“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”—Maya Angelou
Your wedding day is filled with hope, dreams and unbounded expectations of happiness and joy.
And if you’re Indian, it’s filled with over-the-top ritualistic exercises that remind you that marriage is a soulful (permanent) union to last the rest of your life (and maybe even a few lives after). Your ceremony symbolizes the planets aligning, families joining and even ancestors waking from the dead to celebrate your coming together.
The flower garlands you place around each other’s necks sing with angelic praise, blessing your future life together. The fire ceremony calls for divine intervention and blessings. Every step around the fire confirms your unending loyalty, commitment and sacred vow to stick together throughout this glorious ride.
So you can imagine how separation and divorce go over in a marriage (and culture) like this.
(Stop the music!)
Not very well.
When the flower petals lose their fragrance, the gold stops glittering and the whispers of sweet nothings turn first into bitterness and then silence, thousands of thoughts enter your mind.
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I good enough?
Am I attractive enough? Kind enough? Nice enough? Loving enough?
Am I broken? Unfixable? Unlovable?
Following my divorce, so many thoughts ran through my mind and have continued to occupy my thoughts and my life for the past three years.
These are thoughts you experience while going through the most profound and deep-rooted pain. When the world as you know it shakes you up violently and your heart shatters into a million sharp-edged pieces.
If you’ve gone through a divorce or are going through a breakup now, you can’t imagine better days ahead. You’re in a place of darkness and hopelessness. You think it’s never going to get any better.
You can’t get out of bed.
You can’t think about anything but the pain and sadness you’re experiencing.
You think you can’t trust anyone ever again.
A divorce sadder than a melodramatic Bollywood movie and Jennifer Aniston’s love life.
When my heart was broken after my divorce, I wallowed in sorrow, marinated in self-pity and basked in sadness.
The person whom I had counted on being there for the rest of my life was no longer in it. The person whom I had envisioned all my dreams with and whom I had planned my future with was out of the picture.
The exchange of wedding vows and flower garlands and the tying of the knot (a sacred golden necklace that we call a thali) replay in my mind.
Rituals and traditions that had so much meaning suddenly become meaningless.
When something so tumultuous occurs in your life, you hope you’re in a nightmare and will awaken soon.
But then you realize that you are awake and that everything happening in your life is real: the heartbreak, pain and loss.
As you grieve, you try to find ways to believe again. To become vulnerable again. To trust again. To open yourself to another relationship in your life.
And you know what? It’s damn hard.
It’s hard to put yourself out there, even though the possible pleasure far outweighs the pain you’ve experienced.
You won’t be as excited about that game of laser tag after you’ve served a couple years of military duty with the 2nd battalion in Afghanistan.
And you’ll certainly stay out of the Florida swamplands if Gretchen the alligator once took a bite out of your ankle.
It’s safer to write off the world and sit with cynicism.
It’s drier under the umbrella of pain than it is frolicking in the cloudy weather where violent storms await.
But you can go forward and walk away from that umbrella.
Why? Because maybe, just maybe, there’s not a violent downpour out there.
Maybe there’s sunshine out there.
There’s love out there.
There’s healing out there…
…and there’s wholeness out there.
Are you willing to step out and learn to trust again after heartbreak and pain? Are you willing to let someone else, someone new, into your life after your divorce?
Here are tips on healing a bruised and broken heart: 9 ways to trust again in your next relationship.
1.You’ve acquired experience; some call it wisdom.
You can’t pay for wisdom but you can acquire it through your life experiences. A broken trust and a broken relationship can be great sources of learning and reflection.
You now know that people can be untrustworthy, that everything they say is not true and that their actions might not reflect their intentions.
You know what to look for and you know the warning signs in a relationship.
Hopefully, you have a better idea of what trust looks like and you’re better able to recognize trustworthy people in your life.
You might not have asked for it, but you’ve received a priceless and lifelong lesson about trust that you can now use in every aspect of your life.
2. Learn to have healthy expectations.
No one gets married thinking they’re going to get divorced.
No one goes to their stockbroker thinking they are going to lose money.
And certainly no one goes on a trip around the world thinking they are going to get SARS!
But life happens. Just because we don’t see it coming or can’t imagine it happening doesn’t mean that life won’t get rocky at times.
If you were jaded and idealistic before, you’re welcome! Life’s woken you up to realize that people change, circumstances change and relationships change.
You’re learning that changes happen, even the most unwelcome ones. You can now live life expecting change, which means you’ll experience less shock and despair in the future.
You’ll not only learn to survive the winds of change, you’ll be able to successfully navigate your sailboat for the rest of your life.
Also, you’ll set healthier expectations. Things don’t necessarily happen the way you want them to. The more you want things to go a certain way in a relationship, the more disappointment you’ll face if you don’t get it.
In terms of my own experience, I didn’t reach the point of “no expectations,” but now I’m more realistic about what can happen: the good, the bad and the unpredictable. All circumstances are possible.
3. People might break your trust and it has nothing to do with you.
“How could he?” or “How dare he?”
You immediately think that when someone does something hurtful or harmful, he or she has it out for you.
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Others are going through their own journeys in life. They are at different places than your own. They change. They have different perspectives. They are on their own paths toward healing and growth.
Theirs just might not coincide with yours.
They’re human. They might have made mistakes.
They might not have known what they were doing.
They might not realize until later what a good thing they had going.
The point is, the way they hurt you or broke your heart may have nothing to do with you. It’s very likely that it has to do with them. In this case, “it really isn’t you, it’s me.”
If you don’t feel as though your ex was intentionally sabotaging you, you’re less likely to take everything he or she did as a vendetta against you. You’re less likely to feel the sting of your ex’s wrongdoing. Less likely to see yourself as a victim.
4. Learn to trust yourself. Listen to your intuition.
You’ve been learning about trust from your partner, but how about learning to trust yourself?
Go with your gut feelings and be more open to your internal voice. That’s your intuition speaking, but we hardly pay it any attention.
The more in tune you are with your intuition and your inner voice, the smarter decisions you’ll make about people. And the smarter you’ll get about trusting others.
Create more silence or complete a mindfulness practice to tap into your intuition. When you have too much internal noise, you’ll have a hard time tuning in and listening to your deepest, most sacred voice.
5. Know that heartbreak breaks you open to trust more genuinely.
You’re probably thinking that your separation or divorce is the hardest thing that has happened to you—and you’re probably right.
The pain and suffering that comes with heartbreak and divorce is brutal, but it is life changing as well.
When you’re broken open, you’re ready for your life’s greatest breakthrough.
Through the pain, suffering and broken dreams, you’ll find yourself. The masks that we all wear, as well as all the other BS, drop away so that we see ourselves as we really are.
From this more authentic place, you’re able to see the superficiality around you and the games people play.
When you’re coming from a place of authenticity and truth, you can connect more freely with others and have a better sense of whom to trust.
6. Think of people you trust and how you have many trustworthy people in your life.
Sometimes our recent experiences cultivate false beliefs.
You might think that just because your relationship ended, everyone else will try to end their relationship with you.
Or you might believe that everyone is a heartbreaker. Or that trusting others is simply setting yourself up for failure and disappointment.
But for every false belief you have, you likely can look around and find contrary beliefs and examples.
If you look around in your life, you likely have a group of trustworthy and supportive people surrounding you.
And if you look at your past relationships and experiences, you’re likely to think of many trustworthy people who have crossed your path in life. Don’t permit one life event to color your view of the world.
Leave disempowering beliefs behind. Know that there are trustworthy people out there and keep those people close to you to remind yourself that a trusting relationship is possible.
7. Your past experiences don’t have to repeat.
Just because you experienced and ended your last relationship with pain doesn’t mean you’ll see more of that in the future.
You’re smarter now, you’re wiser now and you’ve at least learned what kinds of people not to trust.
You’re more familiar with untrustworthy behavior and know the kinds of people who will let you down.
When you have more insight about yourself and other people, you make smarter decisions about trust.
8. Take small steps of courage to open up to trust again.
If you’re ready to trust again, start by forgiving the people who hurt you. Release them from your life by forgiving them, no matter how badly they let you down or broke your heart.
Start trusting people by their actions and not by their words.
See how people respond to small commitments.
Does he say what he’s going to do? Show up when he says he will?
Does he keep his promises to you?
Does he flake on dinner with a last-minute text? Does he disappear to the bathroom when the check shows after dinner?
Pay attention to red flags.
Build relationships over time and see if the person you’re dating keeps up with small commitments. Don’t jump in like you did the first time.
Send the charmers, the smooth talkers, the big promisers and the showmen on their way.
9. You’re now able to make room for a more trustworthy relationship.
Now that you’re divorced, you’re single again and have more time and space to invite a new relationship into your life.
You can evaluate each person whom you invite into your life, testing his or her trustworthiness. You can be more selective.
You can better listen to yourself. You’re more knowledgeable about what to look for. You’re a survivor of relationships that lacked trust.
You’re ready for a person who’s going to commit, a person who’s going to stay. You’re ready for the one.
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness,” Eckhart Tolle has said. “How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you’re having at the moment.”
Your journey has brought you to this place today, where you’re more ready than ever for a happy and healthy relationship.
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends via Facebook, Twitter or Google+ Thank you for sharing. *Photo credit amrufm
“Love will immediately enter into any mind that truly wants it.” Course in Miracles
Have you found love to be difficult, challenging, confusing, or painful?
Do you wonder why love isn’t appearing in your life? Why does love seem to have bloomed in everyone else’s life, but not in yours?
Here’s the thing—you might be thinking that love is independent of everything else that’s going on in your life. You can be the way you are and live your life with ego, fear, and lack, but still expect that love will show up.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Until you deal with some of your internal blocks, fears, and judgments, love will seem far away and hidden.
How you view the world, how you view each person, and how you treat others in all your relationships determine the ways in which love shows up in your life. Your internal judgment, ego, and unkind behavior, even if held only in your mind and heart, affect your relationships.
More than likely, you need a radical shift in your perspective, behavior, and mindset to create a space of love.
If you’ve been thinking, ‘I need more than love; hell, I need a miracle to find the man of my dreams,’ you’re in luck.(It just may take a bit of work.)
Create miracles in your love life.
Gabrielle (Gabby) Bernstein’s book, May Cause Miracles, could be the heart opener for which you’re looking. It was for me.
Do you need a love miracle?
It helped me realize that love is not something for which you go outside looking. Love is something that you first must cultivate inside yourself.
Let me explain.
The book helped me see that many of my thoughts about love and relationships were steeped in my own ego, fears, judgments, and resentments. My internal world, mindset, and self-talk literally created my external relationships and determined the people whom I drew into my life.
Gabby reminded me of the Course in Miracle’s powerful teaching: “Your task is not to seek love but merely to find all the barriers within yourself that have built against it.”
Her book is filled with affirmations, meditations, and tools for shifting your mindset and altering your perspective on love altogether.
She teaches us to consider love holistically. In any situation, the only thing missing is love. When there is fear, there is no love. She considers miracles simply shifts in perspective from fear to love.
When you continually shift from fear to love, you will experience more love in your life in all your relationships—including romantic love.
Are you ready for a miracle-minded approach to love?
Gabby’s book is a 40-day guide for subtle shifts that let you see everyday miracles in your life. Following, I review the six days in week 4 during which she talks about relationships.
Here are six ways to shift your mindset to love so that you’ll see more miracles in your love life.
(For the exercises and daily practices required to live a miraculous life, pick up May Cause Miracles (not an affiliate link), and check out the end of each chapter.)
1. Witness your ego’s drama.
Gabby states that it’s the ego that convinces us that we’re alone, and that encourages us to complete ourselves by finding someone else. Our egos are the reason that we go out looking for a romantic relationship to feel whole.
The ego consumes our lives and, especially in romantic relationships, judges, attacks, compares, and makes our significant others feel more special. Our egos encourage us to feel different and special, and to elevate ourselves in our romantic relationships as well.
Gabby suggests that we become more mindful of our egos in all relationships. Start by witnessing your ego’s false perception of others.
Ask yourself who you judge and attack in your mind. Who do you elevate and make more special? How do you make yourself feel more special? To whom do you compare yourself?
2. Surrender your ego.
It’s very difficult to overcome the ego, which is so pervasive in our lives. Gabby encourages us to surrender—to release ourselves from our egos’ grip by releasing our egos to our inner guides (our voices of love, our internal teachers).
Release your ego for healing to your spirit and inner guide. Go within yourself and choose to see everyone as equal. See everyone as love. Ask the inner guide to teach you love through every encounter you have (not just with your romantic partner).
When you find yourself comparing or judging others, surrender and respond by saying out loud, “I am willing to see love instead of this.”
When you want to make someone feel special or put yourself on a pedestal, say out loud, “I am willing to see love instead of this.”
Surrender to your inner guide to heal your ego and to see the oneness in everyone.
3. Use kindness when the ego runs wild.
Use the tool of kindness to remind yourself that you come from a loving, kind place and that thoughts of kindness will help you remember your truth.
On Day 24, Gabby suggests making kindness your primary goal and to allow genuine altruism and authentic love.
Whenever you judge, feel separation from others, or start attacking others in your mind, use an affirmation like “Kindness created me kind,” or something similar.
Look at your thoughts and actions—are they unkind? Become aware of unkind thoughts. Reflect on how they make you feel, and forgive yourself for your unkind behavior.
“By continuously acknowledging your ego’s behavior, you will weaken the bad habit and transcend the ego’s need to judge,” writes Gabby.
Continue to infuse your day with kind affirmations and intentions so that you are more kind to people.
4. Be aware of your thoughts and judgments of others.
When you judge or attack someone in your mind, you likely do so because you feel a place of lack. Your judgment of others can mirror what you feel about yourself.
“When we send love toward what we want, we feel better about ourselves and thereby experience more love in our own life,” Gabby writes.
Start looking at all your relationships as assignments—opportunities for spiritual growth.
Infuse with loving thoughts all your encounters with people whom you meet each day. Be grateful for the lessons and the growth that different people teach you.
Remember that each person you come across gives you the opportunity to strengthen your miracle mindset through the choice to embrace love over fear.
5. Be happy or be right? The F word.
While the ego refuses to forgive, you can use the F word (forgiveness) to restore your faith in love. “Forgiveness is the answer to true serenity and peace,” writes Gabby.
If you’d rather be happy than be right all the time—forgive. Forgiveness lets you wipe clean the slate and begin anew. It embraces oneness and love in all your relationships.
Consider repeating this affirmation from May Cause Miracles daily:
“With each holy encounter, I choose to forgive and release my ego’s false projections. Forgiveness reminds me that we are one. Each time I have a false thought toward someone, I will choose to forgive the thought and remember that we are one. In turn, I forgive myself.”
Every time your ego is bruised or your mind attacks or judges someone, fall back to peace by forgiving. Chose peace and happiness over your ego (and being right).
6. Honor the moments when you chose love.
As you expand your loving intention toward everyone, spread kindness to others, and forgive others throughout the day, you’ll feel a sense of peace passing over you.
Honor the moments when you’re transforming and growing.
Continue to see love in your most difficult relationships. Find peace and healing in every relationship and encounter that you have. Chose the difficult path of letting go, overcoming, and forgiving. Transcend your fear through your faith in miracles.
Think of every moment that you chose love as a holy moment—a divine encounter. Sit with these moments and let them help you become a more loving person.
In your meditations and prayers, ask that others in your life be guided, protected, and healed from fear. Desire that others have the same happiness and oneness that you have in your life.
Gabby’s book and message are reminders that you can’t simply focus on one special or romantic relationship. Everything in the universe is tied together. How you show up for your neighbor or a total stranger is how love will show up in your life.
If you’re not seeing love and you don’t know why, could it be because you’re not showing up in your most loving, kind, and non-judgmental self each day?
If you’re operating from a place of ego, fear, and lack, you’ll see that in your romance.
Alternatively, if you show up with kindness, love, and abundance, you’ll find that in your relationships, too.
The work to be done is within you. Make the necessary changes to become the loving person whom you’re capable of being. Return to your truth.
You’ll not only start seeing improved relationships, you’ll also miraculously stumble upon the romantic love and partner for whom you’ve been looking.
If you know someone who is looking for love in his or her life, please consider sharing this post via Twitter, Google+, or Facebook. Thank you.
Do you think the universe is out to thump you like the 2014 German World Cup team? (Yup, beat you 7-1 on your own turf, in your own country? ¡Que triste Brasil!)
Or do you believe the universe is like a well-dressed, chiseled-jaw, Italian gentleman with piercing blue eyes who discreetly whispers, “Ti adoro” (I adore you) into your ears as the clock strikes midnight?
One who listens intently to your every command and often grants your wishes?
Or, more likely, do you think that anyone who speaks about such things as “the universe” should be locked up in a far-away island-ashram with organic cuisine and non-stop audio recordings of Deepak Chopra?
The universe and you.
Each of us will characterize the universe as something different.
To some, the universe is the physical realm we live in.
Most correlate the universe with the natural order of the world we live in, even Mother Nature.
You may think of the universe in a spiritual realm, like a universal design or intelligence by a higher power.
Even God.
The universe can be your reality. The world as you see it.
How to have the universe on your side.
I’ve noticed in my own life that the more I’m tune with the universe and its laws, the more positive circumstances unfold in my favor and life feels like it’s rooting for me.
Other times, when I’ve been out of sorts with the universe, I feel like a floating feather in the eye of a hurricane, stirred violently in its arms.
When you’re in tune, the universe grants you favors like the Godfather.
In my own life, being in sync with the universe these days has resulted in a dream job, meeting the right people, rich experiences, exotic travel and circumstances falling into place.
Even without asking for things, living by these universal principles makes miracles happen. It feels like magic at times!
Out of tune, the universe will feel like well-dressed, burly men in black, driving you out into the desert in the middle of the night with shovels in the trunk.
If you’re having trouble getting what you want in life, feeling out of sync with the universe and not manifesting your dreams, you may be in the dark about some powerful universal laws.
It’s not that you suck at manifesting – you just didn’t know about these universal laws existed. And if you had no idea these laws existed, you probably don’t know how you could live in alignment with them.
But all that is about to change now.
These are not laws I created, but simply discovered working in my life.
I find that when I’m in alignment with these 21 laws, miracles occur and dreams come true.
These 21 laws have helped me be one with the universe and have created some delightful circumstances in my life. I am writing these laws down to help you achieve your dreams and manifest your life desires.
21 Powerful Laws to Be One with the Universe and Manifest Your Every Wish
1. Be present. Our desire is often to live in the past and in the future. Living in the past allows you to lick your wounds and immerse yourself in your pain. Living in the future elevates your anxiety and causes you to measure yourself against a future that is not yet here.
The universe works best with you when you live in the present time. Refuse to be hauled back to the past or constantly thinking of and fearing your future.
Whenever you become aware that you’re dreaming about that sweet relationship from 20 years ago or that ex who did you wrong, take note of it. Recognize that you’re drifting into the past.
Live here, now, by simply noticing when you drift away to the past or future.
2. Be prayerful. Although this may be a religious concept to most, I don’t necessarily mean this in a religious sense. Sure, I may pray to a God, but a prayer of thanksgiving, a prayer for strength to deal with life’s twists and turns, or a prayer of hope will do just as well.
Prayer allows for focused reflection and alignment of our soul with the universe.
Prayer is a practice that allows your heart to communicate directly with the universe.
Speak to the universe through prayer, but refrain from groveling or begging. Instead, use these tips to pray the right way.
3. Be still. This is an important one. Somehow when I’m still through a period of either silence or meditation, I am able to cut out the world around me and be on the exact same vibration as the universe.
“Day by day, become more and more intimate with the inner stillness, joy and love which is the fragrance of your own pure heart. Keep quiet.” Mooji
Be still. Meditate. Listen to yourself. Allow moments of silence so your intuition or soul will reveal answers to you.
5. Live like you’ve received it. Imagine how it would feel to have what you desire or request from the universe.
Use visualization techniques to feel and embrace what you desire.
I mentioned above that you shouldn’t live in the future or waste your time in any place other than the present moment. So how do you reconcile the two concepts?
Simply live today like you already have what you want.Feel those feelings and vibrations like you have your heart’s desire at this very moment.
Imagine that it was you whom George Clooney had proposed to, instead of Amal Alamuddin.
Like you bought Ellen Degeneres’s house.
Scored the world cup goal, instead of Mario Goetze of Germany.
Jubilantly walked away with Clare Danes’s or Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s Emmy award.
6. Be of service. Look for opportunities to help others and improve their lives.
“If you’re feeling helpless, help someone.” Aung San Suu Ky
The universe is both disciplined and reciprocal about your service to others. The more you serve freely and without expectations, the more the universe will serve you in your life.
If you serve with expectations, be prepared to face disappointments instead.
Try to help one person each day. Improve someone’s life in some small way.
Serve with your time, your talents, give your abilities to improve the lives of others.
Give more than you take. Give when you aren’t asked.
7. Celebrate everyone’s gift. This is another biggie. As humans, we always are thinking of how to gain for ourselves.
The universe simply HATES this kind of thinking.
If you’re only worried about receiving for yourself, the universe sees this as selfish and self-indulgent.
The universe isn’t a doting parent favoring only one child. And the universe isn’t like The Bachelor reality show where only one lucky woman walks away with the man of her dreams.
The universe isn’t a lottery where there’s only one winner. Everyone wins.
If you think you’re losing, if you try to compare yourself to others or feel resentment at the success of others, the universe will flip you off like a rushed commuter on the I-405.
Whatever anyone receives, celebrate it. My gift is your gift. Your mother-in-law’s success is your success. Your neighbor’s job promotion is your job promotion.
Your best friend’s Oscar win is your Oscar win.
Change your mindset from win-lose to win-win. When you win, I win. We all win.
Celebrate others as you would celebrate yourself.
8. Give a hoot about others. Pay attention to what’s around you. Be more observant of your world.
Look for injustice, poverty, or inequality, and help do something about it.
Make a difference by caring. Change the world by alleviating the pain or problem.
Don’t look at a situation and say, “That’s not my problem”. Instead, think about what you can do to help that problem. What solutions can you come up with?
How can you help? Who should you inform?
Exercise your empathy at work and in life. Try to understand the circumstances others are in and the burdens they face.
Putting yourself in other people’s shoes opens up pores of compassion and love toward others and yourself.
The universe uses compassion and love as fertilizer to allow your life to bloom.
9. Give thanks. Be forever grateful for what the universe has brought your way.
The more thankful you are, the more goodness the universe delivers to you.
The secret here is to be grateful for even the smallest things.
And even for things that you have no business being grateful for. While you may want to curl up in bed over a breakup, know that it could be a big step towards a better future.
When sick, be thankful that you’re having time off to rest.
When you have to shut down a business, be thankful that you don’t have to invest any more money.
When a loved one passes away, be thankful for all the time you were able to spend with them.
10. Be love. Embrace, cultivate and radiate love towards others.
Love your partner. And everyone else too.
Look for every opportunity to reflect love back at the world.
In the face of hatred, injustice and pain, respond with love.
If you’ve grown up without love or lacking love for yourself, then focus on building up your own self-worth and self-love. Read the manifesto on self-love here.
Love yourself as the universe wants to love you. You can only receive universal love when you have the ability to receive love yourself.
So, practice loving yourself, practice loving others, and practice loving everything.
Be a transmitter of love so the universe can work through you and manifest whatever it is your heart imagined.
11. Forgive. Forgive anyone and everyone who has trespassed against you. Use radical forgiveness to let go of the deepest pains and injuries.
The universe can only bring you love when the wounds of pain and anger have healed. You must forgive to allow healing and love to envelop your life.
If you’re not getting what you want out of life, there are probably people in your life you’ve not forgiven. You must let go and forgive them, no matter how big the trespass was.
If you don’t forgive, the universe can’t do its work to bring you what you deserve. The universe will be caught up in your blocks and your resentments.
Universal energy cannot flow through you because you’ve stopped it with pettiness, bitterness and building a wall of negative vibrations around yourself.
If you can’t forgive in your heart, start by writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has done you wrong.
12. Let go. Let go of what’s holding you down. Let go of emotional turmoil, grudges and hurt. Let go of the past. Let go of pleasurable and painful experiences.
The universe does not like greedy people, and that’s exactly what you’re doing when you hold onto things.
When you hold onto uncomfortable or pleasurable experiences, the universe sees you hoarding something, clinging to feelings like you are to your favorite blanket.
But when you’re holding on so deeply to these feelings, you again stop the universal energy from flowing
“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities,” the Dalai Lama has said.
If you can’t let go of fleeting feelings and circumstances, how can the universe grant you better and richer experiences? If you’re hoarding the negative vibes (or even positive ones), how can the universe trust you with new experiences?
Embrace the experiences you face, but do not sit on the treasure of your experiences like a selfish Wall Street baron.
Say this: “I chose to let go of this experience” or “I chose to free myself from these feelings. I will allows these feelings to pass through me like the clouds in the sky.”
In fact, be like the sky. Allow feelings, experiences and desires to float past you without grabbing onto them.
The sky is endless. The clouds are abundant.
13. Trust. Trust that the universe will manifest what is right for you, not necessarily what you’ve asked for.
I used to make specific desires and request of the universe, but those manifestations have brought forth pain and struggle at times.
Instead, I now reveal my intentions to the universe, but do not demand how it goes about it or insist on a particular result.
The result I desire may not be right for me.
Trust the universe to use its infinite wisdom to deliver what is best for you.
Instead of demanding that you become the top cat at your company, ask the universe for a position that allows you to manage and lead others.
Instead of demanding a fancy home on the beach, ask the universe for a residence that makes you feel abundant and gives you joy.
Instead of the perfect man, ask for unconditional love, respect and someone who will empower you. Be open to whoever shows up.
14. Be open. Don’t think the universe won’t deliver. Be open to receiving what the universe has in store for you.
It may not be exactly as you desire it, but simply give the universe time to deliver at the right time for you.
And be open to the various manifestations of your intention. Again, it may not be exactly as you had wished, but it will be what is right for you.
Also, we’re curious people. When things do show up in our lives, even if it’s exactly what we wanted, we run scared.
We make up stories in our mind about why someone is not right for us. Even if our deepest heart’s desire shows up, we worry that it will go away, it isn’t right for us, it will end.
Whenever your heart feels like closing, open it. When it feels like running away, stay. Be present.
Know that whatever experience you’re having is the experience you need. It is the experience you need for the evolution of your consciousness, as Eckhart Tolle has declared.
15. Follow the universe’s lead.
The universe will point and lead in certain directions.
Instead of fighting it, go with the flow.
The path of least resistance is the one the universe wants.
If you find yourself in a treacherous path in the pitch-black jungle, fear not. Once again, trust the universe, knowing that there will always be dawn after darkness.
After struggling against and overcoming obstacles in your path, you will see the light.
The universe will guide you in certain directions. Certain paths and people will show up from nowhere. Know that these are signs and clues from the universe.
16. Pay attention to clues. The universe will tell you what’s right with subtle and overwhelming messages.
The universe will speak to you through your intuition, but you may also receive guidance from a single conversation, a book, a phrase or even a seemingly random road sign or car license plate.
In order to be able to see the clues the universe regularly reveals to you, be more mindful to the sights and sounds around you.
If you’re not actively looking for clues from the universe, you’ll miss them.
If you’re trying to make a decision and 3 people give you unsolicited advice about the issue, it’s most likely a clue.
If you go to pick up a cream color cotton-cardigan by Bottega Veneta at the mall but discover it’s sold out, it could be a sign. If you see the same cream-color cardigan at the Banana Republic for one-tenth of the price, even more of a sign. If it’s an extra 20% off due to it being Valentine’s Day weekend, the universe is demanding that you pick it up.
17. Make space. Start clearing out dead-weight thoughts, emotional baggage and other hurts and pains. Once you let go of a person, a feeling, or unproductive habits, you’ll have additional room for more positive people and circumstances in your life.
Leave toxic jobs, situations and even people so you have some breathing room.
The universe can only bring you something different if have room in your life for it.
Most importantly, make space with your time. If you fill every minute of every waking hour with something to do and people to see, how are you going to answer the universe’s appointments and messengers? And messages?
When can your soul mate find you when you’re working 18 hours a day and taking classes at night?
Free up your time. Free up your life. Reduce your commitments. Slow down.
Make space in your life so the universe can fill it with the things you want.
18. Soften. Instead of being on edge, soften your heart.
The universe knows when you are resistant to opening yourself up to the world around you.
Even if you’ve been hurt or betrayed, lower the walls you’ve built around yourself.
Allow loving-kindness meditations and vibrations to soften your heart.
If your soul is pitch-black, envision a bright and loving light from within.
If your heart region feels like a rock, imagine water gushing away at the rock. Imagine that the person who loves you the most lives there.
Allow anger and spite to melt away under the potent power of love.
The most important thing you can do to soften your heart is to love yourself. I’ve written an entire manifesto to help you do just this. To download your free copy, visit here.
19. Embrace your bliss. Do what makes you happy. Seek happiness like a firefly charmed by light.
Seek and experience continuous moments of joy in your day-to-day life.
Surround yourself with experiences and people that enrich your soul.
Seek and be in a continuous state of bliss, joy and delight.
This alone will bring you every wish and desire you want. What you’re doing here is raising your vibrations by feeling good. And feeling good is the ultimate secret to manifesting your every wish.
I’ve written an extensive article on how to feel good – all tips you can use in your daily living.
Feeling good is a real miracle – it will really magnetize your heart’s desires, and your wishes and dreams will show up at record speed.
If you do nothing else in life after reading this post, do this: spend your time consciously doing activities that make you feel joyous. Forget about desires or what you want. Just repeatedly engage in activities that make you feel good.
Of course, as a caveat, don’t take this advice literally. Gambling, drinking, drugs and taking too many selfies of yourself could have negative consequences on your life.
Feel good, but make sure you’re not harming yourself in the process.
20. Wait. Allow the universe to deliver what you’ve requested on its terms, not on your rigid timelines.
Be patient while the universe does its work.
No need to be pushy with the universe’s timeline. And no need to throw your hands up in despair and give up altogether.
If it’s meant to be, it will happen.
If the universe in its wisdom doesn’t believe something is right for you, it may delay the opportunity or withhold it altogether.
Universal wisdom reminds us that patience is always a virtue.
And remember, if you’re not manifesting what you want, what could you be doing wrong? Re-read through this post and see how you can live more in terms with universal principles.
21. Acknowledge the miracles.
Miracles are everywhere (Singapore's St. Andrewss Cathedral)
Sometimes, you do all these things and your every desire comes true. But while you’re vacationing in the Black Forest in Germany or the tulip fields in the Netherlands with your irresistible dream guy, you may have forgotten what got you there.
You forget the universe. Forget above love. Forget about giving. Forget about how we’re all connected. Forget about feeling good. And forget how you achieved all your dreams in the first place.
When something good happens in your life, acknowledge it.
Say it out loud, “What a miracle!”
“What a synchronicity!” “I’m thrilled this happened!” “My wildest dreams came true!”
“Thank you universe. We are creating the most magical possibilities together.”
Be aware that the universal laws are in play. Be happy that you understand them, respect them and are applying them in your life.
#22 Bonus Law: Show Up. Just when I thought I had a complete list of all the universal laws, I was chatting about universal principles with my friend, Janet Brent. She reminded me of one powerful universal law I had left out. Along the lines of being present, you also have to SHOW UP.
In order to maximize the universe working in your favor, you have to make an effort to be there. You have be ready for what the universe has in store for you and be willing to receive it.
You also have to show up for the things that matter in your life, the things that you value and the things that you love.
When you show up for work you’re passionate about, clients your care about and the things you value in life, you create more connections and opportunities for yourself.
Be at the places your heart calls you to. Show up for your passions, dreams, values and people who matter to you. Be willing to receive what’s in store for you.
Remember, these laws are to help you be more in sync with the universe, but that doesn’t mean you should stop living your life altogether and not take any action. That is far from reality.
The universe wants you to be in motion and to make progress in your life, but it also appreciates right action and energy. Energy that is conscious, loving, giving, sharing, patient and grateful. Energy that is uplifting, filled with high vibrations, and cares about others.
To have the universe work in your favor, work these 21 laws (+1 bonus law) into your life. As you become more attuned to the universe, be prepared to be wowed by the miracles that unfold in your life.
If you enjoyed reading this message and found it helpful, please share this message via Facebook, Twitter or email with others you think will benefit. Thank you.
“Ego says, once everything falls into place, I will find my peace. Spirit says, once I find my peace, everything will fall into place.” ~Marianne Williamson
I fell in love with my best friend last year.
I spent the next 8 months trying to convince him to love me as completely and intensely as I loved him.
I put everything I wanted on the sidelines and was there for him every moment, any time of the day, ditching friends, parties and whatever else may have come along in my life.
All of these things were attempts to insinuate to him that there was no other option than for him to fall madly in love with me.
How could he have not known my desire for him to love and care for me as I did for him?
We were together 24/7, we called each other at the same time, we had this uncanny way of knowing what the other was thinking, we cared about each other a lot, and most of all, my heart was on my sleeve whenever I saw him.
One day, out of the blue, he told me that he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend.
Within two short and painful weeks, they had moved back in together, and have recently been talking about marriage.
That’s when it all changed.
This time. I decided it would be the last time: the last time I insert myself into an unhealthy relationship.
This time, things will be different. This time I will not get hurt.
How many times have I said that to myself? Too many to keep track. But this time…this time is different.
Why? Because the best part about this time is that it isn’t about how other people affect me, it’s about me.
This time it is about my friendships, my relationships, my family and my interactions with each of those people.
For the first time, I have taken a holistic approach to healing, incorporating meditation, yoga, the outdoors and journaling, and this time, I think it just may have worked.
Here are 5 life-changing lessons I’ve learned from heartbreak.
1. Find fulfillment and meaning within yourself, not in others.
Often, when you love someone, you put your own needs aside in hopes that making the other person happy will somehow fulfill your own need to be happy.
When they’re happy, you’re happy, so that means you’re happy, right?
That may work for a while, until they’re not in your life anymore.
Then you wake up in the morning, without that person in your life, and you realize that you have no idea what you want to do, where you want to go, or with whom you want to do it, because you now realize that most of your time has been invested in the other person’s wants and needs and in making them happy.
Taking time to check in with your heart and to feel and do what makes you happy is so important.
Because when they are no longer there, you are left empty, and that emptiness cannot be filled with anyone or anything (I’ve tried!).
2. You are responsible for your own emotions.
No one can make you feel anything.
Learn to take responsibility for your own emotions, and allow your friends, family and partner to feel and be responsible for theirs.
You and only you can allow yourself to feel sorrow, hurt, love, or whatever emotion based on your own past experiences.
When you start blaming others for how you are feeling, you get into a real mess.
You may even feel resentful that they’ve moved on, and you are stuck trying to survive the emotional craziness of a break up. How dare they!
You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness, your own sadness, and your ability to heal. And that is an EMPOWERING thought.
3. You have a choice.
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Alice Walker
You can feel however you want. The key to your joy and peace of mind is in your own hands.
Once you’ve realized that happiness begins with you, you get to choose to be happy, and to learn from every emotion you feel.
Isn’t it interesting that when you choose to be happy, others around you also seem happy?
When you no longer blame others for the situation you are in, there is nowhere else to look but inside.
4. Make yourself a priority.
You have to learn to be selfish.
You have to say “no” to friends and “no” to situations that no longer serve you.
You have to look inside yourself to see what you want, which isn’t always easy, but you’ll find the pay-off to be amazing.
Through selfishness, you will be able to reach more people than ever before.
You will feel emotions more deeply than you have in years, have stronger connections with the people around you, and make new friends who support your journey.
The universe opens up when we listen to our hearts.
5. Learn from your mistakes and be more conscious in your relationships.
You don’t have to say, “why me?” or feel crushed by your break up, separation or divorce.
Each relationship is an opportunity to grow.
Despite the pain, tears and heartbreak, your romantic partner is there to be of service to your life.
They will teach you to love more, forgive more, and let go of your ego more readily.
Once you realize the mistakes you’ve made, you have the choice to not make them again.
You also have the choice to be more responsible for your life, gain more control over your emotions and to choose yourself a little more with each passing relationship.
These are some of the lessons I’ve learned from my last relationship that have helped me become a better and more centered person.
As your heart heals during your journey back to wholeness, you too will have another opportunity to start living a healthier and more heart-centered life.
This time, you’ll have the benefit of these additional insights about yourself to do even better when love comes into your life again.
Do any of these lessons resonate with you? What lessons have you learned from love and heartbreak?
Melanie is an international teacher, traveler and blogger. You can keep up with her journey in China through her blog here: http://jinhua2012.blogspot.com Photo Credit: wwwchun
I love you boo. Will my every wish be your command?
Please help me welcome a guest post by Secret Spiritual Stories. Enjoythis honest and vulnerable post:
He invited me round. I had a feeling he would want to be more than just friends but something drew me to him even though I didn’t find him attractive. A sliver of a subconscious reaction still active in my brain. He was flamboyant, in your face, ‘out there’ aka my type. I had been historically attracted to and interested in such people because I desired to understand their psychology; perhaps on some level I also desired their levels of confidence. He is the third of a series of men I have been pulled towards for such reasons, but this time was the last.
It was quite obvious from the moment I got there that he was going to try and slowly come onto me. Yet this time was different to my past experiences. The other two guys got me under their spell almost straight away; before long I was their willing, loving, and devoted puppet. Yet since my spiritual awakening, I know that I can always, always say No to the things which do not resonate with Who I Am and Who I Want To Be.
He called me Bubu, Munchkin, Minnie Mouse, all sorts of toy-like names which undoubtedly reflected his aim. I laughed and went along with it, knowing that I was seeing it for exactly what it was and I could walk away at any moment.
He told me I was beautiful more times than I could count. Yet when he asked about what I do – his interest fizzled out quickly. Looks were what he wanted to praise me about, my brains, passions and aspirations represented a threat. Yet it was also one of the reasons he was drawn to me. Both the two men who ended up manipulating and controlling me sought girls who wanted to help and heal the world. They simultaneously loved my desire to help others and grow myself, but also found it intimidating. They would feed off my endless generosity and patience with them, taking all they could, and only give back enough to keep the status quo.
He got close to kissing me, but I was dis-interested. After a few hours I was bored by his company and pointless chatter, and I had also satisfied my curiosity. I had discovered, just like with the other two men, that underneath his flamboyant appearance and ‘spiritual’ conversation there was a deep emptiness. A search for something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. A deep well empty of love.
I gave him that love by walking away. By giving myself respect, and telling him No. I showed him by my example that I am I am worthy and strong and that he can be so too. That I can choose freely who I want to be with, and that his power, tricks, manipulations were just not going to cut it. I’d been there twice already, learnt my lessons, paid my time.
I am grateful for this experience as it reminded me of where I had been in the past, and the direction I am now headed in.I can now turn away from those who desire to leech me of love and then blame me when it runs out. I can understand that over-confidence stems more often that not from a lack of Self-confidence.
I have been easily manipulated in the past, I have let myself be controlled because I thought that was best for me. I thought that in some strange way, that this was also showing love. Yet once I cut my puppet strings loose, the second time, I found a love much more powerful and deep than I had ever experienced with my puppet masters. A deep love, respect and adoration for my Self. For the Inner Goddess within me, and for this in all people. And from this arose a confidence that outshines the flamboyance and party-tricks of my past manipulators.
I know these men are only doing what they feel is right, according to their level of consciousness and experience. Because I understand that and accept it, and accept that I am also imperfect and have hurt others just as they hurt me, I forgive them.
Yet I also leave them behind in that era of my life, and move on to higher pursuits of pure unconditional love, which I now know must be found first and foremost within me, because only from that place, can I truly love others too.
Secret Spiritual Stories is written anonymously by a friend to all. By sharing her stories about spirituality (life), she hopes it may help in understanding your own path too. Come, ask questions, share thoughts and be welcomed by someone who won’t judge you in any way – SSS is a place for all to be Who They Truly Are. You can follow her journey on Twitter or Facebook * Photo credit Seranya
Have you walked away from relationships or friendships because they were controlling and manipulative? Please share your reflections and thoughts in the comments below. Thank you!
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
When my heart was broken after my divorce, I wallowed in sorrow, marinated in self-pity and basked in sadness.
