Some people are good at relationships.
They grew up in healthy environments with happy parents.
They learned to be emotionally mature and resilient in the face of hardship.
They learned how to value and prioritize relationships.
One of these relationships bloomed into marriage, which they water with communication, compromise and commitment.
Yet for many of us, and again, many reading Vishnu’s Virtues, relationships are not a smooth ride.
Marriages didn’t work out. Long-term relationships ended.
You were so good at dating and even living together, but your relationship came to a crashing halt the day you got married.
What’s the deal, you’re wondering to yourself?
Why was the relationship sizzling with passion and the marriage, drizzling with anger and bitterness?
Why is marriage the place good relationships go to die?
Why did our pre-marriage life work so well but our post-marriage life, lead to divorce?
Why was I flying across the world to visit my ex, speaking to her daily on Skype and planning our future together pre-marriage?
While we were constantly talking about ending, challenging each other and seeing how different we were from each other after marriage?
The answer is very simply taking people for granted.
See, in your pre-marriage, dating life, you’re fighting for the person.
You value the person, you overlook their flaws, you extend an ocean-full of compassion to your partner.
You give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive the person easily.
You are fighting for the relationship and the person’s heart.
Yet the very day you exchange rings, exchange garlands (in India) or exchange vows, it all changes.
Before the ink even dries on the marriage certificate, your relationship changes.
It goes from wanting to be together, fighting for each other and the excitement of the chase to …marriage.
All of a sudden, the person you’ve been chasing and pursuing transitions from the object of your affection, passion and interest becomes just another person in your life.
Overnight and over the course of a ceremony, you tend to transition from grateful to taking the person you’re with for granted.
Are marriages the place that relationships go to die?
How do you keep the sizzle of the dating and the excitement of the pursuit, post marriage?
How do you stay committed, passionate and interested after your nuptials?
How do you not take marriage for granted?
How do you value the person you’re in a relationship with even after the caterer has left, the thank-you cards have gone out and the ink on the marriage certificate has dried?
I’m curious what you think and going to come back next week with a round-up of answers from you, dear reader.
How do you make the relationship last after your wedding day?
How do you value your partner after you tie the knot?
I’m looking for your responses to write my follow-up post so please email me through my Contact page or hit reply to this email with thoughts on how you value relationships post-marriage.