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6 Steps To Releasing Pain From The Untethered Soul

6 Steps To Releasing Pain From The Untethered Soul

unthetheredsoul

I didn’t want it.

I didn’t welcome the pain that came along with heartbreak.

I would have done anything to stay together just so I wouldn’t feel the soul-crushing breaking of my heart. I had never experienced profound loss before and didn’t think I could take it.

So, I avoided feeling the heavy, overwhelming and life-consuming pain.

For some time, I pretended the breakup wasn’t happening. Later, I imagined that it was all a bad dream and I would wake up from it soon. I wanted to disappear from the world all together so I wouldn’t have to face this heaviness.

Little did I know that I waiting for me in my life’s greatest pain was my life’s greatest lessons.

In my heartbreak was the peace and freedom of my untethered soul.  In Michael Singer’s book, the Untethered Soul, I learn that my inner thorns were really the guide and source to inner awakening.

You can remove the prick of the inner thorns and learn that it’s acceptable to feel inner disturbances. In fact, getting through the pain and landing on the other side is the key to freedom of your innermost being.

Here are 6 practical and actionable from the Unthethered Soul to melt the pain and embrace your inner freedom

1. Know that you have two choices.

Just like being pricked by a thorn, you have experiences which prick and disturb you.  This thorn is a constant source of disturbance and your choices are to make sure nothing touches the thorn to avoid all pain or to take out the thorn.

If you do nothing about it, the thorn will run your life. You will have trouble sleeping because of it, you will have trouble staying focused on your job and trouble with everyday interactions. As people, we have so many sensitivities that can be triggered at any time. One way to go about life is to make sure that no one triggers these sensitivities.

If you’re lonely, you must avoid going to places where couples tend to be. If you’re afraid of rejection, you must avoid getting too close to people,” Singer advises. Of course, this becomes life-consuming and takes work!

The alternative? You notice this inner disturbance and realize that YOU and the inner disturbance are not one in the same. You don’t want the weakest parts of you running your life.

Realize that your consciousness is separate and that you can be aware of these things.

2. You are not your pain

Wake up and realized that you are in there, and you have a sensitive person in there with you. Simply watch the sensitive part of you feel disturbance. See it feel jealousy, need and fear,” Singer suggests.

As you experience pain, become aware of the pain without interfering with it. See it, feel it, pay attention to it and observe it. You are having the experience of a human being when you experience this pain.

If you pay attention,” Singer counsels, “you will see that they are not you; they are just something that you’re feeling and experiencing. You are the indwelling being that is aware of all of this.

Once you realize that you and your pain are separate, you will start feeling a different energy within you, called Shakti or spirit.

This deeper, wiser part of you is the inner wisdom or the greater divine, what you decide to perceive it as. It is your inner being who realizes that it’s not the same as the pain that’s passing through your body.

Once you learn that it’s okay to feel inner disturbances, and that they can no longer disturb your seat of consciousness, you will be free.

3. Your pain is temporary.

A way to see that you and your pain are not one, is to see pain as something transient that will pass through your body.

You can view pain as a temporary shift in energy.

You are pained every day in small and big ways. You are pained by your heartbreak and you are pained by seeing your ex with someone else. You are pained by loneliness and you’re pained by your favorite ice cream flavor being out of stock at Movenpick.

So many things can cause you pain on a daily basis. It becomes less of a problem when you realize that pain passes. It’s a temporary feeling that you’re experiencing.

You can actually learn to get comfortable with it. All the feelings that come up are just feelings. You can handle feelings that are a normal part of life.

Feelings are just things that are passing through your system like a cold, for example. You notice the cold, you experience the cold and you know that once your body processes the col, you’ll be relieved of the cold.

Have fun with the temporariness of your feelings.

Laugh at it, have fun with it, but don’t be afraid of it. It cannot touch you unless you touch it,” Michael Singer writes in the Untethered Soul.

4. End the addiction to your mind.

Your mind is a great contributor to avoiding pain and being a misleading guide to safe places.

Your mind is always telling you something isn’t right, how to fix something or how to do something differently the next time so you avoid pain. It concocts a book to read, a course to take or a life change you need to make. It tells you it’s the external things that matters.

That is why people have so much trouble with relationships,” Singer explains. “You begin with a problem inside yourself, and you tried to solve it by getting involved with somebody else. That relationship will have problems because your problems are what caused the relationship.”

If you didn’t have neurotic, continuous replaying of thoughts inside your mind, you could live and experience life without thinking about what’s wrong.

Singer makes a funny and outrageous claim that we have to end the addiction to our minds. You have to stop listening to all the problems it comes up with, which don’t really exist.

Stop asking your mind to fix what’s wrong. Don’t even ask it what the problem is!!

“The mind is simply a computer, a tool. It can be used to ponder great thoughts, solve scientific problems and serve humanity. But you in your lost state, told it to spend its time conjuring up outer solutions for your very personal inner problems.”

Get quiet and watch the mind do it’s mental gymnastics, trickery and quackery. Watch your thoughts. Don’t become aware of the thinking mind but observe the thinking mind.

You are just in there, aware that you are aware.”

So when someone doesn’t say “hi” to you that you know or you don’t get invited to a party, don’t allow your mind to hijack your being and your life. Watch the melodrama of your mind instead of becoming an actor in this bizarre movie. Your mind doesn’t need an Oscar!

Don’t let your mind drive you crazy over nothing.

5. Welcome in pain by opening your heart

No, not welcome in pain like you would welcome a stroll down the Champs Elysses in Paris or a weekend of skiing in the northern Sierras.

Welcome in pain so that you’re not afraid to experience in. No one likes pain but doesn’t mean you have to spend your life running from pain.

Your heart regularly wants to pull away and avoid the pain once you’ve been hurt by something once.

If life does something that causes a disturbance inside of you, instead of pulling away, let it pass through you like the wind.

You might want to avoid feeling anger, fear, insecurity and embarrassment. You might want to run away from heartbreak or the sadness from losing a loved one. You might never want to feel rejected again so what do you do?

Run. Avoid. Build walls and keep the pain out. You tell yourself that you’ll never ever do x,y, or z and stay far away from so and so.

As your heart is trying to push all this away, do the opposite of closing your heart. Relax and release towards the unthethered soul.

Stay open and receptive so you can be present right where the tension is. You must be willing to be present right at the place of the tightness and pain and then relax and go deeper.”

“Let go and give room for the pain to pass through you,” suggests Singer. “It’s just energy. Just see it as energy and let it go.

6. On the other side of pain

If you can endure, experience and feel pain, without running away from it, you’ll become free.

Everything you want is on the other side of pain: ecstasy, peace, freedom, joy, beauty, love.

As the pain goes through you, you could feel hot and uncomfortable. You might feel breathless and experience unwanted feelings.

Yet, you go through this pain, by relaxing into the energy, knowing that there are good things coming out on the other side.

This is how the work of spirituality becomes a reality. This is what the works look like. This is what freedom of the untethered soul looks like.

When you are comfortable with pain passing through you, you’ll be free…You will then be able to walk through this world more vibrant and alive than ever before.

There is an ocean of love under the pain.  Getting through the pain is how you reach this oasis that’s waiting for you of the untethered and free soul.

On the other side of the pain is the life of freedom and awakening waiting for you.

Pick up a copy of the Untethered Soul here.

michaelsinger

How to Surrender

This is a book review of Micahel Singer’s new book, The Surrender Experiment: My Journey Into Life’s Perfection. Learn how to step aside and allow life to unfold. To pick up his book, The Surrender Experiment, click here.

Find Your Essence To Live Your Truth

Find Your Essence To Live Your Truth

essence

I’m American.

Indian.

Malaysian.

A son. A grandson. A brother. An uncle. A nephew. A cousin.

A lawyer (okay…a former one…but still…).

A blogger.

A writer.

Who am I, really?

I asked myself this question a few years back.

If you had asked me who I was before my divorce, I would have said that I was a practicing lawyer in California. I would have said that I was pursuing my profession, moving up in my career and being a husband.

If you pressed more, I would have told you that I believed in truth, justice and doing what was right in the world. I would have said that I helped balance the scales of justice in my life.

Today, I have a very different answer – keep reading to see what I would say now.

Like you, I have many labels that define me.

We take on so many identities, but how many of these identities are really us?

You and I are both products of our environments, our professions, our parents, our families, our friends and our classmates.

These labels, these representations, these appearances – all ultimately define us.

We are our personalities. We are our pasts. We are the stories we’ve been telling ourselves.

We are our egos.

If I were to ask, “Who are you?” you’d tell me, “Vishnu, I’m not tipsy right now and can’t answer questions that have no relevance to my life. I gotta finish this *&#^@^&@ work report and get home to finish the House of Cards marathon.”

But at what point in your life do you actually ask yourself this question: “who am I?”

I’m not asking about your nationality, your citizenship, your career or where you live.

This is as deep as it’s going to get.

Who are you really?

If you’re not asking yourself this question or reflecting on who you truly are, you’re likely not getting to your core – your essence.

If you’re not spending time with yourself in silence, you’re likely not living your own life, but rather one that society has dictated to you.

See, it’s way too easy to go through life and have other people influence us. We face a barrage of messages on the daily.

Our parents tell us what to do. Our friends. Our colleagues at work. Television. Soap operas. Magazines. Society.

When so many messages – all of them based on someone else’s perspective or generally accepted notions about life – inundate us, we end up living disingenuous lives.

That’s when we start living like everyone else. Start having dreams like everyone else. Start moving where everyone else is moving. Start working in careers that everyone else has. Start eating at restaurants where everyone else goes…you get the picture.

If you feel like you’re done living unconsciously and you want to get to your essence so that you can live more in line with your truth, this post is for you.

Here’s how to find the “real” you and start living your truth.

1)   See who you are.

If you’re not you, who are you?

You’re a collection of beliefs, values, labels and identifications.

The first step to getting to the real you is to recognize all these external labels and identifications.

It’s hard to do so because you’ve attached so many of these labels to yourself. For example, you’ve had your name your entire life and believe that you are the person who goes by that name.

You’re of a certain race. You’re of a certain citizenship and come from a certain part of the world. You speak a certain language. You belong to a certain social group, community group or cultural group.

Start taking note of who you are by becoming aware of these labels.

Here’s an exercise to help you get some clarity about yourself. All you have to do is fill in the blank to each of these questions.

Labels – fill in the blank 

a) My name is ____________________
b) My race is ____________________
c) My citizenship is ____________________
d) My ethnicity is ______________________
e) I speak __________________________
f) I was born in ________________________
g) I’ve been on this earth for ___________________ (# of years)
h) My parents are from _______________________ (country of origin)
i) I’m one of ___ children in my family. (how many children)
j) I’m a _____________, _________________, ______________. (family roles like mother, wife, daughter)
k) I attended ________________, ________________. (schools and universities)
l) My religion is ____________________
m) My political party is ____________________.
n) I belong to ______________________. (clubs and associations)
o) I belong to ______________________. (name of church, temple, mosque)
p) I studied ____________________. (your field of study)
q) I am a ___________________. (career or profession)
r) I am a ___________________. (introvert/extrovert)
s) I drive a ________________________.
t) My hobbies are _________________________.

Beliefs – fill in the blank

Throughout your life, you have collected, compiled and arrived at a certain world view that now consists of your belief system. If you’re like most people, you’re holding onto your belief system for dear life.

Without a strong attachment to beliefs, you might lose your identity. You might lose who you are and everything you know about yourself.

Let’s go through some beliefs – fill in the blanks below.

a)   I believe in the _________________faith  (religious beliefs)

b)   I believe in a ___________________________ (type of government)

c)   I believe that money ________________________ (money beliefs)

d)   I believe success comes from _________________________

e)   I believe people are always __________________________

f)    I believe that happiness comes from ____________________

g)   I believe that hard work ______________________ (fill in the blank)

h)   I believe the luckiest people ___________________ (fill in the blank)

Values – fill in the blank

Think about everything you value in your own life.

These are the qualities that are important to you: qualities that you base your life upon. (If you don’t know what values are, have a look at this comprehensive list of values to help you determine which ones matter most to you.) List all the values on this list that resonate with you.

________________, _________________, _________________

Dreams and life aspirations

What are your dreams? What are you here to achieve? What do you want to accomplish in life? What are you meant to do? Feel free to fill in the following blank with whatever comes to mind right now. There are no right answers and you don’t have to have all the answers.

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

I wanted you to complete the previous exercises so that you can see all the ways you identify yourself. You’ve created a personality and a person based on some facts about yourself.

Now that you’re aware that you have adopted values, beliefs and labels about yourself, I’m going to ask you to challenge yourself and the labels that define you.

I hope you’ll see that you are not these labels, not these identities. These are simply ways you show up in the world and introduce yourself, but they are hardly you.

2)   Step away from yourself.

The key to finding yourself is to realize that many of the beliefs, values and even life experiences you’ve had don’t define you.

If you look at the list of values and beliefs above, you’ll realize that many of the beliefs and thoughts you have about yourself developed throughout the course of your life.

But again, your beliefs, values and life aspirations are not a statement of who you are.

They are not you.

Once you recognize that you are not these external labels or a collection of beliefs, you can open your eyes and discover who the real you is.

The real you or your essence or soul.

Who are you beneath it all?

Who are you when all the beliefs, knowledge, values and labels drop to the wayside?

Who is under there?

Here are 3 practices to help you glimpse your true self.

a) Start becoming more aware of your belief and values system.

Know that you are using values, beliefs and labels in your life like clothes. You have developed them and wear them to help you navigate your life, but they are not permanent. Just like you change clothes, you can change your beliefs, values and life.

Don’t assume that you are one with your labels and values. Step back from these thoughts, beliefs and labels, and see them as a part of you – not you.

b) Get more quiet.

One of the many reasons to delve within yourself is not simply for mental and emotional clarity, but to get to your truth – your inner nature.

There are many practices to still your mind, including meditation and prayer. The quieter your mind gets, the more clearly you are able to see yourself as you truly are.

One of the best ways I’ve gotten to my truth is through daily walks (without my iPhone or smartphone). A daily walk (especially in a natural setting) allows you to become more reflective and introspective.

You have to get more quiet and less busy to get to your true nature.

Quieting yourself allows you to hear your deep inner voice, minus the societal noise and chattering mind talk.

c) Practice observation.

Become more aware of what Michael Singer calls your inner room-mate.

There is you and then there is this person inside of you who is experiencing, thinking and reporting back to you on life. No, I’m not saying you have multiple personalities and voices in your head! What I am saying is that this person inside you is experiencing life and having opinions, thoughts and feelings.

Simply being aware that there is a person inside you making observations and having thoughts is the key to getting to your truth.

Once you realize that you are not this person who is thinking, feeling and having opinions, you’ve cracked the code to yourself.

You are the person underneath all that.

Be observant of this person who thinks, feels and has opinions. Continue to say “hello” to him or her, and live with the knowledge that you have a “person” who resides in your body and who experiences life.

3)   Live your truth.

Getting to the real you is like peeling away layers of an onion.

First, you become aware of the labels you’re using to identify yourself. Then you look at the values and beliefs you’re carrying around in your life.

You start going deeper by looking for this person within who is feeling, thinking and having opinions about the world around you.

You give up attachment to all these things. You realize that all of it is clothing – your values, beliefs, thoughts and feelings that you put on every day. You carry them around in life but, like your clothes, they are not you.

As you go about the world with more awareness, you’ll automatically recognize that whatever thoughts and beliefs you had about yourself no longer define you.

In my case, I have a much different view of myself than I had several years back.

I no longer define myself by my profession or the work I am doing in the world.

When you peel back all the layers, I’m a soulful person trying to fully express my essence. In other words, I’m trying to be in tune with my soul or spirit in all aspects of my life.

And I’m using my journey back to my essence to light the way for others on their own paths back to their true selves. Thus, this blog, my writing, my coaching and the other activities I’m doing throughout the day.

If this sounds completely nuts to you, rest assured that I likely would have agreed a few years back.

In fact, anyone who’s far away from his or her true nature or who denies that we are soulful beings is going to think that people who say things like “expressing my essence” or “lighting the way to others” should receive a sentence of ten years at hard labor.

But that’s not you reading this.

Now, start reflecting on your essence.

When you’ve scrapped all the externalities, who’s in there?

When you remove the beliefs, thoughts, knowledge and fears, who’s left?

When you let go of the thoughts, feelings and opinions, guess what?

You’ve found yourself. That person within you will radiate vibrantly like the sun.

This inner being. This presence. This soul that lies within you. This wise place where you have all knowledge and wisdom – true power and truth.

Once you’re at that place, continue to act from that place.

Allow your spiritual practices to help you unpeel all the other layers to get to this essence. Let the ego and all the other layers we’ve talked about fall to the wayside.

Like a firefly, stay close to this truth that is burning brightly. Live from this place of truth. Make decisions from this place of truth. Live your life from this place of truth.

Treat people from this place of truth.

Go about in the world – your career and your purpose – from this place of truth.

Keep coming back to this truth every day.

Go within so that you’ll find this truth every day.

Let go of everything that is no longer your truth.

Watch your life shift radically as you stop living a made-up life and start living from your true authentic power.

The Untethered Soul: Open Your Heart to Free Your Soul

“The prerequisite to true freedom is to decide that you do not want to suffer anymore.” – Michael Singer

Imagine some of the most painful moments in your life.

Do you think about them often? Does your mind plague you with internal chatter about what happened in the past?

Do you continue to question, replay and rethink what has happened to you?

Do your thoughts (or your “inner roommate,” as Michael Singer calls them) preoccupy your mind and your life?

In The Untethered Soul, Singer shows you how to become more aware of your thoughts, acknowledge your inner being and free yourself from the trappings of your inner turmoil.

You can tone down the internal chitter-chatter and “neurotic bursts of conflicting dialogue” in your mind.

In this book, Singer offers the gift of a peaceful mind and an uncaged soul.

1.    Become aware.

“You are behind everything, just watching. That is your true home,” Singer writes.

The Untethered Soul reminds you of two points: that there’s you and then there’s the sensitive person inside you. Every day, observe this internal being.

Simply watch that sensitive part of you feel disturbance. See it feel jealousy, need, and fear…If you pay attention, you will see that they are not you; they are just something you’re feeling and experiencing,” writes Singer.

Singer reminds you that you are a different person internally than you are externally. Internally, you observe what is going on in your life. When you’re at your center or core, you can witness and even appreciate the difficult experiences you’re encountering.

You sit in a seat of awareness and watch these disturbances and emotions pass you by. You become aware of the drama taking place in the movie of your life.

“Once you learn that it’s okay to feel inner disturbances, you will be free. You will begin to be sustained by the inner energy flow that comes from behind you,” writes Singer.

By being in this state of centeredness, “you can walk in the world and the world will never touch you. That’s how you become a free being – you transcend.”

2. Decide that you do not want to suffer anymore.

You’re constantly shaken up on the inside.

External events take hold of your mind, your soul and your psyche. You regularly think about life’s disturbances.

First your thoughts bother you, continually hammering away at your peace.

Then your emotions bother you, leading your heart and soul to continuous discomfort.

Singer says that you don’t have to be a prisoner of your psyche.

You do not have to engage with your mind.

Disengage. Sit quietly and observe yourself. Become aware of your anxious psyche and thinking mind. Stop looking for solutions and stop expecting that your mind will fix your internal problems.

When someone cuts you off in traffic, is rude to you or doesn’t talk to you, free yourself by disengaging.

Do not get involved with the mechanical, droning thoughts your mind repeats.

The only action you should consciously take is to relax and release.

Singer encourages you to refrain from playing mind games.

Just be there, noticing that you notice. It’s like taking inventory. Just check what’s going on – heart, mind, shoulders, etc.,” he writes.

You’re just there, aware that thoughts and emotions are being created around you, while the world unfolds before your senses.

By consciously choosing not to play mind games, you become more aware of the inner drama your mind creates. By refusing to engage, you set the stage for soul freedom.

No more engagement with your mind and psyche.

Only observance and awareness.

Your external life is a play. A movie, even.

Learn that the way you process and deal with external circumstances is also a movie – something you should watch. You’re not the actor and you don’t have a part to play.

“Right in the midst of your daily life, by untethering yourself from the bondage of your psyche, you actually have the ability to steal freedom for your soul. This freedom is so great it has been given a special name – liberation.”

3.    Learn to accept. 

You may have had emotional problems, childhood situations and past pain that scarred you on the inside.

Emotional damage has caused you to struggle with the events you currently face.

You won’t open yourself to the present because you fear previous circumstances.

When you live like this – clinging to the past and resisting the present – you are wasting your life.

If you learn to accept events as they develop, you won’t see them as problems.

If you don’t have fear or desire about an event, there’s really nothing to deal with. You simply allow life to unfold and interact with it in a natural and rational manner,” Singer says.

If you refuse to compare past circumstances and relationships to current circumstances and relationships, you will have a newfound appreciation for your present experience.

It is what it is. You’re not resisting the present; instead, you’re surrendering to it.

“Learn to stop resisting reality, and what used to look like stressful problems will begin to look like the stepping-stones of your spiritual journey.”

4. Be willing to be open.

You want to protect yourself from pain.

Yet Singer reminds you that once you close your heart to pain and emotional disturbances, you spend a lot of time and energy protecting the safe place you’ve created.

Instead of holding onto things and closing off your heart, be willing to experience the disturbances. Sit fully in the pain’s depth.

If past or present hurts have annoyed or upset you, be open and become aware of them.

A thought or emotion emerges, you notice it, and it passes by because you allow it to,” Singer says. “This technique of freeing yourself is done with the understanding that thoughts and emotions are just objects of consciousness.”

Further, Singer says that when you experience these things you won’t continue to harp on them. You won’t become preoccupied and focused on them, repeatedly experiencing them.

“You just let go. It’s simply a matter of taking the risk that you’re better off letting go than going with the energy. When you’re free from the hold the energy has on you, you will be free to experience the joy and expansiveness that exists within you.”

In Singer’s eyes, the way to attain freedom for your soul is to let go of yourself. Whenever you experience strong negative energy because of everyday annoyances and irritations, simply relax and release.

“If you don’t hold these issues inside, you can go about your life without getting psychologically damaged. No matter what events take place in life, it is always better to let go than to close.”

5.    Let go.

“The law is very straightforward: When your stuff gets hit, let go right then because it will be harder later. It won’t be easier if you explore it or play with it, hoping to take the edge off,” Singer says.

No matter what goes on below you, open your heart and let it go. Your heart will become purified, and you will never know another fall.”

Singer encourages you to release the sensitivity and pain you’re clinging to. If you open up internally and let go of the negativity you’re experiencing, you will release the blocked energy within you.

“When it’s released and allowed to follow up, it becomes purified and merges back into your center of consciousness. This energy then strengthens you instead of weakening you.”

Regardless of what you experience or how heavy, pained or irritated something makes you feel, choose to let go. It’s the only way to grow spiritually, as it will prevent the disturbance or offense from hampering you for the rest of your life.

6.    Do not fear inner pain and disturbance.

Do you try to avoid pain? Do you run away from it at all costs?

I know I do. I have tried to create boundaries so I don’t have to experience discomfort or pain.

Singer says there’s no reason to fear internal pain.

He asks you to think of pain as something temporary, simply passing through your system.

If you don’t get comfortable with pain in your life, “you will react by closing in order to protect yourself. Once you close, your mind will build an entire psychological structure around the closure.”

An alternative is to experience the pain momentarily, then release it.

View pain as energy flowing through your body. “Stay open and receptive so you can be present right where the tension is. You must be willing to be present right at the place of tightness and pain, and then relax and go even deeper. This is very deep growth and transformation.”

If you resist pain, it will haunt you even more.

Simply experience, face and release the pain you store in your heart. On the other side of that pain are beauty, love, joy and peace. So are, Singer says, ecstasy, freedom and true greatness.

When you open yourself to the pain traveling through you, you become free and pain will never again bother you. It won’t remain, but will disappear as the energy of its fire goes up in smoke.

Once you transform pain into deep love and experience – the beauty on the other side of pain – you will find soul freedom.

When you are willing to pay this price for soul freedom, you will experience great spiritual growth.