If you’re stuck in the past and having trouble letting go, please pick up this book to help you get unstuck from the past and move on with your life. Learn from the spiritual and wisdom teachers of our times on how to spiritually let go of the pain of past relationships.
Thank you for your continued support of my writing and this blog. A small way to help my work is to pick up a copy of this book when it’s on sale.
Not only did I walk this journey but I confirmed each of the 12 steps of that journey I took on the wisdom of spiritual masters and teachers.
These are not just my steps of walking back from the past to present-moment living. Rather, these are actions that teachers, old and new, have prescribed – everyone from the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh to Deepak Chopra and Ram Dass.
As comfortable as it may seem to remain in this space of living in the past, at some point you must give up this place and return the keys to its rightful owner: the past itself.
You may not have a new place to live yet but the future promises soul expansion, heart growth and new opportunities to fulfill your destiny.
A little uncomfortable but so worth it.
You can pick up The Sacred Art of Letting Go on June 1, 2019 on Amazon.
You don’t have to merely survive divorce if you’re going through one.
You definitely won’t be surviving divorce if you did divorce the charmed divorce way.
Leah Scott and Robin Sassi, bloggers and authors over at Charmed Divorce, wrote a book in 2017 that I’ve been reading over the years whenever I needed a shot of inspiration or a good laugh.
This book is like having a couple girl-friends giving you divorce advice over a glass of wine.
You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, and possibly forget you’re going through a divorce by the time you finish this book.
Interestingly, the two women start and end the book with the two words, “Get Laid”.
Now, this is in no way a sex book of any kind but the authors do stress the importance of sex in the first and last page of the book.
This is one sure way to have a charmed divorce, right? Lots of sex?!
Here are their other 10 tips on surviving your divorce charmingly well from the book Charmed Divorce.
10 ways to survive divorce charmingly well.
1. Taking care of yourself.
“How your body feels affects the way your mind operates and positive body conditioning is good for the soul. Working on yourself from the outside in is a way to feel good inside out.”
One of things that both women encourage is taking care of yourself and treating yourself well in divorce. They suggest an hour a day of self –care for your body, mind and soul. They say it’s time do whatever it takes to feel good even if you might be feeling lousy.
2. Appreciate the small stuff.
“With all the changes you are going through, life can appear overwhelming and unstable. Appreciating the small things will make the big things less daunting. Remember: small things. By small, we mean miniscule.”
They encourage showing appreciation for all the small things that are going right in your life. Remind yourself how good you have it. You may not be able to control the bigger things in your life but replace that with the tiny joy of everyday life.
3. Get through the hard stuff.
“Cry, stomp, rage, scream. Do these things and then be done with it. It is only when you process those emotions that you can move on with the right attitude. What is that attitude? You can get through this.”
You don’t have to run away from the hard stuff. Divorce will be the hardest thing you will be going through emotionally. Feel your feelings and experience the emotions to survive divorce. The women promise you that it does get better after you get through.
4. Declutter your life.
“Clutter that piles up in your mind will make it difficult to think clearly. It’s time to take inventory of your house and your mind. This will help you create your new life and new space. “
Decluttering will help you with the letting go process. First, clean out the physical stuff and then work on the mental stuff that is occupying your mind. Having less stuff will help you get more productive and feel more relaxed. You can fill your physical space and your mind with the things that bring you happiness.
5. Stay open-minded to new experiences.
“Make a list of things that you have thought about trying but never felt you had the time for. It could be a new type of food, class or social group.”
To get out of the rut of an unfulfilling marriage, try experiment and doing new things. The women suggest getting out of your comfort zone. Explore parts of yourself that were lying dormant. It’s time to live it up with adventure and change of routine.
6. Discover what you want to do with your life
“What better time than to start something new whether it’s a business idea, a new way of eating or exercising, or that craft you were always so good at making. ”
Be creative and explore what you’re passionate about in life. Reconsider if you’re career is something you enjoy doing or is it time to try something else. Consider starting that new business you had in mind. Try out different things that you feel drawn toward and start living a more passionate life. You are now free to.
7. Exercising bravery
“The fear you may feel come from anticipating the world without a partner. This is where you learn to be brave and discover that being alone is not the end of the world.”
They remind you that you’re going to have to find the courage to live a braver life. You’re going to have to do a whole bunch of things you don’t feel like doing after the marriage ends. This takes conscious effort, determination, and continually showing up for difficult and challenging situations.
8. Discover yourself
“This is the time to ‘date’ yourself. It’s time to take yourself to a movie, out to eat, or to some other event – alone.”
You need alone time post divorce to get to know yourself more. Only when you know yourself can you go forward and be in a better and healthier relationship. They recommend taking yourself out, eating and watching movies alone, to get to know yourself better.
9. Celebrate
“A ‘just divorced’ party is the celebration of the conclusion of the legal process of your divorce…Completing the divorce is a great reason to celebrate.”
You’ve reached a milestone and may have been stressed for the past few months or years while you survived divorce. No better way to celebrate, enjoy with friends and have a party!
10. Have great sex ?!
“It is time to enjoy your new life. What better way than to have some great sex? So go on, and get laid! You deserve the attention and pleasure.”
As I mentioned the women, start and end the book with this tip so there’s probably something to it. They recommend this because they say it’s time to start enjoying your new life. You deserve the attention and the pleasure.
The two authors have put a positive spin on the D-word in this book, Charmed Divorce. The women say that a charmed divorce is enjoying your new life post divorce, being strong and keeping a smile on your fact. They did it and remind you that you can too.
If you’re going through a divorce, do yourself a favor and pick up Charmed Divorce in the Amazon store today. You don’t have to simply survive divorce. You can get through it charmingly well.
It’s not just because he’s regularly dropping truth bombs on his Instagram account but I’m calling this the most important account out there because of WHAT he’s talking about.
Mark’s teachings and message help us get more in touch with ourselves emotionally to heal the wounds within and love ourselves and others more.
There is no more important work than that today.
Follow this account and hey, while you’re there, follow his blog. It will change every aspect of your life, but most importantly the relationship you have with yourself.
15 Mark Groves quotes for self-love from the most important Instagram account on the Internet
1. “When we don’t ask for what we want, we don’t get it.” Mark Groves
2. “You are worthy of the kind of love you showed yourself by walking away.” Mark Groves
3. “When choosing a partner, choose based on something so much more than just attraction. Look for kindness. Look for respect. Look for willingness to be wrong. And then be those things yourself so they can find you too.” Mark Groves
4. “Don’t hold things that require a tight grip. Including thoughts, expectations and even people.” Mark Groves
5. “When you say no to people who don’t show up for you, you not only honor your value, you raise it.” Mark Groves
6. “I think the problem is we depend on lovers to love us the way we should love ourselves.”
7. “If it doesn’t open your door, it’s not your door.”
8. “Nothing meant to be in your life will ever require you to abandon yourself to keep it.”
9. “The choices you make are far more powerful than what you say you desire. Choice determines path, and path determines who you’ll meet. You must become what you seek.” Mark Groves
10. “Time only heals if we do something with that time.” Mark Groves
11. “Sometimes our growth takes us beyond certain people. Often the key to honoring that growth is to let them go.” Mark Groves
12. “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” Mark Groves
13. “I’ve found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I need. What I feel. Who I am.”
14. “It’s in the space between the love we’ve lost and the love we hop to find, where we meet ourselves.” Mark Groves
15. “Sometimes it takes losing what we were settling for to remind us what we deserve.”
If you found these Mark Groves quotes inspiring, check out his Instagram account here, his Podcast here and his Youtube channel here.
After a serious and committed relationship ends, you begin to have weird thoughts swirling through your mind about the future.
First comes the hurt and the pain of having gone through a breakup.
Then comes the blame towards yourself, your ex and others that caused the breakup.
Finally, comes the sad and lonely thoughts about your future, along with your fears that you will never love again after a breakup.
I can personally attest to many of these common beliefs that came in and out of my life after my divorce.
I think the belief that I held about the future was that I would be alone again for the rest of my life and that no one would ever love me again.
It’s at points like that you begin to ask yourself what’s the point of living and what’s the point of life?
Thankfully, I’ve come a long way since then.
I realize that many of the beliefs that I developed post-breakup came from a place of grief yet it took me years to overcome them.
Our mind has a way of playing tricks on us and leading us to dramatic and untrue spaces of thought.
Here are some of the most common beliefs that went through my mind as I thought about finding love after a breakup.
These might be thoughts that are whirling around your mind too.
Please read, reflect and let me know which ones resonate the most with you.
All you have to do is hit reply to this email and fill me in.
Of course, if you’re not on the email list, please get on it!
10 Common Beliefs About Love After a Breakup
1. I will never find love again and be alone forever.
Just because one person ended the relationship with you, you believe that you won’t find someone and be alone the rest of your life.
You think love will pass you by and you’ll spend the rest of your life by yourself, withering away into oblivion and dying a peaceful death surrounded by loyal furry friends.
2. No one will like me or love me again.
Since your ex didn’t like you and fell out of love in you, you believe the other 7 billion people in the world are also going to dismiss you for the terrible person you are.
Love only happens once in your life. It happened. Now, it’s over and you will be living in solitude for several more decades.
You had your one shot at love and it didn’t work out.
3. No one will accept me once they see the real me.
You got to know someone, spend years with them and were in a relationship with them.
Since you believe that something is wrong with you and you scared your ex away, you believe that you will scare everyone else away too.
Once people get to know the real you, they will run for the hills.
There is something permanently damaged about you that no one can accept you for who you are once they get to know you.
4. I am permanently broken
Once again, your relationship ending with your ex will help you see that you have issues. Serious ones that you developed since a child or through other life trauma.
You’ll realize that you’re permanently broken or there is something so flawed with you that no one will want you ever again.
This is not a temporary condition. You were cursed from birth to be broken and unlovable.
Well…there’s always the next life.
5. There are no good people out there.
You take all your previous relationships and all of your recent bad dates to conclude there is absolutely no good people out there.
Everyone is a deadbeat, a dud or a deadbeat dud.
Why even bother dating when people are bad, unavailable, uninterested, boring, evil…
6. I will repeat the mistakes of the past.
You made many mistakes in this past relationship which you hold yourself solely responsible for.
You ruined a perfectly good relationship with a perfectly good person.
You feel like you’re an immature, unworthy, cruel person who causes massive pain and hurt to the people they love.
7. I will choose the wrong person again
You made a mistake in choosing your previous partner. You are pretty much guaranteed to pick someone just as bad the next time around.
Since you did such a poor choice of choosing someone compatible, you believe that you’re going to draw someone into your life who’s just as lousy and bad for you.
8. If I don’t know myself, how could I know what I want in a partner?
After the tsunami of a breakup, you have lost a sense of self, a sense of purpose and a sense of being.
You don’t even know who you are and what you want out of you life.
You’re so lost, how could you possibly be clear on who you’re looking for in a partner?
9. I don’t want go through heartbreak again.
You’ve been through it once and it was more unpleasant than a visit to the dentist.
You cried in bed for months, never went out in public and felt like digging a deep hole and hiding out in it for years.
You’ve experienced serious heartbreak and similar to heart attacks and getting your wisdom teeth pulled, once is enough.
10. I don’t want to feel unworthy again.
Your ex made you feel terrible about yourself.
They made you question your self-worth and your confidence.
You felt so terrible about yourself as a person that you would never let anyone do this to you again by having another love after a breakup.
So you’re going to have super-high walls around your heart and make sure that getting to your heart is going to be 80 times harder than getting tickets to the next Hamilton show.
You would rather push people away, hide from people and make people angry at you than allowing someone to get close enough to you to make you feel unworthy.
To find love after a breakup, pick up my book, Love After Heartbreak, here.
Which of these beliefs most resonate with you? I would like to hear from you via email about your own experiences, thoughts and beliefs after a breakup.
Wouldn’t it be easier if it was other people’s responsibility to accept us and love us?
We just coast through life being loved and appreciated by someone else.
It would be nice but not very realistic. More importantly, it would be putting the work of loving and accepting you in other people’s hands.
Watch more to learn Kajal’s take in this follow up video.
Kajal Pandey is a transformational life coach and truth teacher. She has an excellent meditation class you can pick up here. Learn more about her work on her website at www.kajalpandey.com and follow her on Instagram here.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
