You may be a romantic.
A hopeful optimist.
These are wonderful qualities in life and terrible qualities in love!
Normal people treat relationships like they treat books and movies. Some are good and some are going to be so terrible that you walk out half way or stop reading.
All of here reading, including yours truly, treat relationships like the sword we are going to die on.
We are going to go down for love.
We are going to be prisoners of war in this battle.
We are going to spend way too much of our lives and our time doing the right thing.
What is that right thing?
Believing in love.
Dying for love.
Holding onto hope that love will work out and staying faithful for years on end.
It may not matter that our ex remarried and moved on to live their best life.
We are going to stay in this place, waiting and hoping that they come back into our lives!
I did this for years of mine.
I didn’t date.
I didn’t move on.
I just waited and hoped that my person would come back into my life. It would be similar to someone waiting for Santa Claus to show up on Christmas eve and introduce himself.
The sad news is that she didn’t show up.
(Neither did Santa now that I think about it but I’m holding onto hope.)
Well, maybe she did show up years later but we both decided that we were not the right people for each. We had different lives, interests, values and were different people who wanted different things.
I mean I should have known that in the 7 plus years we were married but better late than never I guess.
Now, your turn.
Has your ex moved on?
Are they dating and living their best life?
Are you still waiting, hoping and praying your ex comes back and chooses you again?
Instead of holding onto hope for your ex, move on and cope with the sadness and grief of it being over.
You know the relationship didn’t work and hasn’t worked for years.
There are too many unresolved issues between both of you to try again.
It’s time to get off the “hoping your ex comes back” train and hop along to the partner who is waiting for you.
6 Steps to Give Up on Hope On Your Relationship Working Out and Move On With Your Life
1. Choose to see things as they are, not how you want them to be.
Look at the relationship for what it was and what it is today.
Look at the situation as objectively and realistically as possible. Avoid possibility thinking of what it could be today or dreamy thinking of what it was in your dreams!
2. Don’t over-romanticize the past.
Evaluate the situation like a regular human being, not like you’re writing a Shakespearean play or like you’re writing a screenplay similar to the Titanic.
Don’t add dramatic music and recall overly-sentimental scenes from your past relationship.
3. Don’t focus on the length of time you were together.
Know that the length of time has nothing to do with the quality of that past relationship. Being together 20 years is not a sign that your ex is your soulmate and you were destined to be together.
It could simply be a sign that you made the wrong decision for a long time! You were together much longer than what was healthy for both of you and moving on is the best way to preserve all those life events that you did share with your ex.
4. Don’t focus on your ex’s strengths and good qualities.
They may seem like the world’s great husband or world’s greatest human today but it’s really unfair to overlook all the hardships and struggles of the past. You can paint them as the saint they weren’t or choose to remember them as the people they were. They had good qualities, bad qualities and qualities that were not a fit for you. Don’t stay fixed to their positive qualities.
5. Bring yourself to the present moment.
Know that you can live through grief, pain and uncertainty of the present moment.
Often, we like to take ourselves to the future so we don’t have to live in the present moment.
The present moment might contains grief and heartbreak. It can contain sadness and pain so you’d rather hold onto the future of hope of possibilities of tomorrow.
Bring yourself back to right now. You’ll get through this as hard as it may be. The more you let go of the false promises of the future and live for today, the easier it will become to move on from that past relationship.
6. They are not the ONLY one.
You might be holding on to them for dear life because you feel like you won’t find someone like that again. They are so good that you can’t risk finding someone lesser or finding no one at all.
This is another mind trick that makes you believe you’re not good enough. It creates scarcity for you and tells you that the only person who could possibly love you doesn’t want you anymore. It tells you that if not them, then no one. Your mind makes you believe that you only have one soulmate and they were it.
Contrary to the poets and writers of our time, you can have more than one soulmate in your life. There’s not just one person for you in this lifetime no matter what Hollywood says. You’re compatible with many people. You just have to do the hard work of meeting many people to find them.
It’s time to give up hope on getting your ex coming back and to put your hope in finding someone who’s compatible for you. To help you on this process and for ideas on finding a new partner, pick up my book, Does True Love Exist? 15 Simple Ideas for Finding Your Life Partner