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The Surefire Way of Finding the Love of Your Life

The Surefire Way of Finding the Love of Your Life


By Nina Obran

“What about love?”

My grandmother asked me this question a million times. And the answer was always the same. Nothing much.

“How come, Nina? I’m reading your horoscope all the time, and it constantly mentions love and marriage are in the stars for you.”

Maybe she was reading a horoscope for the wrong sign, because I certainly didn’t notice any action in the realm of love whatsoever. Always single, always alone. I remember one time I was the only single person at a party. The only one not married, without children, and with higher education. Imagine that! I was the first at the party. As other guests were arriving, they were sitting down behind a long picnic table. At one point I realized nobody sat in my vicinity. It was funny, really. People were squeezing, but nobody wanted to sit near me. It was like I had some terminal disease. But I did take a shower, I promise!

So, time passed and I was still single. I wasn’t bothered much about it. I could manage occasional grandma’s moaning. Luckily, other family members didn’t put pressure on me. OK, OK, from time to time grandpa remarked wittingly, but with a hint of regret his sister has already six great grandsons and granddaughters. Because I was the eldest child, his remark was obviously meant for me.

I turned thirty. And thirty-one. Thirty-two, three, four… Still nothing. I began to notice being single is secretly upsetting me, especially in the autumn. Every September I started to fantasize about snuggling with my loved one in front of the television and watching Christmas movies. Every time I promised myself that that year it would be different. That I would find somebody to watch Grinch with me. In October I was still hopeful, but by the time November came, I lost hope and stop searching.

Not that I was seriously searching, though. Whenever the opportunity presented itself I hid from it. My self-esteem was truly low. However, if I made advances – subtle, of course – responses were not what I was hoping for. In fact, my little acts of seduction were so subtle nobody even noticed them!

Another September came and again I started to build up hope and a promise of a new love. But this time I knew better. I knew nothing would change. I realized love of my life would not fall from the sky and he is not waiting me behind the corner. Why would he? I did everything the same as the past ten years, but that didn’t bring me any significant results. Why would this year be any different?

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
– Albert Einstein –

Enough was enough! Something had to be done.

By that time I was already a student and a practitioner of all kinds of self-help techniques, success principles and universal laws. I have used them successfully in other fields of my life, so I was wondering whether I could use them to revive my love life as well. Thus, I made a selection of practices and techniques, that I used the most and turned them into habits. I believed performing these practices and techniques would bring me closer to my dream partner.

What do you think happened?

I succeeded! Oh, yeah, that’s right! You didn’t see that coming did you?

In October 2015 I’ve met the most wonderful man. He is kind and thoughtful, and we can talk about everyday affairs, as well as profound philosophies. Despite coming from utterly unlike cultures our hopes and aspirations for the future correspond to perfection. We do have quarrels – every couple does – but we handle them in a mature respectful manner. I’m hopeful for our future together and I’m looking forward to it immensely.

So, what was different this time?

I changed the behaviour, that didn’t serve me in past years.

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
– Anthony Robbins –

That was it! I employed some new habits, which assist me much better than the old ones. Not only they helped me turn my love life around, but they are also the reason I’m feeling more confident, happy and calm. Are you curious, what helped me on my journey to love?

1. Look at your limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs are statements you were hearing over and over again in the past (usually they derive from childhood) for so long or they impacted you so deeply, that now they run all your actions. Because they are stored in the subconscious mind, it is not necessary you are aware of them.

For example, if you often heard your mother saying to you, “Who would like a person like you? Look at you. You are such a bad girl/boy!” you internalized her words and developed a limiting belief “I am not worthy.” Do you think other people would see you as a worthy human being, if even you can’t see you as such?

More examples of limiting beliefs regarding love:

• All good men are already taken.
• All women are only after my money.
• I’m too old to get married.
• Nobody wants me, because I’m such and such.

Sounds familiar?

Luckily, there are plenty of techniques you can use to tackle limiting beliefs. One of them is also EFT a.k.a. Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is rather woo-woo looking and sounding technique, but I can attest, it works like a charm. I also talk about in detail in my new book and offer some tips on how to use this technique in your life.

2. Practice flirting – yes, really!

After being single for some time your body and mind get used to lack of romantic stimulation. Even if there are opportunities for romantic advances you don’t react to them. It is like your body and mind would be fast asleep.

So you have to get your juices going again. You have to wake up your body and mind again. For that you can practise different exercises, such as subtle flirting, fantasizing about romance and sex, pleasuring yourself. That has to be done in a way that is enjoyable for you, though. If you would feel sad and hopeless during doing exercises, they could backfire. And that is not what they are designed to do. They are design to build your confidence, boost your energy and open your mind and heart to the opportunities the Universe is constantly sending to your way.

3. Take a step forward.

After you have prepared your body and mind for action, you have to actually go into it. No technique in the world would help you find the love of your life, if you would lie on a sofa at home and stare into the ceiling. You have to go into action. Period! Not forcefully, but light-heartedly.

Don’t be attached to the outcome either. That would generate negative feelings in you and those would hinder your progress even more.

“Easier said than done!” you moan.

Not true. I’m 35 and I was single practically all my life. I did what I preach and succeed in six months! I even wrote a book about my process (7 Daily Habits for Singles Not to Be Single Anymore). I’m living a happy joyful life and I wish the same for you, too.

I’m wondering what else is possible with the use of the techniques. Are you?

Nina Obran wishes all to live a life of their dreams and is more than happy to share her knowledge at www.ninaobran.com. Her new book 7 Daily Habits for Singles Not to Be Single Anymore presents several unique practices and techniques, which help singles to get hitched. The book inspires readers, but also encourage you to search your souls and face your fears regarding love – in a playful, light-hearted way. You can grab your copy here (it is FREE until 14 April 2016 12 pm PST). *Photo credit

The One Word You Must Never Say In Your Marriage

The One Word You Must Never Say In Your Marriage

divorce threat

Never threaten to end your marriage.

You should never utter the word “divorce” if you’re not serious about one.

You should never call on ending your marriage for the sake of ending an argument.

I was married for nearly a decade; my wife and I would find ourselves in regular battle royals. We yelled at each other vigorously, argued constantly and found new ways to sabotage our marriage.

With each fight and argument that came up, I always took it a step further.

What would be the death knell of a marriage?

What would hurt her more than anything else?

What would take our marriage to the edge of the cliff and shatter it forever?


Well, at least, the threat of a divorce.

I wanted a divorce, like an immature teenager, when things didn’t go my way.

I wanted a divorce when we were at the most heated point of our arguments.

I wanted a divorce when I was angry, frustrated or had no other ammunition in my arsenal of arguments. When there were no more painful comebacks or putdowns…

“Well, if that’s how you feel about it, we should just get a divorce then…” I would nonchalantly announce.

The words always fell on her ears like I had hoped it would – to break through the noise and deliver a bombastic shudder.

The word divorce in our culture was like a bomb; it was both foreign and taboo in the Indian community. Death we could accept, divorce never. A divorce not only would end the relationship between us, but also create heartache and shame for our families.

Yet I repeatedly continued to ratchet up the threats of divorce. First I announced it as a threat, then later, a solution. If we were both so unhappy and miserable, wouldn’t it just make sense to divorce, I reasoned out loud?

Yet, each time I said it, I don’t believe I meant it. I couldn’t imagine a divorce in my life. I knew how much it would ravage both of our lives and imagined how difficult it would be to bear the emotional pains of a divorce.

The D-word became a threat and a weapon in moments of heated conflict.

Now, I realized, what I did was introduce the possibility of separation and ending into our marriage. When you introduce ideas like divorce, you open the door to the possibility of one occurring. I opened the door to options that never existed as both of us stood firm in arguments and fights.

When there’s a way out, both parties are less likely to compromise and less likely to change.

Ironically, she is the one who suggested the separation. When we met up after a 6 month break, she was certain of her decision to get a divorce.

While I paid the price of pain and sorrow over the years from the divorce, I also realize that I opened the door to the possibility to one.

I raised divorce for the sake of arguments, for the sake of momentary pleasure and to get the upper hand in a fight. I now know that the threat of ending the relationship, especially when you don’t want it to end, isn’t healthy or helpful to keeping it intact.

Lessons I learned too late:

Don’t threaten to end your marriage. Don’t threaten a divorce.

You might just get what you ask for.

For more of my writing, visit my books page here.

This article previously appeared in the Good Men Project.

7 Simple Financial Tips When Starting Over

7 Simple Financial Tips When Starting Over


Do you feel like your life is over?

When something, or more like someone, exits your life, you might feel like you’re on a downward trajectory to, I don’t know, the end.

I sure did. I thought it was game over. No future. No happiness. No life ahead.

I had celebrated graduations. I had celebrated my wedding. What more?

I had gloomily thought that the only next celebration I would look forward to is one I wouldn’t be here for – death.

Yes, these thoughts might have come from my darkest places in my most trying hour, but it was what filled my mind.

I was wrong.

Divorce isn’t an end.

It’s a new beginning in every aspect of your life, including, and especially, in your financial life.

If you struggled during marriage, if your divorce left you in serious debt or you even had to file bankruptcy after your divorce, you can start over.

My financial life today is 10, maybe 100, times better than it was when I was married.

I not only divorced the woman I was married to but also from my hungry and all-consuming third partner in our relationship – our home, which ate up our finances like a hungry Cookie Monster.

I divorced irresponsibility, unconscious spending and debt.

Here are 7 ways to get your finances back on track.

1) Simplify your life.

We live in extravagance. Like it or not, know it or not, we continue to spend what we have and even more so with our personal banks known as our credit cards. There are many expenses in your life that you can cut down. You don’t even know how elaborate, extravagant and complicated your life is. There are services you don’t need, monthly payments for things you don’t use and regular spending on items that don’t enhance your life.

Look around your life and look at your spending habits. Where is your money going? What can you reduce, simplify or get rid of?

2) Downsize

Since my divorce, I’ve chosen to live with roommates. Why? Because I enjoy the company and I enjoy the cost savings. I’ve also enjoyed living in smaller residences in less expensive parts of town to save money.

You might think you can’t possibly live with other people or move, but you know what? You can. It’s a little bit of personal sacrifice for a whole lot of financial freedom.

If you can’t live with someone else no matter what, then considering moving to a small place or less expensive part of town. You can cut down your living costs by 20-40% or more.

3) Cut out frivolous spending.

You’re ready to spend every time you walk into a store or every time you pass a Starbucks.

Your money/bank cards/credit cards feel like a natural part of your body, except they shouldn’t.

Spending without thinking is the easiest way to financial ruin. Do one of two things: either stop altogether so you’re not spending any money or give yourself a limited amount of funds each month to spend. If you’re beyond the limit, don’t buy it.

Spending money on things that don’t fulfill is a double negative. One, you’ll get a transitory moment of joy that you’ll forget about after you drink half the cappuccino, and two, you’ll be racking up credit card charges that will continue to keep you in debt.

If you had not planned on purchasing it when you went out, don’t.

4) Get clear on what’s important

I should have started with this step.

Why are you saving money in the first place? Why do you need to get your debt under control? What will having more money and financial freedom mean to you?

Think about this and get clear on this part.

Having no debt allowed me to start living the life I wanted. It allowed me to write and publish more books. It allowed me to take coaching courses and start coaching people. It allowed me to leave full-time employment for months or years at a time. It allowed me to travel. It allowed me to save money for retirement.

Why do you want to be debt-free? What will financial freedom mean to you? Answer these questions first! Know why you’re going to change your behavior and find some motivation to stay the course.

5) Start an automatic savings plan

The first thing you do on pay day is figure out which store to visit or what to purchase first.

Well, that’s one sure way to live the lifestyles of the rich and famous poor and infamous.

Even if you’re going to frivolously spend, at least set up an automatic savings account first so some of your funds go into a retirement account and some goes toward a savings account. After you’ve saved your money, then do as you please with the remaining funds.

This was one of the first steps I took after my divorce and I’m thankful for Ramit Sethi’s video on this topic.

6) Pay off debt – more than the minimum

I used to avoid paying off debt, thinking I was winning. The less I paid and the later I could pay it, the more I would have now.

Credit cards and banks had a laugh on my behalf because they were the ones winning.

The more I delayed on payments and the less I paid, the more interest they made.

One of my biggest debts is my student loans from law school. I had paid the minimum on this for the longest time, thinking this was going to be a lifetime payment plan. Forget that, I realized. Paying it off is doable; it just takes paying more than the minimum each month, so I’ve tried paying at least $100 more each month toward paying off these loans once and for all.

(I sure wish I had found this blog earlier by The Power of Thrift. She’s a 30-something year old lawyer who paid off law school student debt and retired. What!?!)

7) Be intentional with money

I’m asking you to do something here that I didn’t do for a long time, to be more conscious with your money. To know ahead of time what you’re going to do with it.

This might require some planning. It might even require examining and thinking about your finances each month. A little planning or a basic budget can go a long way.

Figure out what you are required to pay, budget your expenses, and see how much money you have left at months end. Buy less stuff. Don’t spend all your money! That’s the surefire way to debt and how corporate America wants you to spend your money –without thinking about it!

When you’re in debt and reeling from the financial pain of your divorce is the best time to start over. Set your finances right with these simple tips and you’ll feel happier, freer and more peaceful than even before.

Start the next chapter of your life financially-savvy and debt-free.

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