My World Already Ended Once (and other thoughts on uncertainty)

I feel Deja Vu.

I hate to say this, friends, but I really am doing well under the circumstances.

This feels too similar to the uncertainty I had in my love life.

I was supposed to be a nomad in 2020, traveling the world and working. All was going well until COVID struck Malaysia in force in February.

I was visiting Malaysia, where my family lives when the government decided that a lockdown and country-wide shutdown was necessary.

This then led to a once in a lifetime opportunity to spend some quality time with the parents, which I have never done in my adult life.

What a fascinating (and by that, I mean, thrilling) time it’s been.

I would love to share my Dad’s astrological predictions according to Indian astrologers about when Corona will end or my Mom’s take on what started the pandemic (she’s vacillating between the deep state and a Chinese lab experiment gone wrong).

God, send help if you’re reading.

Anyway, some of this seems unfamiliar since I’ve never lived through a pandemic and lockdown. Yet so much of this feels oddly familiar.

It’s odd to say this out loud but I feel like I can do pandemics that feel like the world is ending.

I feel like I can do self-isolation, social distancing and lockdown like a seasoned veteran.

As a matter of fact, almost a decade ago, this is basically how I spent my life.

For nearly a year after my divorce, I pretty much stayed home, cried and watched Joel Osteen and Oprah on Sunday mornings. I went to work occasionally and to yoga class weekly. Other than that, I didn’t speak to a single person I knew.

Indian families, like mine, didn’t understand or support divorces. I was the first in my family.

I was so embarrassed, ashamed and felt like a failure that I didn’t feel like talking to friends either.

I was in my own self-quarantine of grief.

Once you’ve gone through something like this before, a pandemic is something you can do in your sleep.

I can crush this pandemic like the divorce that crushed me.

What I am coming to see is that there is going to be a lot of uncertainty in the world after this event is over.

What will happen to our daily lives?

The places we live in?

The world as we know it?

I have no idea about these things but I do have some idea about how to deal with uncertain times in our love lives.

For example, in your life, you may be experiencing uncertainty of some sort.

Should you stay in the marriage?

Should you leave?

Should you move on?

Should you meet someone new?

You may be in many different places with your partner or spouse. You may be feeling uncertain and stressed during these pandemic times about your love life.

How do you cope? How do you move forward?

How do you deal with the uncertainty you‘re facing in your love life?

Here are 4 ideas to help you deal with uncertainty in your love life.

Call on your intuition. 

Yes, you know what you want and you know what’s right for you.

All you have to do is listen to yourself.

Whenever I coach people, I love to listen to them because I hear the deepest insights and nuggets of gold.

They seem to have the most insurmountable problems but when I ask them a simple question, they have an abundance of insight and wisdom.

Call on presence.

The past and future don’t exist in reality.

We want answers for the future and explanations for the past.

No matter how many times my Dad cites astrologers to explain when Corona is going to end, I don’t seem to buy it.

We don’t know about the past or future but we do know what’s happening now.

Check in with yourself at this moment and just live for right now.

Drop the past and future from your mind.

Call on surrender 

You don’t need to over-think the solutions.

The universe will move you to the answer.

And no I’m not drinking a coconut pina colada or a Jungle Bird at the moment either.

You don’t need all the answers you think you need.

Let life take its course.

When the time comes, you will know what you need to.

Thinking, planning and analyzing won’t change things.

Clinging and holding on won’t change things.

Control and demanding things of life won’t change things.

Surrender.

Call on faith.

Faith in what, you might ask?

How about yourself?

Yes, you. You got this. You always have.

You always come through and have overcame.

You’re still standing no matter what life has thrown at you.

You are the light you have been waiting for.

Also, call on the idea that everything works in your favor.

I thought that my life was done for and it was time to become a hermit in the Himalayas.

I kept going though and became a writer and coach.

Then I went to Bali because… Elizabeth Gilbert, who else.

Then I met this amazing Indonesian woman. Then I fell madly fell in love with her in the time of quarantine.

Oh wait, story for another day.

Let’s get back to you.

You got this.

Everything is working in your favor.

You specialize in uncertainty.

You have inner wisdom.

You have this moment.

Surrender.

Know the universe has your back.

Don’t talk with your conspiracy-minded Mom or astrologically-oriented, Dad.

You got this, friends.

p.s. And of course, if you still feel like your love life is more chaotic than the pandemic, I’m here. If you can use some direction, guidance or coaching, reply to this email or fill out this form.