By Nina Obran
“What about love?”
My grandmother asked me this question a million times. And the answer was always the same. Nothing much.
“How come, Nina? I’m reading your horoscope all the time, and it constantly mentions love and marriage are in the stars for you.”
Maybe she was reading a horoscope for the wrong sign, because I certainly didn’t notice any action in the realm of love whatsoever. Always single, always alone. I remember one time I was the only single person at a party. The only one not married, without children, and with higher education. Imagine that! I was the first at the party. As other guests were arriving, they were sitting down behind a long picnic table. At one point I realized nobody sat in my vicinity. It was funny, really. People were squeezing, but nobody wanted to sit near me. It was like I had some terminal disease. But I did take a shower, I promise!
So, time passed and I was still single. I wasn’t bothered much about it. I could manage occasional grandma’s moaning. Luckily, other family members didn’t put pressure on me. OK, OK, from time to time grandpa remarked wittingly, but with a hint of regret his sister has already six great grandsons and granddaughters. Because I was the eldest child, his remark was obviously meant for me.
I turned thirty. And thirty-one. Thirty-two, three, four… Still nothing. I began to notice being single is secretly upsetting me, especially in the autumn. Every September I started to fantasize about snuggling with my loved one in front of the television and watching Christmas movies. Every time I promised myself that that year it would be different. That I would find somebody to watch Grinch with me. In October I was still hopeful, but by the time November came, I lost hope and stop searching.
Not that I was seriously searching, though. Whenever the opportunity presented itself I hid from it. My self-esteem was truly low. However, if I made advances – subtle, of course – responses were not what I was hoping for. In fact, my little acts of seduction were so subtle nobody even noticed them!
Another September came and again I started to build up hope and a promise of a new love. But this time I knew better. I knew nothing would change. I realized love of my life would not fall from the sky and he is not waiting me behind the corner. Why would he? I did everything the same as the past ten years, but that didn’t bring me any significant results. Why would this year be any different?
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
– Albert Einstein –
Enough was enough! Something had to be done.
By that time I was already a student and a practitioner of all kinds of self-help techniques, success principles and universal laws. I have used them successfully in other fields of my life, so I was wondering whether I could use them to revive my love life as well. Thus, I made a selection of practices and techniques, that I used the most and turned them into habits. I believed performing these practices and techniques would bring me closer to my dream partner.
What do you think happened?
I succeeded! Oh, yeah, that’s right! You didn’t see that coming did you?
In October 2015 I’ve met the most wonderful man. He is kind and thoughtful, and we can talk about everyday affairs, as well as profound philosophies. Despite coming from utterly unlike cultures our hopes and aspirations for the future correspond to perfection. We do have quarrels – every couple does – but we handle them in a mature respectful manner. I’m hopeful for our future together and I’m looking forward to it immensely.
So, what was different this time?
I changed the behaviour, that didn’t serve me in past years.
“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
– Anthony Robbins –
That was it! I employed some new habits, which assist me much better than the old ones. Not only they helped me turn my love life around, but they are also the reason I’m feeling more confident, happy and calm. Are you curious, what helped me on my journey to love?
1. Look at your limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are statements you were hearing over and over again in the past (usually they derive from childhood) for so long or they impacted you so deeply, that now they run all your actions. Because they are stored in the subconscious mind, it is not necessary you are aware of them.
For example, if you often heard your mother saying to you, “Who would like a person like you? Look at you. You are such a bad girl/boy!” you internalized her words and developed a limiting belief “I am not worthy.” Do you think other people would see you as a worthy human being, if even you can’t see you as such?
More examples of limiting beliefs regarding love:
• All good men are already taken.
• All women are only after my money.
• I’m too old to get married.
• Nobody wants me, because I’m such and such.
Luckily, there are plenty of techniques you can use to tackle limiting beliefs. One of them is also EFT a.k.a. Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is rather woo-woo looking and sounding technique, but I can attest, it works like a charm. I also talk about in detail in my new book and offer some tips on how to use this technique in your life.
2. Practice flirting – yes, really!
After being single for some time your body and mind get used to lack of romantic stimulation. Even if there are opportunities for romantic advances you don’t react to them. It is like your body and mind would be fast asleep.
So you have to get your juices going again. You have to wake up your body and mind again. For that you can practise different exercises, such as subtle flirting, fantasizing about romance and sex, pleasuring yourself. That has to be done in a way that is enjoyable for you, though. If you would feel sad and hopeless during doing exercises, they could backfire. And that is not what they are designed to do. They are design to build your confidence, boost your energy and open your mind and heart to the opportunities the Universe is constantly sending to your way.
3. Take a step forward.
After you have prepared your body and mind for action, you have to actually go into it. No technique in the world would help you find the love of your life, if you would lie on a sofa at home and stare into the ceiling. You have to go into action. Period! Not forcefully, but light-heartedly.
Don’t be attached to the outcome either. That would generate negative feelings in you and those would hinder your progress even more.
“Easier said than done!” you moan.
Not true. I’m 35 and I was single practically all my life. I did what I preach and succeed in six months! I even wrote a book about my process (7 Daily Habits for Singles Not to Be Single Anymore). I’m living a happy joyful life and I wish the same for you, too.
I’m wondering what else is possible with the use of the techniques. Are you?
Nina Obran wishes all to live a life of their dreams and is more than happy to share her knowledge at www.ninaobran.com. Her new book 7 Daily Habits for Singles Not to Be Single Anymore presents several unique practices and techniques, which help singles to get hitched. The book inspires readers, but also encourage you to search your souls and face your fears regarding love – in a playful, light-hearted way. You can grab your copy here (it is FREE until 14 April 2016 12 pm PST). *Photo credit