The first and most common thought that strikes us after a life-shaking breakup is that you’re going to be alone the rest of your life.
You believe that because one person rejected you or one person ended the relationship with you, then everyone is going to have the same reaction to you.
You may feel like there’s something fundamentally flawed with you.
Your ex didn’t want you. Or you ex cheated on you. Or your ex didn’t want to continue the marriage with you.
Whatever happened in the past, you are putting too much emphasis on it.
I believed that because my marriage ended and our relationship ended, I would never be able to find someone again. I believed that I would be alone forever after the breakup.
I put so much emphasis and attention on my ex, believing she was the only person who could love me or complete me.
I’ve since realized that simply isn’t true but we believe it at the time of our breakup.
When our mind is preoccupied with rejection and self-sabotage, it tends to spiral into this place of sadness and negativity.
Here are five reminders if considering love after a breakup.
1. There are plenty of people out there for you.
You just believe that there’s no one out there or worse, all the good people are taken. They’re not.
You’re either not meeting enough people or you’re meeting people in the wrong places.
There are so many people out there from your neighbor to your people on your online apps.
It’s not the people on the other end that are missing.
You may not be trying very hard or at all.
You may have a pattern of chasing the wrong people who are not meant for you.
There are plenty of people out there who are suitable for you.
Your job is to get better at filtering and discernment to figure out who is right for you.
2. You attract who you are.
Instead of focusing all your time on dating and trying to meet the right person, consider the possibility that you might have some work to do.
Maybe you’re meeting all the right people but….
you’re pushing them away because you’re afraid of intimacy.
you run when you notice that someone is open, healthy and available.
you keep self-sabotaging so people will run away from you.
How about doing a little less work on finding the right person and a little more work on becoming the right person for your person?
3. Your beliefs affect your outcome
Just like everything else in life, the way you think about something affects the outcome.
If you truly believe there’s no one out there for you, there’s seriously something wrong with you and you will be alone the rest of your life, you are likely right.
If you believe that you had to go through the wrong relationships to find the right relationship, you are likely right as well.
You get to choose your thoughts and your outcomes. You get to choose your beliefs.
You have more power than you believe you do.
4. You can’t be found if you’re hiding.
If you’re not putting yourself out there and you’re not trying to found, you’re succeeding!
Your prince is not going to come looking for you in the woods.
Help him out a little and put up a smoke signal so you can be found.
If you think you’re putting yourself out there but still not being found, trust me, you’re not.
We all think we’re doing enough but simply uploading your photo on a dating app is hardly trying.
Like anything else we want in life, relationships take work and effort.
It takes other people knowing you exist.
5. Be happy first.
You believe you’re going to be happy when you find love.
You’re likely going to be as happy as you are now so why not get happy now.
Don’t put your happiness into the hands of your future partner or your love life!
Cultivate your own happiness.
Be happy today.
Own your happiness.
It becomes much easier for love to find you when you’re in a happy place.
If you still feel like you’re going to be alone forever after your breakup, you have no choice but an encouraging read from yours truly. Pick up my book, Does True Love Exist? today.