by Vishnu | Dec 16, 2019 | Divorce, Love and Relationships, Optimism
I need you to keep this a secret for God’s sake!
Don’t ruin it for everyone else, please.
The more married people come to know about this, the more lives are going to be ruined.
This must only stay here between us.
Divorce is sad and hard.
One day you’re grocery shopping together, strategizing about the tofu wraps you’re going to prepare for your dinner guests at home.
The next day you lose your spouse, your friends, your home and all desire to eat tofu.
Other people are going to work and living their everyday lives but you want to curl up in bed, wrap yourself in a blanket and just permanently stay there.
Don’t we get 3 chances at life just like video games? Or 9 lives just like cats?
Anyway, I was in your shoes.
I thought it was over after divorce. I was looking forward to a peaceful life and old age.
This whole married thing and looking normal to the rest of society was fun and normal.
We had jobs and friends and family and vacation time and professional degrees.
What the heck else could we ever want?
I mean sure we could ask for real love, happiness and a life of our dreams.
Or we could have dinner, put the dishes away and go to bed so we could go to work the next day.
We could go to Ikea and Christmas parties.
We could send out annual greeting cards and post happy Facebook photos of ourselves even if we weren’t.
This continued until the divorce at which point it all came to a crashing halt.
And you know what it has been.
Divorce sucks. Sucked.
You’re alone much of the time.
Society doesn’t really see you.
Most people think there’s something wrong with you.
And everyone deeply desires you get married again so you can be happy and normal like the rest of everybody else.
Which brings me to this dirty little secret about divorce.
Since divorce, I’ve been living the best few years of my life.
- Every damn day, I live the life I want.
- I see who I want, I do what I want and live the way that I want.
- I don’t give a hoot about what anyone thinks about me or the way I’m living my life.
- All the negativity and toxicity has been out of my life.
I wake up happier knowing that my life is truly in my hands. I experience freedom, happiness and joy often.
I write and share content online for other people who were in the same situation as I was.
I write books for those people and encourage them to live their best lives.
I travel to parts of the world that I want to travel to but never had time to.
I go to events that I want to go to.
I meditate and chant mantras on the daily.
I slowed down my life and live a life of quiet existence doing whatever the heck I want.
From the outside in, my life looks like a total disaster and going all downhill.
People I intimately know are praying for my salvation and hoping I wake up soon and join the ranks of regular society: marriage, kids and real estate.
I continue to wake up every day looking forward to doing what I want: spirituality, writing and helping people.”
Who would have thought that I can live this life !?!
God dang, this is the best.
Screw marriage (the bad ones, of course).
Celebrate divorce.
Please don’t share this information with anyone else. Especially not with the married folk in your life.
Don’t ruin it for them!!
Don’t tell them that divorce might make them happier every day and give them the chance to create the life of their dreams.
Don’t tell them that divorce means peace, happiness and living life on your own terms. It might mean the best thing that has ever happened to them.
Don’t tell them that it means finding true compatibility and having a reals shot at love.
You and I must do our best to keep the gory details of divorce a secret.
Let us enjoy in secrecy while the rest of society is marching to prescribed notions of what a good life is.
Don’t share this blog post with any unhappily married people you know.
Don’t ruin it for us in this private, exclusive, happy divorcees club.
Don’t buy my books either if you’re contemplating divorce. If might push you over the edge and convince you to get one.
Or celebrate your post-divorce life like a champion.
Photo by Alina Kovalchuk
by Vishnu | Oct 22, 2018 | Habits, Happiness, Optimism, Personal Development, Present Moment
As my life swirled out of control upon the end of my marriage, house and career, I fell into a state of hopelessness and despair. “What is the point of it all?” I asked myself. “What even matters?” I wondered. “Is there life after heartbreak and loss?” I pondered.
Getting out of bed was difficult. I found myself in tears more than I had at any point in my life. The tsunami of personal, emotional and financial failure was overwhelming! It was also my life’s greatest wake-up call.
Since that time 7 years ago, I’ve done everything I can to regain a grip on my life. After reading hundreds of books; reflecting for hundreds of hours with therapists, coaches and healers; writing thousands of words and implementing dozens of life hacks, here’s what I’ve discovered.
Although it came with much pain, suffering and tears, I’ve distilled my life’s biggest learnings into these 7 lessons.
These are 7 simple personal growth lessons I’ve learned in the past 7 years.
1. The insides matter more than the outsides.
We spend almost all our younger lives focused on building our careers and providing for ourselves as adults. We are busy either making money or learning a trade to make us money. There’s nothing wrong with being able to support ourselves but this focus does ignore everything else that matters. Professional and financial success matter but how about emotional resiliency, interpersonal relationships and self-worth? The latter matter much more but we don’t spend any time developing these qualities.
I’ve learned that the insides matter more; this is your operating system that determines the quality of your life.
Learning to be in touch with your emotions, to pick yourself up after falling and to develop healthy relationships with people is what matters for long-term happiness and success.
2. Habits trump dreams.
People tell you to have dreams and follow them. You revisit your dreams during the new year and maybe a couple other times in January. You set some goals and intention for the year but all of this quickly falls away. People tell you to visualize your dreams and write them down.
None of this is effective.
If you truly want to achieve your dreams, you must focus on daily habits. Daily habits are vehicles that will move you closer to your dreams. A simple check-off of daily tasks you accomplish over a long period of time will get you much closer to your dreams than will audacious dreams.
Small, doable habits you accomplish every day beat tricky and complicated habits you have no motivation for.
3. Less is more.
We fill our lives with so much crap. We look for better housing, better jobs, better relationships, better vacations, better cars, better friends, better partners, better things.
We spend all our time bringing more into our lives.
However, I’ve found that the opposite is true for personal growth.
You must get rid of the stuff in your life. You must lower the number of people filling your life. You must let go of the career or job that is overwhelming you.
Create space to breathe.
Fill your life with what truly matters to you.
4. Busyness is over-rated.
Along the same lines, people in the West are addicted to staying busy.
You’re too busy to take care of yourself, too busy for your health, too busy for your sanity.
People take pride in filling their schedules and lives to the brim. Busyness isn’t cool.
Busyness is for people running on the treadmill of social pressures and pursuing external achievements.
Create more time for yourself so you can do what you really want to do. Don’t be a slave to time.
5. Today matters more than yesterday.
After failure and loss, we want to stay in the past.
You know why?
Because that’s where we are most comfortable.
It’s like knowing the end of a movie. You would rather watch or be in a movie whose ending you know rather than be in a movie you have no clue about.
We would rather be comfortable in the certainty of our past than venture out into an unknown future.
However, this comes at the expense of our lives today.
If you live looking backwards, you’re robbing yourself of what today holds. Live for today; appreciate what’s in front of you. Be mindful of what you’re experiencing and imagine today is the only day you have left.
Live more, reminisce less.
6. Intuition and values are your GPS.
We spend much of our lives focusing on what other people think of us.
I did this for the longest time … until my life fell apart.
When I had nothing else to lose and everyone thought I was heading down the wrong path, I gave up on what everyone thought.
As the black sheep of any community or culture, you have tools to guide you – tools that you never rely on.
Most of your life, people have used loud noises and chatter to drown out your intuition.
You’ve never learned that your values rule your life.
Spend some time getting a better understanding of your gut feeling, your intuition.
How do you listen to it? How does it speak to you?
Also, discover what your values are.
What are your life priorities? What matters to you? How do you find meaning?
Spend the rest of your days both aligning with your intuition and making decisions according to your values.
7. You don’t have to wait to be happy.
You don’t have to achieve x, y, z to be happy.
You don’t have to hit a certain career point or find that special someone to be happy.
Often, we wait our entire lives to be happy. Why not be happy today?
I’ve concluded that happy is as happy does.
You don’t have to wait some day for happiness. Start figuring out what makes you happy today and do that. To be happy, you don’t have to move, marry, get a raise, succeed in your business or get that degree.
Look for the simple pleasures in life that trigger happiness in you; a walk, a pet, a phone call, a visit with a friend, a date, a movie, giving back, cooking your favorite dish, picking up a new hobby.
Do whatever lights your soul on a daily basis.
Schedule it to get daily shots of happiness.
For more personal growth lessons and insights, check out my books at the Amazon store here.
by Vishnu | Aug 22, 2015 | adversity, Optimism, Perspective
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Why me?”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
You’re a good person. You did all the right things. You played by the rules.
You are kind, generous, spiritual, giving and helpful. You have always tried to do the right thing. You’re one of the good guys.
So why is love playing such a cruel game with you?
Why does your life feel like complete chaos, as though it’s in shambles?
As you’re going through the pain of a divorce, the sorrow of heartbreak and the grief of a family torn apart, you’re likely asking yourself what went wrong. “Why is this happening to me?”
I certainly asked these questions as I went through my own separation and, ultimately, my divorce.
As you might imagine, I asked myself a lot of questions. Not only “Why is this happening to me?” but “Why is God punishing me?”
I was going through so much turmoil and heartache, I wondered if there was even a God. And if there was a God, was he listening to me? (Those questions, by the way, led me to write a book, titled, appropriately, Is God Listening. You can pick it up here.)
But today, I want to explore the question, “Why is this happening to me?”
If you’re going through heartbreak, divorce or separation, or if you find yourself in a court battle for your children, you’re likely asking this question.
If tears pain you, sleepless nights make you groggy and heartbreak makes you numb, consider the following thoughts as you ask yourself, “Why is this happening to me?”
1) Some questions have no answers.
Asking why something is happening to you is similar to asking why you were born in a certain country or to certain parents, or why someone got a certain disease or sickness.
Folklore, mythology, astrology and our parents want to find an answer, but not everything has an answer.
There may not be an answer, and even if there is one, it may not help you deal with the pain.
Resign yourself to the fact that there may not be an answer to this question and that this is okay.
Confront what life deals you. You don’t have control or the ability to influence what shows up in your life.
2) Choose a more empowering answer.
Let’s say that you still insist on getting an answer to this question.
You have many options in terms of how you can address it.
You can pick disempowering answers like we do in India – It’s your fate. It’s your karma. It’s your “time.” It’s your astrology. It’s your bad acts from a past life.
You can imagine that it’s because you did someone wrong or hurt someone in the past.
Or you can choose more helpful and empowering answers.
This is happening to you as a means of fostering spiritual growth.
Your breakup is happening so that you can set your ideal life into place.
Your divorce is happening to clear up the rubble in your life and to bring you to your soulmate.
You must get through this rough patch to achieve clarity, growth, insight, self-awareness and future happiness.
You are learning to embrace change and working on the art of surrender.
These life happenings are occurring to help you become the best version of yourself.
3) Which of your expectations are not being met?
Another activity is to question which of your life expectations are not being met because of your breakup.
You imagined your life a certain way and had certain expectations and outcomes that you, your family, your community and your culture shaped.
Everyone expected that you would do things a certain way and live a certain way.
Now that things are falling apart, life no longer seems in your control.
What is it you imagined for your life? What did you expect to have?
How is this current situation disappointing your expectations and desires?
Hopefully, you’ll come to see that it’s not the current situation itself that’s a problem in your life – it’s your unmet desires and expectations.
Not getting what you want – or, possibly, resisting the current situation – is the cause of your current pain.
4) How is this circumstance serving your highest purpose?
Instead of asking why this is happening to you, ask how this experience will transform your life and lead you to your highest purpose.
If you were put on earth for some reason, and I believe you were, how will this experience help you realize your highest potential?
I truly believe that heartbreak, divorce and struggles are setups for breakthroughs that help us find our purpose.
Your job now is not so much to survive the breakup, but to come through it as a new person and to discover what it is you’re here for.
5) How do you get through the intensity of your experience and the ups and downs of daily living?
Now is not the time to ask, “Why me?”
It’s time to figure out how to get through this roller coaster of a situation you’re in.
To come up with a strategy, an action plan and day-to-day activities that help you get out of bed and get through the day.
Time to separate your stuff, find a place to live and have some stability in your life.
Now is the time for legal paperwork and signing on the dotted line.
Time for self-care, healing and recovery.
6) Who do I need in my life for support and guidance during this time?
You don’t have your ex in your life, so you might feel like you have no one.
That sure was the way I felt when I was going through my divorce – like I didn’t want to share the weight of my problems with the people who loved me.
In my case, the people who loved me were not always very constructive in their help, so there’s that. They were trying to sabotage the divorce and were insisting on us staying together. While their intentions may have been good, the effect was harmful.
So, naturally, I kept away from them.
But there were others who would have easily supported and helped me during this time. I should have relied on them more.
I did have a counselor who offered help.
God certainly helped, and my faith became much stronger during this time.
As much as we like to think we’re action heroes, we’re not. We’ve been able to keep it together most of our lives, but during these difficult days, we need help, support, love and encouragement.
Reach out to the people in your life who can help you, support you and be there for you.
7) What choices are in my power? What control do I have in my life?
You might not be able to change the circumstances or anything that stems from those circumstances.
What is in your power is the way you react to what’s going on around you.
You can’t do anything about the fact that your husband left you for someone else. You can, however, get your house in order, work on your legal affairs and start transitioning to a life on your own. You can move toward a place where you’re emotionally and financially stable so that you can meet new people.
You know that famous Viktor Frankl quote? “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
This applies to your life now.
You have the tools, skills, abilities and life experience to handle the circumstances in front of you.
You might feel crushed and unmotivated by the gravity of the situation, but your resilient spirit will help you find a way out. You can put together a plan, take affirmative steps toward healing and get through this crisis!
You can’t get out of the place you’re currently in, but ask yourself: what can you do today that will help you improve the situation?
8) Who do I need to shine the light for? How is this situation preparing to be of service?
I want you to think about this as the storms rage in your life.
You’re going to come out of this experience and you’re going to come out of it stronger than you were when you went in.
Every lesson you’re learning, every battle you’re facing and every struggle you’re overcoming will serve a purpose.
Your life, your lessons and your resilience will be the guideposts and lights for someone else.
Keep this in the back of your mind.
You are currently a student of struggle, but one day you will be a teacher.
Your story might become a book, a blog, a movie, a play.
Your story might affect someone who hears it and becomes inspired.
Your story can be a reminder to your kids, who will recall what you went through and use the situation to keep them going when their own lives get difficult.
You never know who is going to experience inspiration, hope or empowerment because of the fact that you simply lived your life and survived your current situation.
During your darkest hour, you can continue grappling with that question – “Why is this happening to me?” – or you can ask yourself more empowering questions.
Think about who can support you, how you can survive and what you can do every day to get through your current circumstances.
At the same time, consider how this situation is serving your highest purpose and who you’ll be able to help by making it through.
Imagine, if you can, that this gargantuan life shake-up isn’t here to bring you down and ruin you, but to serve you and lift you higher.
Once you get through the storms, clear skies and sunshine await.
If you would like to learn more about the book I wrote, Is God Listening, click here.
*Photo credit Splitshire
by Vishnu | Aug 26, 2014 | Authenticity, Change, Inspiration, Optimism, Perspective
I don't do songs. Or Karaoke.
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” Maya Angelou
I wanted to have a baby.
I don’t mean me personally, but you get it – to father a child (Modern medicine hasn’t quite allowed men to carry another human yet!!).
At one time in my life, not too long ago, the desire to have a baby was a life priority for me. And not having a child was a serious loss in my life. I can’t tell you why I wanted one or if I was ready to have been a father, but it seemed like the right thing to do.
After not having a child in my life, I was fraught with disappointment and sadness.
My marriage ended. There was no baby in sight. This image of a laughing child in my dreams became blurrier and more distant than ever.
I could have been devastated by a dream lost but I have chosen to follow a different path.
Believing that everything happens for a reason, I let go of my attachment to this unborn child.
I let go of my desire to have a child.
I let go of my timeline to have a child.
And most importantly, I let go of my desire to know if a child was in my future or not (the demands, expectations and urge to know and make plans).
Over the last couple of years, I’ve gone through this arduous personal development journey, many parts of which I write about, realizing that I may not have been the ideal father in the first place, or much less a prepared one or even a competent one.
If I wasn’t emotionally healthy myself, nor had the patience or ability to care for a baby, was I really ready to be a parent?
A baby then would have been ill-served having me as their father.
Since the time that the possibility of a baby abruptly disappeared from my life, I chose to forge ahead without knowing what the future holds.
Instead of being stuck to a specific timeline over something I have no control over, I spent a lot of time with my adorable baby nephews and try to visit them at every chance I get.
My nephew and I.
Not knowing my future brought me to where I am today.
I’ve had similar experiences with my career path.
I had NO IDEA what I wanted to do with my life in college. Like many students, I didn’t have the answers to what my future held or what I should be doing with my life.
I never received any clear calls from the Gods as to my life vocation. (But my Indian parents did call me a lot to let me know about the benefits of becoming a doctor – service to humanity and beach-front property!)
What do you do when you don’t know what the future holds?
Well, I did something that I was weak at and wanted to improve on. Public speaking. Although I enjoyed writing speeches and speaking in public, it wasn’t my strongest point. I spoke too fast, sometimes too slow and I never understood the mechanics of effective public speaking.
Near campus, I joined a Toastmasters group which was dedicated to helping people improve their public speaking skills. I participated in this professional group for 3 years, being the only student in the group.
I never knew exactly where public speaking would take me the entire time I was in Toastmasters.
It was only when I was nearing graduation, when having the public speaking skills and confidence inspired me to consider going into law (That and my parents who had sadly come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be a doctor).
Ultimately, law was not a career I stuck with. On the plus side though, my legal background has brought me to a place where I am able to speak in front of large groups of people. Whether it’s at a community meeting, workshop or even a family get-together, I have no hesitation when standing up to speak.
My point is that I had no idea what I wanted to do but I forged ahead anyway, without knowing the answers.
Doing something that interested me and helped me improve, like public speaking, is now an integral part of my destiny.
How do you move forward when you don’t know how or when you’ll get there?
How do you create the life that you’ve been envisioning and the life your heart seems to be longing for?
When you feel like your whole life has turned upside down and you’re a long way from living the dreams you created in your mind years ago, it’s easy to feel paralyzed.
When you feel frustrated by your life’s current circumstances or just plain stuck, you might feel like throwing your hands up in the air and saying, “I give up”.
Your career isn’t moving along. You have no idea where your business is going. Your partner isn’t showing up. The baby you’ve bought baby clothes for isn’t quite here yet.
I notice that many of us tend to clutch to our end goals. When we cling on to the desired outcome, we are left with the feeling of not having achieved it. We feel a lacking in our lives.
But fortunately, you don’t have to be paralyzed by the thoughts of not achieving your dreams. Nor do you have to feel frustrated by the lack of movement in your life.
Instead of being stuck on the fact that you don’t have what you want, try this.
1. Be OK with not knowing.
Be perfectly comfortable in not knowing the answers or having clarity in your life.
Let waves of uncertainty and confusion wash over you without attaching yourself to the frustration of not knowing.
Practice sitting with uncertainty. Learn to be comfortable not knowing the answers of where your journey is going to take you.
2. Do something. Anything at all.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” declared Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu.
Whatever your dream or desire is, take some small steps daily towards that goal without being paralyzed by or fixated on the end result.
Meet people if you want to be in a relationship. You don’t need to meet “the one” today.
Look for a compatible partner who also wants children if you’re firmly set on having kids.
Start learning new skills, attending more training, do some volunteer work or freelancing if you are keen on transitioning into a completely different industry.
Take small concrete steps towards your goal.
Bombay wasn’t built in a day. It was built one brick at a time, over centuries.
3. Listen intently.
As you’re taking small steps and moving forward, listen to your soul’s messages. Your feelings and your inner voice will be conveying messages to you.
You’ll hear these messages through your mind’s subtle messages, repeated internal thoughts or feelings that will guide you in a certain direction.
The inner voice, or intuition, will sometimes tell you to continue. Or it may tell you to stop. Alternatively, it may advise you to change your game plan. Or to perhaps even to abandon your dream.
It might convince you that something that you’re chasing isn’t right for you and you’ll be better off with something else.
Whatever it is, be mindful of your inner voice and be willing to listen to it.
4. Be open to life’s gifts and timelines.
No, you may not get exactly what you want and at the time you want it.
Instead of demanding a certain result at a certain time, be open to whatever it is that unfolds before you.
If Prince Harry doesn’t knock, but a short banker with a stable job and a loyal spirit does, open the door!
If your dream job working for Facebook doesn’t materialize, consider the job at the small start-up as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Be open, be patient, and be confident knowing what is meant for you will come to you in due course.
5. Every circumstance is a lesson in disguise.
Although you’re not getting what you want right now, know that every situation has a message for us.
Every life circumstance can become our teacher.
If you start viewing every twist, turn and hiccup as an opportunity and lesson, instead of an unfulfilled dream, you’ll have a much healthier and happier journey forward.
Ask yourself what a delay means?
Or what can it teach you?
Where is the blessing in this circumstance?
What can you be grateful for right now?
There is a soulful tranquility about not knowing what the future holds and simply being OK with it.
Embrace uncertainty and welcome the magic of possibilities unfolding in your life.
Your ability to manage the unknown can be the ultimate source of your strength and wisdom in life.
If you enjoyed this post, please share on Facebook, Twitter or Google +. Thank you!
Photo credit roberthuffstutter and Splitshire
by Vishnu | Aug 18, 2014 | Inspiration, Motivation, Optimism, Overcoming Challenges, Personal Development
We all go through dark and scary times in our lives. Here are some of the most uplifting quotes to give you strength and inspiration during the dark and difficult times.
Please find 21 quotes that will inspire you to keep hope alive and your spirits high.
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“Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” Jack London
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“I’m not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott
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“Colors come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunlit sky.” Rabindranath Tagore
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“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Nelson Mandela
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“Getting knocked down in life is a given, getting up and moving forward is a choice.” Zig Ziglar
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“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” Winston Churchill
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“It is often hard to distinguish the hard knocks in life and those of opportunity.” Frederick Phillips
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“The beautiful thing about setbacks is they introduce us to our strengths.” Robin Sharma
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“Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.” Unknown
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“Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” Susan Taylor
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“I am not what has happened to me, I am what I chose to become.” Carl Jung
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“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” Douglas Adams
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“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” Author Unknown
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“Sometimes the wrong train can take us to the right place.” Paulo Coelho
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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” Christine Mason Miller
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“Sometimes we fall down because there’s something down we’re supposed to find.” Unknown
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“Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow”. Alice Mackenzie Swaim
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“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” Zig Ziglar
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“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” Desmond Tutu
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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” Unknown
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“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you enjoyed these quotes, please share on Facebook, Twitter, Google + or your favorite social media sites. Thank you!
by Vishnu | Jun 8, 2014 | Change, Culture, Goals, Inspiration, Optimism, Personal Development, Traditions
Time to stop dreaming and start living?
I never thought I’d hear those words coming out of anyone’s mouth. Let alone hers.
“I wish I’d killed you when you were born.”
Her disdain echoed in my head. It was like we’d moved from the living room of my mother’s house to a valley deep in New Zealand, and she’d just screamed the words out loud. Her voice bounced off every surrounding surface. Startled birds screeched and flew away in the distance.
Anyone who’s ever watched a Bollywood movie knows exactly what I mean. (Walking along the street one minute, dancing in a field in Sweden the next, right?).
What are you thinking after reading what she said to me?
That those words from my mother were unacceptable?
That a parent should never say anything like that to their child? That I should have walked out and never spoken to her again?
Or are you thinking – your mother has her own story, Raz. Her own struggles. And those words? Are a result of both of those things.
They’re less about you, and more about her.
If you’re thinking the latter, you’re practicing forgiveness. Just as I’ve learned. From Vishnu himself, no less.
But this post isn’t about forgiveness.
It’s about pushing boundaries.
Because pushing boundaries not only makes you grow, it changes the entire social environment for the next generation.
When people witness you taking steps to move your life away from the norm, they’re encouraged to do the same themselves. It’s how new communities are built.
And that’s a movement that’s starting. Today.
My generation of women – born in the West, to families who migrated from the East -, are experiencing an awakening. It’s happening one woman at a time. With small actions, and major show stopping ones.
They’re looking back at their childhood, when they were told that they weren’t good enough to compete with the boys, and realising that they are. Only it isn’t a competition. It’s expansion through unity.
They’re replaying those messages that conditioned them to believe that they were only bound for a life of marriage and children, and they’re redefining it in their psyche.
They’ve learned that they’re bound for whatever they choose to be. Not what their social circle expects of them.
They’re witness to the limitations of their communities, finding ways of challenging the standard, and making tiny changes. It’s creating its own butterfly effect.
And the same is happening within me.
Because when I heard those words from my mother, I decided to uproot my entire life. And I started something new.
I stopped thinking what if I:
Moved out of my home town
Moved into the capital city
Made new friends and turned my hand to a new life
And the thing I started? Is thinking why not?
Why not:
See the stagnation in my current life and build something new?
Live in the city I’d admired from afar for so long?
Get out of my comfort zone and into new circles?
And so it began. An adventure. An EatPrayLovin’ exploration. And my very own awakening.
Because when you stop dreaming of what if…, and start living why not? Your entire life begins to slowly shift. And it moves you to the direction that was previously possible in your mind alone.
And the most beautiful thing? Is that it can begin with very small movements.
My small movements took me all the way from the North of England to luscious Paris.
Where are yours going to take you?
Changing your thought patterns like this can raise a preposterous amount of resistance (I’m English. Using words like ‘preposterous’ is mandatory). And there’s a hellova lot that you can do about it:
Know that it’s temporary because it’s in your control. Resistance is a result of fear. And fear in your mind can be changed. Read this gem and learn the best way to do it.
And what’s more? It’s a chemical reaction in your body. Did you know that when positive change happens, your body starts to receive Seratonin, the feel-good chemical? But because your body was previously content with receiving Cortisol, the stress hormone, it starts to resist it.
Wanting more of what it’s accustomed to (Cortisol), your body decides to tell you to give up, only start and not finish, or tell you that you’re failing. All this leads you to abandon the change, and give up.
DON’T LISTEN TO IT.
Carry on down the path you started. Feed your body with feel-good Seratonin. Because that’s what it’ll eventually start being accustomed to. Y’see folks? Science.
Resolve to see your bigger picture. What experiences do you want in your life, and how do you want to feel? Take time to flesh this out and write it down. This itself will drip-feed the drive you need to start with limited hesitation.
Once it’s written, read it whenever you feel resistance. It’ll be your personal cheerleader. And who doesn’t need one of those?
And the final thing to do is to simply start small. Baby up those steps. Because Practice makes persistence. And persistence makes you unstoppable.
Today may not be the day you quit your job to do nothing but retire to the Himalayas and monk-out ‘til eternity. The job you have took investment. So perhaps today you simply book yourself onto a meditation retreat, and build from there.
And so it starts. The movement that takes your what if.. and makes it an unstoppable why not?
And today? Is your opportunity to share your story with our community here. What times in your life did you decide to challenge yourself and do something different? What change did you create, big or small? When did you turn your what if… into a why not?
And if you’re feeling like sharing some more, join the campaign. We want you on our team. It would be an honour to have you.
Razwana Wahid is the founder of Your Work is Your Life. A copywriting and online business strategy service dedicated to coaches, consultants, healers and service providers. The ‘what if …. why not?’ movement has started. Are you in? Join us. Right here.
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