A guest post by Uju Morah
“To live in the hearts of those we love is not to die.”—Carrie Bradshaw
A friend found true love at a shopping mall.
It was love at first sight.
The man who is now her husband felt an instant connection with her as soon as she walked in.
They met up later that evening. She never thought their relationship would work, but as time went on, she found that they had strong feelings for each other. They were ready to put their best into the relationship, without unrealistic expectations of each other. They trusted that love would sustain them, and it did.
True love—does it exist? I have heard from quite a few people who insist that there is nothing like it.
Love is seen as a deep feeling. It has no particular definition. Love can appear in different ways to different people, and each person experiences love differently. Sometimes you just can’t explain those feelings.
How the feelings came, you just can’t tell. I know you’re saying to yourself, “Love is pain.” Yes, love can be felt with pain because of the bad experiences that people go through with it. These bad experiences can result from being with the wrong partner, being with a partner who strays from the relationship, or being with a partner who is not able to commit.
True love isn’t just about moonlight and candlelight, but about a strong desire to commit.
Perfect relationships don’t exist. You might see couples on the street or at the mall, all “loved up,” kissing, hugging, and you envy them. You start imagining how horrible your own relationship is. However, chances are that these “lovey-dovey” couples have their own ups and downs.
What you see is only what they choose to show you—their “highlight reel.”
Love on its own doesn’t have to hurt. It’s a beautiful feeling.
Good relationships don’t just happen; they require time, patience, and two people who truly want to work together to create something meaningful.
Love might not survive on its own if it’s not constantly worked on.
All too often, I’ll hear people say, “I just found my soul mate. I feel lucky.” Simply finding your soul mate isn’t some type of magic trick that leads to lifelong love. You must take complete responsibility for a relationship to make it last.
How do you know it’s true love that you feel?
Here are some of signs indicating that you’re truly in love with your partner:
You have a strong longing for each other. Sometimes you feel like you don’t want to hang out with your friends, but with only your partner. I had a friend who turned down my offer to go to the movies because she felt more happy being with her boyfriend. It’s a good sign, but be careful that, in doing this, you don’t push away friends who care about you.
Your partner becomes an important part of your life. You are able to sacrifice things for him or her. You put his or her first on your schedule. It’s no longer all about you.
You are always up and doing. You become available for him or her, whenever he or she needs you. You’re always willing to be there for him or her because you care.
You become genuinely interested in whatever makes him or her happy. You wish to know about his or her past, and his or her favorite movies and shows. He or she lives in your heart.
You wish to be connected to his or her friends and family, even to the point of joining them for an all-night dinner or attending events with them. You also let your close friends know about him or her.
You become comfortable around him or her. You’re able to be yourself and do anything in his or her presence without worrying about being condemned or judged.
How to make true love last?
1. Relationships take a lot of compromise and giving. They don’t involve loving someone simply because you want to gain something from him or her. Seek to give more than you can take; love because you can.
2. Love is caring for your partner physically and emotionally. Love also means feeling empathy, meeting each other’s needs, and supporting your partner when he or she needs you.
3. Love means maintaining your identity even while caring for another person or being emotionally interdependent.
4. Couples who maintain the same belief systems have the ability to build stronger relationships.
There’s no secret formula for true love. It thrives when partners commit to each other with love and respect.
True love is satisfying: an endless space that makes you feel full.
True love happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.