by Vishnu | Mar 2, 2015 | Life Coaching
Why does Apple make standout products that so many people want?
Why do people tattoo Harley-Davidson tattoos on their bodies?
How did Southwest Airlines create the most profitable airline in the United states?
Some companies get it. They’re able to have fun, make money, inspire those around them and help the planet at the same time.
We know what these companies do and how they do it but Simon Sinek’s book, Start with Why, digs into the ‘why’ behind these companies.
“By Why I mean what is your purpose, cause or belief? Why does you company exist? Why do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”
Sinek talks about Apple frequently in his book because we all are familiar with their company and products. Apple doesn’t say, “we make great computers. They’re beautifully designed, simple to use and user-friendly.”
Instead, they start with their why: “Everything we do , we believe in challenging the status quo. We believe in thinking differently. The way we challenge the status quo is by making our products beautifully designed, simple to use and user-friendly.”
“Apple starts with WHY, a purpose, cause or belief that has nothing to do with WHAT they do” Sinek writes. “It’s worth repeating; people don’t buy what they do, they buy WHY they do it.”
Same reason people are so passionate about Harley Davidson. In Start With Why, a former US marine and general manager of a Harley-Davidson store proudly sports a Harley tattoo on his left arm. “It symbolizes who I am,” he says, “Mostly, it says I’m an American.”
“The meaning of Harley-Davidson has value in people’s lives because, for those who believe in Harley’s WHY, it help them express the meaning of their own lives.” Sinek writes.
Southwest Airlines has a similar story. In the 1970’s, Southwest began as a champion for the common man – to make flying accessible to all. “Those who could relate to Southwest, those who saw themselves as average Joes, now had an alternative to the big airlines.” Southwests’s ability to stay true to their cause, and more importantly embrace their “Why” is what has made them the most profitable airline in the United States.
What does this have to do with you?
People, like you and I, also have our “why’s” in life but we never pay much attention to them.
Do you want to know your purpose?
Do you want to know why you exist?
Do you want the Gods to reveal to you the very reason for your being?
Unfortunately, you’ve probably looked in all the wrong places all this time.
Your reason for being isn’t locked up in some secret cave or hidden from you by some spiritual master.
You have the ability and tools you need to discover your why.
Know exactly why you were put on this earth.
How?
As the Godfather of personal development, Tony Robbins, points out, “values guide our every decision and therefore, our destiny.”
“If (you) want the deepest level of life fulfillment, you can achieve it only one way, and that is doing what these two men have done: by deciding upon what we value most in life, what our highest values are and the committing to live by them every single day,” writes Robbins in his classic book, Awaken the Giant Within.
“Too often, people have no clear idea of what’s important to them. They waffle on any issue; the world is a mass of gray to them; they never take a stand for anything or anyone.”
You have a different set of values than I do. So does each person you know.
Your values and your values alone will make you happy, bring you immense pleasure, joy, bliss, fulfillment and find in a drunken state of excitement.
On the other hand, if you’re not living your values, you likely despise your life, hate your job, want to strangle everyone you see every day.
If you feel unfulfilled, directionless and purposeless, you’re most likely not living your “Why”. You’re not living your values.
Live in alignment with your values and decisions will become easy. Choices will become black and white.
What action you take next or what you do with your life will seem like no-brainers.
But having values-confusion and or just not knowing what your values are will cause a lot of unwanted frustration, pain and misery.
Tim Brownson, life coach extrodainaire, my personal life coach and teacher of life coaches says it best: in his online best-seller, Aligning With Your Core Values, “When you see the core of values of an individual, you are effectively viewing his or her identity, and you are almost getting a window into his or her soul.”
Find your values.
Before you can live your values and enjoy life to the fullest, you have to discover what your values are.
Values exist within you. It’s shaped by a lifetime of living, your beliefs, your understanding of the world, your perspective on life, your family background, your politics and religion.
Your values get to the very core of who you are.
It’s for this reason that Tim not only discusses values at length on his site but in his excellent life coaching course for coaches, which I had the benefit of taking, Tim delves deep into values and discusses how to elicit values from clients.
(On a side note, Tim’s course is an excellent crash-course for up and coming life coaches. Tim not only packs in a ton of information in practical terms based on his personal coaching experience with hundreds of clients, but teaches the nuts and bolts of coaching, marketing and helping clients achieve results in the quickest possible time. p.s. Tim – send a check made out to me at…)
Tim provides a structure to find our values within. First, being aware of the many values that are out there and then asking you to reflect on your life to determine your most important values are.
For example, Tim provided us a list of the common values that people base their life on: peace, freedom, integrity, love, passion, loyalty, adventure, and dozens of other sample values.
Once you recognize your values, Tim advises prioritizing them and ranking them from your most important value to your least important.
Finally, he encourages life coaches to help clients get clarity with each value, understanding what that particular value means to each person.
Values like freedom, peace, humor, fun or adventure have different meaning to different people so Tim encourages you to get as specific as possible with your what a value means to you.
Live your values.
Once you’ve acknowledged your values, it’s time to see if you’re living your values. Time to look at the way you’re living your life, the work that you do, the relationships that you have and what you’re doing on a day to day basis.
If there’s frustration, if you’re feeling unfulfilled or resistant towards certain tasks or people or goals, you’re more than likely experiencing a life conflict or values conflict. Your are not living your life according to the values you’ve created your life around.
Conflicts can be internal and external. For example, if you value freedom, fun and humor, you’re more than like going to hate your job as a computer programmer.
If you’re a peaceful, justice-loving spiritual hippie of a person, your badge and job as a police officer isn’t going to cut it.
The power of values.
Are you ready to change your life?
Ready to examine, understand, analyze and live your values?
How are 3 ways to discover your values so you can start living
1) Hire a life coach to help you see if your life is in alignment with your values.
2) Pick up Tim’s book, the more advanced version for life coaches will give you plenty of insights and expertise to not only discover your life values but help others understand theirs.
3) Go through the list of values from a list like this and note your top 8 values. Rank them and prioritize them by values of importance. Then, examine your job, relationships, and life and see if your life fits those values.
Success, fortune, weekend getaways to the Cannes Film festival, notoriety and fame await those of you who are living in tune with your values.
You’d be unstoppable if your life values are in symmetry with your life.
If they’re not, you’ve now been let in on the mighty little secret to life fulfillment and satisfaction.
Is it time to figure out your ‘why’ in life? Are you living your values or is it time for a values tune-up?
by Vishnu | Feb 21, 2015 | Life Coaching
When you’re stuck on the road, you need a car coach. We call him a mechanic.
When you’re days away from your 20th high school reunion and want to lose 20 pounds fast, you need a gym coach. We call her a trainer.
And if you’re trying to eat healthier or switch to a vegetarian diet, you need … yes … a cooking coach. They do exist!
But what exactly is a life coach?
In a nutshell, a life coach is someone who helps you live the life you want to live.
At first, some lovely people, like your parents or boss at work might seem like life coaches.
They’ll say things like, “Get an MBA” “Take the promotion,” “Buy a house,” or “Put in the hours to move up the command chain.” However, one small problem exists with this kind of coaching … it may have nothing whatsoever to do with what you want out of life.
When you end up pleasing others and receiving coaching from people who want the best for you, but ultimately want you to do what THEY want you to do, you’ll live a miserable life. You’ll live someone else’s life. You’ll live a society-prescribed life that won’t fulfill YOU.
A life coach is an agent who helps you tap into your highest self, discover what you want and figure out how to get there.
Once you work with a coach to discover what it is you want out of life, you will then begin the road to achieving it.
See, a lot of times in our lives, before we accomplish anything – a goal, a dream, a life-changing decision – we have to confront our beliefs, value systems and limiting thoughts.
Most of the time our minds crush our dreams and goals before we start.
A life coach can help you examine your beliefs, get aligned with your intuition and overcome the objections or obstacles in front of you.
A life coach can help you gain clarity by listening intently, helping you see what’s going on in your life and helping you shift your perspective so that you can move forward.
If you have no idea what you want to do with your life or what the reason for your existence is, a life coach can help.
If your professional career frustrates you and you want more control of your work life – a work life that’s more personally satisfying – a life coach can help.
If you need to stop moving in one direction and change course (while following an action plan that will help you do just that), call a life coach!
What can life coaching do for you?
Life coaching can help you face the resistance and limiting beliefs that prevent you from living your best life.
Life coaching can help you get to where you want to be. It’s like GPS for your life, without the annoying “wrong turn” messages your GPS machine barks at you.
Life coaching can help you evaluate your choices, clarify decisions and get super clear about your “why” in life – yes, your purpose!
Sure, you can “figure it out” on your own, but that could require the passage of several years, a number of therapy sessions and the emergence of dramatic circumstances that force you to take action. Or you can cut the crap, start being accountable to yourself and do what your heart desires today.
Will your coach hypnotize you or put you under a spell? (or, what tools do life coaches use?)
Most likely, your life coach won’t hypnotize you, dunk you underwater or cast a spell on you.
Life coaches rely on the power of listening, powerful questions and intuition (both theirs and your own) to move you toward the best course of action for your life.
It’s important to note that a life coach doesn’t tell you what you “should” or “need” to do with your life. A coach guides you so that you discover your values, goals and dreams, and then helps you bring them to life.
Life coaches challenge you when you feel you can’t, believe it won’t work or never thought of trying.
They re-frame and shift your perspective, ask what you can learn from a hopeless situation, show you how to move on in the face of failure and even help you discover the lessons you can learn from your current circumstances.
They help you brainstorm, stay accountable and stay true to your dreams when the going gets tough and the resistance creeps in.
They focus on helping you get unstuck and make those changes you desire in your life, relationships and career.
When is the best time to get a life coach?
There is no good or bad time for a coach.
Many people find coaching necessary during low points in their lives or when they face transitional circumstances.
If you’re stuck, if you’ve fallen down or if you feel knocked down by a roller-coaster set of life events (divorce, breakup, job dissatisfaction), you might consider coaching.
But you don’t need to be down on your luck or facing Godzilla-size problems to seek help from a life coach.
If you feel as though you’re not moving ahead in life, if you feel shackled by your fears, or if you simply trudge along without a purpose or mission, it may be time to get a coach.
If you know you could be doing a lot better than you are now and want to live a richer or more fulfilling life, consider life coaching.
What makes a good life coach?
A life coach should have three critical skills.
It’s my view that listening and presence are the most valuable tools a life coach offers. A coach must be capable of understanding what you’re saying and uncovering what you may be denying or resisting. They must be willing to shut up and listen so that they can get to the root of your frustrations and struggles.
A good life coach also knows the power of relevant questions and curiosity. They use questions to unearth your desires and discover your calling. Questions will help uncover your limiting beliefs and self-doubts.
Finally, intuition is an important part of the life coaching process. A good life coach can tap into his or her intuition and help you see things that might not be readily visible. Not only will you benefit from the life coach’s intuitive touch, you’ll find that your own intuition becomes clearer.
Those gut feelings are more accurate than you can imagine. Be prepared to tune in and let your strong internal whispers guide you.
How is a life coach different from a therapist?
In life coaching, you and your coach sit on the same couch.
Your coach does not interrogate, interview, examine or diagnose you.
You don’t delve into your past, heal emotional wounds or try to figure out what went wrong. A life coach can’t cure depression or anxiety, or offer a medical diagnosis.
Life coaches deal with the here and now. They take your life as it is and help you make improvements to it. It’s a collaborative and co-active process that helps you design and achieve your best life.
Life coaches believe that you have the answers and help you navigate your beliefs and values toward a place of fulfillment.
Therapists treat you for specific conditions and help you cope emotionally.
Life coaches help you navigate life and live the life you want.
Why did you need a life coach yesterday?
Sure, you might “figure it out” on your own or start on your dreams “someday,” but if that someday is long overdue, you needed a life coach yesterday.
If you’re stuck and frustrated because you haven’t made any movement in your life and you need a catalyst to get going, you needed a life coach yesterday.
If you decided to run a marathon, save the Bengal tiger or take some action toward a new career but didn’t get out of bed until noon, you probably needed a life coach yesterday.
Is now the time for life coaching?
If you’re tired of living a mediocre life or feel unfulfilled and trapped by the life you’re living, it’s time for you to coach up.
You can do it on your own, but a coach just might help you accelerate the process by a year or two or ten.
Are you ready for life coaching today?
*If you’re in need of coaching that will help you discover your purpose or transition out of a un-fulfilling career, visit my coaching page here.
*Photo credit
by Vishnu | Dec 22, 2014 | Life Coaching, Personal Development, Perspective
“A shoe factory sends two marketing scouts to a region of Africa to study the prospects for expanding business. One sends back a telegram saying,
SITUATION HOPELESS STOP NO ONE WEARS SHOES
The other writes back triumphantly,
GLORIOUS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY STOP THEY HAVE NO SHOES”
Anyone interested in shifting his or her perspective when facing challenges or in changing the framework through which he or she sees the world should pick up The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander.
The Zander duo consists of Ben, who is conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, and Roz, a family therapist. The Zanders point out that if we draw a different frame around the same circumstances in our lives, we will see new possibilities and options.
“Find the right framework and extraordinary accomplishment becomes an everyday experience.”
The book offers 12 practices to help you shift your perspective and open new possibilities for your life. You may not be able to change the circumstances you’re facing but you can change how you deal with those situations.
Here are brief descriptions of 12 lessons from The Art of Possibility:
1. It’s all invented.
When you’re looking at a problem, all the assumptions you make about it are in your mind. The Zanders remind us that a problem is not simply a half-story you tell yourself, but rather something you make up entirely.
“The frames our minds create define – and confine – what we perceive to be possible. Every problem, every dilemma, every dead end we find ourselves facing in life, only appears unsolvable inside a particular frame or point of view.
Enlarge the box, or create another frame around the data, and problems vanish, while new opportunities appear.”
2. Stepping into a universe of possibility.
Imagine no limitations exist; the universe is abundant, open and infinite.
If you have an attitude of abundance instead of a mentality of scarcity, you’re more likely to find new business, new opportunities and new possibilities.
If you participate joyfully in tasks and projects, you’re more likely to be successful.
If you are inclusive and passionate in your life, you’re likely to see greater abundance.
The Zanders encourage you to step away from the world of measurements and scarcity. “In the measurement world,” they write, “you set a goal and strive for it. In the universe of possibility, you set the context and let life unfold.”
3. Giving an A.
“You can give an A to anyone in any walk of life – to a waitress, to your employer, to your mother-in-law, to the members of the opposite team and to the drivers in traffic,” the Zanders write.
For example, Ben Zander, as a conductor, found many of his students in a state of anxiety and stress over their performances. They wouldn’t take risks and feared failure. To combat this kind of energy and thinking, Ben gave every student in his class an A at the beginning of the course.
To retain this grade, each student had only to write a letter telling Mr. Zander, in as much detail as possible, what he or she had done to earn the A, and how the student had changed and grown by the end of the year. The student also had to describe to Mr. Zander the kind of person he or she had become.
An automatic and advance-graded A breaks barriers and enlivens a person’s actions. It lets him or her speak freely about his or her thoughts and feelings, and support others in their own dreams.
“The practice of giving an A transports your relationships from the world of measurement into the universe of possibilities,” the Zanders write.
“This A is not an expectation to live up to, but a possibility to live into.”
4. Being a contribution.
In this practice, you wake up every morning with the idea that you are a gift to others.
Contribution actually involves two practices: “1) declare yourself to be a contribution and 2) throw yourself into life as someone who makes a difference, accepting that you may not understand how or why.”
When you contribute, you forget about scarcity and dwell in the pond of abundance. You go from self-concern to making a difference for others.
Notice how the things you do help others. See and imagine how everything you do sends out ripples beyond the horizon.
5. Leading from any chair.
The conductor is not the only leader of an orchestra.
You can lead from any chair you’re sitting in. The act of leadership is not limited to people in leadership positions.
Anyone can lead – “the player who energizes the orchestra by communicating his newfound appreciation for the tasks of the conductor, or a parent who fashions in her own mind that her children desire to contribute, is exercising leadership of the most profound kind.”
How do you know if you’re fulfilling your role as a leader? You can look into the eyes of the players you’re leading in the orchestra or on the work team and ask yourself, “Who am I being that their eyes are not shining?”
As a leader, you “can invite information and expression. [You] can speak to their passion. [You] can look for an opportunity to hand them the baton.”
It doesn’t matter who you are and where you sit; you can inspire and lead others from anywhere – even without a title or position.
6. Rule Number 6.
The Zanders relate a joke in which two prime ministers converse about Rule Number 6. When one prime minister hears the continued reference to “Rule Number 6,” he turns and asks the other, “Would you be willing to share with me the secret of Rule Number 6?” The other responds, “Rule Number 6 is ‘Don’t take yourself so goddamn seriously.’”
Rule Number 6 is a reminder to lighten up and not take yourself so seriously!
When you lighten up, you release yourself from egoistic and self-limiting beliefs.
“When we follow Rule number 6 and lighten up over our childish demands and entitlements, we are instantly transported into a remarkable universe. The new universe is cooperative in nature, and pulls for the realization of all our cooperative desires.”
7. The way things are.
This involves acceptance of what is, as well as presence and making the best of any situation.
When you’re present and not resisting the current situation, you are free to turn to the question, “What do we want to do from here?”
“…the capacity to be present to everything that is happening, without resistance, creates possibility. It creates possibility in the same way that, if you are far-sighted, finding your glasses revives your ability to read or remove a splinter from a child’s finger. At last you can see. You can leave behind the struggle to come to terms with what is in front of you, and move on.”
When you accept that things are the way they are, instead of complaining and resisting, you’re in a position to make the best of the situation. You’re allowed visions, dreams and appreciation for your current place. You’re more open to finding solutions or to making the best of the situation in your mind.
Being present with the present lets options and dreams come alive.
You’ll live in a place of freedom and possibilities when you’re comfortable with this moment.
8. Giving way to passion.
To give way to passion, “participate wholly. Allow yourself to be a channel to shape the stream of passion into a new expression for the world.”
Life has made many of us conformers, and has given us structure and limitations. Urban life highlights our rigidness and lack of vitality.
Your life will change when you “transcend the barriers of personal survival and become a unique conduit for its vital energy.”
Access the electric socket of passion, energy and possibility in your life.
Participate, engage and immerse yourself in your passions.
9. Lighting a spark.
This practice talks about inspiring others to pursue passion. It’s about spreading passion and lighting possibilities in the eyes and lives of others.
Imagine that others want to feel the same spark and electric sense of possibility that you feel. Be available and invite others who are ready to catch their spark and live their dreams.
The Zanders describe this idea as playing together in a field of light. The steps include being ready to participate, being willing to be moved and inspired and offering that which lights you up. Also, know that others are willing and eager to catch the spark.
When others say “no” to your idea or passion, they might be saying simply that they don’t see the same possibility you do.
Inspire others and share with them the very things that light you up.
Encourage and motivate others who are ready to join you.
10. Being the board.
Declare, “I am the framework for everything that happens in my life.”
As Roz mentions to Ben in a particular situation in this chapter, “You can always grace yourself with responsibility for anything that happens in your life. You can always find within yourself the source of any problem you have.”
This practice isn’t about blaming yourself or feeling at fault for your circumstances. It is about exploring the assumptions you make about what’s happening in your life and, ultimately, taking responsibility for them.
When you’re “being the board,” so to speak, you question your assumptions, determine how your perspective or outlook led to the situation at hand and take responsibility for how you got there.
You’re not looking to place blame elsewhere or on others. You are doing the constructive work of understanding how you got to where you are – and without blaming yourself, either.
“Gracing yourself with responsibility for everything that happens in your life leaves your spirit whole, and leaves you free to choose again.”
11. Creating frameworks for possibility.
The practice in this chapter involves creating frameworks that cultivate possibility.
The Zanders suggest the following: “Make a new distinction in the realm of possibility: one that is a powerful substitute for the current framework of meaning that is generating the downward spiral.”
Don’t go with the flow toward an idea or concept that’s spiraling downward to the abyss.
Come up with bold, visionary missions and ideas that stand confidently in the world.
Find the courage and boldness to stand with your ideas and to face the direction where you’d like to lead people.
Look at the magical powers you have. Become more conscious of the way you use words, and define new frameworks of possibilities. Stand out and advocate for your bold ideas. Bring out the part in your audience that is the most contributory, most free and most open to participation.
12. Telling the “we” story.
Can you move on from the story of “you and me” and “us and them,” and get to “we”?
Can you go from a place of division, conflict and hostility to a place of enthusiasm and togetherness? A place of friendship and cooperation?
The Zanders write, “The WE appears when, for the moment, we set aside the story of fear, competition, and struggle, and tell its story.”
Ask: “‘What do WE want to have happen here?’
‘What’s best for US?’ – all of each of us, and all of all of us.
What’s OUR next step?”
Permit the barriers that separate us to dissolve and act from a place where all of us benefit, together.
All of us can find solutions that work for everyone. This involves taking the individual “I’s” and meshing them into a powerful, collective “we.” This is something we can practice from any chair, on any day, in any room or any environment.
“The practice of the WE draws on all the other practices. And if you attune your ear, you will hear the voice of the We singing through each one of them in harmony.”
While I’ve tried to explain the many practices the book outlines, pick up a copy of The Art of Possibility to understand the examples and the reasoning behind each of the practices I’ve described.
If you’re ready to open your mind to new ways of thinking and to an abundance of possibilities that make all your dreams come true, this transformational book is a must read.