“Oh no, not I. I will survive – Oh as long as I know how to love, I know I will stay alive.” Gloria Gaynor
After your divorce, the world as you know it flips upside down.
Your colorful world turns black and white. Hope disappears and your dreams vanish.
What do you do now to piece your life back together when you have no plans, dreams or future that you can see? What do you do after the disruption and chaos of heartbreak? How do you start over after divorce?
Here are 8 tips to create a new action plan and start over after divorce and build a new life for yourself.
1. Take care of yourself.
The most important thing you can do to start over is to care for yourself after your divorce.
♥ Find friends, family or colleagues who will be there for you, listen to you and help you survive this difficult period.
♥ If your feelings are overwhelming, reach out to counselors or therapists you can share your feelings with.
♥ Be willing to explore and accept what you’re feeling instead of resisting it. Consider writing in a journal about what you’re feeling and experiencing.
♥ Take time off from work if possible, or take an extended vacation to care for your health, mind and spirit. (To learn about the Self-Romance manifesto, click here)
♥ Try yoga, meditation, running, exercise or other healthy ways of caring for yourself.
♥ Be mindful of the thoughts and words you use towards yourself. When you want to blame and judge yourself, opt for kindness and compassion instead.
2. Forgiveness
The earlier you forgive after your divorce, the easier it will be to move on.
Forgive first; don’t wait until you get to a place of wanting to forgive.
Write a letter to your ex, forgiving him or her for all the ways he or she hurt you. Also, include a letter asking forgiveness for your part of the relationship.
Do not send this letter. It’s only for you to write and then read out loud.
3. Take it one day at a time
You’re going to feel in a daze and like you don’t have a future.
You just have to get through each day. Plan what you need to do today and get that done. Nothing less, nothing more.
Simply going to work, going for a walk or preparing lunch is enough.
Don’t worry about the future for now.
4. Get clear on who you are
Your thoughts will be on your ex and the pain you’re feeling.
When both subside, try to get a better idea of who you are and discover your essence.
Figure out your values and what matters to you. Prioritize your life based on what’s important, and ruthlessly remove everything that isn’t.
When you’re starting over, you can start anew – you pick what you want in your life and what needs to go.
5. Open your heart and awaken your soul.
Now is the time to go within and find out who you are; remove all the layers of your character that your relationship has hidden.
It’s time to reflect on how you showed up in your relationship and how your behavior contributed to the relationship.
Heartbreak is an opportune time to connect with your spirit and soul.
Walk in nature, meditate, watch a sunset or visit a natural setting – anything that allows you to get quiet and go within. Make time to connect with this wisdom-filled and light-shining part of yourself.
6. Visualize a new life for yourself
You might not be ready for a new life or able to imagine that one exists, but it does.
You can create a new life for yourself – one that’s richer and better than the one you had with your ex.
Close your eyes and take yourself into the future. Paint a picture of what you’d like to see and what your ideal life is like.
Hold this visualization in your mind’s eye until it manifests itself in your life.
7. Pursue your heart’s calling
Do you have a dream or lifelong desire to do something with your life?
Is this experience of heartbreak helping you realize why you’re here on earth?
A big shake-up like a divorce can help you clarify your life’s purpose and transition into it.
A divorce can help you lessen your fears, get clarity in your life and obtain the courage to live your purpose.
8. Stay hopeful and welcome new beginnings.
Yes, you’ve gone through turmoil and pain, but continue to stay hopeful.
You’ve suffered the worst and survived excruciating pain; now your life can only get better. Suffering doesn’t last forever, and brighter days are on the horizon.
Allow your divorce to welcome new changes, new beginnings and a new life.
When you’ve dried your tears and lessened your pain, your best life awaits you – one filled with happiness, peace and a supportive relationship. Remember, you can start over and you can survive this divorce.
To pick up a copy of my book, 10 Sacred Laws of Healing a Broken Heart, to help you heal from heartbreak, click here.