After I got out of the legal field, I went to work with labor unions and help workers.
Soon after that, I worked for a NGO helping pass policy to protect older people and the disabled.
I did community organizing meaning I brought people together from the community to help pass laws to protect the elderly and disabled.
I really loved this job!
It was the best job for me.
And the plus side was that I had the best boss in the world.
I worked from home, my schedule was flexible and my work was meaningful.
I worked with the political leaders in California, grassroots activists, and regular everyday people to make the lives better for millions of people.
As much as I loved this job, I was being pulled away from it.
My purpose is to help people at rock bottom make a comeback in their lives, especially the divorced and heart-broken.
My purpose is to help people let go of the past and start over in their lives, to remind them the tragic event was simply a roadblock and not the end of the road.
So every day I did my job but worked toward my purpose.
There is a big difference between office work or a “regular” job and your purpose or soul-job.
Doing your purpose or your soul work is scary – you know why?
The reason most of us are terrified is that there’s no certain or clear path.
You have to figure it out on your own.
If you went to work in the government for example, you would be told what to do.
There are policies and procedures on everything.
There are pay scales and promotion policies that will tell you when you will move up in the organization and how much you will get paid.
When you’re doing soul work, you will have to come up with all these things on your own.
Yet it’s not impossible, you’re just not used to it.
You may not know exactly what it is you want to do.
You may not know how to build it.
You may not have the skills you need to do marketing or sales.
You may not have the technical skills to build a website or blog.
The good news is that you don’t have to get caught up in these details.
Before you start figuring out how to make your soul’s work a reality, you have to figure out what is your soul’s work? What is your purpose?
You figure that out and then you work backwards from there.
When I coach people on finding their direction and following their purpose, they get caught up in the tactics and strategies to make a living.
Their first question is how to pay for doing their life’s purpose.
They want to know the “how” before getting super clear on the what and the why.
I work with them to get clear on the “what” and the “why” first. What is it that you want your life to look like and why do you want that life.
Knowing what it is you want to do and why it is you want to do it is the most important thing. Once you know these two things, everything else will become easier.
Don’t run away from figuring out your purpose because you’re afraid of the uncertainty of the path.
Also, don’t postpone on starting on your purpose.
Life is short.
We get to only live once.
You have two choices.
Follow the mandates of society and do what is certain today.
Or follow your purpose and do what’s soul-satisfying, starting today.
By the way, soul-satisfying doesn’t mean being broke or in financial ruin.
You can do purposeful work and make a living at it.
You know what?
All the wealthiest artists, writers, actors and performers are making a living doing their life purpose.
If you are in alignment with your purpose, the sky is the limit.
You’ll feel like I do – a millionaire just because you get to do what you want to do.
And if you do end up doing what it is you’re supposed to be doing with your life, the money will follow.
So don’t worry about the obstacles and limitations in your way.
Well, worry about the path later but for now, look at the big picture of where you want your life to go.
It will help you get clear on your vision and purpose.
Once you embrace that, the other pieces including finances, will fall into place.
The path towards your purpose may be uncertain but will be much more fulfilling in the long run.
If you’re ready to make your soul sing and do work that is refreshing and motivating every day, then please get in touch with me. If you want to learn more about my life direction coaching, check out this coaching option here.
Think romantic walks along the Seine river, hand-holding in the Louvre museum or late night frolicking at the Eifel Tower.
Sad to report, that was the trip of my dreams but not the trip of what happened.
It was a wonderful trip but the separation between the two of us was thick in the air.
We didn’t speak at times.
We disagreed about what we wanted to see.
And had pent up anger towards each which was thicker than a cup of café au lait.
It was painful and heartbreaking.
It was months before our divorce was finalized in 2011.
Fast forward to today where I’ve moved to Asia and writing to you from India.
This week, I write to you from Kerala.
Someone called this God’s country.
Everything they say about Kerala is true.
I’m here for a bit doing more writing, finishing books and coaching people who are recovering from their own breakups or divorces.
This trip is so different than the last.
Early morning writing and walking.
Meditating and socializing with people visiting from around the world.
Watching the sunset in the evening.
Delicious food.
Spiritual awakening.
Creative endeavours.
What the heck, I’m thinking to myself.
How did I end up here?
This is what I would call my dream life.
Working and living the way I want to.
It took me awhile to get here and I’m still pursuing this dream that I had but I’m telling you that this life would have never been possible if I was still unhappily married.
Here’s where I want to get real with you.
Your life felt like it ended when your marriage or long-term relationship did.
You may never have had the opportunity in life to pursue your dreams.
You may never have had a chance to ask yourself what it is you want and how it is you want to live your life.
So much of your life was by default.
The beauty of things coming crashing down is that it clears the path.
It gets rid of all the social constructs, obligations, fears and expectations.
It gives you courage, resiliency and a knowing that you can get through anything or achieve anything.
If you lived a normal life without much challenge or adversity, you couldn’t forge ahead with your dreams.
Those of us who have been through crap know that we can do whatever we want.
We are survivors.
If we can go to hell and back, we can definitely follow our dreams.
So, let’s start today with what it is you want.
Have you given yourself permission to ask yourself what it is you want out of life?
We are here in another new year.
If you feel like you’re not living the life you want, it’s time to ask yourself the easy and hard questions.
What do I want to do with my life?
How can I find meaning and purpose?
How can I create the life I want to live?
If you haven’t asked yourself these questions, let me prompt you.
I’m coaching people this month to uncover what it is they want.
The session lasts about an hour. You can get details here.
Stop dreaming about living your dream life and start making your dream life a reality.
It’s no longer time to play small.
You know what you’re capable of because you’ve survived the worst of it.
I want to ask you what your vision for your life is – read more about my coaching here.
Start the year off right with a life direction coaching session. It’s the first step to launching the life you want to live.
I’ve had a picture about how I wanted to live my life ever since my divorce.
Before my divorce, I had this vision of a dream life that I thought was absolutely nutty.
Nutty in the sense that I never thought it would be possible.
I didn’t think I could spend my time inspiring people, write, coach, and get paid for it.
I didn’t think you could actually pursue your dream career and make it work.
I didn’t think that you could create your dream lifestyle and make that work!
My dream life is essentially to do my work around my life.
Not my life around my work.
I saw most of society putting work first and doing their life outside of the 9 to 5.
I wanted to live life between 9 to 5 and work when I felt like it.
Also, I wanted work to not feel like work.
I wanted it to be pure passion and purpose.
I made big leaps and took small steps.
I transitioned out of the legal profession.
I took a job with much more work-life balance that allowed me to prioritize writing.
I took months and years off from regular employment to build my coaching practice.
It feels like I’m finally getting there.
I’m back in Asia and doing slow travel and work from this part of the world.
Every day, my life revolves around friends and family, visiting spiritual places and meditating and trying to stay healthy. Oh and working, of course, but that happens early in the morning or late at night.
I write for this blog for people who have experienced divorce and heartbreak.
I write on Medium for people who need some motivation.
I write on Amazon and get paid when people purchase one of my books. The best way to support my work by the way is to pick up a book on Amazon (aff link).
I also am going to launch a series of courses about letting go of the past and overcoming heartbreak in the coming month.
This is the dream that I’ve been working towards for years and feels like it is finally materializing.
I work for myself and have the freedom to live my life on my own terms.
If I had looked back on the past, which I have a bad habit of doing, I would have thought about how great my legal career was and how I should have stuck to the known and certain path to financial security and career stability.
But screw that!
Here’s what happened post-divorce!
I realized how fragile life is/was.
I realized that if nightmares could come true, then for sure, dreams could come true.
I realized that life’s short.
I might as well spend the time doing what I want to do instead of what society wanted me to do.
So I envisioned a life that I wanted to life.
I saw a future life in my mind that seemed way out there but got clear about it.
And have spent the last few years moving towards that future.
It’s unfolding as we speak.
Seeing your future vividly is one way to help you let go of the heaviness of the past.
When your mind is replaying past highlights and memories, train it to see what it is you want it is you want now.
What is your vision for your life?
What does that life look like? If you’re on my email list, please reply and let me know what your dream life looks like.
If you need some support and guidance in this process, check out my coaching page here. There’s no better way to start 2020 than envisioning what it is you want out of life.
Imagine you wake up one day and meet your dreamy lover.
She’s smart. Funny. Interesting. Educated. High-achieving. Focused. Resilient. Easy to talk to. Down to earth.
Yes, I believe in the power of intention and the power of manifestation, but never have I seen it work so powerfully as it did late last year.
So, now that I’m “over” the whole divorce thing, healed from the past, fixed thanks to therapy, reconnected with spirit, and in alignment with myself, I felt that there was no better time to meet someone new.
Of course, most people meet someone new by going on a dating website.
Or letting their happily married friends set them up.
Or showing up at a gathering with like-minded people, etc, etc.
Naturally, I did what I do best – I wrote.
So I wrote and wrote and wrote about this ideal, dreamy lover.
I described the most “perfect” person I wanted in my life. I didn’t do this once, but several times over the course of a couple of months. I tried to get as clear as I could about who I was looking for.
And through a series of events, the internet and Skype, I found myself mesmerized by a Goddess!
She was enchanting, she was brilliant, she was funny, she was a doctor, she was Indian, she had a similar background, she volunteered, she was hard-working, ambitious and, oh yeah, did I mention? Gorgeous.
And she appeared to me as an enchanting Indian princess. She was like Freida Pinto, Amala Paul, and Priyanka Chopra all rolled into one.
How was this happening, I wondered.
I thought the Gods must have opened up the heavens to bless me with this attractive, talented and intelligent woman.
We emailed, we spoke, we chatted, we Skyped. I was swept off my feet and in a dreamy daze.
I heard wedding bells every time I saw her text on my phone.
However, let me break the bubble of this love story and bring us back to reality. It didn’t quite work out.
In all of my visualizations and in my writing, I had missed something important.
I forgot about the stuff that matters most – values.
See, I had forgotten my own advice to stay true to what really mattered in relationships – values that you both hold dear.
This is where we differed significantly.
She valued her career, her industry, her achievements and everything that her hard work had brought her. I’m not saying that her values were wrong.
They just didn’t fit with mine.
We each saw the world very differently.
Many of the things I valued are internal – compassion, simplicity, freedom and spirit.
While I don’t look down on her values (her values are her values), I had to really come to terms with the fact that this couldn’t work. As alluring as her achievements were and as beautiful as she was and as thrilled as I was, I knew that this romance wouldn’t last long.
I share this story with you for two reasons. One, to show you that visualization works. Two, to show you that if it doesn’t work exactly the way you want, you can work on getting clearer about YOUR dream guy or woman.
Here are 5 quick tips on how you can visualize a dreamy lover. (And even better, a free visualization worksheet you can print out and use to manifest your dream partner.)
1) See.
I want you to imagine as clearly as possible the kind of partner you’d like to have in your life. You might think about the physical appearance, height and clothing of this person, but I urge you to go deeper. Think about their voice, their demeanor and their personality.
Think about their qualities, their values and how they make you feel. Yes, it’s all imaginary, but the more real your imagination, the more likely you’ll see someone like this materialize in person. Feel free to consider the type of work they do and the field they work in.
The sky’s the limit with visualization – allow your mind to see as much detail as you want.
2) Feel.
Once you’re done seeing this in your mind’s eye, feel what it would be like to have this person show up in your life. Go through all the feelings of the excitement you’ll experience upon meeting and being with this person.
Now experience how it would feel to meet and spend time with your partner. Capture those feelings of joy and excitement with this person who will soon be showing up.
3) Write.
Now put all the pieces together and cement this visualization through a writing exercise. You can do the exercise first, or you can do it after you visualize it. Either way, there’s something magical about writing about your dream partner on paper. It takes the abstract and makes it real.
Write down the exact type of person you’d like to see in your life. I’ve made it easy for you and put together a worksheet that will walk you through this writing process. It’s the exact process I used when I visualized this dreamy woman who showed up in my life.
Here are the questions and the prompts on this two-page worksheet. Print it out, fill it out and make a practice of doing this for a month. Check out the last question also to help you address any internal blocks that might prevent you from meeting this person.
4) Do your part.
Now, this isn’t magic per se or some kind of hocus pocus. I’m not going to talk about the law of attraction or any such thing. I’d like to think of this process simply as cultivating your energy and turning your subconscious thoughts into reality.
Doing your part means doing the writing and the visualization exercises.
It also means doing your part in getting out there, being available to meet people and taking concrete steps toward opening your life to a relationship.
Finally, doing your part means improving yourself, working on your inner and outer selves and being connected to your personal growth. You’re going to attract the person of your dreams only when you’re putting out the same energy in life as he or she is.
5) Welcome.
Once you’ve completed the visualizing and done your part to meet new people, get ready to welcome this wonderful person into your life.
Don’t run away from good things. Yes, it is entirely possibly that your dream partner will show up and that you did your part by manifesting them.
Yes, this manifestation is partly through your mind and vision, but you’ve also likely been doing the work to attract this person. You’ve been doing the work to become the best and highest version of yourself.
Don’t push this person away and don’t run from him or her. Give the person a fair shot. See if the man or woman you dreamed up is the real deal. If yes, celebrate. If not, go back to the drawing board and clarify your visualizations even more.
To download the Dreamy Lover worksheet, print it out here: ManifestDreamPartner.
For my books on attracting your dreamy lover, check out Love After Heartbreak here and Does True Love Existhere (affiliate links) I wish you manifest your dreamy lover today.
Welcome to my friend, Wendy Irene, from Give Love, Create Happiness, with this video guest post. Wendy Irene is an intuitive spiritual mentor, teacher and student. She writes about living a spiritually-centered and conscious life. She also shares visualizations and leads her audience through guided meditations on her Youtube channel.
This week, she shares with us a visualization technique for healing and opening your heart chakra. Watch this brief 6 minute video on how to clean, cleanse and open your heart chakra.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
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