Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I recall one year when I was close to Yuba City, California, I journeyed to an event called, Nagar Kirtan. Imagine the most colorful carnival-like event in your life with the most delicious home-cooked Indian delicacies. Yes, free food!
I kept waiting for a cashier to pop up from nowhere with the lunch tab or security to hall me away to wash dishes for the next 12 years of my life.
Instead, I received hot chapathis, paneer, dahl, and other mouth-watering Indian sweets and delicacies. There were dozens of booths set up and each and every one of them were filled with joyous Sikhs distributing better food than most Indian restaurants I’ve eaten at.
“Am I still alive?” I asked myself. “Is this heaven?”
The fact the Sikhs have mastered the art of Bhangra dancing and the free food at their holy events made me want to convert to this religion on the spot.
Are you suggesting I’m a counterfeit for wanting to jump religions for music and food? How dare you!
Now, what the hell does this have to do with hate?
Nothing really.
It’s one reason that I LOVE this religion, its people and everything Sikh. Scrumptious food and dancing aside, Sikhs live their faith everyday of their lives, serve generously in every community they live in and are committed to the equality of all people.
Imagine now, being a Sikh man taking a leisurely walk in your Harlem neighborhood after dropping off your wife and 1 year old son at home. Imagine being surrounded by a group of rowdy and misguided youth attacking you for believing you were Muslim, Osama bin Ladin, or a terrorist, simply because you were wearing a turban and had a beard.
This is the violence that was perpetrated upon Columbia professor and physician, Prabhjot Singh, last week.
This case isn’t far from the norm. Sikhs in the United States continue to suffer the misplaced hatred aimed at Osama bin Laden. Incidences like the one which impacted Dr. Prabhjot Singh are much too common all over the United States. Sikhs continue to be harassed, racially profiled, bullied and physically attacked all over the country.
For simply practicing their faith; not cutting their hair, wearing a turban, carrying the kirpan (a small ceremonial sword).
Each one of these incidents towards people practicing their faith disturbs me to the very core. While those who devoutly follow their path seek the highest ideals of their faith, worship God and embrace love, they are bullied and harmed for no reason other than ignorance.
How do we stop the violence and hate against people practicing their faith?
Here are 10 ways to reduce hate in the world.
1) We can continue to educate ourselves and the general public more about the principles of faith of other religions, including religious diversity training when talking about bullying in schools. Please take a few minutes to learn more about the Sikh faith in the video I share above. (A follow up video is here)
2) Continue to monitor, track and compile statistics of hate crimes so policy makers can make informed decisions about the allocation of resources and priorities.
3) Love more. Much of the threats posed by racism stem from hatred and fear. We can each individually continue to live our own lives from a place of love, than fear. You can give more of yourself to others in service. When you radiate love in the world, it is harder for hate to thrive.
4) Practice your own religious traditions more faithfully. It doesn’t matter what faith you are but practicing your faith more will help you practice more kindness, compassion and generosity towards all. You can be the light that radiates acceptance and peace.
5) Gratitude. Dr. Prabhjot Singh, now a victim of a hate-crime, finds reasons to be thankful even under the horrific attack – thankful to bystanders who helped, thankful the injuries weren’t more severe and to his supportive Harlem community.
6) Confront and acknowledge your personal biases and prejudices towards other races, religions and faiths. Once you become more conscious of our hidden fears and prejudice, you’re better able to transform your thoughts of judgment to compassion.
7) Stand together with others when confronting hate. One way you can stand with Dr. Prabhjot Singh is to send a note of support or prayer to him and his family. Many supporters of Dr. Singh have rallied around him during this challenging time and have called for more tolerance and education so events like this don’t happen again.
8) Organize your community to stand up to injustices and hate. The best kind of education starts with you engaging your family, friends and neighbors about issues of racism, stereotypes and hate. What collective action are you willing to take to promote peace?
9) Chardhi Kala – The Sikh concept of staying positive, optimistic and joyful. Even when facing racism and hate crimes, the Sikh community inspires all of us to stay positive and constructive. How can you use tragedy and acts of hate and transform it into good?
10) Forgiveness. The Sikh faith promotes forgiveness. “Where there is Forgiveness, God Himself is there,”states the Sikh Holy Scripture, Sri Guru Granth Sahib, Slok 155, p. 1372 Can forgiving hate-mongers sow the seeds of love in you and in them? Are you able to forgive those who commit acts of hate against others?
When confronted by hate, it’s easy to feel like fighting back with equal and greater hate. Our own anger can propel militancy and violence, or simply judgment and bitterness.
Have you confronted hate in your own life because of your race, gender, religion or your beliefs? How did you handle it? How can others? I look forward to seeing your comments below.
I love you boo. Will my every wish be your command?
Please help me welcome a guest post by Secret Spiritual Stories. Enjoythis honest and vulnerable post:
He invited me round. I had a feeling he would want to be more than just friends but something drew me to him even though I didn’t find him attractive. A sliver of a subconscious reaction still active in my brain. He was flamboyant, in your face, ‘out there’ aka my type. I had been historically attracted to and interested in such people because I desired to understand their psychology; perhaps on some level I also desired their levels of confidence. He is the third of a series of men I have been pulled towards for such reasons, but this time was the last.
It was quite obvious from the moment I got there that he was going to try and slowly come onto me. Yet this time was different to my past experiences. The other two guys got me under their spell almost straight away; before long I was their willing, loving, and devoted puppet. Yet since my spiritual awakening, I know that I can always, always say No to the things which do not resonate with Who I Am and Who I Want To Be.
He called me Bubu, Munchkin, Minnie Mouse, all sorts of toy-like names which undoubtedly reflected his aim. I laughed and went along with it, knowing that I was seeing it for exactly what it was and I could walk away at any moment.
He told me I was beautiful more times than I could count. Yet when he asked about what I do – his interest fizzled out quickly. Looks were what he wanted to praise me about, my brains, passions and aspirations represented a threat. Yet it was also one of the reasons he was drawn to me. Both the two men who ended up manipulating and controlling me sought girls who wanted to help and heal the world. They simultaneously loved my desire to help others and grow myself, but also found it intimidating. They would feed off my endless generosity and patience with them, taking all they could, and only give back enough to keep the status quo.
He got close to kissing me, but I was dis-interested. After a few hours I was bored by his company and pointless chatter, and I had also satisfied my curiosity. I had discovered, just like with the other two men, that underneath his flamboyant appearance and ‘spiritual’ conversation there was a deep emptiness. A search for something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. A deep well empty of love.
I gave him that love by walking away. By giving myself respect, and telling him No. I showed him by my example that I am I am worthy and strong and that he can be so too. That I can choose freely who I want to be with, and that his power, tricks, manipulations were just not going to cut it. I’d been there twice already, learnt my lessons, paid my time.
I am grateful for this experience as it reminded me of where I had been in the past, and the direction I am now headed in.I can now turn away from those who desire to leech me of love and then blame me when it runs out. I can understand that over-confidence stems more often that not from a lack of Self-confidence.
I have been easily manipulated in the past, I have let myself be controlled because I thought that was best for me. I thought that in some strange way, that this was also showing love. Yet once I cut my puppet strings loose, the second time, I found a love much more powerful and deep than I had ever experienced with my puppet masters. A deep love, respect and adoration for my Self. For the Inner Goddess within me, and for this in all people. And from this arose a confidence that outshines the flamboyance and party-tricks of my past manipulators.
I know these men are only doing what they feel is right, according to their level of consciousness and experience. Because I understand that and accept it, and accept that I am also imperfect and have hurt others just as they hurt me, I forgive them.
Yet I also leave them behind in that era of my life, and move on to higher pursuits of pure unconditional love, which I now know must be found first and foremost within me, because only from that place, can I truly love others too.
Secret Spiritual Stories is written anonymously by a friend to all. By sharing her stories about spirituality (life), she hopes it may help in understanding your own path too. Come, ask questions, share thoughts and be welcomed by someone who won’t judge you in any way – SSS is a place for all to be Who They Truly Are. You can follow her journey on Twitter or Facebook * Photo credit Seranya
Have you walked away from relationships or friendships because they were controlling and manipulative? Please share your reflections and thoughts in the comments below. Thank you!
Meeting Shiva, a spiritual memoir by Tiziana Stupia
A friend yanks you out of the water before you drown. (Never mind that you were just taking a leisurely swim.)
A holy man bestows you with a special mantra which you repeat to find unlimited spiritual bliss. (That and an increasing army of cattle, goats and livestock on your farm)
Or serendipity could even unveil a literary feast of a memoir which resonates with your very being, help shifts your perspective and ingrains the seed to heal from a broken-heart.
That’s what occurred when the universe presented me with Meeting Shiva: Falling and Rising in Love in the Indian Himalayas, a first time spiritual memoir by Tiziana Stupia.
She travels to India. (Check)
Falls in love. (Fist bump)
Finds herself in relationship. (Yup!)
Separates.(Hear hear.)
Finds herself in profound pain and confusion. (Amen, sister)
And has insightful spiritual realizations…well I was with her all the way until the discovery of weighty truths but not too shabby otherwise.
This memoir simply knocked me over like a Japanese bullet train because of the incredulity of the story and the gripping account of an impermissible romance.
I gasped for air reading because the author not only lived my story but started imparting the deepest spiritual truths for awakening and healing.
Tiziana’s journey to her soul-mate.
While I’ve always day-dreamed, fantasized,imagined finding a spiritual Goddess tucked away in the holiest of lands, Tiziana seemed to have found the man of her dreams tucked away in the remotest regions of the Himalayas.
The small predicament is that her soul-mate, Rudra, is a “drop-dead gorgeous” ascetic monk who serves as the administrator of the ashram she decides to reside in.
The development of the passionate romance in the holiest of ashrams was a real page-flipper which made me constantly ask myself, “Holy Lord Shiva! Is this *$&#&@*@ real? A true story?”
Tiziana finds herself in a forbidden romance. Rudra has so much to lose. The ashram seemed intimate enough that word of this intense love affair could have leaked out at any moment.
As thoughts of “could we” and “should we” danced in their minds, a passionate and amorous relationship begins to unfold.
More torrid than a Spanish telenovela and more taboo than your typical Bollywood romance, Tiziana shares the entirety of her relationship with us.
The intense romance slowly turns to confusion and frustration for the author as she finds her spiritual and meditative Indian boy-friend isn’t quite all he’s cracked out to be.
As she delves in further to know the spiritual-seeking monk, she’s shaken up by his very “un-guru” like personality, unholy behavior and disturbing addictions.
Who’d have thought?
This book is no Eat Pray Love, which is the only narrative I could remotely compare it too.
A single woman on a journey to find herself, her purpose and her man. Except unlike EPL, I found Meeting Shiva fast-paced, attention-grabbing and acutely wise.
Tiziana is able to make profound self-revelations and discover sage-like spiritual truths which she shares with us to help us on our journeys.
Here are 5 insightful revelations she imparts to us in the course of this memoir:
5 Lessons of Meeting Shiva
1) Love is freedom. Sometimes loving someone is having to let them go. (Still haven’t woken up from the knock-out punch of this insight)
You may love someone deeply but loving them may be holding them back on the path they’ve chosen for themselves.
You may have to put your own needs and desires aside and let go of the person you love so they can grow and develop.
2) Love which lasts requires authenticity. For any relationship to work, it needs to come from a centered place of authenticity and awareness.
Tiziana shows us that you cannot simply fill a void in your life with a romantic partner, without delving in further into each other’s background and issues.
You must come to the table as you are and be willing to confront your own insecurities, shortcomings and pain.
You can’t just sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist.
3) Love yourself first. Tiziana realizes that in order to find true love, she has to go through much self-healing and growth.
If you want to stop living the life of conditioned responses and pain from your childhood, you have to work on yourself, heal, grow and become the person you’re capable of.
Otherwise, you will continue to find partners who you think will help you heal and fill the void you feel.
Unfortunately, they can’t help you as much as you can help you.
4) Pain brings transformation. Tiziana came to realize that relationships are learning experiences and can bring profound healing and growth.
Staying in the fire can bring the greatest alchemical transformation.
Start thinking of relationships as a spiritual journey towards healing, not an emotional treadmill you have to endure.
Your change in perspective about relationships can help you change your understanding and purpose while in a relationship.
You’ll go from a place of satisfying needs to embracing healing.
5) Enlightenment is here now. Enlightenment doesn’t have to mean heaven, God shining down upon you or moksha.
It simply could mean liberating yourself from years, and sometimes lifetimes of accumulated patterns and conditioning.
Liberation means to be free from all that so you can be aligned with your true blissful and joyful nature.
Enlightenment is already here and within you. You just need to realize it.
In addition to her savory and heart-rendering personal life story, the memoir touches upon mythological stories of India, the caste system, Indian customs and traditions, the nature of living in a patriarchal society and more.
If you’ve experienced a traumatic heartbreak, seeking spiritual wisdom or simply looking for a laugh-out-loud, cry-even-harder personal journey, you owe it to yourself to pick up a copy of Meeting Shiva.
Be prepared to have a life-changing experience.
What are your thoughts on the 5 spiritual lessons from Meeting Shiva? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
* Lord Shiva (or most likely, I) will award one lucky commenter, drawn at random, a free copy of Meeting Shiva simply for sharing your insights in the comments below.
Who let Vishnu in? And where in Buddha's name is security?
I’m going to be honest. I have been salivating to visit the largest Buddhist temple close to my home in Southern California.
Hungering for enlightenment, wisdom and peace.
Delicious Chinese vegetarian food, prepared by monks (who else would prepare them, right?). At bargain prices, according to Yelp!
In an attempt to impress family who visited recently (some of my most favorite people) and grab a delicious lunch in the process, we headed over to the Buddhist Hsi Lai Temple. And no, of course I didn’t tell them about my secret lunch plans. It was going to be a culinary surprise for me. For them, of course.
Here are the facts you need to know about the Buddhist sanctuary in case you show up 2 hours too early for the tour: Temple sits on a 15-acre parcel of land. 20 miles east of Los Angeles. Situated here for about 25 years.
Founded by the Venerable Master Hsing Yun, of Taiwanese descent. Represent!
Established this Buddhist order in 1967. 200 branches worldwide. Ordained more than 1,500 monks and nuns to serve the order. (Don’t fear, I’m not one of them.)
This temple serves as a cultural and spiritual hub of Buddhism for Taiwanese and Chinese Americans in the area. We took an early morning stroll around the temple grounds and soaked up the peaceful energy of this Buddhist sanctuary, some call the largest Buddhist temple in America.
We toured the grounds, snapped many photos and I decided to secretly take on the role of Indiana Jones – on a mission to find the vegetarian lunch!
Bottom line: lunch is only served at 11:30. LifeLesson: Don’t go to a temple without finding out what time food is served!
All we left with was some *&#^@())@@!# peace of mind.
And these photos below. If you’re in the Southern California area, drop by and visit this serene and heartening shrine dedicated to Buddha.
p.s. If you’re picky and have high demands for good quality photos, better check out Annie Hall’s blog, featuring Hsi Lai temple photos.
Get your peace on.
Throw your hands up.
Real women meditate.
Do you visit temples for the food or the spiritual knowledge and wisdom? No…I’m being serious.
Any recommendations of Buddhist temples to visit where you live? Commenting below will guarantee spiritual realization for you and a person of your choice. Peace 🙂
A quick note before we get to authenticity. If you’re stressed out, you owe it to yourself to check out the Living with Ease course offered by Sandra Pawula. The course promises to teach you practical stress-relieving techniques and help you identify your stress triggers. Lessons start on September 9th.
Now, authenticity.
Do you live your life for yourself or for others?
Are you more bothered about what your husband, your parents, your in-laws or your grandparents want rather than what you want? Are you overly-conscious about what your neighbors say about you?
Spend too much time caring about what others want you to do?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be living your life for others. You may have been conditioned to to conform to social expectations and family demands.
But what if you’ve had enough? Had enough of living for other people?
To start living a more authentic authentic life, stop caring so much about these 10 factors.
Join me over at Zeenat Syal’s blog at Positive Provocations to share your thoughts about living an authentic life.
Zeenat Syal, the founder and writer, is not only an inspirational blogger but someone who is filled with compassion, kindness and service towards all.
Please join me on Zeenat’s blog and leave a comment over there on how you live an authentic life. I look forward to hearing from you in the comments.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
