Imagine you wake up one day and meet your dreamy lover.
She’s smart. Funny. Interesting. Educated. High-achieving. Focused. Resilient. Easy to talk to. Down to earth.
Yes, I believe in the power of intention and the power of manifestation, but never have I seen it work so powerfully as it did late last year.
So, now that I’m “over” the whole divorce thing, healed from the past, fixed thanks to therapy, reconnected with spirit, and in alignment with myself, I felt that there was no better time to meet someone new.
Of course, most people meet someone new by going on a dating website.
Or letting their happily married friends set them up.
Or showing up at a gathering with like-minded people, etc, etc.
Naturally, I did what I do best – I wrote.
So I wrote and wrote and wrote about this ideal, dreamy lover.
I described the most “perfect” person I wanted in my life. I didn’t do this once, but several times over the course of a couple of months. I tried to get as clear as I could about who I was looking for.
And through a series of events, the internet and Skype, I found myself mesmerized by a Goddess!
She was enchanting, she was brilliant, she was funny, she was a doctor, she was Indian, she had a similar background, she volunteered, she was hard-working, ambitious and, oh yeah, did I mention? Gorgeous.
And she appeared to me as an enchanting Indian princess. She was like Freida Pinto, Amala Paul, and Priyanka Chopra all rolled into one.
How was this happening, I wondered.
I thought the Gods must have opened up the heavens to bless me with this attractive, talented and intelligent woman.
We emailed, we spoke, we chatted, we Skyped. I was swept off my feet and in a dreamy daze.
I heard wedding bells every time I saw her text on my phone.
However, let me break the bubble of this love story and bring us back to reality. It didn’t quite work out.
In all of my visualizations and in my writing, I had missed something important.
I forgot about the stuff that matters most – values.
See, I had forgotten my own advice to stay true to what really mattered in relationships – values that you both hold dear.
This is where we differed significantly.
She valued her career, her industry, her achievements and everything that her hard work had brought her. I’m not saying that her values were wrong.
They just didn’t fit with mine.
We each saw the world very differently.
Many of the things I valued are internal – compassion, simplicity, freedom and spirit.
While I don’t look down on her values (her values are her values), I had to really come to terms with the fact that this couldn’t work. As alluring as her achievements were and as beautiful as she was and as thrilled as I was, I knew that this romance wouldn’t last long.
I share this story with you for two reasons. One, to show you that visualization works. Two, to show you that if it doesn’t work exactly the way you want, you can work on getting clearer about YOUR dream guy or woman.
Here are 5 quick tips on how you can visualize a dreamy lover. (And even better, a free visualization worksheet you can print out and use to manifest your dream partner.)
1) See.
I want you to imagine as clearly as possible the kind of partner you’d like to have in your life. You might think about the physical appearance, height and clothing of this person, but I urge you to go deeper. Think about their voice, their demeanor and their personality.
Think about their qualities, their values and how they make you feel. Yes, it’s all imaginary, but the more real your imagination, the more likely you’ll see someone like this materialize in person. Feel free to consider the type of work they do and the field they work in.
The sky’s the limit with visualization – allow your mind to see as much detail as you want.
2) Feel.
Once you’re done seeing this in your mind’s eye, feel what it would be like to have this person show up in your life. Go through all the feelings of the excitement you’ll experience upon meeting and being with this person.
Now experience how it would feel to meet and spend time with your partner. Capture those feelings of joy and excitement with this person who will soon be showing up.
3) Write.
Now put all the pieces together and cement this visualization through a writing exercise. You can do the exercise first, or you can do it after you visualize it. Either way, there’s something magical about writing about your dream partner on paper. It takes the abstract and makes it real.
Write down the exact type of person you’d like to see in your life. I’ve made it easy for you and put together a worksheet that will walk you through this writing process. It’s the exact process I used when I visualized this dreamy woman who showed up in my life.
Here are the questions and the prompts on this two-page worksheet. Print it out, fill it out and make a practice of doing this for a month. Check out the last question also to help you address any internal blocks that might prevent you from meeting this person.
4) Do your part.
Now, this isn’t magic per se or some kind of hocus pocus. I’m not going to talk about the law of attraction or any such thing. I’d like to think of this process simply as cultivating your energy and turning your subconscious thoughts into reality.
Doing your part means doing the writing and the visualization exercises.
It also means doing your part in getting out there, being available to meet people and taking concrete steps toward opening your life to a relationship.
Finally, doing your part means improving yourself, working on your inner and outer selves and being connected to your personal growth. You’re going to attract the person of your dreams only when you’re putting out the same energy in life as he or she is.
5) Welcome.
Once you’ve completed the visualizing and done your part to meet new people, get ready to welcome this wonderful person into your life.
Don’t run away from good things. Yes, it is entirely possibly that your dream partner will show up and that you did your part by manifesting them.
Yes, this manifestation is partly through your mind and vision, but you’ve also likely been doing the work to attract this person. You’ve been doing the work to become the best and highest version of yourself.
Don’t push this person away and don’t run from him or her. Give the person a fair shot. See if the man or woman you dreamed up is the real deal. If yes, celebrate. If not, go back to the drawing board and clarify your visualizations even more.
To download the Dreamy Lover worksheet, print it out here: ManifestDreamPartner.
For my books on attracting your dreamy lover, check out Love After Heartbreak here and Does True Love Existhere (affiliate links) I wish you manifest your dreamy lover today.
“…the search for the perfect person to ‘fix’ us is one of our biggest psychic wounds, and one of the ego’s most powerful delusions…” Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
Are you having difficulty finding Mr. or Ms. Right?
Have you spent years, decades even, looking for that dreamy, ideal person who will complete you and make you whole?
If you’re like me, you’re probably dreaming up this man or woman who will uncompromisingly love you, heal your wounds and be your emotional soulmate.
Each of us desires this “holy relationship” and seeks a partner who will love and complete us.
I’m guilty of this.
Friends and family of late have been introducing me to women whom they say are “perfect” for me.
I’ve chatted with some, emailed a few and even met a couple, but each encounter has ended quickly.
I’ve found faults with every one of them, and have come up with reasons why each person will not do.
I don’t know if I was looking for a partner as much as I was looking for a savior.
Marianne Williamson’s book, A Return to Love, was my wake-up call.
Marianne Williamson, a spiritual teacher and author, points out that we are being delusional when we seek this ideal or “perfect” relationship. These fantasy notions of the ideal person are nothing more than our ego at work.
While we seek wholeness and love, our fantasies of the ideal, in fact, separate us and prevent us from having the love we desire.
What your ego is doing when you seek this special and magical relationship is arguing that the love you need must come from someone else and that only one special person can fill the deep hole in your heart.
This thought comes from a belief that you’re separate from love.
The desire for that one special person symbolizes the separation and the guilt you feel because of it. In search of love, you separate yourself from divine love. You separate yourself from the love within.
You don’t believe that everything you have and need is already within you – so now you have to seek love. This is the separation.
“This is why so much anger is often aroused in our closest relationships,” Marianne writes. “We’re projecting onto someone else the rage we feel against ourselves for cutting off our own love.”
Your ego tells you that the special person will heal your pain. The movies, the media and advertising reinforce this message – that there’s someone out there who will heal you and make you whole.
The reality of the matter is that you – and I – don’t “need” someone else.
You believe you’re not whole when, in fact, you are.
You think you’re not enough when, in fact, you are.
You don’t feel you have enough love within when, in fact, you do.
“Special love is a ‘blind’ love, seeking to heal the wrong wound.”
Our ego, in its lost and confused state, asks, “What can I get?” instead of, “What can I give?”
The ego blinds us and “…seeks to use other people to fulfill our needs as we define them.”
In our search for a special relationship, we are continually fearful because we believe that if we get too honest or too vulnerable, the special person will leave.
We try to become people we’re not. In the process, “we’re actually fostering our own self-hatred and lack of self-esteem.”
You can transform your views of relationships by adapting what the Course in Miracles describes as the “holy relationship.”
“A holy relationship starts from a different premise. Each one has looked within and seen no lack. Accepting his/her completion, (s)he would extend it by joining with another, whole as himself/herself.”
The holy relationship is a friendship. It is a relationship of support, forgiveness and healing one another.
Instead of being a relationship in which we expect our partners to be a certain way or to never press our buttons, the holy relationship drops judgment, gets rid of any personal agendas and shares pure love between partners.
“We love purely when we release other people to be who they are.”
Instead of changing someone, extend love and compassion to them. Love them fully for who they are today.
A holy relationship allows you to be yourself, wounds and all.
A holy relationship is “a common state of mind, where both give errors gladly to correction, that both may happily be healed as one.”
Your goal in a relationship is not to find someone who will heal you and change your life. Your goal isn’t to find someone who will take away the pain and fill the hole in your heart.
This is a romantic notion, perpetuated by storybooks and movies. Think of a relationship as a school for love.
What if our relationships brought our pain to the surface?
They would demand that we use all of our human skills to cultivate “compassion, acceptance, release, forgiveness and selflessness.”
Don’t expect or desire a relationship that will take away your pain. Don’t expect a perfect person who is “complete” or “finished” in his or her growth.
Marianne orders us to stop glorifying romantic love.
“We seek desperately for love, but it is that same desperation that leads us to destroy it once it gets here. Thinking that one special person is going to save us tempts us to load an awful lot of emotional pressure on whoever comes along that we think might fit the bill.”
Think of a relationship as an opportunity. As learning. As a school to expand your heart and become more loving.
When you’re learning about and removing the obstacles that prevent you from loving yourself, you won’t have to harp on someone else. Instead of finding ways to change someone else or fix someone else, you have the opportunity to work on yourself, heal yourself and love yourself.
You don’t have to find a perfect person – any person can be your spiritual teacher and lesson.
Instead of looking for love and blocking love when it shows up, we need to work on ourselves.
Working on yourself means loving yourself. It means “…learning how to support another person in being the best that they can be.”
“Partners are meant to have a priestly role in each other’s lives. They are meant to help each other access the highest parts within themselves.”
How do you do this, you’re asking?
To change your perception of relationships, Marianne suggests in her book, A Return to Love, a twofold process of noticing and prayer.
1. “I see my error or dysfunctional pattern.”
2. “I ask God to take it from me.”
When you’re asking God, you are committing to the choice to let healing occur on your own.
This means the choice to make a change in your life.
You have the power within you to make the changes, to heal yourself and love yourself.
Instead of replaying past events or continuously reminding yourself of emotional wounds, actual change occurs because of decisions on your part – the decision to heal and the decision to change.
Marianne concludes by saying that you have the power to reprogram your emotional computer.
You can establish a new pattern of thinking, a new way to respond and a new way to live.
Your own healing is available to you through the choices you make.
Underneath your pain, suffering and wounds lies your true nature.
You can return to love by making the decision to do so.
To pick up a copy or A Return to Love, click here.
You won’t be able to find love or love completely until you work on inner love for yourself.
I’ve rewritten and now releasing this new ebook on Amazon, called the Self-Romance Manifesto. It contains 21 ways to end self-loathing and self-hate and practice self-love. You can pick up the book here on Amazon for free this week only.
If you want to know what love and compassion for yourself looks like, pick up this book and learn about 21 ways to practice both in your life. Learn about how we develop self-loathing in our lives and what it does to us.
Read about how I made the shift in my own life and you can too. Practical strategies for dealing with thoughts, feelings and inner blocks. Learn about the toxic and dangerous things in your life that are contributing to self-loathing and how to manage them.
Finally, learn a set of skills and practices that will help you remove the barriers to self-love, accept yourself for who you are and feel at home in your own body. Once you feel the your own love in your life, be ready to welcome and invite romance in.
For The Self-Romance Manifesto: 21 Practices to End Self-Hate and Invite Love In (free this week only) click here.
Alchemists are the magical medieval cooks of ancient traditions who transformed metal into gold and silver.
But for many of us, the book, The Alchemist, has literally transformed our lives and inspired us to stay true to our destiny.
It’s written by the Brazilian author, Paulo Coelho, who has sold 65 million copies of this book. Pharell loves this book. Madonna loves this book. Julia Roberts. Oprah. Will Smith and countless other famous and not so famous people.
This is the story of Santiago, the Andalucian shepherd boy, who is inspired by omens, gypsies and wise men to leave his sheep in Spain and go a journey to find his life’s treasure.
In the pursuit of his dreams, Santiago has a strong message to each and everyone of us on achieving our own destinies.
The book is a quick read that will inspire you to pursue your life’s purpose. If you haven’t read it, pick it up here.
In the meantime, here are 15 Life Changing Quotes from The Alchemist to help you do what you were meant to do here on earth. Each quote is followed by a brief explanation.
1. “A shepherd always takes his chances with wolves and with drought, and that’s what makes a shepherd’s life exciting.”
If you don’t take chances and take risks, you won’t be able to reap the awards of the opportunities that come your way. Sometimes, you have to take risks and overcome your fears to follow your dreams.
2. “(That’s the world’s greatest lie.) It’s this: that a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate.”
You can choose your destiny. You have a choice on how your life is going to turn out. The future is in your hands. Even when things get out of control, you can shape your destiny.
3. “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
When you pursuing your purpose and your destiny, the universe will do its part to support you and to help you succeed. Circumstances will fall in place and in your favor to help you achieve your destiny.
4. “People learn, early in their lives, what is their reason for being,” said the old man, with a certain bitterness. “Maybe that’s why they give up on it so early too. But that’s the way it is.”
Keep your dreams alive. Don’t sacrifice the thing that matters most in your life – staying true to your purpose.
5. “In order to find the treasure, you will have to follow the omens. God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the omens that he left for you.”
You will have signs that will lead you along the way – let them guide you on your path. Follow the signs and guide posts along the journey. Pay attention to messages that the universe is sending you.
6. “And above all, don’t forget to follow your destiny through to its conclusion.”
Don’t give up half way – keep going!
7. “He could always go back to being a shepherd. He could always become a crystal salesman again. Maybe the world had other hidden treasures, but he had a dream, and he had met with a king. That doesn’t happen to just anyone!”
If you have a dream, you’re obligated to pursue it. You have been given a gift of a dream – don’t let it slip through your hands. If you fail, you can go back to whatever you were doing before.
8. “If I could, I’d write a huge encyclopedia just about the words luck and coincidence. It’s with those words that the universal language is written,” the Englishman said.
The universe sends us messages through luck and coincidences –pay attention to them.
9. “Everything on earth is being continuously transformed, because the earth is alive…and it has a soul. We are part of that soul, so we rarely recognize that it is working for us.”
You are being guided by the earth which shares the same soul that you do. See how the earth is working in your favor.
10. “When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have said had I not the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve.”
When you’re following your dreams and on your path, you’ll find the courage to do things you wouldn’t have otherwise done.
11. “It is said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn,” (the boy remembered).
Your most difficult time will be right before you reach your destination. Keep going when it is darkest.
12. “You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow” (the Alchemist said)
Be more aware of your intuition and you inner voice. When you listen to your heart, you’re less likely to listen to your fears.
13. “But the payment goes well beyond my generosity,” the monk responded. “Don’t say that again. Life might be listening, and give you less the next time.”
You’ll get what you ask from the world. Ask for your heart’s desires – don’t shortchange yourself.
14. “Where your treasure is, there will also be your heart,” the alchemist had told him.
Your heart will lead you to your destination – listen to your heart because that’s where you’ll find your riches.
15. “It’s true; life really is generous to those who pursue their destiny the boy thought.”
The people who overcome their fears and go after what they were meant to do will find abundance and success in their lives.
If you enjoyed these quotes with explanations, please share on Twitter, Facebook and Google+.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
![00001[1]](https://www.vishnusvirtues.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/000011.jpg)
![00002[1]](https://www.vishnusvirtues.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/000021.jpg)
