Clover Lam is an inspirational woman who is living an unconventional life. She is leading the way in challenging cultural norms and societal expectations. Clover started a worldwide movement to help people live more authentic and honest lives.
She has also gone through a divorce herself and was open to doing a live coaching session on letting go of her marriage. Watch the above video to see how our coaching session went and what came out of it.
To learn more about Clover, check out her website at Simply Clover Living. Many thanks Clover for doing this live coaching call and thank you for all the work you’re doing to help people lead their own path and live unconventional lives.
To watch the video of this coaching call in full, visit the coaching call link here.
After I got out of the legal field, I went to work with labor unions and help workers.
Soon after that, I worked for a NGO helping pass policy to protect older people and the disabled.
I did community organizing meaning I brought people together from the community to help pass laws to protect the elderly and disabled.
I really loved this job!
It was the best job for me.
And the plus side was that I had the best boss in the world.
I worked from home, my schedule was flexible and my work was meaningful.
I worked with the political leaders in California, grassroots activists, and regular everyday people to make the lives better for millions of people.
As much as I loved this job, I was being pulled away from it.
My purpose is to help people at rock bottom make a comeback in their lives, especially the divorced and heart-broken.
My purpose is to help people let go of the past and start over in their lives, to remind them the tragic event was simply a roadblock and not the end of the road.
So every day I did my job but worked toward my purpose.
There is a big difference between office work or a “regular” job and your purpose or soul-job.
Doing your purpose or your soul work is scary – you know why?
The reason most of us are terrified is that there’s no certain or clear path.
You have to figure it out on your own.
If you went to work in the government for example, you would be told what to do.
There are policies and procedures on everything.
There are pay scales and promotion policies that will tell you when you will move up in the organization and how much you will get paid.
When you’re doing soul work, you will have to come up with all these things on your own.
Yet it’s not impossible, you’re just not used to it.
You may not know exactly what it is you want to do.
You may not know how to build it.
You may not have the skills you need to do marketing or sales.
You may not have the technical skills to build a website or blog.
The good news is that you don’t have to get caught up in these details.
Before you start figuring out how to make your soul’s work a reality, you have to figure out what is your soul’s work? What is your purpose?
You figure that out and then you work backwards from there.
When I coach people on finding their direction and following their purpose, they get caught up in the tactics and strategies to make a living.
Their first question is how to pay for doing their life’s purpose.
They want to know the “how” before getting super clear on the what and the why.
I work with them to get clear on the “what” and the “why” first. What is it that you want your life to look like and why do you want that life.
Knowing what it is you want to do and why it is you want to do it is the most important thing. Once you know these two things, everything else will become easier.
Don’t run away from figuring out your purpose because you’re afraid of the uncertainty of the path.
Also, don’t postpone on starting on your purpose.
Life is short.
We get to only live once.
You have two choices.
Follow the mandates of society and do what is certain today.
Or follow your purpose and do what’s soul-satisfying, starting today.
By the way, soul-satisfying doesn’t mean being broke or in financial ruin.
You can do purposeful work and make a living at it.
You know what?
All the wealthiest artists, writers, actors and performers are making a living doing their life purpose.
If you are in alignment with your purpose, the sky is the limit.
You’ll feel like I do – a millionaire just because you get to do what you want to do.
And if you do end up doing what it is you’re supposed to be doing with your life, the money will follow.
So don’t worry about the obstacles and limitations in your way.
Well, worry about the path later but for now, look at the big picture of where you want your life to go.
It will help you get clear on your vision and purpose.
Once you embrace that, the other pieces including finances, will fall into place.
The path towards your purpose may be uncertain but will be much more fulfilling in the long run.
If you’re ready to make your soul sing and do work that is refreshing and motivating every day, then please get in touch with me. If you want to learn more about my life direction coaching, check out this coaching option here.
I’m sad to confess my favorite song of all time is a song about being stuck in the past, called Nobody Knows.
I’m even sadder that nobody knows of this song.
It was a song that I played over and over and over in my life before I ever felt a pang of heartbreak.
It’s a song by a profoundly sad Tony Rich (at least I like to think so) regretting his broken love for a woman that he regrets not having in his life. He sings about how nobody knows the pain of his breakup except him.
You can watch the song here to know the depth of his pain and know what kind of a weirdo I am.
You might find this weird only because I had listened to this song thousands of times in college. It was the one song on repeat. The one song I played over and over and over again.
I listened to this song while I was up at night studying for finals. I listened to this song while I was sleeping. While I ate. While I talked about the meaning of life with my roomie James. What was even odder was that this was his go-to song as well.
Yet this post isn’t about what two single college-aged men were doing sitting around listening to a profoundly sad love song by another sad man.
Instead, it’s about putting something on repeat and listening to it over and over again.
You hear something, you like something and you choose that repeatedly instead of turning off the song and listening to something else.
Unfortunately, I came to find out a few years later in my life, as someone who was going through a divorce that I also tended to do this in another area of my life.
Since the marriage was over and the relationship no long existed, I fell into this sweet longing and remembrance of the past marriage.
I stayed stuck for years by continuing to repeat what had happened in the previous marriage.
I also reflected on the sadness and pain of the heartbreak and I enjoyed being in that place.
See, a powerful habit forms when we go through heartbreak that keeps us stuck.
You have these negative painful feelings of the past that over time become familiar and comfortable.
You become attached to the these feelings in the past and continue to ruminate on them.
Becoming familiar, comfortable and used to the pain of heartbreak can keep you stuck for months and years.
Holding onto past pain can keep you stuck and stop you from letting of the past relationship.
Pain can actually become addictive if it makes you feel good because it is a known and familiar feeling.
The habit of ruminating on past pain can become a habit that keeps you stuck for years.
You just want to hold on to this thing that is unpleasant (pain) but also feels good (familiar and known pain).
You feel connection and familiarity.
You feel familiar emotions.
You put it on repeat, turn it into a habit and become stuck in this place for years of your life.
The solution out is to acknowledge that this is in fact what your mind is doing.
To let go of the past, you have to be willing to let go of the known and the familiar.
Once you realize that you keep going back and taking comfort in the pain of the past, it’s time to break this habit.
To release the addictive habit of holding on to the past pain:
1) Acknowledge that your mind is replaying the past repeatedly.
2) Pin-point the thoughts that are creating these addictive feelings of pain and sorrow in your life.
3) Get clear on the underlying story about your past relationship that you’re telling yourself.
4) Work on changing the story you’re telling yourself about the past relationship.
5) Re-frame the past or generate new thoughts about the past that are healthier for you and cultivate more positive feelings.
6) Practice immersing yourself in new and unfamiliar feelings of peace and happiness.
If you’re addicted to past hurtful feelings, you might have no idea what healthier emotions and feelings may feel like.
I’m suggesting you try those on ahead of time, feel those feelings even if you’re not quite there yet.
If you’re good at feeling bad feelings of the past, it was because you’ve practiced it for years.
If you want to break free and move on from years of feeling bad and feeling stuck, try on a new set of feelings. Explore, experiment and try out something you’re not used to.
If you need some support in letting go and working through the insurmountable negativity of the past, I’d be happy to support you in this process.
If you’re tired of living in the past and feeling stuck in the past, check out my Awaking coaching sessions or Letting Go coaching sessions.
It doesn’t matter what you have going on in life. You can comeback. You can start stronger than before the fall. You can move ahead and use adversity as a springboard.
Check out this manifesto with important reminders on your comeback. Whether in love or life, the only direction for you is upward and forward.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
