It’s not over. You can comeback and get over whatever adversity is standing in your way.
It’s me again and this time, we’re going to try video so I can give it to you straight (and in person).
I have a very simple but powerful message for those of you who are going through tough times – you can get through it.
Why do I know this to be true? Because I’m living proof of it – I made it through and I’m going to share with you the 3 important lessons I learned to help you survive the tough times.
Click above to learn more. Thank you for living courageously and standing up to face the difficult times that face you.
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Thomas Edison
There are a lot of times when life simply sucks.
Whether it’s something unexpected happening or some ongoing issue that’s keeping you down, life tends to put us on the outs now and again.
Many of us don’t feel like doing anything when life puts us in a slump.
It’s difficult not to think about whatever is wrong and to focus on being productive and motivated.
But here’s the thing: you can be productive, even when life seems like it’s getting the better of you.
Immediately before I left home for college, I started dating someone very special to me.
We had known each other for several years, but I had lost touch with him. Through a long and complicated string of events, we wound up reconnecting and discovered that we both had very strong feelings for one another.
Our timing was terrible, but we wanted to be together. So we began our relationship as a couple during a time when we lived over four hours away from one another. While the start of our relationship was wonderful and exciting, the huge chunks of time we spent apart was not. We both had very little money and couldn’t afford to travel to each other, except for maybe once a month (and even that wasn’t always possible).
I spent tons of time sulking around my college campus, dragging myself out of bed with every pitiful amount of motivation I could muster up. I felt depressed. Not exactly the most uplifting way to manage your first year at college.
I knew that I needed to focus on school and study to get good grades. If I let my emotions get the better of me and failed a class, or decided to drop out altogether (which crossed my mind just about every day), I’d be ruining the best chance I had for my boyfriend and I to have a happy future together.
So I pressed on.
I didn’t always feel like it – in fact I hardly ever felt like it – but I made myself stay productive in school. It was a very difficult year for me, and so was the next year. But I learned some very valuable lessons because of these hardships, and I think they bear repeating.
Life is hard, but it’s also beautiful and wonderful. Terrible things may happen, but you can only know that they’re terrible because of the great things that have already happened to you.
If life has you feeling depressed, out of control, miserable, or just fed up, you should know that it’s okay to feel that way. However, it’s not okay to idly sit by and let your negative feelings rule your life.
The best way to get out of your slump is to stay productive, even during the times when you don’t feel like being productive.
Here are some lessons I learned about how to stay productive when life has you in a slump:
1. Exercise for better sleep and to boost endorphins
Exercise is a greatly underutilized antidepressant. I know that some days it feels like you can barely get out of bed, let alone go for a jog, but exercising is a naturally proven way to increase your body’s feel-good endorphins.
Exercising for at least two and a half hours a week has been shown to significantly improve the quality of sleep you get at night, which positively impacts your overall mental wellness and your energy during the day.
In my personal experience, I’ve also found exercising to be a good way to relieve stress and frustration.
If you go for long jog, chances are that you’ll feel so tired when you get done you won’t even have the energy to be bummed out.
That and endorphin boost can do wonders for your mood and productivity.
2. Remind yourself that being productive now will improve your happiness later
I certainly didn’t always feel like going to class or studying for finals when I was in my slump, but I did it anyway because I knew it would be best for me in the end.
I know it’s hard, but you have to try to look beyond your feelings in the present moment and do what will be most beneficial to your happiness later. If you just sit back and wallow in self-pity, you likely aren’t going to feel better for a very, very long time.
You don’t have to be thrilled about whatever you’re doing, but at least do it so you can keep yourself moving forward, if only ever so slightly.
3. If you can, be productive on your own terms
Depending on what kind of job or daily responsibilities you have, this tip might be harder for you to put into action. What I mean by “be productive on your own terms,” though, is that you should do whatever will help you be most productive, even if it doesn’t seem like something a productive person would do.
There were some days in college when I knew I’d get more done if I spread out my books in bed and stayed in my pajamas all day, rather than going to the library. So I stayed in bed and let myself be motivated by the fact that I got to choose how I was going to be productive that day.
I didn’t go anywhere because I didn’t want to, but I also didn’t sulk in my room. I got things done…but on my own terms.
If it’s possible for you to control some of the terms of your productivity, do so.
It’s okay if they seem less productive to other people; all that matters is that you feel most productive working that way.
4. Be motivated by others in the same situation
Anytime I feel myself falling into negativity, I try to remember that there are definitely hundreds – if not thousands – of other people in the world going through the same thing. And, it seems, many of them don’t get nearly as down or stressed out as I do sometimes.
So, I figure, if they can face the same thing and carry on with their daily lives, so can I.
It’s also helpful to view yourself as part of a group working toward a common goal, rather than as an individual trying to reach a goal or achieve something alone.
5. Find something that you enjoy and do it every day
Another helpful tip for getting out of your funk is to find something that you enjoy and do it every day, even if you only do it for 15 minutes or so.
When I was in college, I discovered that I really liked playing video games on my handheld, so I invested in a Nintendo DS and started gaming on there for an hour or so a day. Even with all my schoolwork, it was perfectly manageable for me to set aside some time to play each day.
When you do something that you enjoy, you start to focus on that activity, rather than on whatever has you feeling down. This is a good way to start to wean yourself off of your negative emotions and feel something positive again.
If you aren’t into gaming, try reading a book, creating some kind of art, writing, or cooking.
6. Get out of your comfort zone
In addition to doing something you enjoy every day, it’s also important to take small steps outside of your comfort zone. This will help you get out of your slump by boosting your chances of discovering new interests, opportunities and new people.
As you begin to try new things, you’ll likely find new friends who can provide a healthy social support system.
It’s helpful to do things outside of what you’re used to, even if it means doing something as little as going to a different restaurant or sitting outside in the sun for an hour.
7. Engage in emotional or spiritual practices daily
By engaging in spiritual or emotional activities each day, you learn to become more connected with yourself and your feelings.
For me, yoga is an emotionally cathartic practice that makes me feel less stressed, more relaxed, and more in-tune with myself.
Whether you engage in yoga, prayer, meditation or other spiritual practices, know that these are all good stepping stones for fighting off negative thoughts and emotions.
8. Don’t judge yourself
In addition to feeling down because of whatever put you in a slump, you also tend to feel negatively about how you’re feeling.
When you know that you should be productive but feel depressed and sluggish, you’re likely to judge yourself and criticize your emotions. Needless to say, this does very little to help you feel better.
Don’t judge yourself for feeling down. You can’t help the way you feel.
You can, however, feel poorly and still do things that will help you be productive.
You can be miserable and still do homework. Sure, it won’t be fun, but you can make it happen.
Don’t be too hard on yourself when it comes to how you feel. Rather, try to accept your feelings and find ways to cope with them in your daily life.
9. Read or watch something motivational to get you going
If you find that the hardest part of the day is just getting out of bed, you might find it helpful to read or watch something inspiring. This can help you get motivated and get going in the morning and can fuel your actions throughout the rest of the day.
Read some more inspiringarticles on Vishnu’s site, follow motivational social accounts, or watch some inspiring YouTube videos. These are all easy things you can do from your smartphone while you’re still in bed in the morning, so you can get inspired and start your day when you are ready.
It can be so easy to let your anger, worries, depression or fear get the better of you in life. But if you don’t do anything to pick yourself up and actively fight against your slump, you’re not even living – are you?
I hope that some of the things I’ve talked about today will resonate with you and inspire you to bounce back and live a productive life in 2015.
You can’t change how you feel, but you can take some of these actions I mentioned above to be productive and get things done.
Start today.
Kayla Matthews is a productivity blogger with a passion for positive thinking and self-improvement. To read more of her latest posts, follow her on Google+ and Twitter, or at ProductivityTheory.com.
Like you can’t be happy anymore because the love of your life has decided to move on without you?
Being Indian, I thought that ending my arranged marriage would be difficult. I had to deal with the Indian community’s aversion to divorce and with the fact that many people would speak ill of me for what happened in the marriage.
But the end of my marriage was not nearly as difficult as the end of a relationship I got into after my marriage.
See, I fell in love.
I met my boyfriend through a Meetup group. We started as friends with common interests, sharing our thoughts and taking part in activities together. We eventually developed feelings for each other and thought that we could take our relationship to the next level.
This relationship made me complete. My boyfriend had all the qualities I was looking for in a partner. He wasn’t judgmental and accepted me as I was. We had lots of fun together, did adventurous things and, most important of all, respected each other.
My family and friends were happy that this relationship was becoming what it was.
However, all of a sudden, our relationship changed.
My boyfriend started drifting away and wouldn’t spend time with me. He wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him.
We started having little arguments. Then he wanted to take a break for two weeks. I gave him all the time he needed, but he never came back. Finally, one day I spoke to him so that I could figure out what was going on. He just yelled at me and banged down the phone.
That’s when I realized that the mutual respect in our relationship no longer existed. I decided not to talk to him anymore. He tried to contact me a couple of times after that, but I decided it was best not to respond.
After my boyfriend broke up with me, my life fell apart.
I felt like my life was over.
I had lost myself and I didn’t know how to find myself again.
I used to crib to my close friends every day. They were consoling and soothing, but their efforts didn’t help much.
I used to sit on my bed, crying and cursing God for having made my life so miserable.
My heart was aching and I felt as though the whole world was against me because I hadn’t gotten what I wanted in life. I lost interest in work and didn’t talk to anyone.
Then one day, in the midst of this sadness, I browsed the news online.
I came across a random story about a girl who had passed away while travelling on a train.
A bomb blast had killed her. I was taken aback.
The girl, who had been hoping to surprise her family with beautiful and thoughtful gifts she had purchased with her first paycheck instead surprised them with the tragic news of her death.
I abruptly came to my senses as questions arose within me.
What am I doing with the wonderful life God has given me?
Is it worth brooding over the past, which is not in my control?
Shouldn’t I be grateful for all the privileges I have?
That’s when I realized that I have a lot of things left to do. I decided not to waste a single moment thinking about my past.
I would like to share a few tips to help you overcome the pain that you are going through and to heal your broken heart.
What do you do when the love of your life has ditched you?
12 ways to heal a broken heart
1. Find the love within you
When someone breaks up with you, you think you aren’t good enough.
I’ve found that the most effective remedy for a broken heart is to love yourself more.
Take note of your thoughts and actions and write about them in a journal. You will discover who you really are. When I started writing in my journal, about the way I feel toward others and myself, I realized how beautiful I am. I realized I was worthwhile and that if someone really wanted to be my partner, he had to deserve me.
This technique may sound weird, but believe me, it works. Stand in front of the mirror and kiss yourself for being such a nice person. Remind yourself that you’re a loving person and that you’re the best! I read this a while ago: “Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you selfish or vain; it makes you indestructible.”
2. Improve your health and you’ll change your life
When you’re in love, you don’t take note of what you eat, as you’re always on cloud nine. J
But after my breakup, I became more conscious of my health and fitness. I started paying more attention to what I ate.
I followed a strict health plan and started exercising more regularly.
Don’t you want to be fit and strong? I definitely would like to be; this goal boosts my confidence wherever I go.
3. Spend time with nature
There are lots of beautiful things in nature that we fail to appreciate.
Go for a run or a walk in the morning and you’ll feel energized.
Watch the sunrise and sunset and you’ll see the world from a very different perspective.
Read books in nature. Listen to the music that nature plays for you.
I love to spend time in nature; it refreshes my mind.
4. Experience the joy of words
Create a routine reading habit.
Reading helps you think about situations from a different perspective. It also helps you realize that so many people have experienced similar pain to you – or pain that’s even worse.
I read lots of blogs and articles, which inspires me to write in my own journal and blogs.
5. Avoid negativity
The most important thing in life is to avoid negativity.
When I say “negativity,” I mean not only negative thoughts but also negative people. Don’t associate with people who bring you down until you develop the courage to stand up to them and say, “Hey, you’re being negative and it’s not helping anyone.”
Just avoid them; what they think about you doesn’t matter. At the end of the day you must be happy. Only when you are happy will you live your best life.
I stopped talking to a few of my relatives who had been draining my energy. They accused me of not following the rules because I hadn’t remained in a marriage for life. I simply ceased talking to them, which has helped me avoid negativity.
Also, watch your thoughts. Any time a negative thought comes to mind, become aware of it and try to put a positive spin on it.
In a similar vein, don’t be the person who entertains negative thoughts and shares his or her negativity with others. Nobody wants to be around someone who keeps brooding about what has happened in his or her life.
Be the person people always want to be with.
My friends say they always get positive vibes from me. If they are stressed at work, they call me so that I can refresh them and help them attain a new perspective.
Work on developing a positive mindset so that you can encourage and help others in need.
6. Live your own life and be true to yourself
When you’re in love you unknowingly enter a prison. Your partner handcuffs you with his or her love and starts playing with your mind.
In a bad relationship, you might feel controlled or limited.
Don’t let anyone occupy your life to the point that you feel imprisoned.
You need your space. You need to continue doing the things you always do, regardless of your relationship.
Don’t let your relationships define you. Instead, let them enrich you.
Remember, you are more than your relationships.
7. Learn new things to enrich your life
New hobbies are interesting and take your mind off the sadness and pain you’re experiencing.
Take cooking lessons. Learn salsa dancing, classical music or a new language. Try to keep busy with activities that interest and challenge you.
Nowadays I don’t have time to think about what happened in my past. I don’t even realize that I went through heartbreak.
8. Create more “I, me and myself” time
Once in a while have some “I, me and myself” time.
I take time from my busy schedule and watch some good movies, or I simply stay in bed longer.
On this particular day, I go easy on myself. If I want to have ice cream for lunch, I do it. If I want to walk in the rain, I do it.
I take a longer shower, watch YouTube and dance to some new steps.
You will love this kind of day – celebrating you!
9. Don’t jump into another relationship
After a breakup, you might feel empty and believe that you must fill this void with another relationship.
This is the greatest mistake of all.
Don’t look for happiness in other people; happiness is within you.
It’s okay to be happy and alone.
Work on yourself before you work on a new relationship.
10. Transform your life
In any relationship, you will behave in a way that you later regret. Post-breakup is a good time to work on this.
After my breakup, I decided that my temper was something I should work on.
I started learning to control my temper in certain situations.
I became aware, read books and put steps into action.
Today, I don’t lose my temper at all and am proud of this change.
You likely have many small things that you fought about with your ex. You can’t change your ex and his or her personality, but you can improve your own behavior and qualities.
You can become a completely transformed person.
11. Live in the moment
Live in this moment.
You do not know what life has in store for you in the next moment.
Try to enjoy the gift of today instead of looking back at yesterday.
12. Spread the love
There is immense joy in helping others.
When you know that you are the reason for someone else’s smile, you’ll experience a type of happiness you can’t get anywhere else.
You can help someone learn to read or write. You can help someone get his or her education. You can be with someone when he or she needs you. You can buy food for a homeless person and fill his or her hunger.
Be of help!
In conclusion…
Every person has his or her own way of moving out of heartbreak.
The tips I mentioned have helped me become the person I am today – a person I’m proud of.
Believe me, if you are a self-made, resilient and inspiring person, you’ll attract people.
You never know…your ex might even come back to you, like my ex did. Of course, it’s up to you whether you want to be with the same person again. I chose not to.
Life is beautiful. Heal, transform and enjoy your life today.
Bio: Sri is a software consultant. She enjoys sharing her experiences to help others transform their lives. If you have comments or thoughts, you can email Sri at chatwithsri2013 @ gmail dot com.
“Breakdowns create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.”—Unknown
You may think your life is over right now.
You want to hide or drown or fall into the ground. Slip away. Move to the forests far away and never to be seen again.
The tears have dried up because you’ve cried them all out of you.
You’re silent because you have no more to say.
And you’re experiencing a state of mindfulness NOT because you’ve become more mindful, but because you’re too numb to replay your thoughts in your mind.
You may be facing your life’s most horrific and tragic breakdown – your absolute worst point.
You f***d up at work and got fired.
You cheated and are now dealing with the breakup and impending divorce.
Your ex is trying to take your kids away from you.
You got caught in a business deal gone bad and are now facing a lawsuit.
The company you’ve poured your heart and soul into is going under and you can’t seem to stop the situation.
You lost all your money.
The love of your life dumped you. Your heart’s destroyed.
Your former business partner is suing you.
You can’t make the mortgage payment and might lose the house.
Your life savings has gone down the drain.
You got arrested and the local news is reporting all of your dirty laundry. You see yourself on television.
It’s over. Literally over.
There’s no hope. There’s no tomorrow. There are no better days ahead.
Why live another day?
I can’t say that I’ve been on your journey or know what you’re going through, but I’ve been in similar places in life.
Several times when I wanted to throw in the towel and felt that the tranquility of a coffin would surely beat the madness of the world I’m living in.
When I turned 17 and my entire immediate family left the country as I was finishing high school, I felt alone and abandoned. It wasn’t their fault, but I still felt like the world I had known no longer existed. A few months later I was in a new university and a new city where I didn’t know anyone. Add the stress of college and exams, plus the responsibilities of adulthood, and I was pretty much done.
It was one of the lowest points of my life.
Fast forward 10 years and I realized that what I had thought was my lowest point was anything but.
Divorce was 100 times worse. It shook my entire life to the core. It made me question my existence and wonder whether life was worth living at all.
The pain of breakup, my inability to deal with a traumatic change and the deep grief and sorrow that followed were too much to bear.
Yet I’m still here. And you’re still here.
And that’s why I feel like I need to tell you something. It’s not over. It’s never over.
You’re going to make it through this point in your life.
Your absolute worst point in life is not the end, but rather the beginning.
You’re going to survive this place and, let me tell you from personal experience, you’re going to come back stronger than ever.
When you’re down and out and feel like checking out, hold on.
Here are a few things to think about that will give you perspective on your situation:
1) The benefits of rock bottom – it can’t get any worse.
The best part about being at your life’s worst point is that it cannot, let me repeat, it cannot get any worse.
If you’re in the dumps, be happy in knowing that you cannot fall further back. You have no more back to go. Your money, finances, love, relationships may all seem in the pits. Can it get any worse?
No.
If you’re going to jail (and as a criminal defense lawyer, I had clients who did), the only option left is to come back out. You can’t go to jail again. (Well, you can, but hopefully you won’t.)
Moving on from jails, what if the press smears you, or your former business partner sues you? Can it get worse?
Most likely, no.
Your reputation is at rock bottom. It can only improve.
You’re dealing with the stress and burnout of a lawsuit – it can only get better. A settlement or verdict will arrive soon and you can start over.
When you’re at your worst, take some satisfaction in knowing that it can’t get worse.
(P.S. – Don’t make things any worse by asking yourself, “How can this get worse?” !?!)
2) You’ve done it before.
I’m not saying that you’ve been here before.
You may not have encountered a situation this deadly, but you’ve confronted setbacks, heartaches and disappointments in your life.
You were in bad places, but you came through. You made it out. You survived.
You’ve met every challenge the past presented.
You came out of darkness. You woke up from failure. You found a way.
You got another job. Started another career. Built a new business.
You found the courage to love again.
You forgave and let go.
You’ve been there; you’ve done it. You have the experience to overcome.
It wasn’t the end of the world before and it’s not the end of the world now.
3)Pressure will bring out your “A” game.
No better time exists than now to find out what you’re really made of.
Like the woman in the YouTube video at the beginning of this article, who came back from falling down to WIN the race, you’re going to do the same thing in your life.
This face-punching circumstance you’re going through will help you seek the answers, find the tools and develop the inner strength you need.
You will take your game up a notch.
You will do things you couldn’t do before.
When you’re sitting in a sinking boat, you’ll find a way to swim, to get a life vest or to call for help.
Moments of survival push us to get more creative, resourceful and effective.
You’ll stop procrastinating and lamenting, and instead become active.
Your greatest life challenge is your greatest invitation to take action.
The climactic scene in this movie is awaiting its hero: you.
4) Setting yourself up for success.
You may have trouble seeing this now, but meeting your current challenge will bring out better things in you throughout the days ahead.
To become successful or achieve your dreams or live your greatest life, you must get through the challenge at hand.
You must pass the test that life has given you.
Stay strong in this moment and take one step a day toward improving the situation. Sometimes the situation is so dire, all you can do is change your perspective for that day.
Viktor Frankl did so while surviving the Auschwitz concentration camp. He got through his time there by believing that those worst days of his life would pass, that when he came out he would recount his experiences to help others and that he would spread the message about how a person can find meaning under any condition, any circumstance.
Frankl spent the rest of his life sharing his message though his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” through his writings and through his lectures.
A better day exists for you, too, and mastering today will help you prepare for that day when things are better.
The gift of struggle and surviving will one day positively affect your life.
Through the violent storms of losing a loved one or having your most prized things snatched away, you will realize how life has, in fact, handed you a gift.
Your challenging situation is only perfecting your mind, your heart and your perspective so that you can welcome better days with open arms. You’re preparing for a breakthrough in your life.
Life might be calling you toward a new line of work.
Life might be calling you to prepare for a new relationship.
Life might be preparing you for more responsibilities.
Life might be preparing you to share your story, write your book and be a guiding light to others in their places of struggle.
Your failures are setting you up for your success.
Your heartsong is setting you up for your greatest hit yet.
Your song does not end on a sad note.
5) Follow the light.
I’m not asking you to compare yourself to others. Instead, realize that others have flourished and succeeded from even worse places than where you currently sit.
Use their stories for inspiration.
Jim Carrey’s family was living out of a van as he drove around Canada performing standup comedy at clubs.
The singer Jewel was homeless and living out of her car before she wrote such hits as “Foolish Games” and “You Were Meant for Me.”
Steven Spielberg was rejected from the University of Southern California twice. Yes, twice. The last time I went to USC, I noticed that the school had named a building after him. He’s also one of the school’s trustees.
As you know, publishers rejected Stephen King’s first book 30 times. And Michael Jordan’s high school basketball coach cut him from the team.
J.K. Rowling was an unemployed single mother on welfare benefits before she wrote the Harry Potter series.
Elizabeth Gilbert’s divorce was what led her on a journey around the world and resulted in her bestseller, “Eat, Pray, Love.”
Barack Obama grew up in a single-parent household. Bill Clinton lost elections in Arkansas before ever running for president. Abraham Lincoln lost eight elections.
These are the stories of famous people you hear about all the time. Look around in your own life. What do you find?
Stories of struggle and challenge.
How your grandfather started from nothing and built a name for himself.
How your great-grandparents fled the old country to find success in America.
How people you know made comebacks from childhood problems, poverty, diseases, business failures and divorces.
They did it. You can do it.
They didn’t know that success lay ahead of them. They just believed in themselves. They took one day at a time, one step at a time.
As you go through your life’s critical hours, you’ll discover that things turn around.
You may not realize it and you may not feel it, but I’m asking you to believe it.
I’m asking you to remain hopeful that a turnaround is close by.
As Desmond Tutu has said, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
You just have to stay the course and go through your journey: rebuilding, strategizing and taking things step by step.
Take it one day at a time. Stay encouraged that better days are ahead.
Stay faithful for a better tomorrow.
“If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.”—Mahatma Gandhi.
Stay faithful that your situation will improve.
Stay positive and encouraged that your troubles will set with the sun and that your greatest days are about to rise.
The darkest hour, they say, is just before the dawn.
When pain, tears and the storms of life engulf you – that’s when you will see the way.
You will see that glimmer of hope.
You will see the shadows of possibilities and the promises of a new day.
Thank you for reading. Did you know that I now offer relationship and career coaching? If you’re interested in either, please check out my coaching pages here and here.
We all go through dark and scary times in our lives. Here are some of the most uplifting quotes to give you strength and inspiration during the dark and difficult times.
Please find 21 quotes that will inspire you to keep hope alive and your spirits high.
“Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” Jack London
“I’m not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott
“Colors come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunlit sky.” Rabindranath Tagore
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Nelson Mandela
“Getting knocked down in life is a given, getting up and moving forward is a choice.” Zig Ziglar
“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” Winston Churchill
“It is often hard to distinguish the hard knocks in life and those of opportunity.” Frederick Phillips
“The beautiful thing about setbacks is they introduce us to our strengths.” Robin Sharma
“Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.” Unknown
“Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” Susan Taylor
“I am not what has happened to me, I am what I chose to become.” Carl Jung
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” Douglas Adams
“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” Author Unknown
“Sometimes the wrong train can take us to the right place.” Paulo Coelho
“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” Christine Mason Miller
“Sometimes we fall down because there’s something down we’re supposed to find.” Unknown
“Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow”. Alice Mackenzie Swaim
“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” Zig Ziglar
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” Desmond Tutu
“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” Unknown
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
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“Ego says, once everything falls into place, I will find my peace. Spirit says, once I find my peace, everything will fall into place.” ~Marianne Williamson
I fell in love with my best friend last year.
I spent the next 8 months trying to convince him to love me as completely and intensely as I loved him.
I put everything I wanted on the sidelines and was there for him every moment, any time of the day, ditching friends, parties and whatever else may have come along in my life.
All of these things were attempts to insinuate to him that there was no other option than for him to fall madly in love with me.
How could he have not known my desire for him to love and care for me as I did for him?
We were together 24/7, we called each other at the same time, we had this uncanny way of knowing what the other was thinking, we cared about each other a lot, and most of all, my heart was on my sleeve whenever I saw him.
One day, out of the blue, he told me that he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend.
Within two short and painful weeks, they had moved back in together, and have recently been talking about marriage.
That’s when it all changed.
This time. I decided it would be the last time: the last time I insert myself into an unhealthy relationship.
This time, things will be different. This time I will not get hurt.
How many times have I said that to myself? Too many to keep track. But this time…this time is different.
Why? Because the best part about this time is that it isn’t about how other people affect me, it’s about me.
This time it is about my friendships, my relationships, my family and my interactions with each of those people.
For the first time, I have taken a holistic approach to healing, incorporating meditation, yoga, the outdoors and journaling, and this time, I think it just may have worked.
Here are 5 life-changing lessons I’ve learned from heartbreak.
1. Find fulfillment and meaning within yourself, not in others.
Often, when you love someone, you put your own needs aside in hopes that making the other person happy will somehow fulfill your own need to be happy.
When they’re happy, you’re happy, so that means you’re happy, right?
That may work for a while, until they’re not in your life anymore.
Then you wake up in the morning, without that person in your life, and you realize that you have no idea what you want to do, where you want to go, or with whom you want to do it, because you now realize that most of your time has been invested in the other person’s wants and needs and in making them happy.
Taking time to check in with your heart and to feel and do what makes you happy is so important.
Because when they are no longer there, you are left empty, and that emptiness cannot be filled with anyone or anything (I’ve tried!).
2. You are responsible for your own emotions.
No one can make you feel anything.
Learn to take responsibility for your own emotions, and allow your friends, family and partner to feel and be responsible for theirs.
You and only you can allow yourself to feel sorrow, hurt, love, or whatever emotion based on your own past experiences.
When you start blaming others for how you are feeling, you get into a real mess.
You may even feel resentful that they’ve moved on, and you are stuck trying to survive the emotional craziness of a break up. How dare they!
You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness, your own sadness, and your ability to heal. And that is an EMPOWERING thought.
3. You have a choice.
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Alice Walker
You can feel however you want. The key to your joy and peace of mind is in your own hands.
Once you’ve realized that happiness begins with you, you get to choose to be happy, and to learn from every emotion you feel.
Isn’t it interesting that when you choose to be happy, others around you also seem happy?
When you no longer blame others for the situation you are in, there is nowhere else to look but inside.
4. Make yourself a priority.
You have to learn to be selfish.
You have to say “no” to friends and “no” to situations that no longer serve you.
You have to look inside yourself to see what you want, which isn’t always easy, but you’ll find the pay-off to be amazing.
Through selfishness, you will be able to reach more people than ever before.
You will feel emotions more deeply than you have in years, have stronger connections with the people around you, and make new friends who support your journey.
The universe opens up when we listen to our hearts.
5. Learn from your mistakes and be more conscious in your relationships.
You don’t have to say, “why me?” or feel crushed by your break up, separation or divorce.
Each relationship is an opportunity to grow.
Despite the pain, tears and heartbreak, your romantic partner is there to be of service to your life.
They will teach you to love more, forgive more, and let go of your ego more readily.
Once you realize the mistakes you’ve made, you have the choice to not make them again.
You also have the choice to be more responsible for your life, gain more control over your emotions and to choose yourself a little more with each passing relationship.
These are some of the lessons I’ve learned from my last relationship that have helped me become a better and more centered person.
As your heart heals during your journey back to wholeness, you too will have another opportunity to start living a healthier and more heart-centered life.
This time, you’ll have the benefit of these additional insights about yourself to do even better when love comes into your life again.
Do any of these lessons resonate with you? What lessons have you learned from love and heartbreak?
Melanie is an international teacher, traveler and blogger. You can keep up with her journey in China through her blog here: http://jinhua2012.blogspot.com Photo Credit: wwwchun
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
