You hear that your ex has gotten married.
Your friends have received the wedding invitation.
Your friend’s Mom, a year later, insists on telling you that your ex is now a proud father of a little human.
Things can’t get any worse, can they?
Your ex is living their life and continuing like it’s normal.
You’re replaying old Adele songs, become a closeted alcoholic, watching endless episodes of Revenge Body with Chloe Kardashian.
I know in my own life that my ex is likely doing better than ever.
Since the time of our marriage and struggles of being a young couple starting on our professional careers, she’s completed a fellowship, become a doctor, bought a home and travels the world.
How do you come to terms with your ex’s success and let go of what was?
I’ve made peace with my ex’s success and here’s how you can too. These are all reminders to help you shift your mindset and reframe the situation.
Only when you let go of what was, can you move on to what can be.
You helped your ex get to where they are today.
You were part of your ex’s journey. He wouldn’t have gotten to where he is today without you. He ended up in the relationship that he’s in because of you. He ended up in the career that he’s in, partly because of you. He ended up in the good place that life has taken him due to your making. No things didn’t work out between you two, but your relationship bore fruit in his success.
Your ex succeeding means you succeeded!
Yay, for ex’s succeeding. You don’t seem excited or amused but here’s the deal.
Your ex’s success means you succeeded! You were part of the growth journey for your ex, right?
You walked with them for part of the path and thanks to you, they are where they are today.
You may be bitter about it or jealous about their success but you should also feel pride in their accomplishments.
They’re not succeeding because of you.
They ARE succeeding because of you.
You left your ex better off than you found them.
You were your ex’s life coach.
Sometimes, lovers motivate and inspire each other to turn their life around.
And other times, ex’s motivate each other to turn their lives around.
You were your ex’s life coach in one of two ways. You either helped them get their act together while you were together and helped them up their game. You helped them improve who they were and become a better version of themselves. Or your helped them up their game after your relationship. You helped them become a better person, set better goals and live to their full potential.
You are the life coach you never wanted to be.
Now, how about just life coaching your way to success, love and happiness, huh?
You were both each other’s teachers.
Who would have thought you were responsible for leading and teaching someone else along their path?
We are each other’s spiritual teachers, maybe even guru’s.
You weren’t just a life coach but your ex either got better, improved their life or turned things around because of you.
They learned from you; either how to be more like you or how not to be anything like you.
Either how to be the person they were or how to become an entirely new person.
You likely helped them improve in their relationships, in their marriage and in their life!
Stand up and take a bow.
Not every teacher is thanked or shown appreciation, as you know but deserve all the thanks and appreciation from your ex.
They don’t have to show it or express it.
Your ex’s success is all the appreciate and gratitude that needs to be shown.
Your ex won so you won.
You led the way and lit the path of learning.
Your ex can help guide you on how to move on.
You’re your ex’s professor emeritus.
Your ex can also help teach and guide you.
Your ex can help you see the light on ….how to move on!
The roaring success that your ex is having with life after you should inspire you and help you move forward.
Look at the changes your ex made.
Look at the decisions your ex took.
Look at the risks they took and the challenges your ex overcame.
Their path is likely as rocky as yours. You may no longer be in touch or care what your ex is doing but use their experience to guide you on your path.
Yes, if they can move on, you can move on.
Your life is a journey filled with beginnings on endings.
In the old days, you fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after.
If you were 25 and older, per Liz Gilbert’s book Committed, A Love Story, you likely remained married. Yeah, she says that age was the most critical factor on the success of marriages. 25 and up, high likelihood of staying married. Below 25 and marriage, your likelihood of a committed marriage fell below 20%.
Anyway, in life, yours and even Liz Gilbert’s, relationships start and end. They start again and end again.
We are no longer in the olden days.
We can no longer live up to the expecations of Bollywood movies, mythology, Disney stories and every other fictional account of relationships.
Yes, a long term relationship is what you should want but it’s not for everyone and it’s not always possible.
If you open your eyes to the belief that relationships come and go, it will be much easier to digest your past and your ex.
Also, remember this.
The more relationships you go through, the better you get at relationships.
The better you get at selecting the right person who you could end up with in a long-term relationship.
Your ex is your guide. Your ex is your teacher. Your ex is your experience.
Open yourself to relationships ending so your heart can open again.
You have to find success and happiness on your own terms.
Don’t let your ex be the model for success and happiness.
Look at their path for how he found his success and happiness but don’t let his path be your path.
You don’t have to copy-cat your ex’s life.
Your happiness and success does not have to be like everyone else’s.
Yes, you may want a relationship, kids and family but….
There can also be happiness and fulfillment without all that.
Your job, your new home, your good career and your friends may more than make up for what others are going through.
Among married couples, I’ve often thought to myself, am I the happiest person here?
And often, I realize, why yes I am! I am the happiest person here.
I enjoy my freedom, my work, my writing, helping people, traveling and did I say, writing.
I enjoy having less to worry about and the ability do life at my own whim.
I’d like someone in my life but I’m just find without one.
You could say I’ve found happiness.
The Buddha might even say I’ve found enlightenment.
Society has a lot of dumb rules. You don’t have to play by them. Check out my book 7 Sacred Promises to learn more.