Should you ‘find the world’ in another person, as Alicia harmonizes? If you say, no, read on mis amigos.
We are all looking for love in our lives.
Not only to love others but to be loved. Without fear…conditions…limitations.
Love songs, classic movies and today’s blockbusters provoke us to find that ideal love we watch on the big screen.
Alicia Key’s tune above sketches a love so deep that a lover’s arms around you are worth more than a kingdom, more than gold and diamonds!
(If you’d rather have the $bling$ than the hug, raise your hand friends)
Movies depict undying and eternal love. Music serenades the perfect lover. Books depict the depths of love between two souls.
While we’re caught up in fairy tale weddings, passionate romances and soulful love stories, there’s one person we’re ignoring.
The person we should be loving first.
Ourselves.
To love ourselves is a process of complete acceptance, compassion, forgiveness without limits or conditions.
But how many of us ever reach the place where we are truly in love with ourselves? How many of us even try?
We cannot love others until we fall in love with ourselves first.
Loving ourselves is a prerequisite to loving others.
We cannot complete others, as Tom pronounces in the clip, below until we complete ourselves.
Were you loved?
For some of us, the people who were supposed to love us never understood the way to show us love.
Perhaps they never knew how to love themselves either so loving you was an impossible feat.
The people who are supposed to love us made us feel inadequate, incompetent, inhuman or broken. Unloved.
4 Ways to Love Yourself (in a non-sensual way – ha!)
1. Compassion
We tend to be harsh and merciless with ourselves.
A practice of compassion is the first step to loving ourselves.
Compassion doesn’t judge and doesn’t put conditions on our love. Compassion sees our shortcomings and faults and accepts them anyway.
Practice empathy. Feel your pains, fear and guilt without wallowing in them. Be loving towards your past hurts and sorrows. Be gentle.
2. Acceptance
To be able to truly love ourselves, we have to accept who we are as people.
To love ourselves, we have to accept our good and bad traits, qualities, characteristics and life experiences. We must learn to embrace our pains, sorrows, fears, shame and inadequacies.
We must come to term with our histories, biographies, upbringing, personalities and our quirks.
Self-acceptance is the road to self-love.
3. Show yourself that you care.
How do you treat yourself? Is your life balanced, healthy and fulfilled?
Are you running around every day being ‘busy’? Not eating well? Working too much? Not exercising? Not being mindful? Stressed? Worried?
Are you treating yourself the way you want someone who loves you to treat you?
If you love yourself, take actions in your life to show yourself love, gentleness and kindness.
Look at the things in your everyday life that bring you physical discomfort, stress, worry, and emotional pain. Take steps to eliminate and reduce those factors.
Look for work that allows you to truly love yourself. Eat foods that shows you that you love your body. Be around positive and caring people. (Don’t talk to your mother-in-law – joke!) Create a daily schedule that allows you to spend time with yourself.
Take small steps to show that you’re important, that your health and body matter and that you’re worth taking care of.
4) Take action.
Romantic relationships fail when you stop working on them. So does the relationship you have with yourself. If you’re not actively taking actions to show yourself that you care, you’re not loving yourself as you’re capable of.
If you’re not removing caustic and harmful people out of your life, you’ll find it harder to love yourself. If you’re not doing work or a career that suits your personality, you’ll find it harder to be joyful and treat yourself well. If you’re not taking care of your body, you’ll feel less healthy and positive about yourself.
Accept yourself and strive be good to yourself.
Not only will you fall in love with yourself and be a loving person be but you will be able to share that love with all those around you. You will be love, can give and receive love.
The secret to loving others and being loved the way you want is to love yourself first. (Here are 17 additional ways how. Thanks Evelyn!)
My friend Wendy Irene talks about the importance of loving yourself in her weekly videos. Watch to learn more.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUT5g6ljss4&feature=player_embedded#! To pick up my book, Self Romance Manifesto: Fall in Love With Yourself and Live From Your Heart, click here.
Are you for health but don’t have time to eat healthy?
A world-changer but waiting to retire from your corporate Wall Street job before changing the world?
An environmentalist who doesn’t recycle?
Or maybe even someone who is “spiritual, but not religious?”
Which leads us to the question of what the heck is the “spiritual but not religious”?
Multiple choice question. “Spiritual but not religious” means:
A) You’re super religious but don’t want others to know it
B) Non-religious but use this phrase as a way to be politically correct and be socially accepted
C) Kinda religious when it’s Christmas time or someone dies
D) Not religious but spiritual enough to believe that if all this religious crap was for real and you found yourself in hell, you’d use the “spiritual, not religious card” to escape a life in purgatory.
“Is spiritual, not religious” a lame excuse?
It has become socially acceptable to say “spiritual, not religious” when asked what our religious preferences are. It also seems to be the politically correct thing to say.
With “spiritual, but not religious” we get to say that we’re connecting with ourselves, a higher power or God but not in any formal or scripture-based way. And we don’t really have to do ANYTHING to satisfy that label.
How do you end up becoming “spiritual, not religious?”
Did you grow up in a cult and get burnt out?
Did you grow up in a strict religious household where you were constantly warned about going to hell?
Did you grow up in a household where you were told to stay far away from God and march with your comrades when the revolution started?
Did you live a life of faith only to find a God who doesn’t listen to your prayers and continuously disappointed you?
Why get spiritual?
If you’re neither spiritual or religious, fine.
If you’re religious, all the power to you.
But if you’re the “spiritual, not religious crowd” I’m writing this for you. And asking you to get spiritual if in fact you consider yourself a spiritual person.
I’m asking you to get spiritual so —
1) You spend a part of your day focusing on your inner self and being, as you discover who you really are – your essence.
2) You’re able to deal with life’s problems and challenges better with inner strength and wisdom.
3) You realize that spirituality is a part of your personal development practice which allows you to be a better person to yourself and others.
10 Ways To get Spiritual for those without money for church coffers, time to attend religious services or tolerance for doctrines and dogma.
Let’s say you’re hell-bent on staying as far away from any and every religion, prophet, guru and sacred text. Then, try one of these practices for a few minutes a day to get in touch with your inner spirituality.
Stop saying you’re spiritual and get spiritual by:
1) Meditating for a few minutes every day. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing without trying to think about the world around. You’ll become more mindful of your breath and ultimately be able to observe your mind.
2) Attend a yoga class. Yoga may feel like a pure physical exercise. Yoga is actually challenging your body and mind and helping you make the connection between the two.
3) Listen to music which stirs your soul. I would just suggest doing this mindfully so you’re actually listening to the music instead of when you’re on the exercise bike, playing a game of Angry Birds on your iPhone.
4) Attend a gospel concert. Yes, they may be singing about God but you don’t have to ‘hallelujah’ about God. A gospel choir sings about God but also about hope, strength, self-belief and overcoming challenges.
5) Be silent. No, I don’t mean shut up as a spiritual practice. Oh, maybe I do. I say be silent and observe the silence. Embrace the silence. In the silence, you might even hear or find your inner self.
6) Watch your favorite televangelist. And no, you don’t have to pick the one that’s asking you to send in $5,000 to save your soul. TV preachers ain’t all bad and many preach about overcoming life challenges and finding your inner strength during life’s rough times.
7) Take a hike. When you’re one with nature, you can’t help but think about nature and before you know it, your connection with nature. Nature has a way of revealing your true self.
8) Watch a sunset or sunrise. Sure, this sounds like a recipe for a romantic getaway but also a way to uplift your spirit and soul. Glorious sunrises and sunsets may make you even start seeking a higher power.
9) Help someone. Yes, helping others can be a spiritual practice all by itself. The act of giving selflessly to others brings out your best and highest self. Helping a friend when they are overwhelmed, a relative who is struggling or an elderly person with a chore will help you make you feel a spiritual connection.
10) Send love out into the world. Sending out love is something that my friend Wendy Irene regularly writes about on her blog. This may be a little hippie-ish sounding advice you heard when sitting around the campfire at Woodstock. When feeling afraid, overwhelmed or worried for yourself or someone else in your life, feel love and illuminate love for a few minutes.
You don’t have to be religious to be spiritual. But if you think you’re a spiritual person or want to be more spiritually in tune, practice a little more spirituality in your life every day.
You’ll instantly feel the benefits of spiritual living; clarity, strength, compassion and connection.
For my book, Is God Listening?, about spirituality and resilience, click here.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
