Please help me welcome a guest post by Secret Spiritual Stories. Enjoy this honest and vulnerable post:
He invited me round. I had a feeling he would want to be more than just friends but something drew me to him even though I didn’t find him attractive. A sliver of a subconscious reaction still active in my brain. He was flamboyant, in your face, ‘out there’ aka my type. I had been historically attracted to and interested in such people because I desired to understand their psychology; perhaps on some level I also desired their levels of confidence. He is the third of a series of men I have been pulled towards for such reasons, but this time was the last.
It was quite obvious from the moment I got there that he was going to try and slowly come onto me. Yet this time was different to my past experiences. The other two guys got me under their spell almost straight away; before long I was their willing, loving, and devoted puppet. Yet since my spiritual awakening, I know that I can always, always say No to the things which do not resonate with Who I Am and Who I Want To Be.
He called me Bubu, Munchkin, Minnie Mouse, all sorts of toy-like names which undoubtedly reflected his aim. I laughed and went along with it, knowing that I was seeing it for exactly what it was and I could walk away at any moment.
He told me I was beautiful more times than I could count. Yet when he asked about what I do – his interest fizzled out quickly. Looks were what he wanted to praise me about, my brains, passions and aspirations represented a threat. Yet it was also one of the reasons he was drawn to me. Both the two men who ended up manipulating and controlling me sought girls who wanted to help and heal the world. They simultaneously loved my desire to help others and grow myself, but also found it intimidating. They would feed off my endless generosity and patience with them, taking all they could, and only give back enough to keep the status quo.
He got close to kissing me, but I was dis-interested. After a few hours I was bored by his company and pointless chatter, and I had also satisfied my curiosity. I had discovered, just like with the other two men, that underneath his flamboyant appearance and ‘spiritual’ conversation there was a deep emptiness. A search for something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. A deep well empty of love.
I gave him that love by walking away. By giving myself respect, and telling him No. I showed him by my example that I am I am worthy and strong and that he can be so too. That I can choose freely who I want to be with, and that his power, tricks, manipulations were just not going to cut it. I’d been there twice already, learnt my lessons, paid my time.
I am grateful for this experience as it reminded me of where I had been in the past, and the direction I am now headed in. I can now turn away from those who desire to leech me of love and then blame me when it runs out. I can understand that over-confidence stems more often that not from a lack of Self-confidence.
I have been easily manipulated in the past, I have let myself be controlled because I thought that was best for me. I thought that in some strange way, that this was also showing love. Yet once I cut my puppet strings loose, the second time, I found a love much more powerful and deep than I had ever experienced with my puppet masters. A deep love, respect and adoration for my Self. For the Inner Goddess within me, and for this in all people. And from this arose a confidence that outshines the flamboyance and party-tricks of my past manipulators.
I know these men are only doing what they feel is right, according to their level of consciousness and experience. Because I understand that and accept it, and accept that I am also imperfect and have hurt others just as they hurt me, I forgive them.
Yet I also leave them behind in that era of my life, and move on to higher pursuits of pure unconditional love, which I now know must be found first and foremost within me, because only from that place, can I truly love others too.
Secret Spiritual Stories is written anonymously by a friend to all. By sharing her stories about spirituality (life), she hopes it may help in understanding your own path too. Come, ask questions, share thoughts and be welcomed by someone who won’t judge you in any way – SSS is a place for all to be Who They Truly Are. You can follow her journey on Twitter or Facebook * Photo credit Seranya
Have you walked away from relationships or friendships because they were controlling and manipulative? Please share your reflections and thoughts in the comments below. Thank you!