardi
Not everyone’s worst moments look the same.
You may have lost your job, gotten divorced or made a terrible financial decision.
Our circumstances may be different, but the journey to overcome them is quite similar.
My rock bottom was the deterioration of my health.
Growing up I ate whatever I wanted. I figured as long as I worked out and stayed active it didn’t matter what went into my body.
I was playing NCAA basketball. I worked out 7 days a week. I was in great shape. All while eating a diet consisting of take out food and the dollar menu.
In my second year of college my habits caught up to me. I woke up one morning with a dagger sharp pain in my stomach I’ve never felt before.
I spent two days in bed before deciding I needed to go to the hospital. Once I got there I didn’t leave for five days.
Turns out I had a severe case of Pancreatitis. Basically, part of my Pancreas was dead.
“Dead is dead.”
The doctor told me, if I didn’t take care of myself, it would spread and kill me.
I couldn’t believe it. On the outside, I looked completely healthy, but inside my body was literally falling apart.
When I was released to go home I had two choices: continue the downward spiral of not taking care of myself or, I could start making changes.
Changing the past is never an option, we can only deal with life by each moment.
Before I could change I had to admit that who I was wasn’t who I was supposed to be.
The Defining Moment To Turn Your Life Around
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
Once you accept what life’s handed to you, you can focus on what you need to do to make things better.
Realizing where I was, being only 19 and seeing where I was headed if I continued my poor habits, the decision to change was simple.
When your life crashes to the ground and you’re unhappy with your current situation, it comes down to making the decision to change.
Starting a new diet or finding a therapist, sure, those are great ideas. But it’s useless action if you aren’t certain you want to turn your life around.
You can do whatever you want with your body but none of it will matter if you don’t bring your mind with you.
The Beauty Of Revival
After leaving the hospital, I started making changes in the food I consumed and found passion in taking care of myself.
The biggest change, however, was in my mind.
Part of my pancreas was no longer alive. A once living part of my body was now dead. Instead of letting it ruin me, I decided it meant the rest of me needed to come to life.
I started listening to my body and how it felt. Life came one step at a time. As a by-product of my body feeling better, I felt lighter and happier as well.
Turns out the changes I made would pay off greater than I ever expected.
Five months later I was back in the hospital to meet with the doctor for a check up. I was put to sleep so he could put a microscopic camera down my throat to get a better look at my Pancreas.
When I woke up even the daze from the anesthesia couldn’t hide the amazement I saw in the doctor’s eyes.
“Your Pancreas has fully restored and looks perfectly normal. I’m not sure how, but it’s revived.”
What the doctor also didn’t know was that it wasn’t only my pancreas, but my entire life that had gone through a revival.
Realizing the seriousness of my situation, that my poor habits could destroy me if I continued them, I found new meaning in life.
It was only when I heard that part of my body was dead that I fully understood how fragile life truly is. More importantly, I learned how crucial it is to enjoy every ounce of the life we have.
So crucial, in fact, that it brought a non-functional part of my body back to life.
The Greatest Comeback Of Your Life
“It’s not what you go through that defines you. It’s what you do after you’ve gone through it that really tests who you are.” – Unknown
Your family and friends might have it easier than you, and it’s not fair.
But no matter how difficult your health journey, no matter how much you’ve gone through, you can turn it around starting now.
Looking back, there were three steps I took to turn my negative experience into a positive outcome.
1) Accept – Embrace the past and accept there’s nothing you can do about what’s already happened.
Before I could take better care of my health I had to understand what I was doing that put myself in the position I was in, such as poor nutrition and staying up late. I had to accept what my choices led to and put it behind me.
2) Correct – In every circumstance there’s things you did well and things you didn’t do well. Your job is to maximize the first and minimize the latter.
Even though my eating habits weren’t great, I worked out every day, which was a confidence boost for me. I knew I was taking care of my body at least in one way and I used it as motivation to start a healthier diet.
3) Relax – Life is a work in progress. Things won’t happen overnight and it’s inevitable that you’ll still make mistakes. Trust the process and believe that if you stick with it, good things will happen.
While I’ve never eaten fast food since, I do slip up with my sweet tooth sometimes. I don’t get down on myself when it happens. It’s a reminder to not take life so seriously and that as long as my next meal is healthy I’ll be okay.
If you want to make a comeback, these simple steps will get you started. Because the truth is, you’ve been through enough. It’s time for you to experience true happiness and how great life can be.
You deserve something better, and it’s time for you to have it.
One Last Thing
When I was sent home from the hospital I had two decisions: to do nothing and accept my fate, or take action and change my life.
Now you have to make the same decision.
When it all boils down, turning your life into a life you love and appreciate starts with you.
No one can make you change, no one can make you see the world through a new lens.
No one can tell you what to do with your life.
That power lies within you.
George Mortimer lives in his van to pursue a life of freedom. He works online to inspire people like you to create more freedom and live a life you love. Download his two brand new ebooks for free here.
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” Unknown
Time doesn’t heal all wounds.
Neither does vodka, when it comes to getting over a break up.
Your life won’t just get better. And you can’t just move on.
Or find another lobster in the sea.
I haven’t had many break ups in my life.
Just one.
But the one I did experience wasn’t a breakup. It was a knockout.
It was a personal tsunami, hurricane and flash flood, all rolled into one Full Throttle ride at Magic Mountain.
It made me question my existence.
The breakup violently shook me to the core and turned my life upside down.
It made me question my identity. It led to a career change. A move. A change in lifestyle. A spiritual awakening. This blog.
While today I am grateful for my break up, divorce and my ex for everything, both during and after our relationship, I wouldn’t be entirely honest if I didn’t say the break up was like swimming in a shark-filled ocean without scuba gear, oxygen or the ability to swim.
I felt naked, breathless and like life was eating me alive.
Are you getting over a breakup in your life?
Your break up has likely left you with a shattered heart, anger, frustration, helplessness and feelings of mourning: the most unimaginable pain and loss.
While I can’t make the pain subside or dry your tears of grief, I can offer you a process that will help you recover from the heartbreak you’re experiencing. And no it has nothing to do with shotguns or harming your ex!
Here’s what worked for me on my journey from heartbreak to joy.
Here are 10 practices for getting over a breakup:
1) Own your pain.
Stop resisting your pain and your pain will stop resisting you.
Following my breakup, I didn’t want to experience pain. I did everything possible to avoid it. I tried to deny that the relationship had ended. I didn’t want to accept the truth. I wanted to believe a future for the relationship still existed.
I found creative, unhealthy and distracting ways to avoid accepting what had happened. I used denial and excuses to avoid the pain of loss.
But let me level with you – you can’t move on until you’ve experienced the pain. You’ve got to embrace your feelings.
Although you’ll suffer and feel the pain’s sharpness for a bit, it won’t last.
If the thought of experiencing pain makes you feel scared or vulnerable, I encourage you to let yourself go there. Feel the pleasures and the sadness of the past. Experience the sorrow and the physical piercing, and cry about the helplessness you feel.
When you let yourself feel the deep, throbbing pain that washes over you, you realize that pain no longer holds you captive. You’ve confronted it, welcomed it and experienced it, and will watch it reduce in intensity.
When you experience pain, you transform your sorrow to your joy.
2) Create your team of personal healers.
This was probably my biggest mistake when I went through my divorce.
I was in so much pain and was so embarrassed that I decided to go through the process alone. I didn’t want to open my heart or show my weaknesses to anybody. That was hard.
When you share your pain with others, your burden becomes a little lighter. Sharing allows you to let go of the pain that you’re holding on to so tightly. It allows you to breathe a little easier and recover a little quicker.
As you can tell from this blog, I’ve come a long way.
I went from hiding my pain from everyone to sharing it with you.
You don’t have to blog your sorrows to the world or write about them in your next country song.
Create a support network of friends and family who understand you. Share your pain with people you trust and who will understand what you’re going through.
If you find the pain unbearable, talk to a therapist or grief counselor.
Think about working with a coach to help you overcome the grief and start taking positive actions to improve your life.
Try not to shut out others; be willing to let them in. People are more understanding and helpful than you think.
3) End all communication with your ex.
If you’re serious about moving on and healing, you must let this relationship go. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to let go of your ex.
This is something that I got right, and I’m glad I did not communicate with my ex much after our separation and divorce. Everything we needed to say to each other, we said during the relationship. It didn’t work out and things ended.
You will have a million and one excuses to speak to your ex, but in reality you have no good reason to continue the conversation. You can be friends down the road, but not now. Your ex doesn’t need your help; he will manage just fine. You don’t need anything back from your ex, or need to give anything back to him.
Unless you’re facing a pressing legal matter or a situation that could seriously affect one of your lives, resist the temptation to contact your ex.
Your healing can start only when you’re willing to say goodbye. And you can’t say goodbye to someone still in your life.
4) Treat yourself with the utmost care and love.
Now is the time to take care of yourself. The best way to do this is to treat yourself as though you are someone who is suffering and in pain (which you are).
Treat yourself like you just came out of a trauma or life-changing circumstance (which you did).
If you’re feeling pangs of self-loathing and self-hate, you might want to treat yourself badly, but resist this urge. Do not eat badly, be around harmful people or stop taking care of yourself.
Start doing things that make you feel good physically, emotionally and mentally.
If going on vacation to a certain spot refreshes you, do it.
If hanging out with certain people brings you peace and calmness, make the time to be with them.
Eat better, exercise, get involved with your passion, and start taking care of yourself.
5) Slow down.
You know how you were too busy for life itself? Well, now that your relationship is over you have a lot of down time.
Even with children, you might find that you have a clearer schedule because the kids are spending half their time with your ex.
You don’t have to pack your schedule and run around town in a mad rush to avoid your pain or your healing.
Create more time in your life by declining invitations, saying “no” to additional commitments and reducing your current commitments.
You need time, so find a balance between work, family and yourself.
Slowing down is one of the gentlest and kindest things you can do for yourself when getting over a breakup. If you have a job that doesn’t allow you to slow down, consider whether now is the time for a career change. Or even just a career sabbatical.
At the same time, don’t slow your life to a hare’s pace. You don’t have to go to work, come home to a few shots of bourbon and hit the covers.
Slow down, but live your life. Take life at your pace, not life’s pace.
6) Write away your tears.
Every therapist, mental health professional and self-help guru you come across will tell you to journal. There’s one reason you hear this advice so often – it works.
As you know, I decided to not only write for myself in a journal, but also for you through this blog.
When you’re writing, you’re thinking about your experiences, you’re processing your feelings and you’re putting your life down on paper. You’re watching the process of suffering and healing that you’re going through – essentially, another form of mindfulness.
Sit down daily or a couple of times a week and write about your experience with heartbreak. How are you feeling? How are you healing? What are you thinking about? How are you able to move on? Reflect, think, process and write!
7) I’m sorry and I forgive you.
One of the most important things you can do to move on from grief and pain is to examine the relationship and its many ups and downs. What stood out about this relationship? What hurt, and what do you feel guilty about? What part did you play in ending the relationship, and what was your partner’s role?
Once you’ve reflected on or written about the mistakes and choices you both made, write a letter of apology and forgiveness.
Take responsibility for the things you did, and ask for your partner’s apology in writing. “I’m sorry for x.” “I’m sorry I behaved like y.” “I’m sorry I was z in our relationship.”
You may not be ready to forgive, but the sooner you reach the point of forgiveness, the sooner your healing starts.
You’re not forgiving for your partner’s sake, but for yours. When you hold onto anger, pain and bitterness, you suffer. Sadness, sorrow and rage fill you.
Let go of those feelings by writing a letter of apology. Oh yeah, and one major point – do not send the letter!!
In the second part of the letter, you have the opportunity to forgive your partner. “I forgive you for doing x.” “I forgive you for having said y.” “I forgive you for being z in our relationship.” Forgive your partner for all the ways they hurt you, for all the mean things they said and for all the things they did to make your life miserable.
While you’ll probably resist writing a letter like this, just trust me on this one. I wrote a letter early on in my divorce (within the first month) and found it to be the most helpful thing I did in terms of moving on.
When you ask for forgiveness, and you forgive yourself, you let go of so many toxic emotions and scars. By letting go of the pain, you truly begin the healing process.
8) A spiritual practice for in-the-moment living
If you’re not a spiritual person, don’t be afraid of this suggestion.
If you think words like “meditation” and “mindfulness” are for hippies who spend their free time at Deepak Chopra retreats or who listen to Thic Nhat Hanh audio books during their commutes to work, you’re probably right.
But almost anyone can practice meditation and mindfulness.
And you don’t have to take part in either of those practices. You just have to find a practice or an exercise that helps you live in the present moment (in the now) for a period of time every day.
Meditation is the natural means of achieving this, but if you’re just not into meditating, try any practice that helps you stay present.
Yoga, your favorite sport, walking, reading or even eating can become mindfulness practices. If you focus on the task without thinking about the past or future, you have the right idea.
Remember, as Eckhart Tolle has said, “The past has no power over the present moment.”
But reducing the past’s power takes work. It requires that you be present and focus on the now.
Stay present. Let go of the desire to relive and experience good times and bad times from a period that no longer exists.
To move on today, practice letting go of yesterday.
9) Lessons in growth and learning.
While you must let go of the past, do not overlook the lessons it can teach you.
What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about the way you handle relationships? What was your role in the relationship and the way it ended?
What wounds did your ex open within you?
What did you learn about your character? Your personality? Your communication skills?
An ability to reflect on and understand the mistakes you made, as well as determine what you can improve upon, will help you move on to your life’s next chapter and relationship.
Be honest with yourself as you journal about mistakes you and your ex made, unhealthy behaviors in your relationship and your role in ending it.
What do you need to work on? How can you improve?
10) What are you thankful for?
When you get to the point of thankfulness in your healing process, you’re ready to move on.
Everything happens for a reason. Even your rocky and bittersweet relationship served a purpose.
You had good times along with the bad. You had happy memories along with the sad ones.
Everything that happened made you strong. Because of your ex, you’re probably in a better place now.
Are you ready to acknowledge the reasons you’re grateful to your ex? Are you ready to accept that this relationship led to happy times and positive outcomes?
You know more about yourself. You learned things about yourself you never would have known. You gained insight about relationships and wisdom about people.
You’re ready to move on with your life and complete the healing process. You can do so once you recover and let go of the past.
If another relationship is in your future and you’ve done the healing work that I talked about, you’ll be in a much healthier place to love again.
If you need more guidance for getting over a breakup, check out my book, The Sacred Art of Letting Gohere(affiliate link).
“Breakdowns create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.”—Unknown
You may think your life is over right now.
You want to hide or drown or fall into the ground. Slip away. Move to the forests far away and never to be seen again.
The tears have dried up because you’ve cried them all out of you.
You’re silent because you have no more to say.
And you’re experiencing a state of mindfulness NOT because you’ve become more mindful, but because you’re too numb to replay your thoughts in your mind.
You may be facing your life’s most horrific and tragic breakdown – your absolute worst point.
You f***d up at work and got fired.
You cheated and are now dealing with the breakup and impending divorce.
Your ex is trying to take your kids away from you.
You got caught in a business deal gone bad and are now facing a lawsuit.
The company you’ve poured your heart and soul into is going under and you can’t seem to stop the situation.
You lost all your money.
The love of your life dumped you. Your heart’s destroyed.
Your former business partner is suing you.
You can’t make the mortgage payment and might lose the house.
Your life savings has gone down the drain.
You got arrested and the local news is reporting all of your dirty laundry. You see yourself on television.
It’s over. Literally over.
There’s no hope. There’s no tomorrow. There are no better days ahead.
Why live another day?
I can’t say that I’ve been on your journey or know what you’re going through, but I’ve been in similar places in life.
Several times when I wanted to throw in the towel and felt that the tranquility of a coffin would surely beat the madness of the world I’m living in.
When I turned 17 and my entire immediate family left the country as I was finishing high school, I felt alone and abandoned. It wasn’t their fault, but I still felt like the world I had known no longer existed. A few months later I was in a new university and a new city where I didn’t know anyone. Add the stress of college and exams, plus the responsibilities of adulthood, and I was pretty much done.
It was one of the lowest points of my life.
Fast forward 10 years and I realized that what I had thought was my lowest point was anything but.
Divorce was 100 times worse. It shook my entire life to the core. It made me question my existence and wonder whether life was worth living at all.
The pain of breakup, my inability to deal with a traumatic change and the deep grief and sorrow that followed were too much to bear.
Yet I’m still here. And you’re still here.
And that’s why I feel like I need to tell you something. It’s not over. It’s never over.
You’re going to make it through this point in your life.
Your absolute worst point in life is not the end, but rather the beginning.
You’re going to survive this place and, let me tell you from personal experience, you’re going to come back stronger than ever.
When you’re down and out and feel like checking out, hold on.
Here are a few things to think about that will give you perspective on your situation:
1) The benefits of rock bottom – it can’t get any worse.
The best part about being at your life’s worst point is that it cannot, let me repeat, it cannot get any worse.
If you’re in the dumps, be happy in knowing that you cannot fall further back. You have no more back to go. Your money, finances, love, relationships may all seem in the pits. Can it get any worse?
No.
If you’re going to jail (and as a criminal defense lawyer, I had clients who did), the only option left is to come back out. You can’t go to jail again. (Well, you can, but hopefully you won’t.)
Moving on from jails, what if the press smears you, or your former business partner sues you? Can it get worse?
Most likely, no.
Your reputation is at rock bottom. It can only improve.
You’re dealing with the stress and burnout of a lawsuit – it can only get better. A settlement or verdict will arrive soon and you can start over.
When you’re at your worst, take some satisfaction in knowing that it can’t get worse.
(P.S. – Don’t make things any worse by asking yourself, “How can this get worse?” !?!)
2) You’ve done it before.
I’m not saying that you’ve been here before.
You may not have encountered a situation this deadly, but you’ve confronted setbacks, heartaches and disappointments in your life.
You were in bad places, but you came through. You made it out. You survived.
You’ve met every challenge the past presented.
You came out of darkness. You woke up from failure. You found a way.
You got another job. Started another career. Built a new business.
You found the courage to love again.
You forgave and let go.
You’ve been there; you’ve done it. You have the experience to overcome.
It wasn’t the end of the world before and it’s not the end of the world now.
3)Pressure will bring out your “A” game.
No better time exists than now to find out what you’re really made of.
Like the woman in the YouTube video at the beginning of this article, who came back from falling down to WIN the race, you’re going to do the same thing in your life.
This face-punching circumstance you’re going through will help you seek the answers, find the tools and develop the inner strength you need.
You will take your game up a notch.
You will do things you couldn’t do before.
When you’re sitting in a sinking boat, you’ll find a way to swim, to get a life vest or to call for help.
Moments of survival push us to get more creative, resourceful and effective.
You’ll stop procrastinating and lamenting, and instead become active.
Your greatest life challenge is your greatest invitation to take action.
The climactic scene in this movie is awaiting its hero: you.
4) Setting yourself up for success.
You may have trouble seeing this now, but meeting your current challenge will bring out better things in you throughout the days ahead.
To become successful or achieve your dreams or live your greatest life, you must get through the challenge at hand.
You must pass the test that life has given you.
Stay strong in this moment and take one step a day toward improving the situation. Sometimes the situation is so dire, all you can do is change your perspective for that day.
Viktor Frankl did so while surviving the Auschwitz concentration camp. He got through his time there by believing that those worst days of his life would pass, that when he came out he would recount his experiences to help others and that he would spread the message about how a person can find meaning under any condition, any circumstance.
Frankl spent the rest of his life sharing his message though his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” through his writings and through his lectures.
A better day exists for you, too, and mastering today will help you prepare for that day when things are better.
The gift of struggle and surviving will one day positively affect your life.
Through the violent storms of losing a loved one or having your most prized things snatched away, you will realize how life has, in fact, handed you a gift.
Your challenging situation is only perfecting your mind, your heart and your perspective so that you can welcome better days with open arms. You’re preparing for a breakthrough in your life.
Life might be calling you toward a new line of work.
Life might be calling you to prepare for a new relationship.
Life might be preparing you for more responsibilities.
Life might be preparing you to share your story, write your book and be a guiding light to others in their places of struggle.
Your failures are setting you up for your success.
Your heartsong is setting you up for your greatest hit yet.
Your song does not end on a sad note.
5) Follow the light.
I’m not asking you to compare yourself to others. Instead, realize that others have flourished and succeeded from even worse places than where you currently sit.
Use their stories for inspiration.
Jim Carrey’s family was living out of a van as he drove around Canada performing standup comedy at clubs.
The singer Jewel was homeless and living out of her car before she wrote such hits as “Foolish Games” and “You Were Meant for Me.”
Steven Spielberg was rejected from the University of Southern California twice. Yes, twice. The last time I went to USC, I noticed that the school had named a building after him. He’s also one of the school’s trustees.
As you know, publishers rejected Stephen King’s first book 30 times. And Michael Jordan’s high school basketball coach cut him from the team.
J.K. Rowling was an unemployed single mother on welfare benefits before she wrote the Harry Potter series.
Elizabeth Gilbert’s divorce was what led her on a journey around the world and resulted in her bestseller, “Eat, Pray, Love.”
Barack Obama grew up in a single-parent household. Bill Clinton lost elections in Arkansas before ever running for president. Abraham Lincoln lost eight elections.
These are the stories of famous people you hear about all the time. Look around in your own life. What do you find?
Stories of struggle and challenge.
How your grandfather started from nothing and built a name for himself.
How your great-grandparents fled the old country to find success in America.
How people you know made comebacks from childhood problems, poverty, diseases, business failures and divorces.
They did it. You can do it.
They didn’t know that success lay ahead of them. They just believed in themselves. They took one day at a time, one step at a time.
As you go through your life’s critical hours, you’ll discover that things turn around.
You may not realize it and you may not feel it, but I’m asking you to believe it.
I’m asking you to remain hopeful that a turnaround is close by.
As Desmond Tutu has said, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
You just have to stay the course and go through your journey: rebuilding, strategizing and taking things step by step.
Take it one day at a time. Stay encouraged that better days are ahead.
Stay faithful for a better tomorrow.
“If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.”—Mahatma Gandhi.
Stay faithful that your situation will improve.
Stay positive and encouraged that your troubles will set with the sun and that your greatest days are about to rise.
The darkest hour, they say, is just before the dawn.
When pain, tears and the storms of life engulf you – that’s when you will see the way.
You will see that glimmer of hope.
You will see the shadows of possibilities and the promises of a new day.
Thank you for reading. Did you know that I now offer relationship and career coaching? If you’re interested in either, please check out my coaching pages here and here.
“When you walk with purpose, you collide with destiny.”—Bertice Berry
You’ve had enough.
Enough of browsing The Huffington Post and Match.com. Enough of reading Live Your Legend articles and pinning photos of Michael Kors handbags you’d like to own one day.
You had coffee, billed a client, called your mom, billed a client, browsed Facebook 18 times and billed a client. Now you can’t wait until 8 p.m. so you can leave the office.
Your life as a corporate lawyer is soul-sucking, depressing and completely mind-numbing.
The thought runs through you. ‘Who cares about this @#$%? What does it matter who owns a piece of intellectual property? Who cares who buys who and who’s infringing on the trademark?’
As clients fight and your billables increase, you lose sleep, your hair and your sanity. Oh yeah, and your soul.
Yup, it’s time for a change.
You’ve decided to listen to the soft whispers you’ve heard your entire life, and to pursue your calling, your life’s work, your dream…
My transition to my purpose.
“Be the change you want to see in the world” is the quote from Gandhi that has had the most impact on my life. Growing up in America, I saw a world filled with inequality, injustice and powerful corporate interests that took advantage of others.
It’s why I went to law school and became a lawyer. I thought I could achieve the greatest amount of change in people’s lives, as well as in society, by helping to change laws and policies.
When I found myself filing lawsuits for unhappy neighbors, people who rear-ended each other and bitter spouses, I knew it was time to do something else.
I wanted to help people; the practice that called to me was immigration law. I also wanted to work on my own terms, so I left a stable, full-time, well-paying job at a law firm to start my own immigration practice.
Was I crazy? (Don’t answer that.)
I opened an online immigration office. During the year I spent preparing to leave my full-time job, I rented an office, built a website that advertised my legal services, and hired contractors to help with various aspects of the business.
I left my steady job and found myself immersed in the world of entrepreneurism and business. I had to quickly learn about online business, sales and marketing.
I felt overwhelmed but in my element. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I was a conduit or vehicle for families to unite, for people to build their dreams and to live their best lives in the United States.
I loved everything about the work but had to let it go when, a couple of years later, I started struggling financially. Running a new business was a challenge and I realized that I was investing much of my earnings back into the business.
I went back to a regular, full-time job, but over the next few years I experienced another strong pull to serve people, albeit in a different capacity. I found that I enjoyed coaching people more than I enjoyed doing legal work for them.
In my clients’ most critical hours, they seemed to benefit more from my coaching skills than from my legal skills. I could help people change their perspectives, reframe their situations and achieve more control of their lives.
I wanted to become a coach and I launched this blog.
As I’ve built the blog, I’ve once again gone into and out of employment. I’ve taken a coaching course and started helping people around the world build their lives after epic downfalls. I’ve helped people stand up after hitting rock bottom in their careers and relationships.
I’ve had to plan for this change, alter my lifestyle to fit my variable income and take small steps to build the business. But now more than ever I feel like I’m in my element.
I’m able to help people with their most challenging life situations by confronting the very obstacles that keep them stuck. I help them dramatically improve their lives. The people I coach have moved on from paralyzing relationships and left soul-crushing corporate careers to perform more meaningful work.
Why ditch the corporate ladder to live your purpose?
No one is asking you to quit your job and turn your life upside-down today.
Or asking you to live a life of hunger and poverty.
But you need to embark on this career change to stay true to your lifelong calling and dreams.
If you don’t know what your life calling is, that’s another story, and a discussion for another day. This post is for those of you who know what your mission in this world is. You’re just not doing anything about it. (If you’re trying to figure out your purpose, read this post, or, after signing up for my weekly updates, check out the e-book I wrote on the subject. You’ll receive a guide called “11 ways to discover your highest purpose…”.)
Consider changing your career and pursuing your dreams. Life’s too short, and you don’t want to live it in regret. You don’t want to retire in 30 years and think that you could have done so much more.
When you’re pursuing your purpose, you’re contributing your greatest good to the world. You are serving yourself by staying true to yourself. You’re having the biggest effect on people. Your purpose is a gift, and we should always share our gifts.
Finally, when you pursue your purpose and you’re in 100-percent alignment with it, you become better at what you do. You realize more opportunities and become luckier in life as circumstances fall into place.
Here are 14 tips to help you transition from your humdrum career to your purpose.
1. Seek more clarity.
Don’t jump into a new venture until you’re sure it’s what you want to do. Don’t look around and think, ‘That sounds fun,’ then dive into something that might not suit you. Don’t take big leaps until you’ve done both the internal work necessary for discovering your purpose and the practical work involved in figuring out how you’ll arrive there. In other words, plan and prepare to undergo a transition.
2. Listen to yourself.
You may be hearing soft whispers or loud chatters within yourself to pursue a calling. First, ensure it’s not the alcohol talking. Then, become more aware of this inner voice – your intuition and your guide. You may have heard it your entire life, and it may be screaming at you now to pursue your dream, live your purpose or follow your calling. Be more receptive to the messages you hear from yourself.
3. Are you passionate about it?
A good way to determine whether your plans are in line with your purpose is to discover whether you’re passionate about the new line of work.
Your passions can sustain your purpose. If you’re about to undergo a career transition, why not do something you enjoy? Why not do something that won’t feel like work? Why not do something that you LOVE? Determine those skills that you love in your current job and that you can incorporate into your next venture.
4. Are you good at it?
You have no idea how you’ll do in your new career, but consider whether your strengths transfer to that line of work. Ideally, you want to use skills and strengths that you already have and find a new place to use them. What skills and abilities does your new line of work require? Do you already have them or will you be able to develop them?
5. Earn experience in your new field.
Get it (experience) any way you can – attend workshops, volunteer, take part in an internship or find another way to jam your foot in the door. Can you build the skills for your next venture in your current job? Can you work in a different department or on different projects that will help you hone the skills you’ll need for your new career? Can you transfer divisions at your current job, or receive training for work you’ll do after you leave your current position?
6. Freelance or consult.
A great way to test your new interest or your lifelong calling is to consult. Become a freelancer and work for a flat fee or an hourly fee (or for no fee if you’re just starting out). Give yourself an opportunity to test your big move while you still have a job.
How valuable can you be to people? How can you foster change? How much can you learn while helping and serving others?
By consulting and freelancing, you’ll develop a better idea regarding whether you’d like to pursue your purpose full-time.
7. No more school.
Unless your calling is to be a heart surgeon or to represent people in court, don’t think that you need another degree or more education. You can do 95 percent of what you want to do by acquiring more experience, conducting your own research and taking online courses that help you better understand your business or career. Don’t feel as though you must go into debt or take out loans to pursue your calling. Don’t let your finances or the excuse of more school stop you from moving toward your purpose.
Don’t get me wrong – a few professional fields require that you obtain another degree or license. But you definitely don’t need a certificate from a fashion school to start a fashion line or a culinary degree to open your own restaurant. Be creative and resourceful, and learn on the job.
8. Prepare.
If you’re planning to change careers, research your next venture. Read, find information online, talk to people and determine what you’ll need during your transition. Give yourself enough time to prepare professionally, personally, financially and mentally.
9. Save up.
Start preparing your finances if you’re pursuing something risky or that will leave you with unstable income for the foreseeable future. If you’ll be starting a business, consulting or going from a full-time salaried job to an entrepreneurial project, ensure that you have enough savings to cover your basic expenses for the next 6 to 12 months.
10. Scale down.
If you’re living large now but will be taking a dramatic shift in the opposite direction when you start your business, scale down to reduce your personal expenses. Move to a less costly apartment, pay off your car, and reduce expenses like cable and your wine-of-the-month-club membership.
11. Seek mentors.
Before you take the jump, find mentors in the field. Use your current contacts or even new LinkedIn contacts to learn more about the field you’re interested in.
When I decided to transition from my previous job to coaching, I reached out to other coaches, speakers and personal development experts who do this kind of work. Some I contacted online and some I contacted in person. I asked people to put me in touch with their own contacts who were coaches.
Every mentor you meet can provide you with ideas, inspiration and practical information about your future career.
12. Build your network.
Although you should have a strong network regardless of where you are in your career, this is especially important when you transition to a new field.
You’ll need allies, partners and people to hire you. Find out who they are and reach out to them. If you’re moving to a new field and don’t have contacts in that industry, start meeting them.
Find out which LinkedIn groups your tribe belongs to. Determine what events and associations represent the people you’re interested in working with. Learn the speakers and leaders in that field.
Attend events and workshops to meet potential allies and clients.
13. Rebrand yourself.
Most people have trouble with this part, but it’s critical if you’re undergoing a career change. Here are a few ways to rebrand yourself so that you’re able to tell a new story.
You’ll have to reframe your past experiences so they mesh with your new line of work. Whatever you’ve done in the past, you must explain it in terms of your new career. You must help people see the connection between your former skills and your current position. You must demonstrate how your former skills and abilities are relevant today.
Let’s say you used to work in banking but now consult for small businesses. What are the skills and abilities you have from your past life that can serve others now?
Or let’s say you were in sales but are now trying to become a teacher. You must highlight your sales strengths (listening, problem solving, helping people) and demonstrate how they apply to your current job.
If you’re a stockbroker who wants to work for a charity, determine which skills and abilities you can transfer. You must show that your ability to decide wisely, perform thorough analyses and communicate effectively are relevant to your new job. Your ability to work well in team-based environments, and with others in general, is also key.
You must rebrand everything about yourself – from your resume and LinkedIn account to the way you talk about yourself to other people.
One effective way to rebrand yourself is to look for jobs that you’re not only interested in but that align with your purpose. Look up a sample job description that provides information about your industry of interest and that lists the skills and qualifications you’ll need. When you analyze those criteria, think about all the actions you’re taking now that are on that list. This will tell you exactly how you should rebrand yourself.
14. Stay true to yourself.
As you narrow down your purpose and pursue what you should be doing in this world, you’ll meet both internal and external resistance. In terms of your own resistance, you must ensure that what you’re doing aligns with your values. You must challenge negative beliefs.
In terms of resistance from others, you must acknowledge that you will face judgment. Society wants you to conform to what it finds acceptable.
How do you stand up to societal expectations and family pressures?
As certified life passion coach Barrie Davenport has written, “The secret to non-conformity is the willingness to accept discomfort for a time – to accept the anxiety of uncertainty, the fear of the unknown, and the tension of possible rejection. By accepting the inevitability of these feelings from the get-go, you can dilute some of the discomfort. The rest will disappear over time as you become comfortable – even excited – about being your own person.”
You must be willing to not fight over it, to not force others to understand what you’re doing and to simply stay true to your life’s calling. If what you want to do diverges from the straight path that others follow, stay vigilant and focused on your mission in life.
Thank you for tweeting out this post and liking it on Facebook. Photo credit *Billy Gast
Interested in discovering and transitioning to your life’s purpose? Please visit my life direction coaching page here. Pick up my book on changing careers here.
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” Maya Angelou
I wanted to have a baby.
I don’t mean me personally, but you get it – to father a child (Modern medicine hasn’t quite allowed men to carry another human yet!!).
At one time in my life, not too long ago, the desire to have a baby was a life priority for me. And not having a child was a serious loss in my life. I can’t tell you why I wanted one or if I was ready to have been a father, but it seemed like the right thing to do.
After not having a child in my life, I was fraught with disappointment and sadness.
My marriage ended. There was no baby in sight. This image of a laughing child in my dreams became blurrier and more distant than ever.
I could have been devastated by a dream lost but I have chosen to follow a different path.
Believing that everything happens for a reason, I let go of my attachment to this unborn child.
I let go of my desire to have a child.
I let go of my timeline to have a child.
And most importantly, I let go of my desire to know if a child was in my future or not (the demands, expectations and urge to know and make plans).
Over the last couple of years, I’ve gone through this arduous personal development journey, many parts of which I write about, realizing that I may not have been the ideal father in the first place, or much less a prepared one or even a competent one.
If I wasn’t emotionally healthy myself, nor had the patience or ability to care for a baby, was I really ready to be a parent?
A baby then would have been ill-served having me as their father.
Since the time that the possibility of a baby abruptly disappeared from my life, I chose to forge ahead without knowing what the future holds.
Instead of being stuck to a specific timeline over something I have no control over, I spent a lot of time with my adorable baby nephews and try to visit them at every chance I get.
My nephew and I.
Not knowing my future brought me to where I am today.
I’ve had similar experiences with my career path.
I had NO IDEA what I wanted to do with my life in college. Like many students, I didn’t have the answers to what my future held or what I should be doing with my life.
I never received any clear calls from the Gods as to my life vocation. (But my Indian parents did call me a lot to let me know about the benefits of becoming a doctor – service to humanity and beach-front property!)
What do you do when you don’t know what the future holds?
Well, I did something that I was weak at and wanted to improve on. Public speaking. Although I enjoyed writing speeches and speaking in public, it wasn’t my strongest point. I spoke too fast, sometimes too slow and I never understood the mechanics of effective public speaking.
Near campus, I joined a Toastmasters group which was dedicated to helping people improve their public speaking skills. I participated in this professional group for 3 years, being the only student in the group.
I never knew exactly where public speaking would take me the entire time I was in Toastmasters.
It was only when I was nearing graduation, when having the public speaking skills and confidence inspired me to consider going into law (That and my parents who had sadly come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be a doctor).
Ultimately, law was not a career I stuck with. On the plus side though, my legal background has brought me to a place where I am able to speak in front of large groups of people. Whether it’s at a community meeting, workshop or even a family get-together, I have no hesitation when standing up to speak.
My point is that I had no idea what I wanted to do but I forged ahead anyway, without knowing the answers.
Doing something that interested me and helped me improve, like public speaking, is now an integral part of my destiny.
How do you move forward when you don’t know how or when you’ll get there?
How do you create the life that you’ve been envisioning and the life your heart seems to be longing for?
When you feel like your whole life has turned upside down and you’re a long way from living the dreams you created in your mind years ago, it’s easy to feel paralyzed.
When you feel frustrated by your life’s current circumstances or just plain stuck, you might feel like throwing your hands up in the air and saying, “I give up”.
Your career isn’t moving along. You have no idea where your business is going. Your partner isn’t showing up. The baby you’ve bought baby clothes for isn’t quite here yet.
I notice that many of us tend to clutch to our end goals. When we cling on to the desired outcome, we are left with the feeling of not having achieved it. We feel a lacking in our lives.
But fortunately, you don’t have to be paralyzed by the thoughts of not achieving your dreams. Nor do you have to feel frustrated by the lack of movement in your life.
Instead of being stuck on the fact that you don’t have what you want, try this.
1. Be OK with not knowing.
Be perfectly comfortable in not knowing the answers or having clarity in your life.
Let waves of uncertainty and confusion wash over you without attaching yourself to the frustration of not knowing.
Practice sitting with uncertainty. Learn to be comfortable not knowing the answers of where your journey is going to take you.
2. Do something. Anything at all.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” declared Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu.
Whatever your dream or desire is, take some small steps daily towards that goal without being paralyzed by or fixated on the end result.
Meet people if you want to be in a relationship. You don’t need to meet “the one” today.
Look for a compatible partner who also wants children if you’re firmly set on having kids.
Start learning new skills, attending more training, do some volunteer work or freelancing if you are keen on transitioning into a completely different industry.
Take small concrete steps towards your goal.
Bombay wasn’t built in a day. It was built one brick at a time, over centuries.
3. Listen intently.
As you’re taking small steps and moving forward, listen to your soul’s messages. Your feelings and your inner voice will be conveying messages to you.
You’ll hear these messages through your mind’s subtle messages, repeated internal thoughts or feelings that will guide you in a certain direction.
The inner voice, or intuition, will sometimes tell you to continue. Or it may tell you to stop. Alternatively, it may advise you to change your game plan. Or to perhaps even to abandon your dream.
It might convince you that something that you’re chasing isn’t right for you and you’ll be better off with something else.
Whatever it is, be mindful of your inner voice and be willing to listen to it.
4. Be open to life’s gifts and timelines.
No, you may not get exactly what you want and at the time you want it.
Instead of demanding a certain result at a certain time, be open to whatever it is that unfolds before you.
If Prince Harry doesn’t knock, but a short banker with a stable job and a loyal spirit does, open the door!
If your dream job working for Facebook doesn’t materialize, consider the job at the small start-up as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Be open, be patient, and be confident knowing what is meant for you will come to you in due course.
5. Every circumstance is a lesson in disguise.
Although you’re not getting what you want right now, know that every situation has a message for us.
Every life circumstance can become our teacher.
If you start viewing every twist, turn and hiccup as an opportunity and lesson, instead of an unfulfilled dream, you’ll have a much healthier and happier journey forward.
Ask yourself what a delay means?
Or what can it teach you?
Where is the blessing in this circumstance?
What can you be grateful for right now?
There is a soulful tranquility about not knowing what the future holds and simply being OK with it.
Embrace uncertainty and welcome the magic of possibilities unfolding in your life.
Your ability to manage the unknown can be the ultimate source of your strength and wisdom in life.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
