Forget Forging New Friendships; Nurture the Ones You Got (a guest post)

Who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down?
Who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down?

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Oprah

Need more friends in your life?

No, you don’t!

What!!?? How could you say that V?

Well, I can say that, dear friend and blog reader of mine, because if you’re anything like me, you have an abundance of friends in your life. Or maybe HAD?

From our school and university days to our work days, we make friends. We are regularly around folks who are initially suspecting strangers, then mildly warm acquaintances to finally being best buds we want to spend every minute of our time with. (Well, not every minute – that might make you a stalker!)

Some of us might actually need more friends in our lives. If you don’t have any, yes, you need one.

If you have some (friends that is), you should strive to nurture those friendships instead of finding new ones.

Why friendship matters?

During three critical periods in my life, friends were there for me. And helped save my life. Ok, my sanity, at least.

When I was in my final year of high school in Northern California and my family moved back to Malaysia, I moved in with family friends. Along with them, many of my friends from secondary was how I was able to keep a sense of normalcy in my life. I was 17-years-old and found myself completely alone during the most important year of school. Friends were there for companionship, advice and help.

During college, I again found myself in a new city, living in a college dorm. I didn’t know a single person on campus when I arrived during what was probably one of the rockier years of my life. Getting adjusted to college life and complete responsibility for myself would have been tough if I didn’t have the help of room-mates, dorm-mates and friends.

Most recently, after my divorce, friends were the people in my life that I could most rely on for objective advice, non-judgment and understanding. As painful as divorce was, one of the many positive results were the unbending friendships which only became stronger.

Why savoring friendships can change your life, your world?Β 

Friends are there through the rough and smooth patches of travel. They are there to celebrate the dazzling moments but really are there when you crash, fall down, orΒ  fall apart.

A friend can share advice, change your perspective or even be a shoulder to lean on.

A friend in a moment of need can help you through the most prickly of life circumstances and salvage your well-being.

If they can uplift you perspective, rejuvenate your life,Β  mend your soul, rally your drive – aren’t they changing you life? And your outlook on the world?

How do you keep your best friends forever (bff’s) instead of making new ones every 6months?

You don’t need new friends. You don’t need a lot of friends.

Value the ones you do have. Strengthen the friendship in your life.

How you ask?

Visit my guest post over at Mary Jaksch’s blog and find ten simple ways to strengthen your friendships (Please leave me a comment over there and let me know about the rock-solid friendships in your life and what you’ve done to sustain them)

Photo credit – kenjonbro

27 Comments

  1. Excellent read! πŸ˜€ Nurturing is a happy journey. I am blessed with friends who have shared every little thing in my life since my school days – and it is amazing when we meet even now. Heading over to Mary’s place to read you guest post.

    πŸ™‚ Peace.

    Vidya

    1. Thanks for your comment Vidya. If your offline friendships are anything like your online ones, I’m sure you have great friends who treasure your friendship πŸ™‚

  2. Hi Vishnu,

    Great post! Good friends are like gold. They’re there when life is hard to help uplift us. They’re also there to share in our good times and successes. The best of friends are also there for us, when our own family members might not be.

    I’m heading off to your guest post now…

    1. Completely agreen Hiten on the value of friendship. Thanks for dropping by and for your visit at Mary’s blog.

  3. I was just thinking earlier this morning how blessed I am in the friends department. Family, too. But friends are in our lives by choice. I’m also aware of how important it is to cultivate my friendships by seeing friends often.

    1. Wonderful Charlotte – being grateful for the friends we do have is a first step to appreciating and valuing those friends in our lives. Thanks for commenting.

  4. Yes having friends is important. Both online and offline. I try to make it a point to have get togethers with various friends every once a week or fortnightly. I hope to cultivate friendships that are meaningful and that can last. Over the recent years, I find it nice that I am making more friends who are in the personal development or spiritual fields. It is nice to connect with these friends as there is always a positive vibe during our meet ups.

    1. Hi Evelyn – glad that you do take the time to make and nurture your friendships. There’s no better friends that spiritual ones:) Haha Well, it is true – the blogger friends I have in these fields are the most positive and optimistic people I know so it’s easy to value those friendships even more.

    1. Thanks for your visit at Mary’s blog and your comment, Sandra. I’m sure you’re a great friend in your close friendships!! πŸ™‚

  5. Hello Vishnu,

    We all need friends in our life, because without them we can’t move. We all have to deal with darkest hour, we all cry when pain is too much, we all scream when we can’t bear, we all need a shoulder to rely on, we all need a friend to shine a light in our darkest hour. We all need love of a friend, and we all need a friend to listen, to wipe our tears, and say, ‘Don’t worry everything will be Okay!.’.

    But there’s a problem, finding a true friend in the crowd of fake is not easy, and we don’t need a friend who changes when I change, who nod I nod, my shadow does that much better. We need a true friend. A friend who can be a unforgettable part of my life.

    “If you don’t have a friend then you don’t have a life.”

    1. Thanks for dropping by Romy and your comment.

      Yes, friends are great shoulders to cry on and lean on. And for support and encouragement during our darkest hours. True friends are hard to come by – that’s why we work even harder to keep them:)

      And friendship = life? Powerful statement.

  6. I’ll hop over to read your guest post, but my first thought was sadness at a couple of long term friendships that have faded over the years. I tried so hard to keep them going, but finally I had to admit that I was doing all the contacting and my friends seemed content to let the friendships go. It made me wonder if the friendships were as strong as I had thought.

    On the other hand, I’m still friends with someone I’ve known since I was three! My long standing friendships are precious to me.

    1. So sorry to hear Galen and I hope that some of these faded friendships get rekindled (I actually know the ending to one of these conversations and so thrilled to have heard about it.)

      And friends with someone from 3 years old? That person is like family by now, no? The long standing ones are the ones we have to work more on keeping. Thanks for coming by!

  7. Friendship is a tricky topic for me. My mother always used to say that you never know who your real friends are. Life reveals that for you.
    After Alex died one of my best friends offered that she would be here to take this journey with me and at first she was but gradually she pulled away. I haven’t seen nor talked to her now in months. I’ve had to let her go. Lori grieving was too much for her.
    Conversely, online people have come towards me rather than pulling away. Thank God for that!
    And my oldest bff has been consistently here from the start. We have been friends since we were 13. She was a rock during the wake and funeral, orchestrating the food and much more and she has been there whenever I need her since then. I guess that’s the one I need to nurture.
    Lori

    1. Thanks for visiting Lori and your comments. Sorry to hear about your best friend and how your friendship has parted. Maybe time will heal the wounds in the friendship?

      And good to hear your online friends pulling towards you. And for you, might I add:) I think we all see how much strength and courage you show when facing so much grief and adversity. Glad your bff is there for you as well – I would imagine friends have been critical to helping you with the healing process?

  8. Hi Vishnu,

    We do need to nurture our friendships. They can play such an important role in our lives. I have 5 friends that I meet with annually from grammar school. I love the group because we know each other’s life story and were there each step of the way. Sometimes we do get busy, but it has helped me to keep those friendships going as much as I can. Thanks for a great post!

    1. That is wonderful you’ve created a mini-reunion of sorts, Cathy, with people you’ve known most of your life. As you’ll attest, you’ve made these friendships work by trying to meet annually which is usually a challenge with scheduling, geography, busy-ness of life, etc I’m glad you all celebrate your friendship annually and have made it a point to remain friends.

  9. Superb post Vishnu!

    I think both are important. To start building new friendships while also nourishing the ones we have. However, I have found it very valuable to nourish my friendships. Which is of course a ongoing thing. I have people I know I could call at anytime to talk with them about anything, they are 100 percent their for me. Those are the types friendships we all should have. Great post!

    1. Appreciate the comments Dan. Yes, the friends we can call at 4 am are the best ones. And bringing new friends into the mix also make our lives richer.

    1. We all need a reminder, every now and then, to prioritize and nurture the friendships in our lives. Thank you for your visit and comments.

  10. Hi Vishnu,

    Guess I’m a little late getting here, though am glad I did πŸ™‚

    Oh yes….I wonder where we would be without friend’s. They are such an integral part of our lives. Just like you, there are many of of us who must have had our down moments in life, and if we are away from our families, it’s just our friends we have to fall back on at time of need.

    Thanks for sharing, and am surely heading over to your guest post to read the remaining part πŸ™‚ Happy weekend πŸ™‚

  11. Hey Vishnu,

    Nice article and all very true. A good friend can help you save your life and turn it around. I am currently in the process of giving a little more to my friendships and have much nurturing to do. But from what I have experienced recently, it is absolutely worth it.

    Keith

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