*A guest post by my friend and contributor, Sri.
Do you feel like your life is over?
Like you can’t be happy anymore because the love of your life has decided to move on without you?
Being Indian, I thought that ending my arranged marriage would be difficult. I had to deal with the Indian community’s aversion to divorce and with the fact that many people would speak ill of me for what happened in the marriage.
But the end of my marriage was not nearly as difficult as the end of a relationship I got into after my marriage.
See, I fell in love.
I met my boyfriend through a Meetup group. We started as friends with common interests, sharing our thoughts and taking part in activities together. We eventually developed feelings for each other and thought that we could take our relationship to the next level.
This relationship made me complete. My boyfriend had all the qualities I was looking for in a partner. He wasn’t judgmental and accepted me as I was. We had lots of fun together, did adventurous things and, most important of all, respected each other.
My family and friends were happy that this relationship was becoming what it was.
However, all of a sudden, our relationship changed.
My boyfriend started drifting away and wouldn’t spend time with me. He wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him.
We started having little arguments. Then he wanted to take a break for two weeks. I gave him all the time he needed, but he never came back. Finally, one day I spoke to him so that I could figure out what was going on. He just yelled at me and banged down the phone.
That’s when I realized that the mutual respect in our relationship no longer existed. I decided not to talk to him anymore. He tried to contact me a couple of times after that, but I decided it was best not to respond.
After my boyfriend broke up with me, my life fell apart.
I felt like my life was over.
I had lost myself and I didn’t know how to find myself again.
I used to crib to my close friends every day. They were consoling and soothing, but their efforts didn’t help much.
I used to sit on my bed, crying and cursing God for having made my life so miserable.
My heart was aching and I felt as though the whole world was against me because I hadn’t gotten what I wanted in life. I lost interest in work and didn’t talk to anyone.
Then one day, in the midst of this sadness, I browsed the news online.
I came across a random story about a girl who had passed away while travelling on a train.
A bomb blast had killed her. I was taken aback.
The girl, who had been hoping to surprise her family with beautiful and thoughtful gifts she had purchased with her first paycheck instead surprised them with the tragic news of her death.
I abruptly came to my senses as questions arose within me.
What am I doing with the wonderful life God has given me?
Is it worth brooding over the past, which is not in my control?
Shouldn’t I be grateful for all the privileges I have?
That’s when I realized that I have a lot of things left to do. I decided not to waste a single moment thinking about my past.
I would like to share a few tips to help you overcome the pain that you are going through and to heal your broken heart.
What do you do when the love of your life has ditched you?
12 ways to heal a broken heart
1. Find the love within you
When someone breaks up with you, you think you aren’t good enough.
I’ve found that the most effective remedy for a broken heart is to love yourself more.
Take note of your thoughts and actions and write about them in a journal. You will discover who you really are. When I started writing in my journal, about the way I feel toward others and myself, I realized how beautiful I am. I realized I was worthwhile and that if someone really wanted to be my partner, he had to deserve me.
This technique may sound weird, but believe me, it works. Stand in front of the mirror and kiss yourself for being such a nice person. Remind yourself that you’re a loving person and that you’re the best! I read this a while ago: “Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you selfish or vain; it makes you indestructible.”
2. Improve your health and you’ll change your life
When you’re in love, you don’t take note of what you eat, as you’re always on cloud nine. J
But after my breakup, I became more conscious of my health and fitness. I started paying more attention to what I ate.
I followed a strict health plan and started exercising more regularly.
Don’t you want to be fit and strong? I definitely would like to be; this goal boosts my confidence wherever I go.
3. Spend time with nature
There are lots of beautiful things in nature that we fail to appreciate.
Go for a run or a walk in the morning and you’ll feel energized.
Watch the sunrise and sunset and you’ll see the world from a very different perspective.
Read books in nature. Listen to the music that nature plays for you.
I love to spend time in nature; it refreshes my mind.
4. Experience the joy of words
Create a routine reading habit.
Reading helps you think about situations from a different perspective. It also helps you realize that so many people have experienced similar pain to you – or pain that’s even worse.
I read lots of blogs and articles, which inspires me to write in my own journal and blogs.
5. Avoid negativity
The most important thing in life is to avoid negativity.
When I say “negativity,” I mean not only negative thoughts but also negative people. Don’t associate with people who bring you down until you develop the courage to stand up to them and say, “Hey, you’re being negative and it’s not helping anyone.”
Just avoid them; what they think about you doesn’t matter. At the end of the day you must be happy. Only when you are happy will you live your best life.
I stopped talking to a few of my relatives who had been draining my energy. They accused me of not following the rules because I hadn’t remained in a marriage for life. I simply ceased talking to them, which has helped me avoid negativity.
Also, watch your thoughts. Any time a negative thought comes to mind, become aware of it and try to put a positive spin on it.
In a similar vein, don’t be the person who entertains negative thoughts and shares his or her negativity with others. Nobody wants to be around someone who keeps brooding about what has happened in his or her life.
Be the person people always want to be with.
My friends say they always get positive vibes from me. If they are stressed at work, they call me so that I can refresh them and help them attain a new perspective.
Work on developing a positive mindset so that you can encourage and help others in need.
6. Live your own life and be true to yourself
When you’re in love you unknowingly enter a prison. Your partner handcuffs you with his or her love and starts playing with your mind.
In a bad relationship, you might feel controlled or limited.
Don’t let anyone occupy your life to the point that you feel imprisoned.
You need your space. You need to continue doing the things you always do, regardless of your relationship.
Don’t let your relationships define you. Instead, let them enrich you.
Remember, you are more than your relationships.
7. Learn new things to enrich your life
New hobbies are interesting and take your mind off the sadness and pain you’re experiencing.
Take cooking lessons. Learn salsa dancing, classical music or a new language. Try to keep busy with activities that interest and challenge you.
Nowadays I don’t have time to think about what happened in my past. I don’t even realize that I went through heartbreak.
8. Create more “I, me and myself” time
Once in a while have some “I, me and myself” time.
I take time from my busy schedule and watch some good movies, or I simply stay in bed longer.
On this particular day, I go easy on myself. If I want to have ice cream for lunch, I do it. If I want to walk in the rain, I do it.
I take a longer shower, watch YouTube and dance to some new steps.
You will love this kind of day – celebrating you!
9. Don’t jump into another relationship
After a breakup, you might feel empty and believe that you must fill this void with another relationship.
This is the greatest mistake of all.
Don’t look for happiness in other people; happiness is within you.
It’s okay to be happy and alone.
Work on yourself before you work on a new relationship.
10. Transform your life
In any relationship, you will behave in a way that you later regret. Post-breakup is a good time to work on this.
After my breakup, I decided that my temper was something I should work on.
I started learning to control my temper in certain situations.
I became aware, read books and put steps into action.
Today, I don’t lose my temper at all and am proud of this change.
You likely have many small things that you fought about with your ex. You can’t change your ex and his or her personality, but you can improve your own behavior and qualities.
You can become a completely transformed person.
11. Live in the moment
Live in this moment.
You do not know what life has in store for you in the next moment.
Try to enjoy the gift of today instead of looking back at yesterday.
12. Spread the love
There is immense joy in helping others.
When you know that you are the reason for someone else’s smile, you’ll experience a type of happiness you can’t get anywhere else.
You can help someone learn to read or write. You can help someone get his or her education. You can be with someone when he or she needs you. You can buy food for a homeless person and fill his or her hunger.
Be of help!
Every person has his or her own way of moving out of heartbreak.
The tips I mentioned have helped me become the person I am today – a person I’m proud of.
Believe me, if you are a self-made, resilient and inspiring person, you’ll attract people.
You never know…your ex might even come back to you, like my ex did. Of course, it’s up to you whether you want to be with the same person again. I chose not to.
Life is beautiful. Heal, transform and enjoy your life today.
Bio: Sri is a software consultant. She enjoys sharing her experiences to help others transform their lives. If you have comments or thoughts, you can email Sri at chatwithsri2013 @ gmail dot com.
*Photo credit mynameisharsha