Guilt was my prison in my life after divorce.
I was stuck for so long in the past because of guilt at what I had done in my marriage.
I thought about every single thing that I had done and felt guilty about it. How I had taken the relationship for granted. How I criticized and nagged my ex. How I didn’t let her be completely free and her own person.
I thought about all the things that she pointed out about me in my life after divorce. I reflected on all the things she had found problematic in our relationship. All the things she said to me about what I had done to screw it up.
I’m a terrible person and I deserve to be in my own prison for some time, maybe for the rest of my life. I thought that since the person who had known me most decided to break up with me that I was a bad person, had done terrible and deserved to be punished. I deserved to suffer.
You may have come out of breakup or divorce and feeling the same way too. You may feel the heaviness of the guilt in your life after divorce. You may feel like a failure and like you were solely at fault for the relationship.
You may feel like you’re the bad or evil person.
As you’re thinking all this, your ex may have moved on with their life after divorce. They may have switched careers, found new love and started a family.
They seemed to have improved their life in every way and you’re still sticking around in the past, holding onto the heavy baggage of guilt and self-blame.
If you’re feeling the heavy pangs of guilt after divorce, think about what you’re giving up when you’re stuck with guilt.
Your guilt is stealing these 7 things from your life after divorce
A new life.
You have the ability to move on and start a new life after divorce. You can live a new life, travel, pursue a new career and live your dreams. You can let go of everything that once was and wasn’t working and start brand new. Your guilt is taking away the life that’s possible for you today. Instead of allowing your new life to unfold, guilt is keeping you paralyzed and stuck in your life after divorce.
A new you.
Like me, you want to brew in the past. You want to be stuck as the old you thinking about all the ways you were hurtful and self-sabotaged the marriage. You don’t believe that you can change or become a different version of yourself. You are going to reminisce on the past and hold onto your old self. You are going to allow guilt to steal a new and improved version of yourself. You are going to hold off on learning and growing from your past mistakes.
Your guilt is making you feel worthless. You feel that you are unworthy of your ex. When the person you love most rejects you, your self-worth and confidence is going to take a hit. The fact that you couldn’t make this relationship work and you couldn’t hold onto your spouse is going to make you think that you’re a terrible person that no one loves. As you’re holding drowning in guilt, you don’t feel whole, complete, or enough.
Peace of mind.
You’re going to be constantly feeling pangs of resentment, anger and regret. You’re going to feel like a criminal for having done the things that you did. It was your terrible deeds and bad actions that led to this divorce. Instead of calmness and peace, you are going to be living in discomfort and regret. You’ll be constantly feeling like you were the one who did something wrong and you deserve to be punished.
Hope is a belief that life will get better and things will improve. Hope is a welcoming of a new day. Stewing in guilt will steal your hope away. You will be thinking that all the best in your life has already happened so there’s nothing to look forward to anymore. All you can do now is celebrate what you had and regret what you did to end the relationship. You can ruminate on what no longer is, thinking that there is no hope for the future.
The present moment
Guilt will steal your life after divorce. Instead of being present and living in the moment, guilt will make you go back to the past and replay all the things that you did in the past. It will make you question yourself, doubt yourself and generally torture yourself for the things that you did and didn’t do in this past relationship. Guilt will ensure that you are reliving a time that no longer exists and will continually take you back in time.
I know you believe that love is impossible. It is only because you are cooped up in guilt after divorce. Feeling guilty, you’re thinking and feeling like you’re a terrible person. You think you ruined your ex’s life. You think you were the reason that the relationship ended. When stuck in the regret and guilt of the past, you are going to close your heart and life to new love. When you don’t feel worthy or deserving, you’re going to close your heart to new relationships.
Guilt is a thief that will continue to steal from your life, even your life after divorce.
What else has guilt stolen from your life after divorce? Send me a message or reply to my email. If you need some guidance or support, please get in touch.