by Vishnu | May 19, 2019 | Books, Letting Go, Spirituality
“There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” Zayn Malik
I hate endings.
I hate when the movie A Star is Born ends.
I hate when a lunch date ends.
I hate when a pot of Indian sambar in the fridge ends.
I hate when a cup of tart frozen yogurt I’m eating ends.
And, for sure, I hate when a relationship ends.
Like I said, I hate endings.
And when you hate endings, you try your hardest to hold onto the ending.
If it’s a movie, you can replay or rewind it.
If it’s a pot of delicious tofu curry, you can water it down and have more of it.
And if it’s a relationship, you can do one of two things.
You can prolong the end by trying your hardest to hold onto it, avoiding your partner’s attempt to break it off.
Or…you can simply end it and continue holding onto your relationship in your heart and soul.
You can hold onto the relationship in your mind and consciousness, replaying the highlights of that relationship over and over again.
When my relationship ended, I did all these things.
I stayed in the relationship way too long. We did every single thing we could to avoid breaking up…until it got to a breaking point.
And I continued to imagine that this relationship still existed even after I’d gotten out of it.
I replayed our trips to Lake Tahoe, our honeymoon to Kerala, our first trip to Las Vegas and Disneyland, our many conversations on Skype, my secret trip to India to visit her months after we met.
I continued replaying these memories because they felt good and when I had these memories, I felt good.
Like I mentioned last week, memories of the past are soothing and comfortable.
The past is like a cup of hot chocolate or a warm blanket as you sit by the fireplace on a rainy night.
Who would ever want to let go of these warm and comfortable memories?
Yet, to move on with my life, I had to find ways to do exactly that.
I had to let go of these memories so I could move on with my life!
Although it took years of reading, therapy, spiritual discoveries, meditation, learning and understanding, this concept helped me break through and shift away from the past.
It was this teaching about impermanence by the Buddhist teacher and poet, Thich Nhat Hanh:
“We are often sad and suffer a lot when things change, but change and impermanence have a positive side. Thanks to impermanence, everything is possible. Life itself is possible. If a grain of corn is not impermanent, it can never be transformed into a stalk of corn. If the stalk were not impermanent, it could never provide us with the ear of corn we eat. If your daughter is not impermanent, she cannot grow up to become a woman. Then your grandchildren would never manifest. So instead of complaining about impermanence, we should say, ‘Warm welcome and love live impermanence.’ We should be happy. When we see the miracle of impermanence our sadness and suffering will pass.”
This helped me realize that change and impermanence can be good things.
If life didn’t have endings, we couldn’t have beginnings.
Without winter, there would be no spring.
Without darkness, there would be no light.
Without night, there would be no dawn.
Once I learned this lesson from Thich Nhat Hahn and other spiritual teachers, I started looking at life in a different way.
I could slowly loosen my grip on my past relationship and my marriage because, in its dissolution, I would find discovery and the blooming of new relationships and love.
Growth, understanding, compassion and inner change will fill my life.
In the messiness and complications of a sad ending are the seeds for so many other things to come out of my life.
It was the moment when I realized that practicing law was no longer the thing for me to do.
It was the moment when I realized that I didn’t have to buy into and live the consumerist American dream that everyone around me was living.
It was the moment when I realized that profound spiritual lessons and truths were awaiting me.
So, really, the end was the beginning of change, understanding and growth.
The end was truly the beginning.
This was how I slowly transitioned to present-moment living.
A slow and growing realization that death and endings are the foundations of birth and beginnings.
The idea isn’t to stay stuck on a page. It’s to let go of things that no longer work so you can read the rest of the book.
As the above quote reveals, you can get to the good parts of the book only after you finish the parts that have kept you stuck.
Bottom line: So many good things can come your way but you won’t find them if you don’t let go of the past.
The beautiful thing is, you have the power of choice. You get to decide how to view the impermanence and changes that enter your life.
The Step of Choice is the 4th step in my new book, The Sacred Art of Letting Go (on sale June 6, 2019).
This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned during my journey towards letting go of the past.
And, yes, this letting-go process has a few more steps.
In fact, I discovered 12 steps from spiritual teachers, which I share in The Sacred Art of Letting Go.
I discovered them as I walked the path of getting over my relationship.
Spiritual teachers and writers have talked about them for centuries. I wanted to put, in one place, all these concepts I had experienced and learned.
That’s why I wrote this book.
It reminded me about what it takes to let go. It also serves as a guide for you if you’re in a place where you’re having trouble letting go.
The book is called The Sacred Art of Letting Go: Walk 12 Steps with Spiritual Masters to Let Go of Past Relationships and Find Peace Today.
I want you to read this book. Learn from it and grow from it.
Not only do I share my personal experience but I show you how the spiritual teachers and masters of our time help us deal with breakup and change.
I know this book can help you move along your journey and free yourself of the prison of your past. It can help you move on to the life awaiting you.
Pick up The Sacred Art of Letting Go: Walk 12 Steps with Spiritual Masters to Let Go of Past Relationships and Find Peace Today when it goes on sale on June 6th, 2019.
by Vishnu | Dec 4, 2018 | Books, Love and Relationships, Self Love, Vulnerability
“What if pain – like love – is just a place brave people visit?” Glennon Doyle, Love Warrior
Love Warrior is a book about how to turn pain and suffering into love.
This past October 27th, in Visalia, California, I watched Glennon Doyle deliver a sermon about becoming a love warrior. Her commentary about Jesus left me awestruck.
Just to be clear, Glennon isn’t a minister and doesn’t possess religious credentials of any kind.
I found myself sitting in the auditorium of love, listening to Glennon preach the doctrine of love.
So, back to Jesus for a minute.
Jesus never avoided the crucifixion, Glennon reminded us. He knew that pain and suffering awaited Him, but He didn’t shy away from His path. It was the pain, struggle and crucifixion that led to the resurrection.
It was the crucifixion that led to the rising.
Have you noticed that most of us usually try to run from our pain?
You and I would do just about anything to avoid feeling bad for a few hours.
Glennon made me question why we run from our pain when, in fact, pain will lead to our own personal resurrection. It’s the pain that will transform us and help us rise again.
In her popular memoir, Love Warrior, Glennon takes the reader on her life journey through bulimia and alcoholism to marriage, betrayal and divorce.
She uses her life story to show us that we, too, can become the alchemists of our own lives by transforming pain to love.
Here are 7 important life lessons from Glennon’s memoir, Love Warrior, to help you become a love warrior in your life.
1. Just the next right thing.
“I will go to sleep. The sun will rise. I will make breakfast. I will take the kids to school. I will come home and rest…Just the next right thing, one thing at a time.”
When, at a therapy session, Glennon found out about her husband’s betrayal, she panicked as she watched her life spin out of control. Not knowing what to do after coming out of that session, she did the only thing she could do with her life.
When you are in situations of panic or disaster, or have hit rock bottom, your plan can be as simple as hers.
Just take the very next step.
You may not know what all the right things are and what the future holds but you can do the next right thing. Whatever feels right next, do that.
2. Doing the precise thing.
When other people blamed or scorned her for her dissolving marriage, Glennon stopped asking for advice from others and pretending that she didn’t know what to do. She stopped fretting about whether her next actions were right or wrong.
“It’s about doing the precise thing. The precise thing is always incredibly personal and often makes no sense to anyone else.”
You have to do what’s right for you. The divine is speaking to you at all times and guiding you in your life. You know what’s best for yourself. The precise thing is the right thing for you to do next.
3. Tear down the walls and face what’s underneath.
When Glennon didn’t know how to fix – or whether to save – her marriage, she realized that it wasn’t about her marriage.
“All I know is that I need to tear down my own walls and face what’s underneath.”
You have little control of the circumstances and people outside yourself.
To become who you are, you must be willing to go within. To fix the outside, you have to start with the inside.
To progress and become who you are may require going backward and unbecoming who you were.
The journey to who you are requires an internal detour.
4. Sitting in the hot loneliness.
You have a sense of loneliness within you that you may have tried to escape, just as Glennon tried to do.
“I thought I needed to hide these feelings, escape them, fix them, deliver myself from them…I didn’t know that it would pass.”
Just like a hot yoga class that Glennon found herself in, sometimes all it takes is sitting on your yoga mat, feeling pain and not running out of the hot yoga studio.
The pain may be uncomfortable and the heat intolerable, as will be the loneliness. However, if you sit tight and allow the uncomfortable feelings to pass, you’ll realize that you can get through it. The feelings of discomfort are temporary and passing.
5. You are everything you already need.
“What if I don’t need Craig to love me perfectly because I’m already loved perfectly? What if I am the warrior I need? What if I am my own damn hero?”
Your true identity is one of love. You came from love and you are love.
Yet you look for love on the outside. You’re looking for a person to love and complete you when you don’t need anyone to do that.
You just have to observe and embrace the love that’s already there.
Once you’ve embraced your true identity as a love warrior, you will become the most powerful force on Earth.
6. Be real, not perfect.
“I tell them that we can choose to be perfect and admired or to be real and loved. We must decide.”
If you choose to show up in the world as perfect, you have to be an inauthentic version of yourself.
If you choose to be real, you show up as a tender-hearted and vulnerable person. This person will likely suffer hurt more often but will be much stronger than the superficial version of yourself.
You don’t have to hide, terrified about what people think of you.
Show up as how you are with your faults and shortcomings. Your true self is your strength and your authenticity is your gift to the world.
7. Trust yourself.
“I will not betray myself. I will trust the wisdom of the still small voice…I will trust her and I will trust myself.”
It’s easy to let outside society dictate your decisions and actions.
Our intuition is strong, Glennon reminds us, and we should listen to it.
The inner voice that you usually drown out in the midst of a busy life is the voice of reason and wisdom.
The more in tune you are with that voice, the more you’ll take actions that are in your best interest.
Listen to it, trust it and know that it will guide you to what’s right for you in your life.
* Thank you to Adrianne Hillman for hosting the event. Pick up Love Warrior here in the Amazon store.
by Vishnu | Dec 4, 2016 | Authenticity, Books, Spirituality
Do you ever wonder if you’re being lied to by society?
Does it feel like you’re being hoodwinked to live a certain kind of life and it just doesn’t feel right to you?
I sure did and when my life fell apart after my divorce, I was able to wake up and come out my deep metaphorical coma.
I came to the profound realization that my whole life was premised on societal expectations. Everything from work and school to relationships and what I should be doing with my life was created by society’s demands.
This past year, I put all my thoughts about this topic into a book called, Seven Sacred Promises.
Why do I call these promises sacred? What are these promises? What will living these promises mean to your life?
If you’d like to hear more about the book and my first podcast interview with my friend, A.G. Billig, check out the podcast below.
Pick up this book to learn how to build up courage, discover your calling, find your courage and live your truth. Read this book only if you’re ready to wake up and start living from a sacred space.
If you’re interested in reading the Seven Sacred Promises, you can pick up the e-book on Amazon here or pickup the paperback book here.
by Vishnu | Jun 5, 2016 | Books
You did everything you were supposed to do, but something is missing.
Your job has no meaning. Your relationships are unfulfilling. You don’t have a life purpose. It feels like you’re living someone else’s life.
How did this happen?
In 7 Sacred Promises: A Practical Guide for Living with Meaning and Purpose, you’ll learn who led you astray and what to do about it. It really has very little to do with you and much to do with the people around you. Learn why they lied to you and the incentives behind their bold untruths. Yes, there are very selfish reasons why society guides you to live a certain way.
Once you wake up to the truths in this book, you’re going to slam your palm in your face and knock your head against the wall out of frustration. You’ll realize that you’ve been snookered into living someone else’s life.
The good news is that you can do something about it. Instead of dancing to the tune of society’s false promises, this book reveals 7 new sacred promises – rules of living – that will create more meaning and purpose in your life.
Join me on my journey from unhappy married lawyer to a more peaceful and happier version of myself. Learn how I quit my career, ended my marriage, closed a business but still ended up happier and more purposeful. Follow my journey to rid my life of society’s false promises and learn how I started on a new set of sacred promises to a more fulfilling life.
This book is the wake-up call you’ve been waiting for. Get off the treadmill, breathe a sigh of relief and welcome in a new way of living.
Pick up this transformational book and welcome peace, clarity and happiness into your life. Follow the practical steps to wake up every day with meaning and purpose.
7 Sacred Promises is available on Amazon and free until Thursday, June 9th. Click here to pick up a copy of the book. If you enjoy the book, please consider leaving a review.
by Vishnu | May 29, 2016 | Books, Purpose
Do you feel out of place in this world?
Do you feel like you’ve been instructed to do certain things, study certain subjects, go to college, get certain jobs, buy real estate, have kids and live a particular kind of life?
Well, if you have been feeling out of sorts with this pre-programmed life that society has concocted, I have a message for you.
Society lies.
Intentionally?
Yes!
Everything you and I have been told has been a lie, but we’ve grown up believing it. We’ve been told these lies since the day we were born and we’ve accepted it without any question.
We grow up believing in these lies because we’ve seen it everywhere from fairy tales to the movies. When you look around you, you see everyone you know living this life.
In western society, there is a pre-designed life path of school, college, marriage, family and retirement.
In Indian society, there is a pre-designed path of student, house-holder, hermit and ascetic.
Anyone in these societies or any society around the world has a pre-planned path by the people living around you who tell you, in no indirect terms, what to do with your life.
Society tells you that if you do x, y and z, you’ll find happiness, meaning and purpose. You’ll be fulfilled in this world.
Unless, of course, you did all these things and found that they don’t necessarily make you happy. When you follow society’s rules and suggestions commands, you might end up in a nice home with a good-paying job, but you might be disconnected from what matters most.
You may have all the externals right, but what about the internal qualities that matter?
Well, this is the subject of a new book that I’m about to release, 7 Sacred Promises: A Practical Guide for Living with Meaning and Purpose, but in the meantime, let’s explore some of these deeper questions.
Why does society lie?
I make two arguments in my soon-to-be-released book about the rationale for the lies.
One, everyone is on the same boat so society gets worried when you’re off the beaten path. When you’re doing your own things and living your own truth, society begins to feel left out. It feels it would be unfair for you to go out there and live your truth when everyone else is living according to a singular set of rules.
It’s not fair if you can pursue your art and creative endeavors. It’s not fair if you can live purposefully and meaningfully. It’s not fair when you get to live the life of your choosing and society has to follow the crowd. There is this inherent sense of jealousy, and society wants you to stay the course. It wants you to do what everyone else is doing.
Another reason that society advocates so vigorously for you to stay the course is that there are many industries and economies built around you following suit. The entire education industry, home-ownership industry, and child-rearing industry makes billions upon billions of dollars from you doing what everyone else does.
Society lies because it’s in its best interest to lie. It benefits and profits when you follow the course it has created. You, on the other hand, believe the lies because you don’t know any other way. When society’s advice is loud, repetitive and all you know, you have no choice.
This book will be your wake-up call to change your existence and how you start living from this day forward.
What to do when society lies?
The most important thing you can do to figure out the lie and shift your mindset about your life is to wake up to the truth.
Awareness is the first step to realizing you’ve been hoodwinked and lied to.
Awareness will be your wake-up call.
Once you realize society has been lying to you and you realize you’ve been living society’s lie, not your life, it will become much easier to take action.
The book is written to ask you to break the promises to society and urges you to keep a new set of promises. Instead of focusing on the external and the material, you will be challenged to cultivate a new set of promises from within.
What is the alternative?
You don’t have to live the lies that society has created for you.
It’s hard to imagine that you can break away because of how loud and demanding society is, but there is a way out.
You can disengage from pursuing a better job, a higher salary, a nicer house and a more luxurious car to pursue the things that matter.
In my new book, I encourage you to let go of society’s promises to you and cultivate a new set of promises.
Instead of going after the promises that everyone else is keeping, start keeping promises to something deeper.
The promises I talk about are all internal ones that will create more meaning and purpose in your life.
In 7 Sacred Promises: A Practical Guide for Living with Meaning and Purpose, I share a new set of promises.
Instead of a promise to your career, why not make a new promise to your art? I urge to you discover and, more likely, accept the gift that each of us has been given, and make the most of it. When you pursue your art, you’ll notice how you’ll start moving closer to your dreams. You’ll start seeing more opportunities and abundance in your life.
Instead of a promise to a straight and narrow career path, I urge you to make a promise to courage so you can follow your calling in life. It’s not easy or convenient to follow your purpose and do what you were put on earth to do. You have to keep a promise to courage everyday so you ignore those around you and move in the direction of your purpose.
In the 5th promise, I encourage you to keep a promise to love so you’re cultivating the love within and sharing your love with those around. When you keep your promise to love, you will learn how to welcome in more joy and connection into your life.
The 7th promise is how to live an ego-less life. How do you let go of all societal constructs and get to your core? How do you breakthrough the noise and live from the most sacred place: your essence?
When you live from this place, you’ll be able to live a more truthful and honest life. When you keep a promise to your essence, you’ll be rewarded with a life of meaning.
Each of these promises in the book won’t just talk about what promises to keep and how to cultivate a new set of promises; each promise will have practical directions and guidance to achieve these new promises in your life.
Are you ready to break out of the known path and start living your life from the inside-out, instead of the outside in?
Pick up the book, 7 Sacred Promises: A Practical Guide for Living with Meaning and Purpose. The book will be released on June 4th, 2016. If you’re on the mailing list, you’ll get an email when the book is released. You can pre-order the book here.
by Vishnu | Oct 12, 2015 | Books
If you’re looking for love in your life after a divorce or breakup, you’re likely wondering about a rather basic question.
How do you love?
It’s a simple question, I know, but have you really thought about what love looks like? What does it mean to love someone? What actions constitute love? How do you cultivate healthier relationships? How do you open yourself to new connections and invite more love into your life?
We learn all kinds of things growing up – algebra, chemistry, even art, but not love.
You may have some twisted or unhealthy views of love.
While our parents may have tried to raise us to be productive people, they weren’t too focused on raising loving people.
If love for you was like love for me, you grew up learning that love can be painful, love can be hurtful, love can be condescending, love can be sarcastic, love can be physically hurtful and emotionally scarring.
So…if you grew up with negative views of love, found yourself in destructive and abusive love relationships, and have a skewed view of what real love is, what do you do?
Don’t get me started. You can’t take cues from the media or the movies, which have some pretty clichéd views of love and are set on selling you stuff – diamonds, chocolates, insurance and everything in between.
So, love – how do you love? How do you prioritize loving others in action? How do you nurture relationships?
Introducing: Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges (Harper Collins, 2015) by the kindest and most genuine blogger I know, Lori Deschene.
All of us who follow the Tiny Buddha blog know what a source of constant wisdom and insight it is. Lori regularly hosts regular people who talk about their life challenges, lessons learned and life how-to’s. The brilliance of Tiny Buddha is how the advice and wisdom come from our collective experiences and wisdom – not from some outsider or enlightened being. The blog reminds us that you and I are each tiny Buddhas!
In her latest book, Lori has compiled dozens of stories from people who share their experiences with receiving and giving love. She shares a story by author Vironika Tugaleve, who relates her struggle with her visits home to her critical parents. Over a conversation about a related topic of unmet expectations, Vironika shares her realization about her parents.
“I kept showing up, time after time, expecting different people to magically appear. I kept expecting that they would change…” she writes. The next time she went home, she let go of these expectations and assumptions, and found that her relationship with her parents changed. “Suddenly, I could see them for who they were. They were, and always will be, flawed and beautiful, just like me. I could suddenly smile at their criticism and laugh at their judgment.”
In one of the more touching essays in the book, Lori shares her experience of selling newspapers alongside a homeless vendor named Lou. Lori’s job was to draw attention to her and Lou with excitement and enthusiasm so that papers would sell; Lou would earn more if she sold more papers. One morning as she was selling papers, Lori had an unexpected run-in with a fashionable and trendy former classmate. The friend was planning to move to New York and audition for acting parts, following her dreams.
The interaction and Lori’s doubts about her own future and ability made her feel deflated and disconnected. She lost her enthusiasm for selling the papers for a few minutes until she looked over at Lou.
“I realized I was letting him down. When I wasn’t worrying about who I thought was better than me, I felt better about myself, did better for the people around me, and was better able to make the best of what I was doing. I could either focus on my perceived weaknesses or continue using my strengths.”
Lori got back to her job and started to sell more papers…for Lou.
Her insight: “But I suspect we worry that other people are better than us because we want to feel worthy of connection and happiness…I now know the key is to believe we are worthy – regardless of what we’ve achieved – and to act like it.”
As important as these insights and realizations from Lori and guest contributors are, the real power in the book is the 365 actions that Lori poses for us, grouped by category: kindfulness and thoughtfulness, compassion and understanding, releasing anger and forgiving, honesty and trust, and more.
Yes, 365 challenges you can start applying each and every day of the year. Use these challenges to change someone’s day, connect with someone, feel more love and be more love to the people around you.
These challenges are what love looks like.
Will you take the challenge?
Simple challenges you can do like these:
♥ Introducing yourself to a neighbor you’ve never met or don’t know very well.
♥ Saying good morning to everyone you encounter when you arrive at work, starting everyone’s day with positive energy.
♥ Write “hurt people hurt people” on a Band-Aid and stick it somewhere you’ll see often to remind yourself that the most difficult people are often in the most pain.
♥ Convey to someone that you understand their feelings.
♥ Start a conversation with someone who has a different opinion than you do so that you can practice listening and understanding someone else’s point of view.
♥ Ask someone, “How are you really?” and then listen without trying to fix things, without any goal other than being there and fully hearing them.
♥ Tell a friend, “I love that you…” and then finish the sentence with something not everyone may notice or appreciate about that person.
♥ Buy a $5 gift card and carry it in your purse or wallet to give to someone you think would appreciate it.
♥ Eliminate the word “should” from your vocabulary today to help you foster greater acceptance and judge others – and yourself – less.
♥ In conversations today, give up the need to be right and to prove others wrong.
♥ Tell someone the most important thing you’ve learned from him or her, and thank this person for the gift.
♥ Share something you enjoy with someone in your life.
♥ Give yourself a break. Schedule a little time into your day to simply be.
♥ Pay someone a compliment for something you believe they’re insecure about to help boost their confidence.
♥ Give a warm piece of clothing you no longer need to a homeless person, or leave it in a donation bin.
Yes, not only these ideas, but there are 350 more for you, for every day of the year.
If you don’t have enough love or connection in your life, pick up this book.
If you don’t know how to form or improve relationships with people around you, pick up this book.
If you don’t have enough self-acceptance and love for yourself, this book is for you too.
This book is more than a book – it’s your tiny love coach, inspiring you to take action every day to create a fulfilling and connected life. Don’t fall into the trap of just reading it – take some time every day of the year to practice love.
If you’re coming out of a divorce or breakup and can see this book as a tool to help you love again, drop me a note about how this book can help. Lori has been kind enough to offer a free copy of her book to one reader. I look forward to hearing from you via email and giving away a copy of this book.
To purchase a copy of Tiny Buddha’s 365 Tiny Love Challenges, click here.
