“You cannot let go of a relationship you still want to be in” ~ Vishnu
It was the third getting-to-know-each-other Skype date.
We had discussed how much we were each going to earn in our marriage, the value of the home we were going to buy and how many kids we were going to have.
No, we had not even met in person yet but nothing out of the ordinary here in the world of Indian dating.
As we chatted about our lives and our histories, one question she kept asking me was if I had moved on from my ex.
I can’t imagine why except for the fact that I probably spoke about this aspect of my life unconsciously or consciously for a good part of the time we were chatting.
We (I) talked about my past relationship, the painful breakup, the creation of Vishnu’s Virtues and how I helped people in similar situations.
Several women I been speaking to in the months and years to come asked me if I had gotten over my ex.
I didn’t realize this at the time but I likely was a bit too immersed in the happenings of the past relationship.
I was living my life in the past.
As a matter a fact, I think I was living so much of my life in the past, that I wanted my old life back.
Despite all the pain and the unhappy marriage that we had, I wanted that relationship back. I could not move on from someone I had loved.
Which brings me to this basic point:
You can’t move from someone you love when you’re still holding on to that past relationship.
Let me repeat: you cannot move on if you’re still holding on.
I know this sounds like common sense but it’s important to keep in mind.
If you’re still reminiscing, ruminating, feeling sentimental about a past relationship, you’re not ready to move on from someone you loved once before.
If you’re still wanting to be back in that old relationship, you’re not ready to move on.
If you keep refreshing your email and waiting for your ex’s text to pop up, you’re not ready to move on.
If you’re thinking that you can go back to your old life where your ex would have had an awakening, changed and become a different person, you’re not ready to move on.
You also may be living in California, breathing in that late night ganja, having delusions of the beauty of the past.
You cannot move on when you’re still holding on to your ex.
You cannot invite new people in if you haven’t shown your ex to the door.
If you haven’t moved on from someone you loved, why not?
What’s stopping you from letting go?
What’s the fear?
What’s the story you’re telling yourself?
What haven’t you processed yet?
Yes, holding on and going back to someone you loved is convenient but it’s not going to help you grow.
It’s likely not going to lead you to a happy relationship.
Things may not be very much different than before.
If you’re still wanting this relationship of the past, stop dating and meeting other people now.
I knew when I was doing that, I just found reasons about why every single person wouldn’t work. Or sabotaged my own dating so I wouldn’t get to know someone new.
We need to start getting real around here.
You need to have your life back.
You need a new relationship, new love and more happiness.
Isn’t it time to let go once and for all? Isn’t it time to call it quits on the past and honestly let go of the person you once loved so you can find someone new?
If you’re ready to move on and let go and need some support in this process, reach out to me.
If you’ve let go and ready to find someone new, check out my book, Does True Love Exist, in the Amazon store. The book is on sale this week for $.99.