By Christel Price
I’m an excellent runner, and I wish that I meant running in the sense of pounding the pavement. Unfortunately, exercise is not my specialty; rather I’m a pro at running away from things that scare me.
It took a lot of soul-searching before I realized that I played the main role in ensuring that I kept my single status. We can look at our lives and come up with a massive list of reasons why we don’t have the things that we want. There was a time when I felt that a lot of the reasons that I was single were external.
I would tell myself:
“He’s not good enough”
“I can do better”
“I just haven’t met the right person”
“When I meet ‘the one’ everything will be easy”
“It’s his fault things didn’t work out”
Only in hindsight do I realize that he probably was good enough, that we make a choice as to whether or not the person is ‘right’ for us (because love at some point becomes a decision), that no relationship is easy all the time and it has often been my fault that things didn’t work out.
Often we are our biggest obstacle. We are in our own way. If you are single and you’d prefer to be a part of the Couple’s Club, it’s important to understand the fears that may be holding you back. There are many aspects to finding someone that we can’t control, but there are also many that we do.
Your single status may have nothing to do with you, but it’s important to look at the fears that could be holding you back in case you are in your own way.
1. Fear of not being good enough
It’s human nature to feel that you aren’t good enough, to believe that you have to hide all the aspects of yourself that you don’t like in order to be loved. If we had to be perfect to be loved then love would not exist on planet earth.
The fear of not being good enough may be holding you back from a loving relationship, but as humans we are all flawed and that’s ok. You are good enough to be loved simply because you were born. Worthiness is your birthright.
2. Fear of being vulnerable
Opening yourself up to another human being is scary. What if they don’t like what they see? What if they reject you? Being able to be vulnerable is a massive part of any successful relationship. You have to allow someone else to truly see you, to witness the beauty and the mess, and have faith that they will love you regardless. Being vulnerable is hard, but some of the best things in life come as a result of being able to be vulnerable, including love.
3. Fear of putting yourself out there
If you don’t open yourself to love, you can’t be disappointed, right? Wrong. You will just be disappointed at yourself, for not taking chances to find love. You can’t expect that love will just find you. You have to do some of the work to give yourself to greatest chance of meeting someone who is right for you.
4. Fear of failing
What if you put yourself out there and you fail? The path to finding love is not always straight-forward. Most people know what it’s like to be rejected, or to make mistakes in love. Failures don’t need to define you; it’s what you do next that makes all the difference. If you do fail you can always pick yourself up and try again. It won’t be easy, but your future self will thank you.
5. Fear of getting what you want
Are you afraid of getting what you want? You may think this is a stupid question but in fact many of us are afraid of succeeding. It’s easy to become comfortable in your current situation because it’s what you know. If you were to put yourself out there and actually find someone it would mean having to change. In relationships you have to compromise and make room in your life for someone else. You may be afraid of this but would you prefer the alternative, being alone forever? My guess to that your answer to this question is no.
Are you an excellent runner? Is fear holding you back from love? We’ve heard it said before, awareness is the first step, and it is. Only once we become aware can we begin to take the steps needed to change.
It doesn’t matter if fear has dominated your life up until this point, what matters is what you do from this moment. One of the most beautiful aspects of being a human being is that it’s never too late to change. To free yourself from your past and move away from fear, towards love.
Christel Price is a writer from New Zealand and author of All By Myself: A Humorous Guide to Navigating the World When You’re Single. Christel has created a free video series which features humorous tips for single women here. Gain access to this free gift here. *Photo credit