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9 Ways to Be Productive When You’re in a Slump

9 Ways to Be Productive When You’re in a Slump

stay productive when you're in a slump

A guest post by Kayla Mathews

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Thomas Edison

There are a lot of times when life simply sucks.

Whether it’s something unexpected happening or some ongoing issue that’s keeping you down, life tends to put us on the outs now and again.

Many of us don’t feel like doing anything when life puts us in a slump.

It’s difficult not to think about whatever is wrong and to focus on being productive and motivated.

But here’s the thing: you can be productive, even when life seems like it’s getting the better of you.

Immediately before I left home for college, I started dating someone very special to me.

We had known each other for several years, but I had lost touch with him. Through a long and complicated string of events, we wound up reconnecting and discovered that we both had very strong feelings for one another.

Our timing was terrible, but we wanted to be together. So we began our relationship as a couple during a time when we lived over four hours away from one another. While the start of our relationship was wonderful and exciting, the huge chunks of time we spent apart was not. We both had very little money and couldn’t afford to travel to each other, except for maybe once a month (and even that wasn’t always possible).

I spent tons of time sulking around my college campus, dragging myself out of bed with every pitiful amount of motivation I could muster up. I felt depressed. Not exactly the most uplifting way to manage your first year at college.

I knew that I needed to focus on school and study to get good grades. If I let my emotions get the better of me and failed a class, or decided to drop out altogether (which crossed my mind just about every day), I’d be ruining the best chance I had for my boyfriend and I to have a happy future together.

So I pressed on.

I didn’t always feel like it – in fact I hardly ever felt like it – but I made myself stay productive in school. It was a very difficult year for me, and so was the next year. But I learned some very valuable lessons because of these hardships, and I think they bear repeating.

Life is hard, but it’s also beautiful and wonderful. Terrible things may happen, but you can only know that they’re terrible because of the great things that have already happened to you.

If life has you feeling depressed, out of control, miserable, or just fed up, you should know that it’s okay to feel that way. However, it’s not okay to idly sit by and let your negative feelings rule your life.

The best way to get out of your slump is to stay productive, even during the times when you don’t feel like being productive.

Here are some lessons I learned about how to stay productive when life has you in a slump:

1. Exercise for better sleep and to boost endorphins

Exercise is a greatly underutilized antidepressant. I know that some days it feels like you can barely get out of bed, let alone go for a jog, but exercising is a naturally proven way to increase your body’s feel-good endorphins.

Exercising for at least two and a half hours a week has been shown to significantly improve the quality of sleep you get at night, which positively impacts your overall mental wellness and your energy during the day.

In my personal experience, I’ve also found exercising to be a good way to relieve stress and frustration.

If you go for long jog, chances are that you’ll feel so tired when you get done you won’t even have the energy to be bummed out.

That and endorphin boost can do wonders for your mood and productivity.

2. Remind yourself that being productive now will improve your happiness later

I certainly didn’t always feel like going to class or studying for finals when I was in my slump, but I did it anyway because I knew it would be best for me in the end.

I know it’s hard, but you have to try to look beyond your feelings in the present moment and do what will be most beneficial to your happiness later. If you just sit back and wallow in self-pity, you likely aren’t going to feel better for a very, very long time.

You don’t have to be thrilled about whatever you’re doing, but at least do it so you can keep yourself moving forward, if only ever so slightly.

3. If you can, be productive on your own terms

Depending on what kind of job or daily responsibilities you have, this tip might be harder for you to put into action. What I mean by “be productive on your own terms,” though, is that you should do whatever will help you be most productive, even if it doesn’t seem like something a productive person would do.

There were some days in college when I knew I’d get more done if I spread out my books in bed and stayed in my pajamas all day, rather than going to the library. So I stayed in bed and let myself be motivated by the fact that I got to choose how I was going to be productive that day.

I didn’t go anywhere because I didn’t want to, but I also didn’t sulk in my room. I got things done…but on my own terms.

If it’s possible for you to control some of the terms of your productivity, do so.

It’s okay if they seem less productive to other people; all that matters is that you feel most productive working that way.

4. Be motivated by others in the same situation

Anytime I feel myself falling into negativity, I try to remember that there are definitely hundreds – if not thousands – of other people in the world going through the same thing. And, it seems, many of them don’t get nearly as down or stressed out as I do sometimes.

So, I figure, if they can face the same thing and carry on with their daily lives, so can I.

It’s also helpful to view yourself as part of a group working toward a common goal, rather than as an individual trying to reach a goal or achieve something alone.

5. Find something that you enjoy and do it every day

Another helpful tip for getting out of your funk is to find something that you enjoy and do it every day, even if you only do it for 15 minutes or so.

When I was in college, I discovered that I really liked playing video games  on my handheld, so I invested in a Nintendo DS and started gaming on there for an hour or so a day. Even with all my schoolwork, it was perfectly manageable for me to set aside some time to play each day.

When you do something that you enjoy, you start to focus on that activity, rather than on whatever has you feeling down. This is a good way to start to wean yourself off of your negative emotions and feel something positive again.

If you aren’t into gaming, try reading a book, creating some kind of art, writing, or cooking.

6. Get out of your comfort zone

In addition to doing something you enjoy every day, it’s also important to take small steps outside of your comfort zone. This will help you get out of your slump by boosting your chances of discovering new interests, opportunities and new people.

As you begin to try new things, you’ll likely find new friends who can provide a healthy social support system.

It’s helpful to do things outside of what you’re used to, even if it means doing something as little as going to a different restaurant or sitting outside in the sun for an hour.

7. Engage in emotional or spiritual practices daily

By engaging in spiritual or emotional activities each day, you learn to become more connected with yourself and your feelings.

For me, yoga is an emotionally cathartic practice that makes me feel less stressed, more relaxed, and more in-tune with myself.

Whether you engage in yoga, prayer, meditation or other spiritual practices, know that these are all good stepping stones for fighting off negative thoughts and emotions.

8. Don’t judge yourself

In addition to feeling down because of whatever put you in a slump, you also tend to feel negatively about how you’re feeling.

When you know that you should be productive but feel depressed and sluggish, you’re likely to judge yourself and criticize your emotions. Needless to say, this does very little to help you feel better.

Don’t judge yourself for feeling down. You can’t help the way you feel.

You can, however, feel poorly and still do things that will help you be productive.

You can be miserable and still do homework. Sure, it won’t be fun, but you can make it happen.

Don’t be too hard on yourself when it comes to how you feel. Rather, try to accept your feelings and find ways to cope with them in your daily life.

9. Read or watch something motivational to get you going

If you find that the hardest part of the day is just getting out of bed, you might find it helpful to read or watch something inspiring. This can help you get motivated and get going in the morning and can fuel your actions throughout the rest of the day.

Read some more inspiring articles on Vishnu’s site, follow motivational social accounts, or watch some inspiring YouTube videos. These are all easy things you can do from your smartphone while you’re still in bed in the morning, so you can get inspired and start your day when you are ready.

It can be so easy to let your anger, worries, depression or fear get the better of you in life. But if you don’t do anything to pick yourself up and actively fight against your slump, you’re not even living – are you?

I hope that some of the things I’ve talked about today will resonate with you and inspire you to bounce back and live a productive life in 2015.

You can’t change how you feel, but you can take some of these actions I mentioned above to be productive and get things done.

Start today.

Kayla Matthews is a productivity blogger with a passion for positive thinking and self-improvement. To read more of her latest posts, follow her on Google+ and Twitter, or at ProductivityTheory.com.

The Untethered Soul: Open Your Heart to Free Your Soul

“The prerequisite to true freedom is to decide that you do not want to suffer anymore.” – Michael Singer

Imagine some of the most painful moments in your life.

Do you think about them often? Does your mind plague you with internal chatter about what happened in the past?

Do you continue to question, replay and rethink what has happened to you?

Do your thoughts (or your “inner roommate,” as Michael Singer calls them) preoccupy your mind and your life?

In The Untethered Soul, Singer shows you how to become more aware of your thoughts, acknowledge your inner being and free yourself from the trappings of your inner turmoil.

You can tone down the internal chitter-chatter and “neurotic bursts of conflicting dialogue” in your mind.

In this book, Singer offers the gift of a peaceful mind and an uncaged soul.

1.    Become aware.

“You are behind everything, just watching. That is your true home,” Singer writes.

The Untethered Soul reminds you of two points: that there’s you and then there’s the sensitive person inside you. Every day, observe this internal being.

Simply watch that sensitive part of you feel disturbance. See it feel jealousy, need, and fear…If you pay attention, you will see that they are not you; they are just something you’re feeling and experiencing,” writes Singer.

Singer reminds you that you are a different person internally than you are externally. Internally, you observe what is going on in your life. When you’re at your center or core, you can witness and even appreciate the difficult experiences you’re encountering.

You sit in a seat of awareness and watch these disturbances and emotions pass you by. You become aware of the drama taking place in the movie of your life.

“Once you learn that it’s okay to feel inner disturbances, you will be free. You will begin to be sustained by the inner energy flow that comes from behind you,” writes Singer.

By being in this state of centeredness, “you can walk in the world and the world will never touch you. That’s how you become a free being – you transcend.”

2. Decide that you do not want to suffer anymore.

You’re constantly shaken up on the inside.

External events take hold of your mind, your soul and your psyche. You regularly think about life’s disturbances.

First your thoughts bother you, continually hammering away at your peace.

Then your emotions bother you, leading your heart and soul to continuous discomfort.

Singer says that you don’t have to be a prisoner of your psyche.

You do not have to engage with your mind.

Disengage. Sit quietly and observe yourself. Become aware of your anxious psyche and thinking mind. Stop looking for solutions and stop expecting that your mind will fix your internal problems.

When someone cuts you off in traffic, is rude to you or doesn’t talk to you, free yourself by disengaging.

Do not get involved with the mechanical, droning thoughts your mind repeats.

The only action you should consciously take is to relax and release.

Singer encourages you to refrain from playing mind games.

Just be there, noticing that you notice. It’s like taking inventory. Just check what’s going on – heart, mind, shoulders, etc.,” he writes.

You’re just there, aware that thoughts and emotions are being created around you, while the world unfolds before your senses.

By consciously choosing not to play mind games, you become more aware of the inner drama your mind creates. By refusing to engage, you set the stage for soul freedom.

No more engagement with your mind and psyche.

Only observance and awareness.

Your external life is a play. A movie, even.

Learn that the way you process and deal with external circumstances is also a movie – something you should watch. You’re not the actor and you don’t have a part to play.

“Right in the midst of your daily life, by untethering yourself from the bondage of your psyche, you actually have the ability to steal freedom for your soul. This freedom is so great it has been given a special name – liberation.”

3.    Learn to accept. 

You may have had emotional problems, childhood situations and past pain that scarred you on the inside.

Emotional damage has caused you to struggle with the events you currently face.

You won’t open yourself to the present because you fear previous circumstances.

When you live like this – clinging to the past and resisting the present – you are wasting your life.

If you learn to accept events as they develop, you won’t see them as problems.

If you don’t have fear or desire about an event, there’s really nothing to deal with. You simply allow life to unfold and interact with it in a natural and rational manner,” Singer says.

If you refuse to compare past circumstances and relationships to current circumstances and relationships, you will have a newfound appreciation for your present experience.

It is what it is. You’re not resisting the present; instead, you’re surrendering to it.

“Learn to stop resisting reality, and what used to look like stressful problems will begin to look like the stepping-stones of your spiritual journey.”

4. Be willing to be open.

You want to protect yourself from pain.

Yet Singer reminds you that once you close your heart to pain and emotional disturbances, you spend a lot of time and energy protecting the safe place you’ve created.

Instead of holding onto things and closing off your heart, be willing to experience the disturbances. Sit fully in the pain’s depth.

If past or present hurts have annoyed or upset you, be open and become aware of them.

A thought or emotion emerges, you notice it, and it passes by because you allow it to,” Singer says. “This technique of freeing yourself is done with the understanding that thoughts and emotions are just objects of consciousness.”

Further, Singer says that when you experience these things you won’t continue to harp on them. You won’t become preoccupied and focused on them, repeatedly experiencing them.

“You just let go. It’s simply a matter of taking the risk that you’re better off letting go than going with the energy. When you’re free from the hold the energy has on you, you will be free to experience the joy and expansiveness that exists within you.”

In Singer’s eyes, the way to attain freedom for your soul is to let go of yourself. Whenever you experience strong negative energy because of everyday annoyances and irritations, simply relax and release.

“If you don’t hold these issues inside, you can go about your life without getting psychologically damaged. No matter what events take place in life, it is always better to let go than to close.”

5.    Let go.

“The law is very straightforward: When your stuff gets hit, let go right then because it will be harder later. It won’t be easier if you explore it or play with it, hoping to take the edge off,” Singer says.

No matter what goes on below you, open your heart and let it go. Your heart will become purified, and you will never know another fall.”

Singer encourages you to release the sensitivity and pain you’re clinging to. If you open up internally and let go of the negativity you’re experiencing, you will release the blocked energy within you.

“When it’s released and allowed to follow up, it becomes purified and merges back into your center of consciousness. This energy then strengthens you instead of weakening you.”

Regardless of what you experience or how heavy, pained or irritated something makes you feel, choose to let go. It’s the only way to grow spiritually, as it will prevent the disturbance or offense from hampering you for the rest of your life.

6.    Do not fear inner pain and disturbance.

Do you try to avoid pain? Do you run away from it at all costs?

I know I do. I have tried to create boundaries so I don’t have to experience discomfort or pain.

Singer says there’s no reason to fear internal pain.

He asks you to think of pain as something temporary, simply passing through your system.

If you don’t get comfortable with pain in your life, “you will react by closing in order to protect yourself. Once you close, your mind will build an entire psychological structure around the closure.”

An alternative is to experience the pain momentarily, then release it.

View pain as energy flowing through your body. “Stay open and receptive so you can be present right where the tension is. You must be willing to be present right at the place of tightness and pain, and then relax and go even deeper. This is very deep growth and transformation.”

If you resist pain, it will haunt you even more.

Simply experience, face and release the pain you store in your heart. On the other side of that pain are beauty, love, joy and peace. So are, Singer says, ecstasy, freedom and true greatness.

When you open yourself to the pain traveling through you, you become free and pain will never again bother you. It won’t remain, but will disappear as the energy of its fire goes up in smoke.

Once you transform pain into deep love and experience – the beauty on the other side of pain – you will find soul freedom.

When you are willing to pay this price for soul freedom, you will experience great spiritual growth.

What No One Tells You About Confidence (plus 6 ways to boost yours)

What No One Tells You About Confidence (plus 6 ways to boost yours)

confident woman

Anyone who tells you that confidence is an innate quality isn’t telling you the truth.

Confidence isn’t a trait that some people have and others don’t.

I am not a naturally confident person.

I used to worry about what people thought of me. I feared being awkward or saying the wrong thing. Many times, I was unsure of myself.

The good news is that I grew out of this.

I did so by building my confidence muscle, being around confident people and taking notes on effective confidence-boosting strategies.

In my previous life, I helped run campaigns for candidates seeking public office. I worked closely with some of the most confident people you can imagine.

I began to notice similarities among the political candidates I worked with. I also came to realize that not all of these people had been confident their entire lives. Sure, a couple had been, but many political candidates are continually building their confidence.

The secret about confidence is out. Anyone can be confident if they shift their mindset and constantly work at it.

You can be confident too.

As your confidence soars, you’ll stand out at work, easily carry on conversations at social events, meet more people and live a richer life.

Here are 6 ways you can boost your confidence to become the person you’ve always wanted to be:

1) Accept yourself for who you are.

The reason you’re not confident in yourself is that you don’t love and accept yourself.

It’s not your fault. Since your early days, you received conditioning from your parents and other adults who put you down and discouraged you.

You listened to negativity in the form of doubt and criticism.

You can’t go back and change the past, but you can avoid becoming a victim of it.

You can work on loving yourself. You can use positive affirmations that confirm all the wonderful things about yourself. You can remove negative people from your life.

You can treat yourself more kindly by finding work that suits you. You can find more inner peace by practicing gratitude and forgiveness daily.

You can feel your feelings and your pain more. You can embrace your vulnerabilities and manage the inner voice that halts your progress.

You can also live a more authentic life.

Live in line with your values and with what’s important to you as a person.

When you’re living your truth and not hiding behind a mask, you feel comfortable with yourself and present your true face to the world.

2) Delete the disempowering stories that you tell yourself.

In your mind, do you replay past mistakes, screw-ups and failures?

Do you unwittingly tell yourself that you are your past? And do you let past events create the belief system you hold today?

Consider past circumstances that you believe indicate you aren’t good enough, smart enough or competent enough.

Do you see how they were isolated situations? You’re not a failure just because you failed one time.

You’re not a reject if you faced rejection one time.

Acknowledge the stories you’ve created about yourself.

Know that the stories you tell about your lack of confidence are simply NOT TRUE.

You created the stories. You took individual situations, linked them together and created powerfully strong beliefs about yourself.

Once you realize it’s a story, you can change it. You can write the story of how, over time, you learned to be confident.

3) Change the script that goes through your mind.

Growing up, did you listen to parents and loved ones who put you down, doubted you and undermined you?

Or to teachers, authority figures and neighbors who thought they were mentoring you when they were actually destroying your self-worth?

People think they’re providing sound advice when they’re actually hurting you and creating an unhelpful script in your mind.

However, you can change this script.

Try a mindfulness practice that catches the various thoughts bouncing around your brain.

Try affirmations and neuro-linguistic programming to reprogram your subconscious mind.

Listen to positive, confidence-building words and statements to help you flip your internal script.

4) Get into a confidence zone.

Did you know you can enter a state of confidence?

Imagine that you’re in a drama class, and your instructor asks you to act like a confident person for a couple of minutes. Could you do it? How would you act? What would your confident behaviors be?

Would you change your body language? Your posture? Your stance? Would you stick out your chest a little more?

You know what confidence looks like.

You’ve met confident people and at different points in your life have been confident yourself. You’ve seen what confidence looks like in your favorite television characters and movie heroes.

Stand up straight. Take up more room around you. Walk with a beat in your step. Before you enter an interview or networking event, practice Amy Cuddy’s tips concerning power poses.

Channel and become the confident person you visualize yourself to be.

5) Take small steps of confidence.

You don’t change from a shy person to Mindy Kaling overnight.

The best way to build your confidence is to challenge yourself and take small steps of confidence.

Talk to someone you normally wouldn’t. Introduce yourself to a stranger at the next office party.

Raise your hand and your voice. Speak up at the meeting.

Attend that social event with a friend.

Take the smallest step you can think of to move toward confidence. One confident action builds upon another.

Chatting with someone new gives you the courage to talk to a small group of people. And speaking to a small group of people gives you the courage to get on a stage and deliver a speech to a larger audience.

6) Develop a healthy relationship with rejection and failure.

Often, we experience one rejection and think that we are permanent failures.

We to talk to one person and don’t have a positive experience.

We try to sell someone on our idea, and that person shoots it down.

A rejection here and a rejection there and before you know it, you’ve formed deep-rooted beliefs about yourself.
You start thinking you’re not worthy enough or good enough.

You believe other people don’t like or accept you.

You let a handful of negative opinions stifle your mind and your life.

No one likes rejection and no one likes to fail, but did you know that rejection is a normal part of life? And the fact that someone says “no” to you or turns down your request has nothing to do with you—it has to do with that person.

The most successful and confident people have taken rejection and brushed it aside. They see rejection simply as a part of life.

Instead of letting rejection paralyze you and undermine your self-worth, know that you win some and you lose some.

Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don’t. This is perfectly normal. Confident people are those who face rejection and failure over and over again.

The only difference between you and them is that they don’t let their confidence lapses and failures define them or slow them down. They use rejection and failure to keep growing.

A failure is not a failure if you learn from it. A failure can be a lesson.
Remember, confidence isn’t a trait only television stars or popular people have. It’s not a natural or innate quality that some people receive at birth.

Anyone can become confident if he or she is willing to work on it.

You can become confident by accepting yourself and changing your mind’s script. Take small confidence-boosting steps and work on confidence behaviors to become the confident person you’re capable of being.

*Photo credit epsos.de

My Journey Back to Myself: 12 Ways to Heal a Broken Heart

My Journey Back to Myself: 12 Ways to Heal a Broken Heart

broken heart

*A guest post by my friend and contributor, Sri.

Do you feel like your life is over?

Like you can’t be happy anymore because the love of your life has decided to move on without you?

Being Indian, I thought that ending my arranged marriage would be difficult. I had to deal with the Indian community’s aversion to divorce and with the fact that many people would speak ill of me for what happened in the marriage.

But the end of my marriage was not nearly as difficult as the end of a relationship I got into after my marriage.

See, I fell in love.

I met my boyfriend through a Meetup group. We started as friends with common interests, sharing our thoughts and taking part in activities together. We eventually developed feelings for each other and thought that we could take our relationship to the next level.

This relationship made me complete. My boyfriend had all the qualities I was looking for in a partner. He wasn’t judgmental and accepted me as I was. We had lots of fun together, did adventurous things and, most important of all, respected each other.

My family and friends were happy that this relationship was becoming what it was.

However, all of a sudden, our relationship changed.

My boyfriend started drifting away and wouldn’t spend time with me. He wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him.

We started having little arguments. Then he wanted to take a break for two weeks. I gave him all the time he needed, but he never came back. Finally, one day I spoke to him so that I could figure out what was going on. He just yelled at me and banged down the phone.

That’s when I realized that the mutual respect in our relationship no longer existed. I decided not to talk to him anymore. He tried to contact me a couple of times after that, but I decided it was best not to respond.

After my boyfriend broke up with me, my life fell apart.

I felt like my life was over.

I had lost myself and I didn’t know how to find myself again.

I used to crib to my close friends every day. They were consoling and soothing, but their efforts didn’t help much.

I used to sit on my bed, crying and cursing God for having made my life so miserable.

My heart was aching and I felt as though the whole world was against me because I hadn’t gotten what I wanted in life. I lost interest in work and didn’t talk to anyone.

Then one day, in the midst of this sadness, I browsed the news online.

I came across a random story about a girl who had passed away while travelling on a train.

A bomb blast had killed her. I was taken aback.

The girl, who had been hoping to surprise her family with beautiful and thoughtful gifts she had purchased with her first paycheck instead surprised them with the tragic news of her death.

I abruptly came to my senses as questions arose within me.

What am I doing with the wonderful life God has given me?

Is it worth brooding over the past, which is not in my control?

Shouldn’t I be grateful for all the privileges I have?

That’s when I realized that I have a lot of things left to do. I decided not to waste a single moment thinking about my past.

I would like to share a few tips to help you overcome the pain that you are going through and to heal your broken heart.

What do you do when the love of your life has ditched you?

12 ways to heal a broken heart

1.    Find the love within you

When someone breaks up with you, you think you aren’t good enough.

I’ve found that the most effective remedy for a broken heart is to love yourself more.

Take note of your thoughts and actions and write about them in a journal. You will discover who you really are. When I started writing in my journal, about the way I feel toward others and myself, I realized how beautiful I am. I realized I was worthwhile and that if someone really wanted to be my partner, he had to deserve me.

This technique may sound weird, but believe me, it works. Stand in front of the mirror and kiss yourself for being such a nice person. Remind yourself that you’re a loving person and that you’re the best! I read this a while ago: “Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you selfish or vain; it makes you indestructible.”

2. Improve your health and you’ll change your life

When you’re in love, you don’t take note of what you eat, as you’re always on cloud nine. J

But after my breakup, I became more conscious of my health and fitness. I started paying more attention to what I ate.

I followed a strict health plan and started exercising more regularly.

Don’t you want to be fit and strong? I definitely would like to be; this goal boosts my confidence wherever I go.

3.    Spend time with nature

There are lots of beautiful things in nature that we fail to appreciate.

Go for a run or a walk in the morning and you’ll feel energized.

Watch the sunrise and sunset and you’ll see the world from a very different perspective.

Read books in nature. Listen to the music that nature plays for you.

I love to spend time in nature; it refreshes my mind.

4.    Experience the joy of words

Create a routine reading habit.

Reading helps you think about situations from a different perspective. It also helps you realize that so many people have experienced similar pain to you – or pain that’s even worse.

I read lots of blogs and articles, which inspires me to write in my own journal and blogs.

5.    Avoid negativity

The most important thing in life is to avoid negativity.

When I say “negativity,” I mean not only negative thoughts but also negative people. Don’t associate with people who bring you down until you develop the courage to stand up to them and say, “Hey, you’re being negative and it’s not helping anyone.”

Just avoid them; what they think about you doesn’t matter. At the end of the day you must be happy. Only when you are happy will you live your best life.

I stopped talking to a few of my relatives who had been draining my energy. They accused me of not following the rules because I hadn’t remained in a marriage for life. I simply ceased talking to them, which has helped me avoid negativity.

Also, watch your thoughts. Any time a negative thought comes to mind, become aware of it and try to put a positive spin on it.

In a similar vein, don’t be the person who entertains negative thoughts and shares his or her negativity with others. Nobody wants to be around someone who keeps brooding about what has happened in his or her life.

Be the person people always want to be with.

My friends say they always get positive vibes from me. If they are stressed at work, they call me so that I can refresh them and help them attain a new perspective.

Work on developing a positive mindset so that you can encourage and help others in need.

6.    Live your own life and be true to yourself

When you’re in love you unknowingly enter a prison. Your partner handcuffs you with his or her love and starts playing with your mind.

In a bad relationship, you might feel controlled or limited.

Don’t let anyone occupy your life to the point that you feel imprisoned.

You need your space. You need to continue doing the things you always do, regardless of your relationship.

Don’t let your relationships define you. Instead, let them enrich you.

Remember, you are more than your relationships.

7.    Learn new things to enrich your life

New hobbies are interesting and take your mind off the sadness and pain you’re experiencing.

Take cooking lessons. Learn salsa dancing, classical music or a new language. Try to keep busy with activities that interest and challenge you.

Nowadays I don’t have time to think about what happened in my past. I don’t even realize that I went through heartbreak.

8.    Create more “I, me and myself” time

Once in a while have some “I, me and myself” time.

I take time from my busy schedule and watch some good movies, or I simply stay in bed longer.

On this particular day, I go easy on myself. If I want to have ice cream for lunch, I do it. If I want to walk in the rain, I do it.

I take a longer shower, watch YouTube and dance to some new steps.

You will love this kind of day – celebrating you!

9.    Don’t jump into another relationship

After a breakup, you might feel empty and believe that you must fill this void with another relationship.

This is the greatest mistake of all.

Don’t look for happiness in other people; happiness is within you.

It’s okay to be happy and alone.

Work on yourself before you work on a new relationship.

10.   Transform your life

In any relationship, you will behave in a way that you later regret. Post-breakup is a good time to work on this.

After my breakup, I decided that my temper was something I should work on.

I started learning to control my temper in certain situations.

I became aware, read books and put steps into action.

Today, I don’t lose my temper at all and am proud of this change.

You likely have many small things that you fought about with your ex. You can’t change your ex and his or her personality, but you can improve your own behavior and qualities.

You can become a completely transformed person.

11.   Live in the moment

Live in this moment.

You do not know what life has in store for you in the next moment.

Try to enjoy the gift of today instead of looking back at yesterday.

12.   Spread the love

There is immense joy in helping others.

When you know that you are the reason for someone else’s smile, you’ll experience a type of happiness you can’t get anywhere else.

You can help someone learn to read or write. You can help someone get his or her education. You can be with someone when he or she needs you. You can buy food for a homeless person and fill his or her hunger.

Be of help!

In conclusion…

Every person has his or her own way of moving out of heartbreak.

The tips I mentioned have helped me become the person I am today – a person I’m proud of.

Believe me, if you are a self-made, resilient and inspiring person, you’ll attract people.
You never know…your ex might even come back to you, like my ex did. Of course, it’s up to you whether you want to be with the same person again. I chose not to.

Life is beautiful. Heal, transform and enjoy your life today.

Bio: Sri is a software consultant. She enjoys sharing her experiences to help others transform their lives. If you have comments or thoughts, you can email Sri at chatwithsri2013 @ gmail dot com.

*Photo credit mynameisharsha