She was demure in her speech, experienced in matters of the heart and open to dating again.
It was enough for us to continue conversing over the holidays.
She too had experienced deep and profound heartbreak that made her lose faith in relationships. She too hadn’t dated in years and had lost faith in love.
She told me that she was “over it” and was ready to move forward. The past few years, her family had listed her dating profile had corresponded on her behalf.
It hadn’t gone anywhere and she was ready to take back the reigns of her dating life.
Our connection started with heartbreak and ended with us both knowing that our families only lived 10 minutes apart from each other in Singapore. We bonded.
So began my most recent dating adventure.
How did I find myself here? How did I pull in someone who was highly compatible?
Let me count the ways.
It took me a minute (and by that, I mean years) to find someone who I was looking for.
Here’s what I did:
1. Yes, visualize. I had an idea of who it is I was looking for in a couple different ways. I had the qualities up on a vision board (cheesy, I know) and I had regularly been thinking about this question in the past. This is over the top but I created this worksheet that I filled out every so often. You can use it too. Print and fill this out so you too know who it is you’re looking for:
How can you materialize the person you want when you have no idea who that is. This worksheet will help you think through some of the qualities in the person you want.
When she asked me who it is I was looking for, I started saying a bunch of qualities on this sheet and realized that she matched every one of them.
2. Yes, value-ize. I just have to throw this out there. You can be compatible in many different ways but none of it matters as much as values.
As I got to know this East Coast woman, I verified our values by inquiring about hers. It was only upon realization that many of our values met that I realized this could be a real possibility.
Personal interests and hobbies don’t need to match as much. She loved television and I loved to write. We just figured I’d write while she watched tv although I did catch an episode of Stranger Things with her. Strange.
Anyway, check the values that the other person has. Talk to them about what they value in life. What qualities and characteristics are important to them.
Values are a critical component of the life coaching world. I just bring up these conversations in every area of my life!
3. Open your heart. I’ve been working on this for years. I’ve had to let go of the past and all the anger and resentment of the past. I’ve had to let go of the beliefs and pain of the past.
If your heart’s been bruised, you have to let down the walls that are protecting your heart.
The practices to do so are spiritual and emotional in nature.
You have to invite love and compassion into your heart.
You have to let go of resentment and anger from your heart.
Be a magnet for love and compassion. Be conscious of the state of your heart.
You feel gratitude in your heart.
You can feel happiness in your heart.
You can feel joy in your heart.
Many types of spiritual practices can help you open your heart.
Therapy and the ancient texts of almost any religions can help you rid your heart of the anger and resentment.
4. Open your mind.
I don’t know what about meditation helps so much but it does.
A regular meditation practice either focused on your mind or on your heart allows for your thoughts and feelings to simmer.
When you’re in a place of calmness and consciousness, it makes love easier to come into your life.
When your mind isn’t on overdrive and overthinking how to attract someone, someone gets attracted to you.
Don’t be consumed with drawing in a lover. Even worse, don’t consume your time thinking about how this person should be and what the time-frame of this new relationship will be. Don’t plan the wedding on the second date.
Yes, visualize but then let go.
Let the process take it’s path naturally.
5. Take chances
If you’ve had your heart-broken and found yourself in a place of profound sadness, you’re really not going to want to do this.
I can tell you that every step of the way was a challenge for me. I was trying to get out of this in every way I could.
I was trying to consider what couldn’t work and what didn’t work.
I was looking for ways to end things quick; searching for reasons why this wouldn’t work and why we weren’t compatible.
Her love of Ayn Rand made me run for the hills but I didn’t. I stayed put.
You basically have to take risks, take chances and do the opposite.
You have to push ahead despite your old fears, beliefs and experiences of your past.
It’s hard but this is what it’s going to take.
You might feel like you’ve been part of this movie before and it’s going to end tragically but as you know, not every movie ends the same.
You can’t watch one movie and assume all have the same ending.
Forget ahead creating a new movie for yourself. There are new people, new parts, new characters and new experiences to be had.
The happiness and love you want is waiting for you.
You just have to move ahead despite yourself, your beliefs and your past.
There are a million reasons for you to leave, as Lady Gaga, would say.
Look for the one reason to stay.
Want to learn more about finding someone and attracting them into your life? Pick up my latest book, Does True Love Exist, on Amazon today.