Did I think I could find someone better than my ex?
My ex-wife is an amazing woman who overcame so many challenges in her life to become the woman she has become today.
She is a doctor, beautiful, smart, outgoing, organized, and charming. She was a great cook and great host. She had a great laugh and enjoyed living life to the fullest.
How was I ever going to find someone better than my ex?
Believe it or not, I was devastated about the divorce because I thought that the most amazing person I could find was going to be in my past.
When someone is so beautiful, smart, and gregarious, how could I ever compete?
I didn’t want second best.
I already met the most wonderful person and spent years with her so how would anyone else ever come close?
If you are feeling regret about letting go of your ex, I want you to listen particularly close today.
I’ve made it to the other side.
I struggled for years to let go but was finally able to. Letting go of my ex was my life’s biggest struggle but with all the work I did, I have become a free and happy person once again.
I started dating and found it frustrating for sure. I never found anyone that even came close to my ex until the person I am with today.
The Gods must have decided to throw me a bone by bringing this miraculous woman into my life.
We met in the most unbelievable circumstances while a friend was waiting in the transit lounge on the way to Bali.
Yes, my woman friend met her. My friend met this beautiful village girl in an Asian airport and told me about her.
I was with my friend one day when my friend decided to call this beautiful Asian girl. Said beautiful Asian woman was doing her hair at the hair-dresser.
Within an hour call, I suddenly found myself on the call with her as well. What started as one call with her at the hair-dresser’s has turned into one of the most beautiful relationships I’ve ever had.
She too is amazing.
Then, I realized that she’s actually more amazing than my ex in this way.
She’s perfect for me.
She may not be as smart as my ex, ambitious as my ex, a go-getter like my ex but we fit each other like a jigsaw puzzle.
She’s a simple girl who told me that her number 1 priority in life was being happy. Ummm…yes, please!
So although she is not necessarily better than my ex in any objective way, she is better than my ex in the way that it counts most. She’s a great fit for me.
We share similar values, views of the world and have similar life goals.
In my view, since I found someone who is a much better fit for me, I found someone better than my ex.
If you have come out of a relationship or have been out one for a while and feel like you won’t meet anyone better, I’m here to tell you otherwise. If you’re still hoping your ex comes back, I have good news for you.
The only thing that’s in the way between you and someone who’s a great fit for you is your belief about your ability to find someone who’s right for you.
Here are 4 things you can do to improve your prospects of finding someone who’s better for you than your ex.
1. Let go of your ex completely.
I’m glad you’re here because I’m going to teach you how to let go of your ex. I’m going to show you how to forgive, change the story about your past, and get to the root cause of what’s keeping you stuck.
If you need support and want to move on sooner, consider hiring me to coach you. I’ve been where you are and can help you get over your breakup and get your life back.
2. Believe it’s possible to find someone new.
Change your beliefs about love. This is going to be challenging if you came out of a bad breakup or divorce. You’re going to have painful and twisted beliefs about love to start with. This is going to require adopting a new set of beliefs and practicing trusting people again.
I wrote two books to help you along on your journey to find someone better than your ex. Pick them up Does True Love Exist or Love After Heartbreak in the Amazon store today (affiliate links).
3. Improve yourself and rebuild your self-worth.
The most important thing you can do to find a better partner is to become a higher quality version of yourself. If you’re vibrating at a higher frequency, you’ll attract people who are at your energy level. In addition to raising your vibrations and your worth, do the inner work of self-discovery, self-examination, and improvement.
Work on improving yourself daily and raising yourself worth. For my book on raising your self-worth, read this book on Loving Yourself After Heartbreak (affiliate link). Watch this video here.
4.Know who it is you’re looking for.
You can’t find someone better or find someone compatible until you know who it is you’re looking for. You need to spend a few minutes outlining this person. I found the person I was looking for because I outlined them in this dream partner worksheet, got clear on them and envisioned them daily.
Do this worksheet and listen to this to audio meditation more than once. Do this worksheet weekly or monthly if you’re able to. Visualize the person you want on a daily basis.
You can absolutely find someone better than your ex by finding someone who’s a good fit for you.
But remember, this is going to take some work. I’m not sure if I mention this enough in my articles. Reading my articles or knowing what the process is not enough.
I wish you the very best on your relationship journey and wish you all the love and happiness you’re looking for.
It’s going to require active steps, daily habits and work on your part. If you do the work you will reap the rewards of a new love that you never imagined possible.
If you need support or coaching in this process, reply to this email or fill out the coaching inquiry form here.
She and her husband, Dave Hollis, announced this on their Instagram accounts.
People are understandably upset by this news as Rachel and Dave set themselves out to be relationship experts who taught people how to deal with marriage, parenting, and kids.
They were the go-to couple, showing millions of parents how to survive and thrive.
Their divorce has sparked outrage, anger, judgment, and feelings from people who are feeling duped. People are feeling upset because Rachel and Dave put out an image on social media that does not match with their divorce announcement.
Here’s how I feel about their divorce announcement.
I believe that they were portraying their marriage as it was, at least the good parts of it. And you know what, they are human and no different than any other couple.
Everyone is surprised when a couple gets divorced because the couple’s public perception is so different than what was going on at home.
No one wants to show people the problems, the negativity, the challenges that they are experiencing.
I think Rachel Hollis and Dave Hollis were simply being human in trying to portray their marriage in the best light.
I would also like to believe that they gave their marriage their all, did whatever they could to try to save it, and worked on it in every way they knew how. I know this is being extremely naive and giving them the benefit of doubt but that’s what I believe.
They couldn’t have faked their relationship on Facebook Lives and Instagram Lives for months and years on end. There’s good in marriages and bad in marriages. The Hollis’s just showed us the good in their marriage.
By announcing their divorce, they also showed us how difficult marriage is. Even the best couples with the most photogenic kids who work on their self-growth and have a strong faith practice can get divorced.
Even the couple who looks they have it all together on the outside can have marital problems and strife. Even what appears to be the strongest of relationships can fall apart.
It doesn’t seem like this relationship was a complete fake or Rachel was putting on a show for the world to see. She looked genuine and happy. She and Dave were regularly irritated and annoyed with each other on social media. They also enjoyed laughing together and loving each other.
Anyone who’s in a marriage that’s falling apart, doesn’t want it to. They are going to work on it as much as they can to make it work. I truly believe Rachel and Dave tried. They not only wanted to make it work for themselves and for their kids but also for their business. They knew their business bottom line was tied to showing people how to have strong marriages.
They had a strong interest in making this relationship work both on a personal and professional level.
Yet they couldn’t do it. With all the resources, support, counseling, faith, family and friendship they had, they couldn’t do it.
Just reminds me that marriage is hard and you have to get to a pretty bad place before you decide that you’ve had enough and it’s time to move on.
As far as their marriage and life, let’s give them a break. Let’s let both of them move on. Let’s hope they can separately amicably and find peace in their separate lives. Let’s hope they can find love and happiness again.
Now, the secondary issue has to do with how they were doing business and portraying themselves.
This seems a little more suspect and uncertain to me.
Is it ok to make your life look like this big fairytale on the outside? Is it ok to use social media to only show the good and not the bad? Is it ok to always present the story you want to present to your fans?
I know it’s not right but I do know that a lot of people do this.
When you don’t post the full story, it comes across as inauthentic and you’re trying to mislead people.
For example on my own blog, I give people the whole picture. I don’t try to make anything look better than it is.
When my life sucked, I detailed it to the maximum here. I explained every emotion and heartbreak that I went through. People appreciated the honesty and regularly tell me that I speak their pain and their journey.
I wouldn’t have tried to make my situation sound any better than it was.
But what if I had started a business around my marriage, my relationship and my kids, would I have tried to portray a positive image that wasn’t true? Would I have tried to continue perpetuating this image to the public even though we were struggling?
A lot of this is speculation. If they were only struggling and portrayed it like they were a happily married couple, then, yes, I’d be in the streets.
If they were doing their best and portraying a particular image on social media that was the truth, but not the whole truth, I could try to understand. Like it or not, people put their best life on social media for others to see.
I’d also be pissed if you read and believed that Rachel said about working through the hard stuff and making things work. If she made it seem like you weren’t trying hard enough or weren’t getting what you wanted because of your efforts, then it’s fair to be upset with her.
And finally, probably the more unforgivable part was running a big business based on this message they were putting out there. They were raking in money from conferences and workshops where they were indirectly telling you that you too could have the lives of the Hollis family. You could come and learn the secrets to having a great love and life.
Overall, I can see the humanity of the Hollis’s. It looked like they were trying the best they could. Could they have shown the negative side of their relationship? Yes. Do most people? No.
Should they have shared the full story on social media? Yes. Do many marketers put the negative side of their product or message on social media? Not really.
Should they have continued to profit if the life and relationship was not what they made it out to be? Not really but again, I don’t believe it was a complete show. I believe they tried, and failed. I believe they are humans with human failings.
The take away for me watching the Hollis’s is a reminder to be authentic myself in my writing and social media. It’s also to be a little more suspect of other people’s social media accounts and stories. Every day, we continue to find out that people mislead us and portray an inaccurate image. Your job is to discern who to trust and who not to. Here are the other lessons I picked up from the Rachel Hollis divorce.
You have a right to be upset with the Hollis’s for their social media practices and misleading advertising of their message.
You also can practice compassion, understanding and empathy. You know they’re human too, at the end of the day.
This isn’t exactly what they wanted but something they are going to go through together. I may not agreeing with everything they did and their ways of conducting business but I wish them the best in the next chapters of their lives.
They both have self-help books on how to navigate life during the tough times. They now get to apply their knowledge and wisdom from these books and put it to use.
If you’re done with the Hollis’s, I get it. If you’re going to give them another chance, I get that too. If you’re going to wait and see what comes next, fine. Just proceed with caution and awareness.
While I have closed comments on my blog for years, I’m going to open them for this post. What do you think of the Rachel Hollis divorce? Leave a comment below.
If you’re wondering what to do in your part of the world, this is the recipe for changing the circumstances around you.
Look at something you don’t like, let’s say, racism.
Imagine what a better, more equal, and more tolerant society can look like. Realize that you don’t have to accept the status quo.
Get inspiration and hope from people and leaders around you. Get ideas on how to do something about it and then do something.
We need more hope, more people deciding to change the world and more people taking action.
Believe it or not, this is how one person can change the world.
You just have to give a damn and not allow your circumstances to keep you in a paralyzed state. Don’t accept the way things are right now.
Friends, this is the same formula for changing your life too
Let’s say you’ve come out of a bad divorce or breakup. You just feel stuck and paralyzed. You don’t feel like doing anything. You can’t even get out of bed.
Maybe you’ve been stuck for years.
You ended up on this blog, so you know that you have to do something.
I’ve shared the formula with you, but it’s going to require a little work from you.
Not doing anything will not improve the situation.
All those people who say that time will improve your life are lying.
It won’t. All you will do with time is ruminate, get sentimental and start missing the past.
You have to do something to improve your future.
If you’re not doing it for yourself, do it for your kids.
If you’re not doing it for your kids, do something just so your ex won’t get the better of you. Don’t let them steal even more of your life. Don’t let them take your happiness and joy even more than they have.
One of the most powerful exercises I do with clients is getting them to see what their future looks like. I help them visualize what a life of love and happiness looks like.
You never see this future state. You are caught up in the past and remembering all that happened. You think all the good times already passed. You think the best love and the most joy already happened. You don’t think that you can find love, companionship, or happiness again.
I’m here to tell you that’s an incorrect assumption.
I was just where you were a few years ago. I thought my life was over, and there was no hope left after my breakup. I stayed stuck and replayed the past over and over again. I just gave up until I started doing this envisioning work and believing there was a more hopeful day ahead.
I forced myself to imagine the life I wanted even though every day I was living the life I had.
Then, I noticed that to get the life that I wanted, I would have to do some work.
I would have to forgive.
I would have to find closure on my own.
I would have to tell myself a new story about this past relationship.
I would have to rebuild my self-worth.
This took work but it also took a choice.
At what point are you going to make a choice?
Yes, you can grieve and process what happened, but how long are you going to stay stuck?
How long are you going to feel like you experienced the greatest tragedy and injustice?
Your ex walking out on your or cheating on you is pretty screwed up.
They destroyed you.
But how long can you continue to give them power over your life?
It’s time to take your life back.
It’s time to decide you don’t want to stay in bed, in tears and depressed about life.
It’s time to make a choice and then go about making changes.
It had to get to rock bottom point for change to start happening in my life. I left a career, left a job, and followed my dreams. I rebuilt my self-worth, forgave the people who hurt me in my life, and worked on becoming a better partner in relationships. I started meeting new people and found the most amazing love.
Beautiful things can come to you too.
Out of heartbreak, you can discover your purpose, your meaning in life, and why you were put here.
You can let go of a life that wasn’t suiting you and start living a life you love.
Once you get excited about the life that’s possible and not regretting the life you lost, things start to change.
You begin to do things you never did before.
You decide and choose to better yourself and your life.
You start meeting people and finding people who are a much better fit for you.
The recipe for changing the world is the same recipe for changing your life.
In fact, changing your life will help change the world. When you let go of anger, attachment to your ex, and your past, you will have more self-acceptance, compassion, and love in your life.
You will do more to change your life and the world around you.
If you’re looking for the roadmap for letting go of the past, start here with my book on letting go. If you’re looking on how to find love after heartbreak, check out this book. (affiliate links)
If you’re stuck and need help, reach out to me for support and coaching. One conversation can shift your perspective and change your life.
25 Heartbreak Quotes to Help You Survive a Broken Heart Today
1. “Heartbreaks are part of love. How would I know how to appreciate love, if I hadn’t experienced how much it hurts to have my heart broken?” Pia Barna
2. “Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” Marilyn Monroe
3. “Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because most of life’s greatest lessons are learned through pain.” Unknown
4. “Breathe, darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not the whole story.” C.S. Louis
5. “May the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary.” Xan Oku
6. “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C. S. Lewis
7. “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” Mark Groves
8. “When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.” Haruki Murakami
9. “The sun is a daily reminder that we too can rise from the darkness, that we too can shine our own light.” S. Ajna
10. “Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” Mandy Hale
11. “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do.” Anonymous
12. “The broken hearted are the bravest among us — they dare to love.” Brené Brown
13. “The strongest hearts have the most scars.” Anonymous
14. “What’s broken can be mended. What hurts can be healed. And no matter how dark it gets, the sun is going to rise again.” Unknown
15. “In those times of sadness, I stay with the feeling and remind myself that th only love that will actually heal this pain is my own. So I give it to myself.” Michelle D’Avella
16. “What feels like breaking may just be an opening. The heart.” Vishnu of Vishnu’s Virtues
17. “It’s ok if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.” Colette Werden
18. “Let your revenge be your own love and happiness.” Vishnu of Vishnu’s Virtues
19. “When things don’t go as expected, trust the reroute.” Lalah Delia
20. “You can’t let go of a relationship you still want to be in.” Vishnu of Vishnu’s Virtues
21. “Don’t hold together what must fall apart. The familiar life crumbles so the new life can begin.” Bryant McGill
22. “It’s in the space between the love we’ve lost and the love we hope to find, where we meet ourselves.” Mark Groves
23. “No is not a rejection: it is a cosmic redirection.” Hollie Holden
24. “Each tear is a poet, a healer, a teacher.” Rune Lazuli
25. “There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.” Zayn Malik
If you’re going through heartbreak now, know that you can survive and overcome your heartbreak, divorce or breakup.
If you found these heartbreak quotes helpful, check out my books on surviving a broken heart. Both books are roadmaps for getting over your heartbreak today.
To survive a heartbreak, pick up The Sacred Art of Letting Go: Let Go of Past Relationships and Find Peace Today (Amazon link here – affiliate link)
You can pick up the book, Love after Heartbreakhere (affiliate link).
Hi, I’m Vishnu
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
