How To Deal With The Rachel Hollis Divorce News

Rachel Hollis is getting a divorce.

She and her husband, Dave Hollis, announced this on their Instagram accounts.

People are understandably upset by this news as Rachel and Dave set themselves out to be relationship experts who taught people how to deal with marriage, parenting, and kids.

They were the go-to couple, showing millions of parents how to survive and thrive.

Their divorce has sparked outrage, anger, judgment, and feelings from people who are feeling duped. People are feeling upset because Rachel and Dave put out an image on social media that does not match with their divorce announcement.

Here’s how I feel about their divorce announcement.

I believe that they were portraying their marriage as it was, at least the good parts of it. And you know what, they are human and no different than any other couple.

Everyone is surprised when a couple gets divorced because the couple’s public perception is so different than what was going on at home.

No one wants to show people the problems, the negativity, the challenges that they are experiencing.

I think Rachel Hollis and Dave Hollis were simply being human in trying to portray their marriage in the best light.

I would also like to believe that they gave their marriage their all, did whatever they could to try to save it, and worked on it in every way they knew how. I know this is being extremely naive and giving them the benefit of doubt but that’s what I believe.

They couldn’t have faked their relationship on Facebook Lives and Instagram Lives for months and years on end. There’s good in marriages and bad in marriages. The Hollis’s just showed us the good in their marriage.

By announcing their divorce, they also showed us how difficult marriage is. Even the best couples with the most photogenic kids who work on their self-growth and have a strong faith practice can get divorced.

Even the couple who looks they have it all together on the outside can have marital problems and strife. Even what appears to be the strongest of relationships can fall apart.

It doesn’t seem like this relationship was a complete fake or Rachel was putting on a show for the world to see. She looked genuine and happy. She and Dave were regularly irritated and annoyed with each other on social media. They also enjoyed laughing together and loving each other.

Anyone who’s in a marriage that’s falling apart, doesn’t want it to. They are going to work on it as much as they can to make it work. I truly believe Rachel and Dave tried. They not only wanted to make it work for themselves and for their kids but also for their business. They knew their business bottom line was tied to showing people how to have strong marriages.

They had a strong interest in making this relationship work both on a personal and professional level.

Yet they couldn’t do it. With all the resources, support, counseling, faith, family and friendship they had, they couldn’t do it.

Just reminds me that marriage is hard and you have to get to a pretty bad place before you decide that you’ve had enough and it’s time to move on.

As far as their marriage and life, let’s give them a break. Let’s let both of them move on. Let’s hope they can separately amicably and find peace in their separate lives. Let’s hope they can find love and happiness again.

Now, the secondary issue has to do with how they were doing business and portraying themselves.

This seems a little more suspect and uncertain to me.

Is it ok to make your life look like this big fairytale on the outside? Is it ok to use social media to only show the good and not the bad? Is it ok to always present the story you want to present to your fans?

I know it’s not right but I do know that a lot of people do this.

When you don’t post the full story, it comes across as inauthentic and you’re trying to mislead people.

For example on my own blog, I give people the whole picture. I don’t try to make anything look better than it is.

When my life sucked, I detailed it to the maximum here. I explained every emotion and heartbreak that I went through. People appreciated the honesty and regularly tell me that I speak their pain and their journey.

I wouldn’t have tried to make my situation sound any better than it was.

But what if I had started a business around my marriage, my relationship and my kids, would I have tried to portray a positive image that wasn’t true? Would I have tried to continue perpetuating this image to the public even though we were struggling?

A lot of this is speculation. If they were only struggling and portrayed it like they were a happily married couple, then, yes, I’d be in the streets.

If they were doing their best and portraying a particular image on social media that was the truth, but not the whole truth, I could try to understand. Like it or not, people put their best life on social media for others to see.

I’d also be pissed if you read and believed that Rachel said about working through the hard stuff and making things work. If she made it seem like you weren’t trying hard enough or weren’t getting what you wanted because of your efforts, then it’s fair to be upset with her.

And finally, probably the more unforgivable part was running a big business based on this message they were putting out there. They were raking in money from conferences and workshops where they were indirectly telling you that you too could have the lives of the Hollis family. You could come and learn the secrets to having a great love and life.

Overall, I can see the humanity of the Hollis’s. It looked like they were trying the best they could. Could they have shown the negative side of their relationship? Yes. Do most people? No.

Should they have shared the full story on social media? Yes. Do many marketers put the negative side of their product or message on social media? Not really.

Should they have continued to profit if the life and relationship was not what they made it out to be? Not really but again, I don’t believe it was a complete show. I believe they tried, and failed. I believe they are humans with human failings.

The take away for me watching the Hollis’s is a reminder to be authentic myself in my writing and social media. It’s also to be a little more suspect of other people’s social media accounts and stories. Every day, we continue to find out that people mislead us and portray an inaccurate image. Your job is to discern who to trust and who not to. Here are the other lessons I picked up from the Rachel Hollis divorce.

You have a right to be upset with the Hollis’s for their social media practices and misleading advertising of their message.

You also can practice compassion, understanding and empathy. You know they’re human too, at the end of the day.

This isn’t exactly what they wanted but something they are going to go through together. I may not agreeing with everything they did and their ways of conducting business but I wish them the best in the next chapters of their lives.

They both have self-help books on how to navigate life during the tough times. They now get to apply their knowledge and wisdom from these books and put it to use.

If you’re done with the Hollis’s, I get it. If you’re going to give them another chance, I get that too. If you’re going to wait and see what comes next, fine. Just proceed with caution and awareness.

While I have closed comments on my blog for years, I’m going to open them for this post. What do you think of the Rachel Hollis divorce? Leave a comment below. 

14 Comments

  1. I think they have exhausted their success now, they are giving up on their marriage as they preach to never give up. The children are so young and will not benefit at all from this new separation. I pray they will turn to God and obey Him as they both seem pretty selfish to do this. I think that Rachael is unable to handle the spotlight by herself and she sacrificed her marriage. I see Dave stepping up to raising the kids, Rachaels just too busy working her empire. Very sad for all and the followers…I honestly think their done.

    1. I get it. I think they definitely need help. I know what you mean by trying to save their marriage but sometimes when you’ve tried everything, this is the only way out. I don’t quite think they’re done though. Maybe this will wake them up and get them to be more vulnerable, real, authentic…

  2. I feel terrible about what they are going through however the biggest issue that I have is that they have created a business out of the practices and the things that they teach every single day. I don’t have a problem with them portraying that they are happy and then get a divorce the problem is when you take watch you live what you teach and create a business out of it misleading thousands of people lying to thousands of people had a podcast about marriage every other post they were happy together and in the meantime according to their post they said they have been struggling for years so why wasn’t the truth revealed long time ago why do they keep portraying and selling this message that was
    Not coherent with their true reality. If you read his last book he talks about getting out of his own way he talks about becoming this exceptional husband this book just came out. She posted a picture not too long ago about making out with her husband I mean there was never a sign and on top of that they were selling and telling our community about how to live our lives how to fight through things how to overcome heart things as if they were themselves She posted a picture not too long ago about making out with her husband I mean there was never a sign and on top of that they were selling and telling our community about how to live our lives how to fight through things how to overcome heart things as if they were themselves. They were not honest with their community they were not an open book they lied to everybody how can we trust on them moving forward how can we trust on what they teach from now on? It’s like saying Dave Ramsey is bankrupt. I agree with your post but I have to say I disagree with some of the things you said because Rachelle was not an open book she chose to reveal only the good parts but the problem is that she made millions of dollars when she sold that message to people and convinced people to believe in her.

    1. I can’t argue with much you’re said here. That line about Dave Ramsey resonated. I did follow Rachel on social media and did read her books but I don’t know to what extent they were doing marriage seminars. Were they? If they were doing relationship seminars on how to have a good marriage, yeah, that would be problematic for me. It seemed more like they were talking about general self-help with relationships in the background.

  3. Great read. I don’t know where I stand right now. Between covid-19, being black in America and now I couple I look up to has called it quits… ugh I’m just numb.

    1. totally get it! you don’t have to say anymore 🙂 Things can only get better from this point!

  4. I think the hardest part for me is that I followed and read the books and thought to myself- “if I work hard enough, I can have it all”. I am a working mom who wants to have an amazing career and be wonderful mother with a great marriage and happy kids and have a clean house and run marathons…. the Hollis’ made it seem possible to do it ALL. This news has made me lose a little hope that people (Me) can have and do everything they want to if they put in the effort.
    This news made me the saddest because it made me think about what parts of my life I might have to give up to have the amazing family part- which is my first priority, and I would give up ANYTHING for my husband and kids…. but that doesn’t mean I want to!
    I’ve been listening to Rachel and have been incredibly hard on myself for the last year- thinking, if other people can do it, Why does is seem so hard for me?

    I’m frustrated that the Hollis’ were selling what might be an unreachable ideal- and then telling their followers that if they didn’t have success in all things, they must not have been working hard enough.

    1. Great comment, Jessica. Sounds like they were peddling perfectionism. Totally get it. Does this news in some ways help you see that you can’t do it all and it’s hard for everyone, including the Hollis’s? Don you feel inspired to let go or cut things out of your life because of this news?

  5. I don’t know the Hollis family. To be honest this is the first I am hearing of them so I really can’t speak on this specifically but more the general situation. I intentionally follow very little online to keep things simple and I let my intuition guide me to things when it seems right. I often see change as a positive thing even if it doesn’t look good in the moment. It takes a lot of courage to make a big change and not stay stuck when you know the world will look down on it. I think there is a very real possibility they fully believed in their message and path in the moment, and didn’t think it would end, and then life came in and said now it’s time for a new path/purpose with new lessons. It’s a good idea not to put people on pedestals, to stay humble and realize life will bring us lessons and experiences we sometimes don’t see coming in order to promote growth. I think the important thing is never stop growing and to continue being the best version of yourself, listening to your own inner guidance no matter what others will think.

    1. Thanks Wendy. All good points. No question the Hollis’s were doing the thing that’s best for them. They will for sure grow and become better versions of themselves. Their fans are the ones who are scratching their heads and wondering what to do next.

  6. Nobody in this world is imune to divorce cause life is not planned, life is uncertain. The fact that you have a business based on helping others with their marriage does not mean that yours will be solid forever. I’m in the medical field and I practice good health does that mean I won’t ever get sick ???? Nope it does not. I personally had never heard of this couple , but divorce is painful nonetheless if you are known or not. Maybe they might have portrayed a happiness that was false cause they had a business to spare. Life does go on for everyone as well , their divorce will be old news soon enough.

    1. Thanks Claudia ! Appreciate it 🙂 Are relationship coaches allowed to get a divorce? lol People are angry because they seemed to make it look like you can have a happy marriage, great family, great career, great faith life etc etc They might have been providing false hope. Some people seemed to feel misled and others seemed like they got duped into buying programs/workshops from a couple who might not have been walking the walk. 100% yes divorce can happen to anyone in the world so the divorce shouldn’t be shocking news but I think it’s the industry they were in and the topic they were teaching. This divorce will be old news but am curious what their strongest supporters will do after this.

  7. I think part of the problem here is the “expert” business and the plethora of people who now market miraculous changes and results as a business… I mean it’s not just them, it’s an entire culture, an entire market/industry… thousands of people engage in the exact same kind of business as the Hollis’ do. I don’t think the Hollis’ are the problem, I think the industry and practice of selling expertise and miracles is the problem.

    1. HI Sarah, totally agree with you. There are no miracle cures and if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. But I don’t know if this a modern or age-old dilemma that has plagued us from the beginning of time. Before experts, there were gurus! There’s just a whole lot more these days.

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