by Katie | May 13, 2020 | Gratitude, Letting Go, Love and Relationships, Overcoming Challenges, Self Love
The final step in letting go and moving on is the most difficult.
I was stuck in the step for much too long, reading Vishnu’s blog and trying to do the letting go and moving on work.
Everything I read made sense from day one. I knew what I should be doing but I too was stuck in the last stage of letting go. Time made little difference either for moving on.
If you asked me what got me to finally move, I just got so sick of being stuck and things not changing in my life. I realized he hurt me then, but I was the one keeping myself stuck in it. He had moved on and I hadn’t. I came to understand that I was the only person who could change things.
I realized that I was so busy being stuck in the past and missing it, I hadn’t acknowledged that I actually didn’t want to be with him in the present, or the future. That was a big light bulb moment. I was ruminating and reminiscing in the past that I enjoyed but I fully came to accept that I didn’t want him now or in the future! That was what helped me finally in the letting go and moving on.
These are the final steps that helped me end this letting go and moving on journey.
The final step to letting go and moving on
1. Self Love.
Honestly, it had a lot to do with self-love.
I started with self-love because it felt hugely uncomfortable and that meant it needed addressing.
Because I’d read every self-help book going and nothing had shifted and I realized that while it was all great advice the real truth for me, and all of us, lies within, because we are all unique and we all know our own truth, we just have to listen to it.
Once I started loving and investing in myself, I knew that I deserved better. Better than someone who left me and also better than the life I was leading, where I was stuck and miserable and going nowhere. I got sick of living in that place.
I realized he hurt me at the time, but I was hurting myself now and I had a choice and only I had the power to make that stop.
So, I invested the love I had for him and our relationship, in myself.
I started to stop being horrible to myself and to treat myself as my own best friend and constantly asked myself if my thoughts and wallowing were helpful to me and the answer was always no.
2. Looking forward.
I realized that I hated the present as I was stuck in the past. I realized to change my present I had to start looking forwards instead of back at the past. I was stuck in old habits so I simply forced myself to stop whenever my head went back to the past.
I made my head visualize a ‘best’ future, instead of always going back to the past.
I got an app for positive affirmation reminders.
I wrote a closure letter with everything I wanted to say to him and burnt it and I also wrote about our relationship from a different perspective and without the rose-tinted glasses on.
3. Gratitude
I had been so stuck feeling I was lacking without him, that I didn’t see any of the reasons I had to be grateful. There was a lot and I made a conscious effort to notice and acknowledge them repeatedly.
I spent so long thinking that a life without him was a loss, my loss, but gratitude showed me a new way of thinking.
What if it was actually his loss and not mine? He’d lost someone loyal, committed and he’d lost me, the person I was beginning to recognize as worthy, from all that self-loving I’d begun.
The reality was I’d lost a man who walked away, who (wrongly) accused me of cheating, who disappeared and walked out on our long term relationship with barely a backward glance. That’s not a loss, that’s again, a lucky escape and the universe guiding me towards something better.
Another light-bulb moment, this wasn’t something to be sad about, it was something else to be grateful for and a huge factor in me finally letting go and moving on.
In tandem with the beginnings of feeling better about myself, I genuinely had no time for being stuck and miserable anymore. I had no desire to be with a man who left me and hurt me and feeling this meant it, finally, didn’t hurt so badly anymore.
I now want more for myself.
4. Finding your own happiness
I realized I hurt so very badly over our break up because I’d put all my happiness in his pocket.
Ultimately, our happiness has to be in our own pocket (a partner is lovely, but it’s an added bonus) and the only way we can achieve that is through self-love like I mentioned above.
When you cultivate self-love, it then breeds self-respect and boundaries and then you realize that you no longer want a person who caused you pain and turned their back on you and walked away.
Acknowledge that if you had to write a list of attributes you’d like, and you truly deserve, in a partner, your ex wouldn’t even make it to a date, let alone putting your life on hold for and being constantly miserable over.
All these things make you finally realize that you just have a small scar and not an open wound anymore 🙂
After cultivating self-love, gratitude, seeing the future, and finding my own happiness, I was able to let go. I’m here to tell you that letting go and moving on is possible and I say that as someone who was stuck for a long time and never believed it was actually possible for her.
My message to everyone reading is simply: take all the advice you can get from others (definitely read Vishnu’s blog) and take comfort in that you’re not alone, or weak, for how you feel, but also look within and trust that you already have all the answers you need.
Most importantly, even though it’s the last thing you feel like doing when your heart is broken, love and invest in yourself, and one day it will stop feeling ridiculous and become the reason you finally let go.
Katie is a long-time UK reader who has let go and moved on with her life. She is still single, but finally open to the possibility (but not necessity) of finding love again. She is currently thriving in a new career, which never would have been possible without either the heartbreak or taking that final step in letting go and moving on.
by Vishnu | May 4, 2014 | Abundance, Gratitude, Manifestation
“All that spirits desire, spirits attain.” Kahlil Gibran
Are you tired of waiting?
Waiting for that perfect man to walk into your life?
Waiting for your business to prosper or to move up that career ladder?
Waiting to purchase your dream house overlooking the golf course?
Or for that matter, even waiting at your favorite sushi restaurant for your name to be called?
Why do some people seem to get everything they want while the rest of us are left waiting and waiting?
What are the keys to manifesting your dreams and desires?
Is there some secret law you don’t know about?
And before you start writing me hate mail or challenging me to a duel to the death, take a long and deep breath.
I am not, I repeat, not going to talk to you about the law of attraction.
Well…not completely, anyway (I ducked below my desk just in case you picked up your laptop).
I am going to talk to you about a law that appears to be working in my life.
It’s a simple principle that Melody Fletcher of Deliberate Receiving introduced to me and one I’ve implemented in my life over the past couple of years.
No, I wouldn’t say I’ve achieved ALL of my dreams and desires.
I’ve not met that striking woman who’s a blend of Kate Middleton’s grace, Freida Pinto’s beauty, Eva Longoria’s conviction, and Julieta Venegas’s vocal chords.
I’m not living in my dream beach house in Monterey, California, writing novels while glancing outside my window to take in the startling sights of the Pacific Ocean for inspiration. Yet.
While none of these fancy desires have come true, I feel like the law is working very strongly in my life.
For example, I’ve attracted YOU – you’re reading this post, along with thousands of others coming to this blog monthly.
I’ve achieved my dream job and received an unexpected pay raise while doing work where I am able to profoundly improve people’s lives every day.
I’ve attracted beauty, joy, happiness, and peace that have come into my life like a strong ocean wave washing over a sandy beach.
Wonderful people, unanticipated and exciting experiences, travel and adventure are frequent visitors into my life.
Okay already…
What’s the secret to this universal principle and dream-creating law turning your desires into reality?
Feeling good.
Seriously?
Yup.
Just cultivating feel-good, pleasurable, positive emotional states of being.
Buzzing on a juicy vibrational current.
Like how you feel after a cocktail hour, minus the 12 martinis.
How does this law work?
Here’s what I’ve noticed happening in my own life.
I actively seek out situations that allow me to feel good: enjoyable experiences, empathetic people and work that is in alignment with my soul.
The better I feel and the more positive emotions and vibrations flow through my body, the more positive things manifest in my life.
It feels like positive energy is attracted to joyful energy. If you’re emitting a highly upbeat vibration out to the world, you’re going to attract similar vibrations in your life – excitement, fulfillment, success and abundance!
What you desire appears easily and effortlessly.
If you’re emitting low-level vibrations, on the other hand, you’ll attract criticism, heartbreak, failure and lack.
The feel-good law: You will attract what you’re feeling and emitting to the world around you. Your internal state will magnetize either positive or negative circumstances.
Here are 4 ways to feel good, take your vibrations up a notch and encourage the universe to deliver your heart’s desires:
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Create a feel-good life
When you create a life that feels good, you actively pursue emotionally feel-good activities. You consciously create experiences and actively infuse your day with all the things that give you a natural buzz.
Again, the same feeling you have after 3 glasses of your favorite chardonnay, minus the hangover.
Whatever you fervently enjoy doing, do more of that. Create time to do it. Feeling good costs nothing unless you have an expensive De Beers diamonds or Saks Fifth Avenue habit!
A leisurely afternoon walk on your favorite beach, a picnic overlooking the Santa Monica pier, a free concert in Golden Gate Park, a tour through an inspiring art gallery, or simply capturing photos of beautiful landscapes around you are a few ways to boost your vibrational account.
2. Create feel-good work.
Fill your days with what makes you feel good, especially while at work, since your work life consumes such a big part of your day.
If your career’s in the dumps or your colleagues are back-stabbing, money-hungry suck-ups, become aware of how they make you feel. If co-workers stifle your happiness, look for a way out of your job. A boss from hell should inspire you to get the hell out.
If you’re a lawyer, dentist, stock-broker, debt collector or tax collector, QUIT your job.
If the work you’re doing doesn’t serve you, it’s time to look for other jobs and opportunities. Less soul-crushing and more soul-enriching work.
3. More Self-Care Please.
Create delicious experiences that help you feel inspired, relaxed, joyful and happy.
Schedule in that yoga class, acupuncture appointment, spa retreat, massage, reiki session, or life coaching session.
Call your shrink, your therapist, your psychiatrist, your astrologer and your personal tarot-maven for clarity and insight.
Indulge in exercise, nutrition and those nutritious green juices Farnoosh Brock whips up for a healthy shot of self-care.
Meditate.
4. Surround yourself with the right people.
Surround yourself with people who make your soul sing. For me, it’s been a couple of my friends whom I’ve known for the past 20 years of my life and my two ever-amusing tiny nephews.
Visit friends you enjoy spending time with, people who make you laugh, supportive friends who have your back.
Who makes you gush with excitement? Whose simple presence makes you feel alive? Identify those people and bring them more regularly into your life. Create time and be open to more opportunities with them.
Your primary relationships matter most. If the people who are most in your life, spouses or significant others, do not help you feel joy and comfort, think about how you can reprioritize, rearrange or eject some of these folks outta your life.
Once you create more experiences and interact with more people who make you feel good, you will start noticing the most amazing things happening in your life.
You will find yourself in a state of absolute bliss and joy. And once you do, you will attract similar experiences and people into your life, people and experiences on similar vibrational levels.
How do you turn this law into a reality? What are practical steps to feel good?
Write up a feel-good list.
There are two kinds of lists to be made. You can write up a list at the end of the day of all the things that made you feel good. Simply observe and acknowledge what’s going on in your life that makes you feel good.
The other kind of feel-good list is used as a planning list. Plan activities, events and feel-good time. Write down those activities and practices that really make you feel like a million bucks.
When you identify those activities that really make you light up, calendar them in.
Calendar in feel-good time.
You’re busy. You’re always busy. So, how do you prioritize feel-good time? By scheduling it, of course. Make sure that a half hour or more of your day is “you” time – and feel-good time!
Use that time each day to do something that relaxes, re-energizes or fuels you.
Treat this time as a sacred and required part of your day. Spend more time during weekends and holidays focused on feeling good.
Be open to any and all experiences that come your way.
Once you start feeling good, you will start drawing rich and exciting experiences into your life: fab parties, introductions to interesting people and invitations to do things you’ve never thought of before.
Don’t resist internally or externally – be open to the experiences that unfold in your life.
Say “yes” to them more often.
Create strong and firm boundaries.
This is one of the most important principles of the feel-good law.
To put it simply, refuse to do things that don’t make you feel good.
Be strong, be vigilant, be uncompromising and ruthless about the people and circumstances in your life.
If your mother-in-law makes you want to get run over by a train because of her criticism and complaints, guess who you shouldn’t spend your holidays with?
If your boss is a screaming tyrant who should star in a sitcom about bad bosses, guess who needs to change or leave their job situation?
If you’re bullied into going somewhere, doing some activity or being in the company of people who get on your nerves, put your heels down.
Make an excuse. Find a way out. Say “no”.
Again, ruthless. And uncompromising.
SCREW OBLIGATION. SAY “NO” firmly and with conviction.
Boundaries can be an act of love and kindness also. Kate Swoboda shares some tips on how to create them.
Guard your happiness and your positive vibrations like the Secret Service protects the President or the Vatican protects the Pope.
No crazy people or deranged lunatics are welcome anywhere near you without getting tazered by a stunt gun.
Be thankful.
Thank the universe regularly for those things in your life that make you feel good.
As the law starts to work and your desires become a reality because you’re emitting a high emotional frequency, acknowledge what’s happening in your life and know that it’s a result of your feel-good lifestyle.
Acknowledge the miracles that unfold.
Be thankful for all the positive experiences and dreams that unfold in your life.
Go feel good!
Your emotions and personal vibes determine how you show up in the world.
And the emotional frequency you’re emitting will bring more of that into your life.
Happiness, peace and joy will attract more of the same.
Drama, irritation and annoyance will do the same.
Be strong in protecting your happy place. Guard your surroundings, circumstances, social circles and family interactions.
Go forth in the world and create more feel-good experiences. You’ll draw more magical circumstances, loving people and unimaginable success.
While I’ve closed the comments on the blog, drop by Twitter or Google+ and let me know how you feel about this feel-good law. Do you create feel-good experiences daily? Or think I’ve fallen off the deep end (again)?
Photo credit: @mhofstrand
by Vishnu | Jan 12, 2014 | Gratitude, Health, Inspiration, Overcoming Challenges, Perspective
My friend and hero, Marina.
My doctor tried to soften the blow of the bad news by telling me that I caught it early.
Then I heard the words that would terrify and frighten anyone.
The diagnosis: breast cancer.
Imagine receiving this news just 3 weeks after your dad had passed away.
I decided not to tell my mom about my diagnosis right away because she was in a vulnerable place, already having lost her life partner. I also wanted to have all the answers to any questions my Mom would have before I told her about the diagnosis.
After some tests were done, I sighed a little with relief when I discovered that the breast cancer was at Stage 1 and was the size of a small coin.
Although the doctor tried to assuage my fears by confidently telling me my life wasn’t in danger, the next year was not an easy one.
My doctor told me I needed to have a mastectomy (breast removal surgery) rather than a lumpectomy (breast-conserving surgery). I’m glad that decision was made for me and I didn’t have to make it myself.
My cancer journey began with surgery, followed up by chemotherapy starting approximately 2 months after my surgery.
The doctor explained that I needed additional chemotherapy because I was very young. Women are more likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer later in life (with the highest percentage of women being diagnosed in their 60s and 70s).
Statistically speaking, I still had a long life ahead of me, which meant I had a longer period of time in which the cancer could return. So chemo was supposed to reduce that chance of reoccurrence as much as possible.
I was the youngest patient in the room receiving chemo treatment, so I imagined I could handle it.
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
Chemo kicked. My. Butt.
Within 24 hours of my first round of a chemo session, my stomach and back were throbbing with pain.
I had no appetite and felt exhausted.
Within 48 hours, I had blurry vision and was getting hot flashes. Within 72 hours, all of my joints ached and I felt like a 90-year-old woman, and I had difficulty processing thoughts. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion.
Losing my hair.
But with all of those unpleasant side effects, what I feared most was the day my hair would start falling out.
My doctor informed me it would take about 2 weeks for my hair to start falling out, so I waited anxiously.
I remember the first huge clump of hair falling out, enough to fill my entire fist. If I had been in denial up to that point, it stopped that day. I really was sick.
I decided to shave my head rather than waiting for the rest of my hair to fall out. It was the only thing I could do to gain back some of the control I had lost.
I recalled so many times in the past where I complained about having a bad hair day. It seemed so trivial now as I was looking at myself in the mirror with barely any hair.
Healing my body. Changing my outlook.
My chemotherapy sessions, treatment and healing continued over the next year.
Eventually my hair grew back, the stomach pains subsided, and I got my energy back. Physically, I was starting to look like the old me.
But the inside is where I experienced the most unexpected changes and growth.
I was different. Some people say that getting cancer didn’t change them. Well, that wasn’t the case for me.
Cancer changed me. And not in a bad way either.
Cancer opened my eyes.
It taught me the importance of gratitude.
When I started feeling physically better, I started appreciating the simple things in life.
Meals, phone calls to friends, going for a walk … all of these things have more meaning than they did before.
It’s amazing how being grateful started a chain reaction with regards to other aspects of my life.
I smile more, gossip less, and I’ve become more active and adventurous in life.
When you get a glimpse of how fragile and painful life can be, you begin to appreciate and embrace it a lot more.
Besides being more grateful, I have also learned to be more “selfish”.
Okay, it’s not really being selfish as much as I am now more aware of what I want, and I don’t ignore those feelings.
It’s surprising what I used to do out of obligation or guilt to the point where it caused me stress.
For example, I maintained friendships that weren’t healthy. That’s no longer the case. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. I say “no” more often.
Unfortunately, I do not have any tips on how to reach this peace that I have found. There’s no 10-step process that I can recite.
All I know is that I don’t think I could have gained this understanding without being fully stripped down, and that’s the irony.
Am I glad that I got cancer? No.
Did I get something beautiful out of this that I wouldn’t have discovered any other way? I think so.
I went through a lot of obstacles that year, but through it all, I have learned to love my life, appreciate the small things and value myself more than ever.
Oh, and I do have a little advice – be wary of who you sit next to on the first day of class. For example, you could start your first day of law school sitting next to someone named “Vishnu” and be pestered into writing a blog post for him ten years later.
Marina is not a blogger and never could have imagined herself sharing such a personal essay. (Thank you for your inspiration and courage, Marina 🙂 )
Have you survived a horrific illness or health problem? What were some of the lessons your injury, illness or disease taught you? Please share in the comments section below.
