You may have grand schemes of hitting the lottery or marrying George Clooney Leonardo DiCaprio to pay off your mounting debts.
Who doesn’t?
In the meantime, you need to get out of debt, sort out your financial life, and start having some sense of control over your finances.
I’ll be honest—I’ve never had the best financial systems in place. Even when I was a practicing lawyer or had other high-paying jobs, I didn’t seem to get how finances worked. My money seemed to disappear pretty quickly every month.
It sure doesn’t help a marriage when you’re constantly in debt, juggling money from one account to another, and trying to stay current on everything that you owe.
No one ever teaches you about money.
How do you save it, how do you manage it, how do you have enough of it to feel comfortable? How do you not look out your window every morning, hoping that the auto dealer isn’t going to swing by and take back your car?
During my divorce, I experienced my greatest uncertainty about money. Not only did I have debts that I had accumulated during my marriage, I had new expenses sprouting every day, thanks to the fact that I was now living on my own and setting up another household.
I had to start over financially because I had no choice. I was tired of not having enough and constantly feeling behind on my finances.
I read books, got disciplined, and picked up an invaluable tip from my bro, Ramit Sethi. (No, we’re not related in any way, but I did grow up in Sacramento and went to a slightly better high school in town than he did 🙂 ) Go Eagles!)
Since that time, I’ve been able to cut my debt, save money, and take months off at a time to travel. Being financially responsible and being able to manage my finances took sacrifice and discipline.
But with sacrifice and discipline came the ability to breathe easier. So did peace of mind.
I don’t know where you are in your life right now, but if you’re facing a major shake-up, such as a divorce or being kicked out of your parents’ home to fend for yourself, you’ll want to follow these 12 action steps to get your finances back on track.
1. Know how much your monthly expenses are.
The first thing I would suggest that you do is to gain some idea of what you’re spending every month.
Yes, you should keep track of all your expenses, but more importantly, you should know which expenses you are absolutely required to meet. I’m talking critical expenses that you have no choice but to pay, such as your car loan, rent or mortgage payment, student loans, and basic utilities like light and electricity.
Know what your required financial obligations are every month. Staying in the dark about what you’re expected to pay will only keep you in the dark about your finances.
2. Count up your debts.
Similarly, figure out how much you owe. What is the total amount of your current debts? Count up the balance of every credit card you own, the outstanding loan payment for your car, and your student loan payments. Try to get as accurate a number as possible.
Also, what is the minimum amount that you have to pay on your debts every month? What is the total of all the debt payments due? For example, if you’re required to pay $200 on a credit card, $300 on a student loan, and $400 for your car payment, your monthly required debt obligation is $900.
3. Determine how much you have left.
After calculating your monthly expenses and becoming aware of your monthly financial obligations (in other words, your debts), the next factor to consider is how much money you have left.
If you don’t have any money left after paying off your basic financial obligations, you have a problem. If you have met your basic financial obligations but you aren’t attacking your debt, you also have a problem, one that, though less urgent than the first scenario, you’ll still need to work on.
Either way, knowing how much you have left for spending money every month will give you a better idea of where you stand.
4. Plan your spending.
Some people would call this a budget, but many other people hate the word “budget.” So how much are you going to spend every month and for what? At the beginning of every month, or even for just one month, determine how you will distribute your personal salary. Organize and plan your spending ahead of time!
How much are you going to pay for required monthly expenses? How much will go toward your debts? How much will go toward your rent or mortgage? Know exactly how much money will go where, and how much you will have left over to spend.
5. Reduce your lifestyle.
You knew at some point that you were going to hear this. You may not like it, but here’s one of the most important things that I did to reduce my monthly expenses.
I reduced my lifestyle.
What does this mean? It means that you might have to move out of your current home, move in with someone else, or even get a roommate. It means lowering the cost of your lifestyle. It means paying cheaper rent in a less desirable place. It means a more modest car. It means less eating out and more cooking in.
You have to look at your finances and seek alternatives to scale back your life. If you’re living a $100,000 lifestyle on a $75,000 income, you have a problem. Cut back your lifestyle to meet your expenses. Move. Buy another car or take public transit if possible. Shop at grocery stores that are farther away from home, but where the food is cheaper.
6. Cut out expenses.
The rebuilding and repairing stage of your financial comeback is also a time for sacrifice.
It’s time to cut out expenses for things that you don’t absolutely need. Bottled water service—cut. Cable—cut. Dry cleaning your clothes—cut. Paid gardeners or landscapers—cut. Eating out several times a week—cut. And sorry, Ramit, but if you have a regular coffee habit or daily frozen yogurt habit—cut. Manicures and pedicures—cut. Well, okay, fine, maybe just reduce the number of times that you go to the beauty salon.
What are your pleasurable habits, unnecessary expenses, and things that you can live without every month? Whatever they are, if they’re not required and not absolute necessities, cut them out. How much will the act of reducing your expenses put back into your pocket every month? How much of that additional savings can you put toward paying off your debt?
7. Automate.
This is the Ramit Sethi tip that changed my financial life. Ramit has a 12-minute video that you can watch here. In a nutshell, Ramit encourages you to set up automatic payments every month with every paycheck so that you essentially can’t touch the money that you’ve designated for your monthly expenses.
Automate so that on pay day, your money goes directly to your landlord, your utility companies, your student loan payment, and your car payment. Before you get a chance to figure out how to blow your money for the month, automatically make the money disappear so that it covers your required financial obligations. Use your computer and online payment systems to meet all your monthly obligations.
With this strategy, you won’t make your financial commitments your last priority, but your first priority.
One super-effective thing that I did was to include my credit card debts in this automated system. At one point, I had $500 of every paycheck going strictly toward paying off credit cards.
If you get disciplined about this system, you’ll dramatically improve your financial picture. You’ll know, on the day that you receive your paycheck, how much money you have left over to pay for other things after you pay your expenses. You’re less likely to waste your money when you know exactly how much money you have.
8. Stop splurging and start cutting your spending.
Here’s the thing. Most of our lives, we are not going to find the discipline or motivation to stop spending because it’s just too easy to buy stuff.
We are constantly teased, marketed to, and sold to by ever-hungry retailers and marketers. They’ll tell you that you should look more stylish, that you should drive a fancier car, or that you’re “thinking different” because of the laptop that you’re using.
The best time to stand up to these marketing ploys and to your own inner desire to spend money frivolously is when you’re at rock bottom. When you’re in a desperate situation and your finances seem out of your hands, that’s the time to reign in the spending and stop buying the things that are unnecessary in your life.
Promise yourself that you will commit to spending nothing frivolously. You’ll spend money only if absolutely necessary for your health and well-being. Commit to ending the spending on clothes, shoes, bags, and Apple products.
A question to ask yourself before a purchase: “Is this purchase required for me to stay alive, have a roof over my head, or be able to eat?” I know, it’s kinda drastic, but if the answer is “no,” don’t buy it!
And you’re not going to live like this for ever – just until you get on solid financial ground.
9. Spend your time and energy on “no-cost” activities.
You might say, “All this sounds great, Vishnu, but should I just call it a day and quit living my life?” If all of these measures sound absolutely boring and stringent, and it seems as though I’m sucking all the fun out of your life, here’s what you can do.
Start taking part in activities that don’t cost money. There’s no better time to start reading those books that you’ve bought in the past, to renew your library card, or to nurture your writing habit. There’s no better time to research, learn about, and get creative about ways to make money. There’s no better time to read blogs that help you simplify your life, get a freelance gig or get a better job.
Instead of dinner out with your friends, how about Netflix and a potluck? Instead of a fancy night at the theater, how about a high school play for a fraction of the cost? Instead of a 49ers football game, how about a Friday night football game at Paly High School?
Free museums and cultural shows? Beaches and parks that don’t charge admission? Free tourist spots in the town where you live? Now you’re getting the idea!
10. Cut up your credit cards.
This might be the last straw for you. How dare I ask you to end the credit card spending? Okay, fine, you don’t have to close your credit card. I’m just asking you to cut it up. Huh?
Here’s the theory—keep your credit card open. You can always call and order a new one whenever you need it. You’ll get a new card in the mail in about three days. But when you cut up your credit card, it won’t be readily available for use.
What if you really need to purchase something that you don’t have the money for? Exactly.
You don’t purchase it.
I know this is extreme, but if you’re trying to get on solid financial footing, you’ve got to take extreme measures. Cutting up my credit card was one measure that I found useful. If you can take it to the next level, close your credit card completely. For sure, close your credit cards at Macy’s, Nordstrom, and Debenhams.
Whatever you might need to purchase from those stores is not essential for you to live!
11. Spend less time with friends who have expensive tastes and habits.
You might decide to start saving money, but are finding it difficult because your social circle likes expensive things and eats at fancy restaurants.
If you’re serious about cutting your spending, you’ll have to cut back the time that you spend with friends who have expensive habits. The people you spend the most time with are the ones who encourage you to spend. And it’s so hard to say “no.” However, even though saying “no” requires a high degree of discipline, it will help you straighten out your finances.
Even worse than dining at an expensive restaurant is going to an expensive restaurant for a celebration, such as a birthday or engagement party. Not only are you picking up the tab for others, you’re splurging on dinner for yourself. You’re also required to bring a gift.
There’s no better time to reprioritize your friendships and the people you spend time around.
Similarly, at work, think about whether your spending is centered around your colleagues. If you’re spending money on daily lattes and lunches out to maintain friendships at work, you might want to hang with a different set of friends (or let your current friends know that you won’t be able to join them for their daily coffee breaks).
12. Start a savings habit.
In addition to the automatic savings plan that I described above, you might consider setting up a savings account into which you transfer money every month.
Although this might make no sense while you’re in debt, here’s how this strategy helped me. It got me to look past my debts and helped me focus on growing my money. I started thinking about what’s possible. I found out that I could actually have a positive bank balance in my account. I knew that I was saving up for the things that truly mattered to me.
So even if you are in debt and all hell is breaking loose with your finances, automatically sending as little as $25 a month to a savings account can remind you what all of this is about.
It’s about getting rid of your debts, getting control of your finances, and getting control of your life. And when you get your finances under control, you’ll have more independence and freedom in terms of what you can purchase. You can do more things that will help you live a more fulfilling and happy life.
I hope that you’ve found these tips useful and that you will start on the path to financial recovery.
Although hitting rock bottom financially can be painful, there’s no better place to start rebuilding your finances and your financial habits.
Only after you’ve realized all the things that don’t work are you prepared to implement the financial habits that do work.
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Do you think the universe is out to thump you like the 2014 German World Cup team? (Yup, beat you 7-1 on your own turf, in your own country? ¡Que triste Brasil!)
Or do you believe the universe is like a well-dressed, chiseled-jaw, Italian gentleman with piercing blue eyes who discreetly whispers, “Ti adoro” (I adore you) into your ears as the clock strikes midnight?
One who listens intently to your every command and often grants your wishes?
Or, more likely, do you think that anyone who speaks about such things as “the universe” should be locked up in a far-away island-ashram with organic cuisine and non-stop audio recordings of Deepak Chopra?
The universe and you.
Each of us will characterize the universe as something different.
To some, the universe is the physical realm we live in.
Most correlate the universe with the natural order of the world we live in, even Mother Nature.
You may think of the universe in a spiritual realm, like a universal design or intelligence by a higher power.
Even God.
The universe can be your reality. The world as you see it.
How to have the universe on your side.
I’ve noticed in my own life that the more I’m tune with the universe and its laws, the more positive circumstances unfold in my favor and life feels like it’s rooting for me.
Other times, when I’ve been out of sorts with the universe, I feel like a floating feather in the eye of a hurricane, stirred violently in its arms.
When you’re in tune, the universe grants you favors like the Godfather.
In my own life, being in sync with the universe these days has resulted in a dream job, meeting the right people, rich experiences, exotic travel and circumstances falling into place.
Even without asking for things, living by these universal principles makes miracles happen. It feels like magic at times!
Out of tune, the universe will feel like well-dressed, burly men in black, driving you out into the desert in the middle of the night with shovels in the trunk.
If you’re having trouble getting what you want in life, feeling out of sync with the universe and not manifesting your dreams, you may be in the dark about some powerful universal laws.
It’s not that you suck at manifesting – you just didn’t know about these universal laws existed. And if you had no idea these laws existed, you probably don’t know how you could live in alignment with them.
But all that is about to change now.
These are not laws I created, but simply discovered working in my life.
I find that when I’m in alignment with these 21 laws, miracles occur and dreams come true.
These 21 laws have helped me be one with the universe and have created some delightful circumstances in my life. I am writing these laws down to help you achieve your dreams and manifest your life desires.
21 Powerful Laws to Be One with the Universe and Manifest Your Every Wish
1. Be present. Our desire is often to live in the past and in the future. Living in the past allows you to lick your wounds and immerse yourself in your pain. Living in the future elevates your anxiety and causes you to measure yourself against a future that is not yet here.
The universe works best with you when you live in the present time. Refuse to be hauled back to the past or constantly thinking of and fearing your future.
Whenever you become aware that you’re dreaming about that sweet relationship from 20 years ago or that ex who did you wrong, take note of it. Recognize that you’re drifting into the past.
Live here, now, by simply noticing when you drift away to the past or future.
2. Be prayerful. Although this may be a religious concept to most, I don’t necessarily mean this in a religious sense. Sure, I may pray to a God, but a prayer of thanksgiving, a prayer for strength to deal with life’s twists and turns, or a prayer of hope will do just as well.
Prayer allows for focused reflection and alignment of our soul with the universe.
Prayer is a practice that allows your heart to communicate directly with the universe.
Speak to the universe through prayer, but refrain from groveling or begging. Instead, use these tips to pray the right way.
3. Be still. This is an important one. Somehow when I’m still through a period of either silence or meditation, I am able to cut out the world around me and be on the exact same vibration as the universe.
“Day by day, become more and more intimate with the inner stillness, joy and love which is the fragrance of your own pure heart. Keep quiet.” Mooji
Be still. Meditate. Listen to yourself. Allow moments of silence so your intuition or soul will reveal answers to you.
5. Live like you’ve received it. Imagine how it would feel to have what you desire or request from the universe.
Use visualization techniques to feel and embrace what you desire.
I mentioned above that you shouldn’t live in the future or waste your time in any place other than the present moment. So how do you reconcile the two concepts?
Simply live today like you already have what you want.Feel those feelings and vibrations like you have your heart’s desire at this very moment.
Imagine that it was you whom George Clooney had proposed to, instead of Amal Alamuddin.
Like you bought Ellen Degeneres’s house.
Scored the world cup goal, instead of Mario Goetze of Germany.
Jubilantly walked away with Clare Danes’s or Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s Emmy award.
6. Be of service. Look for opportunities to help others and improve their lives.
“If you’re feeling helpless, help someone.” Aung San Suu Ky
The universe is both disciplined and reciprocal about your service to others. The more you serve freely and without expectations, the more the universe will serve you in your life.
If you serve with expectations, be prepared to face disappointments instead.
Try to help one person each day. Improve someone’s life in some small way.
Serve with your time, your talents, give your abilities to improve the lives of others.
Give more than you take. Give when you aren’t asked.
7. Celebrate everyone’s gift. This is another biggie. As humans, we always are thinking of how to gain for ourselves.
The universe simply HATES this kind of thinking.
If you’re only worried about receiving for yourself, the universe sees this as selfish and self-indulgent.
The universe isn’t a doting parent favoring only one child. And the universe isn’t like The Bachelor reality show where only one lucky woman walks away with the man of her dreams.
The universe isn’t a lottery where there’s only one winner. Everyone wins.
If you think you’re losing, if you try to compare yourself to others or feel resentment at the success of others, the universe will flip you off like a rushed commuter on the I-405.
Whatever anyone receives, celebrate it. My gift is your gift. Your mother-in-law’s success is your success. Your neighbor’s job promotion is your job promotion.
Your best friend’s Oscar win is your Oscar win.
Change your mindset from win-lose to win-win. When you win, I win. We all win.
Celebrate others as you would celebrate yourself.
8. Give a hoot about others. Pay attention to what’s around you. Be more observant of your world.
Look for injustice, poverty, or inequality, and help do something about it.
Make a difference by caring. Change the world by alleviating the pain or problem.
Don’t look at a situation and say, “That’s not my problem”. Instead, think about what you can do to help that problem. What solutions can you come up with?
How can you help? Who should you inform?
Exercise your empathy at work and in life. Try to understand the circumstances others are in and the burdens they face.
Putting yourself in other people’s shoes opens up pores of compassion and love toward others and yourself.
The universe uses compassion and love as fertilizer to allow your life to bloom.
9. Give thanks. Be forever grateful for what the universe has brought your way.
The more thankful you are, the more goodness the universe delivers to you.
The secret here is to be grateful for even the smallest things.
And even for things that you have no business being grateful for. While you may want to curl up in bed over a breakup, know that it could be a big step towards a better future.
When sick, be thankful that you’re having time off to rest.
When you have to shut down a business, be thankful that you don’t have to invest any more money.
When a loved one passes away, be thankful for all the time you were able to spend with them.
10. Be love. Embrace, cultivate and radiate love towards others.
Love your partner. And everyone else too.
Look for every opportunity to reflect love back at the world.
In the face of hatred, injustice and pain, respond with love.
If you’ve grown up without love or lacking love for yourself, then focus on building up your own self-worth and self-love. Read the manifesto on self-love here.
Love yourself as the universe wants to love you. You can only receive universal love when you have the ability to receive love yourself.
So, practice loving yourself, practice loving others, and practice loving everything.
Be a transmitter of love so the universe can work through you and manifest whatever it is your heart imagined.
11. Forgive. Forgive anyone and everyone who has trespassed against you. Use radical forgiveness to let go of the deepest pains and injuries.
The universe can only bring you love when the wounds of pain and anger have healed. You must forgive to allow healing and love to envelop your life.
If you’re not getting what you want out of life, there are probably people in your life you’ve not forgiven. You must let go and forgive them, no matter how big the trespass was.
If you don’t forgive, the universe can’t do its work to bring you what you deserve. The universe will be caught up in your blocks and your resentments.
Universal energy cannot flow through you because you’ve stopped it with pettiness, bitterness and building a wall of negative vibrations around yourself.
If you can’t forgive in your heart, start by writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has done you wrong.
12. Let go. Let go of what’s holding you down. Let go of emotional turmoil, grudges and hurt. Let go of the past. Let go of pleasurable and painful experiences.
The universe does not like greedy people, and that’s exactly what you’re doing when you hold onto things.
When you hold onto uncomfortable or pleasurable experiences, the universe sees you hoarding something, clinging to feelings like you are to your favorite blanket.
But when you’re holding on so deeply to these feelings, you again stop the universal energy from flowing
“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities,” the Dalai Lama has said.
If you can’t let go of fleeting feelings and circumstances, how can the universe grant you better and richer experiences? If you’re hoarding the negative vibes (or even positive ones), how can the universe trust you with new experiences?
Embrace the experiences you face, but do not sit on the treasure of your experiences like a selfish Wall Street baron.
Say this: “I chose to let go of this experience” or “I chose to free myself from these feelings. I will allows these feelings to pass through me like the clouds in the sky.”
In fact, be like the sky. Allow feelings, experiences and desires to float past you without grabbing onto them.
The sky is endless. The clouds are abundant.
13. Trust. Trust that the universe will manifest what is right for you, not necessarily what you’ve asked for.
I used to make specific desires and request of the universe, but those manifestations have brought forth pain and struggle at times.
Instead, I now reveal my intentions to the universe, but do not demand how it goes about it or insist on a particular result.
The result I desire may not be right for me.
Trust the universe to use its infinite wisdom to deliver what is best for you.
Instead of demanding that you become the top cat at your company, ask the universe for a position that allows you to manage and lead others.
Instead of demanding a fancy home on the beach, ask the universe for a residence that makes you feel abundant and gives you joy.
Instead of the perfect man, ask for unconditional love, respect and someone who will empower you. Be open to whoever shows up.
14. Be open. Don’t think the universe won’t deliver. Be open to receiving what the universe has in store for you.
It may not be exactly as you desire it, but simply give the universe time to deliver at the right time for you.
And be open to the various manifestations of your intention. Again, it may not be exactly as you had wished, but it will be what is right for you.
Also, we’re curious people. When things do show up in our lives, even if it’s exactly what we wanted, we run scared.
We make up stories in our mind about why someone is not right for us. Even if our deepest heart’s desire shows up, we worry that it will go away, it isn’t right for us, it will end.
Whenever your heart feels like closing, open it. When it feels like running away, stay. Be present.
Know that whatever experience you’re having is the experience you need. It is the experience you need for the evolution of your consciousness, as Eckhart Tolle has declared.
15. Follow the universe’s lead.
The universe will point and lead in certain directions.
Instead of fighting it, go with the flow.
The path of least resistance is the one the universe wants.
If you find yourself in a treacherous path in the pitch-black jungle, fear not. Once again, trust the universe, knowing that there will always be dawn after darkness.
After struggling against and overcoming obstacles in your path, you will see the light.
The universe will guide you in certain directions. Certain paths and people will show up from nowhere. Know that these are signs and clues from the universe.
16. Pay attention to clues. The universe will tell you what’s right with subtle and overwhelming messages.
The universe will speak to you through your intuition, but you may also receive guidance from a single conversation, a book, a phrase or even a seemingly random road sign or car license plate.
In order to be able to see the clues the universe regularly reveals to you, be more mindful to the sights and sounds around you.
If you’re not actively looking for clues from the universe, you’ll miss them.
If you’re trying to make a decision and 3 people give you unsolicited advice about the issue, it’s most likely a clue.
If you go to pick up a cream color cotton-cardigan by Bottega Veneta at the mall but discover it’s sold out, it could be a sign. If you see the same cream-color cardigan at the Banana Republic for one-tenth of the price, even more of a sign. If it’s an extra 20% off due to it being Valentine’s Day weekend, the universe is demanding that you pick it up.
17. Make space. Start clearing out dead-weight thoughts, emotional baggage and other hurts and pains. Once you let go of a person, a feeling, or unproductive habits, you’ll have additional room for more positive people and circumstances in your life.
Leave toxic jobs, situations and even people so you have some breathing room.
The universe can only bring you something different if have room in your life for it.
Most importantly, make space with your time. If you fill every minute of every waking hour with something to do and people to see, how are you going to answer the universe’s appointments and messengers? And messages?
When can your soul mate find you when you’re working 18 hours a day and taking classes at night?
Free up your time. Free up your life. Reduce your commitments. Slow down.
Make space in your life so the universe can fill it with the things you want.
18. Soften. Instead of being on edge, soften your heart.
The universe knows when you are resistant to opening yourself up to the world around you.
Even if you’ve been hurt or betrayed, lower the walls you’ve built around yourself.
Allow loving-kindness meditations and vibrations to soften your heart.
If your soul is pitch-black, envision a bright and loving light from within.
If your heart region feels like a rock, imagine water gushing away at the rock. Imagine that the person who loves you the most lives there.
Allow anger and spite to melt away under the potent power of love.
The most important thing you can do to soften your heart is to love yourself. I’ve written an entire manifesto to help you do just this. To download your free copy, visit here.
19. Embrace your bliss. Do what makes you happy. Seek happiness like a firefly charmed by light.
Seek and experience continuous moments of joy in your day-to-day life.
Surround yourself with experiences and people that enrich your soul.
Seek and be in a continuous state of bliss, joy and delight.
This alone will bring you every wish and desire you want. What you’re doing here is raising your vibrations by feeling good. And feeling good is the ultimate secret to manifesting your every wish.
I’ve written an extensive article on how to feel good – all tips you can use in your daily living.
Feeling good is a real miracle – it will really magnetize your heart’s desires, and your wishes and dreams will show up at record speed.
If you do nothing else in life after reading this post, do this: spend your time consciously doing activities that make you feel joyous. Forget about desires or what you want. Just repeatedly engage in activities that make you feel good.
Of course, as a caveat, don’t take this advice literally. Gambling, drinking, drugs and taking too many selfies of yourself could have negative consequences on your life.
Feel good, but make sure you’re not harming yourself in the process.
20. Wait. Allow the universe to deliver what you’ve requested on its terms, not on your rigid timelines.
Be patient while the universe does its work.
No need to be pushy with the universe’s timeline. And no need to throw your hands up in despair and give up altogether.
If it’s meant to be, it will happen.
If the universe in its wisdom doesn’t believe something is right for you, it may delay the opportunity or withhold it altogether.
Universal wisdom reminds us that patience is always a virtue.
And remember, if you’re not manifesting what you want, what could you be doing wrong? Re-read through this post and see how you can live more in terms with universal principles.
21. Acknowledge the miracles.
Miracles are everywhere (Singapore's St. Andrewss Cathedral)
Sometimes, you do all these things and your every desire comes true. But while you’re vacationing in the Black Forest in Germany or the tulip fields in the Netherlands with your irresistible dream guy, you may have forgotten what got you there.
You forget the universe. Forget above love. Forget about giving. Forget about how we’re all connected. Forget about feeling good. And forget how you achieved all your dreams in the first place.
When something good happens in your life, acknowledge it.
Say it out loud, “What a miracle!”
“What a synchronicity!” “I’m thrilled this happened!” “My wildest dreams came true!”
“Thank you universe. We are creating the most magical possibilities together.”
Be aware that the universal laws are in play. Be happy that you understand them, respect them and are applying them in your life.
#22 Bonus Law: Show Up. Just when I thought I had a complete list of all the universal laws, I was chatting about universal principles with my friend, Janet Brent. She reminded me of one powerful universal law I had left out. Along the lines of being present, you also have to SHOW UP.
In order to maximize the universe working in your favor, you have to make an effort to be there. You have be ready for what the universe has in store for you and be willing to receive it.
You also have to show up for the things that matter in your life, the things that you value and the things that you love.
When you show up for work you’re passionate about, clients your care about and the things you value in life, you create more connections and opportunities for yourself.
Be at the places your heart calls you to. Show up for your passions, dreams, values and people who matter to you. Be willing to receive what’s in store for you.
Remember, these laws are to help you be more in sync with the universe, but that doesn’t mean you should stop living your life altogether and not take any action. That is far from reality.
The universe wants you to be in motion and to make progress in your life, but it also appreciates right action and energy. Energy that is conscious, loving, giving, sharing, patient and grateful. Energy that is uplifting, filled with high vibrations, and cares about others.
To have the universe work in your favor, work these 21 laws (+1 bonus law) into your life. As you become more attuned to the universe, be prepared to be wowed by the miracles that unfold in your life.
If you enjoyed reading this message and found it helpful, please share this message via Facebook, Twitter or email with others you think will benefit. Thank you.
I feel like I’ve had two working lives. And they seem like night and day.
There was a time that I was chained to my phone, email and work. I would literally work around the clock attending to problems that couldn’t wait another second and the next unfolding crisis.
My life was tied to the news of the day.
The next political attack.
The next political move by an opponent.
“She said, he said” politics.
Twitter bickering and Facebook wars.
That was my life working in electoral politics, helping candidates get elected to office.
Always on the go. 24/7.
Furiously climbing the mountain, but where are we going?
I thought staying active and productive was the best way to live a rich life.
Your dreams came true more quickly when you worked harder.
The more quickly and intensely your pursued your goals, the more quickly you climbed the mountain—the mountain to wealth, success, power and prestige!
No, no one really stops and asks why we’re climbing the mountain in the first place. Or how we even ended up on that mountain.
But you look around and see others climbing that mountain of success with a furious intensity.
The happiness at the mountaintop comes with money, power, social mobility, financial and material success.
Right!
Right??
Hello?
Fast forward to slowing down.
Why just eat breakfast when you can eat breakfast and get caught up on all the political news at the same time?
Why just drive to work when you could talk to clients and managers on speakerphone while you’re on the road?
Why just wait in line to buy groceries when you could also answer an email or ten?
I was doing all of this and more in my own my career at one point.
In my desire to get “there,” I forgot where I was going or why I wanted to get there in the first place. And I was completely missing the point on my way there.
After life threw me into the washing machine of life for a prolonged spin cycle, I began to become more conscious of what I was doing.
When you lose everything (okay, a relationship, but it sure did like losing everything), you hit rock bottom.
And when you’re there, you can do one of three things:
Gallivant in sorrow, drinking yourself into a drunken stupor, living a life on the edge, marinating in loneliness, sadness and pain.
Continue doing what you’ve been doing – living the fast-paced and mindless life in pursuit of things that really don’t make you happy.
Or start evaluating everything that you’re doing in your life. Reprioritize. And slow the heck down.
I had a choice to continue living mindlessly or to begin to live consciously.
You get the point: when life breaks you down, chops you up and grinds you to a halt, you wake up to realize you have choices. A lot of them.
To start over.
To think things through.
To consciously decide how you want to spend your life.
So now, instead of racing through life like a cheetah in search of my evening meal, I gently graze like a goat on the country grass as I take in the sights and sounds.
A leisurely breakfast at home. Heck, even working from home.
A morning walk. A silent meditation. Listening to the birds chirping outside my window. Watching the sun rise. Watching it set.
Are you overbooking your life?
In Arianna Huffington’s new book, Thrive, she observes how we try to shave a few seconds off our daily routine, in hopes that we can create enough space to schedule yet another meeting or appointment that will help us climb the mountain of success.
“Like airlines, we overbook ourselves…We fear that if we don’t cram as much as possible into our day, we might miss out on something fabulous, important, special, or career advancing. But there are no rollover minutes in life. We don’t get to keep all that time we ‘save’. It’s a very costly way to live,” she observes.
Are you mindlessly overbooking your life because you are trying to be overly productive or keep up with your high-performing celebrity wannabe White House-crashing socially mobile neighbors?
Or are you going to fight back against what Huffington calls “hurry sickness”?
Why should you slow down in a world of Twitter, Snapchat and Kimye-style televised weddings?
I’m going to show you below how slowing down your life is the real secret to untapped wealth and abundance. And even a few steps on how to do it!
When you slow down and enjoy life, soaking up the small moments, you will find the meaning and fulfillment you’re looking for.
Here are just some of the reasons to hit the pause button and travel in slow motion: To be one with the now.
You seem to be working for a day that may never come. Running, packing, racing, speeding…to what? For what?
This is the very moment that you and I know for sure exists. Yesterday is a story that can be forgotten, and tomorrow isn’t a guarantee.
Slow down so you can be present and in the moment.
Embrace and value experiences.
Enjoy the experiences that you have daily. Instead of simply surviving your work day, tolerating your social life and hustling to survive another day with the kids, find meaning and fulfillment in each day and experience.
Slowing down allows you to taste and feel the joy of everyday experiences, the taste of that oolong tea and the company of your bestie.
To celebrate everyday happiness.
Waiting for happiness for tomorrow? I was.
A message from happiness to you: don’t wait on me, girl.
Happiness doesn’t come from your life partner showing up tomorrow, landing your dream job at Mindvalley or Zappos, or your life falling into place as you desire it.
Happiness comes from within you. Here. Now. Per your request. Your soul’s desire. Your heart’s choice.
Finding happiness in the small moments and everyday moments is the real secret to a happy life.
Connection and relationships.
When you slow it down, you have time for the people in your life. You can simply sit and be present with them. Enjoy their company and their presence.
When you don’t have to go anywhere or rush to the next thing, you can simply enjoy the people in your life.
Soul time.
When you slow down, there is time for seeking within. You can reconnect with your spiritual nature and water your soul. When your external world slows down, you have time to visit and sit with yourself.
Within is where all the answers you’re looking for can be found.
Growth time.
When you race through life without stopping, you don’t have much time to reflect and grow as a person.
You don’t have time for personal development, self-improvement and character building. You have no time to learn life’s lessons because you’re always off to the next thing.
Slowing down allows you reflect, observe and grow as a person.
And when you take all these factors into account, you have the makings of a very rich and rewarding life.
A life that slows down gives you the treasure of time, which permits connection, relationships, inner-awareness, growth, character-building, and more.
Your inner peace, stress-less lifestyle, and uncountable moments of pleasure are things that money absolutely can’t buy.
10 ways to take off your running shoes and slow it down.
1. Set the intention to live a slower life.
Nothing is more important than this. If you’re operating on auto-pilot in life, you enjoy cruising at 100 miles per hour.
You’re dashing through life with an Olympic torch in your hand so you can enter the stadium to pick up your medal. Unfortunately, you’ll be dead tired when you get there, and you’ll find that the medal ceremony only lasts for 5 minutes.
And you would have missed the sights and scenes on your way to victory.
If you want to slow things down, set the intention to slow it down. Commit to yourself that you’re going to spend less time living an overcommitted life, less time in your car in traffic, and less time doing things you can’t stand.
Say yes to simplifying, reducing commitments, and living more slowly.
2. Know yourself better so you can reprioritize your life.
If you don’t know what you want, you’re going to be pulled in many different directions without much focus.
Identifying and acknowledging what’s important to you – family, passion, fun, adventure, creativity, spirituality, service or other values – is your first step to self-understanding.
Once you acknowledge that yes, these 2 or 3 things are what make for a fulfilling life, then you can create a life that’s based around those things.
You can start doing more of those things that are in alignment with what’s important to you in life and shut the doors on all those other things that are wasting your time and energy.
Understanding your values system is a great way to begin to reprioritize your life, and life coach Tim Brownson has an entire book dedicated to this topic alone.
Understanding your values allows you to live a life that’s more in line with who you are while reducing frivolous commitments.
3. Carve out blocks of “do-nothing” time.
Are you one of those people who has every minute of their day on their calendar? Wonderful.
Please put the gun down and step away from your calendar.
Your productivity and efficiency has gotten you far in life, but has it really?
Could slowing down and resting turbo-charge your productivity and your output?
Purposefully add blocks of time into your calendar, during the work day if possible, where you’re doing nothing constructive. Take this time to do nothing or do something leisurely: walking, a nap, or simply sitting and taking in the day.
If you can’t calendar in blocks of “do-nothing” time into your day, then try to find moments where you squeeze in some “do-nothing” time. Try a longer lunch, a more leisurely walk to your next meeting, or some breathing exercises on your next work conference call.
4. Plan a little.
Similar to creating blocks of time where you do nothing, one way to slow things down and take life at a slower pace is a little daily or weekly planning.
You have to know what’s on your plate so you can identify what’s important to you and what’s not.
Once you realize what’s important to you and squash those things that terrorize you and eat up your time, then create a plan that allows you to do what you have to do in the amount of time you have.
If you plan ahead, you can reduce the rushing, the anxiety and the mindless “busyness” of life. A little pre-planning reminds you how much time you have to do the work that’s in front of you.
If it’s overwhelming, then get help, push some things off to the following week, say “no” to some of what’s on your plate and get a little more breathing room.
7 minutes of planning can reduce 7 days of reckless living.
Simple – plan a little, breathe a little easier.
5. Stop overbooking yourself.
If you were a hotel, would you be the sold-out New York Four Seasons Hotel?
Social gatherings, family gatherings, kids’ events, pet reunions, Burning Man festivals, the asparagus festival, the Cannes film festival. Enough already.
You may feel the desire to be seen. To be seen is to be admired, you might mistakenly believe.
You’re wrong.
People who are dashing around from the party scene to the nightclub scene to the charity dinner scene for the sole purpose of being noticed are living an illusionary dream.
If you’re simply showing up for your own vanity and ego, first get over yourself.
Then start saying “no” like Solange’s flying kicks to brother-in-law Jay-Z: quickly, furiously and with purpose (but in a loving “we’re still family at the end of the day” kind of way).
“More and more scientific studies speak to the irrefutable benefits of sleep,” Arianna Huffington writes in Thrive.
“A study published in Science even calculated that for the sleep-deprived, an extra hour of sleep can do more for their daily happiness than a $60,000 raise,” Huffington shares.
When you’re rushing through life sleep-deprived, you’re harming your body and your ability to be most productive.
Set earlier bed times and give yourself the luxury of waking up without an alarm clock. Wake up when you’re rested. Read more tips here on getting better sleep.
7. Set limits on technology.
Are you hooked to your cell phone, iPad, laptop and other accessories?
24 hours a day?
Turn off all devices at a certain time. Disconnect.
As Huffington suggests in Thrive, shut your electronic equipment off and keep it in a different room.
“Disconnecting from the digital world will help you reconnect to your wisdom, intuition, and creativity,” she writes.
I’ve started doing this of late and am surprised at how much more peaceful and less worried I am. I don’t worry about who’s emailed me, who’s texting me at midnight or tweeting at me.
Get the technology out of your room and shut it off before you go to bed.
8. Take as much time as it takes to do something.
In a rush and tumble world, it’s all about speed and efficiency. What’s the quickest way to get the job done?
As an experiment, why not give yourself the liberty to take as much time as you need to do a task?
And do only that one task at a time. Cut out multi-tasking and opt for a single-minded approach to the task at hand.
Pour yourself a cup of tea.
Eat your breakfast focused on the taste and texture of the food you’re chewing on. Cut out emails and skimming the news headlines as you devour your Cheerios.
Enjoy the process—slow down and find satisfaction in doing the task by itself.
9. Don’t waste your time, like you wouldn’t waste your money.
Would you go around giving people hundreds of dollar bills for no reason?
Do you toss bags of money from your Jetta’s window (if you do, please text me your address ASAP)?
We don’t frivolously shell out the Benjamins mindlessly, so why waste a chunk of your time?
What if your time was like your money?
Would it easier for you to be more protective of your time?
Could you say “no” more?
I understand that the point of this article is to encourage you to have more time and not live in time scarcity, but this point asks you to be mindful of and careful with the time you do have.
What do you really want to do with your time? Treasure your decisions and choices based on what’s important to you.
10. Stay focused on your own life.
It’s very easy to start going every which way when you’re trying to march in someone else’s parade.
Just because EVERYONE you know is doing the same thing, pursuing the same things and living the same life, that doesn’t mean you have to.
Your friend getting a Masters doesn’t mean you need to get your application in too. Your friend going to law school shouldn’t inspire you, but remind you to get them psychological help.
Your friend nailing her dream job at the top-four consulting firm shouldn’t make you feel like you’re slacking in life and you need to get out of your comfortable career.
It’s so easy to see what people are doing and want to duplicate their dreams. You start running around frantically trying to live their lives, driving yourself to your wit’s end.
Ask yourself if you really want something before you do it. See how it fits with your life, your dreams and your values.
Go from within. Don’t let outside pressures or people dictate how to live. March to your own beat.
When your life slows down, you will have peace and happiness that’s priceless. You’ll also have the focus and productivity to pursue those things that YOU really want in life.
Living in alignment with your priorities and your values will produce a feeling of immense joy, abundance and happiness that no dollar amount or job could give you.
Now go brew yourself a cup of tea and call it a day, mate. Time to turn off the iPhone, enjoy a little “do-nothing” time and get to bed early for a full night’s rest.
* Photo Credit daran_kandasamy
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And before you start writing me hate mail or challenging me to a duel to the death, take a long and deep breath.
I am not, I repeat, not going to talk to you about the law of attraction.
Well…not completely, anyway (I ducked below my desk just in case you picked up your laptop).
I am going to talk to you about a law that appears to be working in my life.
It’s a simple principle that Melody Fletcher of Deliberate Receiving introduced to me and one I’ve implemented in my life over the past couple of years.
No, I wouldn’t say I’ve achieved ALL of my dreams and desires.
I’ve not met that striking woman who’s a blend of Kate Middleton’s grace, Freida Pinto’s beauty, Eva Longoria’s conviction, and Julieta Venegas’s vocal chords.
I’m not living in my dream beach house in Monterey, California, writing novels while glancing outside my window to take in the startling sights of the Pacific Ocean for inspiration. Yet.
While none of these fancy desires have come true, I feel like the law is working very strongly in my life.
For example, I’ve attracted YOU – you’re reading this post, along with thousands of others coming to this blog monthly.
I’ve achieved my dream job and received an unexpected pay raise while doing work where I am able to profoundly improve people’s lives every day.
I’ve attracted beauty, joy, happiness, and peace that have come into my life like a strong ocean wave washing over a sandy beach.
Wonderful people, unanticipated and exciting experiences, travel and adventure are frequent visitors into my life.
Okay already…
What’s the secret to this universal principle and dream-creating law turning your desires into reality?
Feeling good.
Seriously?
Yup.
Just cultivating feel-good, pleasurable, positive emotional states of being.
Buzzing on a juicy vibrational current.
Like how you feel after a cocktail hour, minus the 12 martinis.
How does this law work?
Here’s what I’ve noticed happening in my own life.
I actively seek out situations that allow me to feel good: enjoyable experiences, empathetic people and work that is in alignment with my soul.
The better I feel and the more positive emotions and vibrations flow through my body, the more positive things manifest in my life.
It feels like positive energy is attracted to joyful energy. If you’re emitting a highly upbeat vibration out to the world, you’re going to attract similar vibrations in your life – excitement, fulfillment, success and abundance!
What you desire appears easily and effortlessly.
If you’re emitting low-level vibrations, on the other hand, you’ll attract criticism, heartbreak, failure and lack.
The feel-good law: You will attract what you’re feeling and emitting to the world around you. Your internal state will magnetize either positive or negative circumstances.
Here are 4 ways to feel good, take your vibrations up a notch and encourage the universe to deliver your heart’s desires:
Create a feel-good life
When you create a life that feels good, you actively pursue emotionally feel-good activities. You consciously create experiences and actively infuse your day with all the things that give you a natural buzz.
Again, the same feeling you have after 3 glasses of your favorite chardonnay, minus the hangover.
Whatever you fervently enjoy doing, do more of that. Create time to do it. Feeling good costs nothing unless you have an expensive De Beers diamonds or Saks Fifth Avenue habit!
A leisurely afternoon walk on your favorite beach, a picnic overlooking the Santa Monica pier, a free concert in Golden Gate Park, a tour through an inspiring art gallery, or simply capturing photos of beautiful landscapes around you are a few ways to boost your vibrational account. 2. Create feel-good work.
Fill your days with what makes you feel good, especially while at work, since your work life consumes such a big part of your day.
If your career’s in the dumps or your colleagues are back-stabbing, money-hungry suck-ups, become aware of how they make you feel. If co-workers stifle your happiness, look for a way out of your job. A boss from hell should inspire you to get the hell out.
If you’re a lawyer, dentist, stock-broker, debt collector or tax collector, QUIT your job.
If the work you’re doing doesn’t serve you, it’s time to look for other jobs and opportunities. Less soul-crushing and more soul-enriching work.
3. More Self-Care Please.
Create delicious experiences that help you feel inspired, relaxed, joyful and happy.
Schedule in that yoga class, acupuncture appointment, spa retreat, massage, reiki session, or life coaching session.
Call your shrink, your therapist, your psychiatrist, your astrologer and your personal tarot-maven for clarity and insight.
Indulge in exercise, nutrition and those nutritious green juices Farnoosh Brock whips up for a healthy shot of self-care.
Meditate.
4. Surround yourself with the right people.
Surround yourself with people who make your soul sing. For me, it’s been a couple of my friends whom I’ve known for the past 20 years of my life and my two ever-amusing tiny nephews.
Visit friends you enjoy spending time with, people who make you laugh, supportive friends who have your back.
Who makes you gush with excitement? Whose simple presence makes you feel alive? Identify those people and bring them more regularly into your life. Create time and be open to more opportunities with them.
Your primary relationships matter most. If the people who are most in your life, spouses or significant others, do not help you feel joy and comfort, think about how you can reprioritize, rearrange or eject some of these folks outta your life.
Once you create more experiences and interact with more people who make you feel good, you will start noticing the most amazing things happening in your life.
You will find yourself in a state of absolute bliss and joy. And once you do, you will attract similar experiences and people into your life, people and experiences on similar vibrational levels.
How do you turn this law into a reality? What are practical steps to feel good?
Write up a feel-good list.
There are two kinds of lists to be made. You can write up a list at the end of the day of all the things that made you feel good. Simply observe and acknowledge what’s going on in your life that makes you feel good.
The other kind of feel-good list is used as a planning list. Plan activities, events and feel-good time. Write down those activities and practices that really make you feel like a million bucks.
When you identify those activities that really make you light up, calendar them in.
Calendar in feel-good time.
You’re busy. You’re always busy. So, how do you prioritize feel-good time? By scheduling it, of course. Make sure that a half hour or more of your day is “you” time – and feel-good time!
Use that time each day to do something that relaxes, re-energizes or fuels you.
Treat this time as a sacred and required part of your day. Spend more time during weekends and holidays focused on feeling good.
Be open to any and all experiences that come your way.
Once you start feeling good, you will start drawing rich and exciting experiences into your life: fab parties, introductions to interesting people and invitations to do things you’ve never thought of before.
Don’t resist internally or externally – be open to the experiences that unfold in your life.
Say “yes” to them more often.
Create strong and firm boundaries.
This is one of the most important principles of the feel-good law.
To put it simply, refuse to do things that don’t make you feel good.
Be strong, be vigilant, be uncompromising and ruthless about the people and circumstances in your life.
If your mother-in-law makes you want to get run over by a train because of her criticism and complaints, guess who you shouldn’t spend your holidays with?
If your boss is a screaming tyrant who should star in a sitcom about bad bosses, guess who needs to change or leave their job situation?
If you’re bullied into going somewhere, doing some activity or being in the company of people who get on your nerves, put your heels down.
Make an excuse. Find a way out. Say “no”.
Again, ruthless. And uncompromising.
SCREW OBLIGATION. SAY “NO” firmly and with conviction.
Boundaries can be an act of love and kindness also. Kate Swoboda shares some tips on how to create them.
Guard your happiness and your positive vibrations like the Secret Service protects the President or the Vatican protects the Pope.
No crazy people or deranged lunatics are welcome anywhere near you without getting tazered by a stunt gun.
Be thankful.
Thank the universe regularly for those things in your life that make you feel good.
As the law starts to work and your desires become a reality because you’re emitting a high emotional frequency, acknowledge what’s happening in your life and know that it’s a result of your feel-good lifestyle.
Acknowledge the miracles that unfold.
Be thankful for all the positive experiences and dreams that unfold in your life.
Go feel good!
Your emotions and personal vibes determine how you show up in the world.
And the emotional frequency you’re emitting will bring more of that into your life.
Happiness, peace and joy will attract more of the same.
Drama, irritation and annoyance will do the same.
Be strong in protecting your happy place. Guard your surroundings, circumstances, social circles and family interactions.
Go forth in the world and create more feel-good experiences. You’ll draw more magical circumstances, loving people and unimaginable success.
While I’ve closed the comments on the blog, drop by Twitter or Google+ and let me know how you feel about this feel-good law. Do you create feel-good experiences daily? Or think I’ve fallen off the deep end (again)?
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
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