As my life swirled out of control upon the end of my marriage, house and career, I fell into a state of hopelessness and despair. “What is the point of it all?” I asked myself. “What even matters?” I wondered. “Is there life after heartbreak and loss?” I pondered.
Getting out of bed was difficult. I found myself in tears more than I had at any point in my life. The tsunami of personal, emotional and financial failure was overwhelming! It was also my life’s greatest wake-up call.
Since that time 7 years ago, I’ve done everything I can to regain a grip on my life. After reading hundreds of books; reflecting for hundreds of hours with therapists, coaches and healers; writing thousands of words and implementing dozens of life hacks, here’s what I’ve discovered.
Although it came with much pain, suffering and tears, I’ve distilled my life’s biggest learnings into these 7 lessons.
These are 7 simple personal growth lessons I’ve learned in the past 7 years.
1. The insides matter more than the outsides.
We spend almost all our younger lives focused on building our careers and providing for ourselves as adults. We are busy either making money or learning a trade to make us money. There’s nothing wrong with being able to support ourselves but this focus does ignore everything else that matters. Professional and financial success matter but how about emotional resiliency, interpersonal relationships and self-worth? The latter matter much more but we don’t spend any time developing these qualities.
I’ve learned that the insides matter more; this is your operating system that determines the quality of your life.
Learning to be in touch with your emotions, to pick yourself up after falling and to develop healthy relationships with people is what matters for long-term happiness and success.
2. Habits trump dreams.
People tell you to have dreams and follow them. You revisit your dreams during the new year and maybe a couple other times in January. You set some goals and intention for the year but all of this quickly falls away. People tell you to visualize your dreams and write them down.
None of this is effective.
If you truly want to achieve your dreams, you must focus on daily habits. Daily habits are vehicles that will move you closer to your dreams. A simple check-off of daily tasks you accomplish over a long period of time will get you much closer to your dreams than will audacious dreams.
Small, doable habits you accomplish every day beat tricky and complicated habits you have no motivation for.
3. Less is more.
We fill our lives with so much crap. We look for better housing, better jobs, better relationships, better vacations, better cars, better friends, better partners, better things.
We spend all our time bringing more into our lives.
However, I’ve found that the opposite is true for personal growth.
You must get rid of the stuff in your life. You must lower the number of people filling your life. You must let go of the career or job that is overwhelming you.
Create space to breathe.
Fill your life with what truly matters to you.
4. Busyness is over-rated.
Along the same lines, people in the West are addicted to staying busy.
You’re too busy to take care of yourself, too busy for your health, too busy for your sanity.
People take pride in filling their schedules and lives to the brim. Busyness isn’t cool.
Busyness is for people running on the treadmill of social pressures and pursuing external achievements.
Create more time for yourself so you can do what you really want to do. Don’t be a slave to time.
5. Today matters more than yesterday.
After failure and loss, we want to stay in the past.
You know why?
Because that’s where we are most comfortable.
It’s like knowing the end of a movie. You would rather watch or be in a movie whose ending you know rather than be in a movie you have no clue about.
We would rather be comfortable in the certainty of our past than venture out into an unknown future.
However, this comes at the expense of our lives today.
If you live looking backwards, you’re robbing yourself of what today holds. Live for today; appreciate what’s in front of you. Be mindful of what you’re experiencing and imagine today is the only day you have left.
Live more, reminisce less.
6. Intuition and values are your GPS.
We spend much of our lives focusing on what other people think of us.
I did this for the longest time … until my life fell apart.
When I had nothing else to lose and everyone thought I was heading down the wrong path, I gave up on what everyone thought.
As the black sheep of any community or culture, you have tools to guide you – tools that you never rely on.
Most of your life, people have used loud noises and chatter to drown out your intuition.
You’ve never learned that your values rule your life.
Spend some time getting a better understanding of your gut feeling, your intuition.
How do you listen to it? How does it speak to you?
Also, discover what your values are.
What are your life priorities? What matters to you? How do you find meaning?
Spend the rest of your days both aligning with your intuition and making decisions according to your values.
7. You don’t have to wait to be happy.
You don’t have to achieve x, y, z to be happy.
You don’t have to hit a certain career point or find that special someone to be happy.
Often, we wait our entire lives to be happy. Why not be happy today?
I’ve concluded that happy is as happy does.
You don’t have to wait some day for happiness. Start figuring out what makes you happy today and do that. To be happy, you don’t have to move, marry, get a raise, succeed in your business or get that degree.
Look for the simple pleasures in life that trigger happiness in you; a walk, a pet, a phone call, a visit with a friend, a date, a movie, giving back, cooking your favorite dish, picking up a new hobby.
Do whatever lights your soul on a daily basis.
Schedule it to get daily shots of happiness.
For more personal growth lessons and insights, check out my books at the Amazon store here.
“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” Mahatma Gandhi
For most of my life, I valued and lived by the rule that the busier I am, the better.
And the more speed and momentum I had, the more I felt I was ‘progressing’ in life.
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking lots of action and seizing the day, when we find ourselves in a perpetual rat race, struggle to keep up and begin to put ourselves and our health last, problems arise.
Last year at one stage, I found myself working 3 jobs, plus studying part time.
Did I feel like an “I-can-do-anything” Superwoman at the time? Absolutely! But did I also sacrifice my sleep, my family time, my social life, my eating habits, my exercise, my alone time and my hobbies? Absolutely!
It was only when I began to feel disconnected from my true self, anxious, always on the run, grumpy and irritable around my loved ones, and burnt out and exhausted to the point where I literally could not wake up at all one whole weekend (yes, I actually lost count of how many hours I slept!) that I realised that something had to change.
I began by slowing down, taking stock of my life and asking myself the question we all dread to ask ourselves: “where am I going?”. It’s amazing how the veil of ‘being busy’ gave me no time to think about just ‘where’ being perpetually busy was taking me – and even more importantly, WHO being perpetually busy was turning me into.
Then I spent the next 6 months actively reconnecting with myself and restoring more balance in my life.
With divine help, I made some much-needed positive changes in life including developing a closer spiritual connection with God and cultivating more faith…
developing a beautiful romantic relationship;
resigning from a job that was not serving me;
relaxing my mind and healing myself through Reiki;
launching my own small Reiki business…
detoxing my life more of negative energies;
sleeping more;
consciously beginning to acknowledge and let go of ‘ego’ habits such as pride;
spending more time with my family;
engaging in my hobbies such as writing and creativity more;
and developing healthier eating habits.
Here are 8 strategies I’ve learnt – and am still learning – on the road to creating a more balanced and authentic life.
1) Begin to see yourself as a HOLISTIC BEING (mind, body, heart and soul)
“Each of us is a house with four rooms – a Physical, a Mental, an Emotional and a Spiritual Room. We tend to live in one room most of the time. But unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.” – Rumer Godden
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt through life, through practising Reiki and through my Holistic Counselling studies is that we are a multi-faceted, rather than one dimensional, being. And that balance comes when we begin to take care of these 4 aspects of ourselves, rather than just one or two.
It may sound complex to juggle 4 aspects of yourself, plus other aspects of life, but it is more straightforward than we think because our external world is a reflection of our internal world, and therefore positive internal shifts lead to positive external shifts, thus slowly creating a more harmonious existence.
And let me tell you from personal experience that even one small consistent change (such as the ones below) can lead to huge internal shifts and many other unexpected and positive results because our minds, bodies, hearts and souls are so intricately connected to each other.
♦ Some ways to nourish your Body: sleep more, exercise more, dance more, eat more natural and unprocessed food.
♦ Some ways to nourish your Mind: read more, do more creative writing, journal your feelings and thoughts more.
♦ Some ways to nourish your Heart: do more random acts of kindness, volunteer or give to charity, do more nice things for your family, friends or partner, do things you love doing more.
♦ Some ways to nourish your Soul: pray more, meditate more, write down your inner most dreams more.
Do more things that nourish ALL aspects of your holistic self such as Reiki, Yoga and Meditation.
2) Slow down and once in a while and ask yourself and God: “What can I change to make my life better and more authentic?”
Asking myself this question helped me reconnect with the person I was underneath my tiredness and grumpiness: the person who was desperate for peace and balance.
Asking yourself reflective questions like this may feel raw at first, but can lead to many positive results after. After all, we can only positively change the things that we first acknowledge as needing to be changed.
3) Create a personal Vision Board
Once we have acknowledged some things in our lives that can be positively changed or refined, we can choose to set some goals, dreams and visions and then create a Vision Board.
This board can be made simply by pinning to a pinboard the images, words, inspirational quotes and feelings we wish to cultivate more of in your life.
This is especially beneficial if you’re a visual learner and has worked really well for me personally.
As well as setting goals, allow room on your board for fate and the unexpected. The beauty of a Vision Board is that it can change over time as our lives and our dreams change.
Remember that setting up a board is not about being rigid or having a narrow vision, but about positive and flexible goal setting.
4) Switch off the TV, computer, phone and music from time to time.
Being accessible and ‘on call’ 24/7 means that we often don’t have time to breathe, let alone be alone with our true thoughts and feelings.
It’s okay to switch technology off from time to time.
Give yourself permission to do it, and you will find you have so much more free time than you realised.
5) Go out in nature more
We may often suppress, rather than fully express, our true selves in our daily lives. But in nature and environments where we are free from external glares, judgement, and expectations, we can be the person we are in our heart: fully ourselves.
To reconnect with your true nature more, spend more time in nature more.
It’s as simple as that.
6) Live more simply and from the heart.
The more I live, the more I am convinced that life is inherently simple.
And that being as straightforward and in tune with your intuition as possible is the best policy.
Listening to your inner signals and your intuition (heart), rather than overthinking everything (mind) may take longer to learn and implement (I’m still learning too) but it will be worth the effort.
By clearing and relaxing our minds, we become more in tune with our intuition and our lives begin to seem much more simple.
And we literally breathe easier.
7) Focus inward rather than outward.
Let’s remember that our only competition in life is the person we were yesterday, so never compare your life with others.
To others, it may not seem like my life has changed or that I have changed over the past 6 months. But I know it has, and that I have, and that is enough for me.
It may not seem like I am ‘progressing’ on the outside, but I know better and that is enough for me (and I have a different perception of ‘progress’ now too).
Remind yourself of 3 things:
Life is not a race – with ourselves or with others.
Dreams don’t have an expiration date.
Direction is as important as speed. Don’t just rush into things. Take it slow and choose your direction wisely and consciously.
8) Cultivate more patience…in relation to yourself and life.
Don’t rush any changes you make, force any new habits, or expect results overnight.
Instead, let’s honour the time it takes to do something, to develop a new habit or routine, and to see positive changes occur.
Just like seeds don’t grow into flowers overnight, new habits need time to grow and flourish.
They say it takes 30 days to form a new habit, so be patient with yourself and kind to yourself, especially in the beginning.
Because we are all a work in progress and constantly learning and evolving.
That is the beauty of life.
And finally…
remember to give yourself lots of support and credit, because working on our internal world is always more challenging than working on our external world.
You are amazing already for the efforts you have made and are continuing to make!
Tatiana Stoianovski is a Reiki Healer and Founder of Inspired Self. For daily inspiration and wisdom for the Mind, Body, Heart and Soul, please visit her Inspired Self Facebook page and follow her on Instagram. She looks forward to connecting! *Photo credit
Can you start your day without a cup of Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino or Malaysian Boh tea?
Or make your vacation plans without talking to your personal psychic?
Exactly. Me neither.
If you can’t drink your favorite morning beverage or know what your astrological outlook is, how can you live your life?
Similarly, if you’re a blogger, how can you go it alone?
You can’t.
Fifty percent of blogging involves creating content that helps people. The other 50 percent involves relationships.
So who do I turn to when I need a morale boost, a dash of motivation, or a burst of creativity? Whose blogs helped me turn things around, rebuild my life, and become a better version of myself? Whose blogs do I read for career, coaching and living advice?
These 30 women.
Let me introduce you to 30 powerful voices online that are lanterns of hope, strength, and resilience. I am grateful to every one of them.
Inspirational Bloggers and Coaches
1. Amita Patel—If you’re ready to change your life from the inside out, you should check out Amita’s blog. There’s no better person from whom to learn about changing your life than someone who has done so herself. Do you have a high-pressure family? Check. Have you sought external sources of happiness? Check. Diagnosis? Check. Medication? Check. If you’re curious about how Amita went from being a victim to the hero of her own life, read her blog! Her straightforward, no-nonsense approach will help you change your life.
2. Angel Chernoff—Angel is one half of the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog, which provides practical advice to help others live up to their potential. Her blog is bursting with energy, inspiration, and useful tips on an almost daily basis. When not churning out blog posts that can literally change your life, Angel tweets, shares Facebook posts, and offers Instagram updates that boost the spirit. Her (and husband Mark’s) greatest inspiration and newest addition, baby Mac, makes their updates even more adorable. How long before “Marc and Angel and Mac dot com” comes into existence?
3. Balroop Singh writes the blog Emotional Shadows, and has a very unique voice on the blogosphere. She writes about emotional resilience, happiness, contentment, and more. Her blog is an instant pick-me-up and will always leave you feeling inspired. She offers not only inspiration, but also thought-provoking life questions that make one think. Are contentment and happiness the same thing? What shapes our personalities? What are the meanings behind words like “spirituality” and “happiness”?
4. Bhavana Nissima writes the socially conscious blog Earthwoman. An Indian blogger and writer, Bhavana offers wisdom and advocacy that shines through even her short tweets and Facebook posts. She regularly blogs about women’s empowerment, religion, sexual identity and freedom, relationships, the caste system, and more. Bhavana uses the written word to be a champion not only for women in India, but for women everywhere. Her writings will be discovered around the world before long, and her voice will become a roaring call for women’s equality in India.
5. Caroline Leon transformed her life. Now she chronicles her journey and provides information about how you, as well, can live a limitless life. Via her blog, she writes and coaches about such issues as overcoming fear, loving oneself more, and going after one’s dreams. Caroline’s blog is raw, honest, and vulnerable. Reading her blog will encourage you to go within, to become more aware of the life that you’re living, and to start making improvements.
6. Celestine Chua—I met Celes recently in Singapore and found her to be as inspiring in person as she is online. She’s the founder of the Personal Excellence Blog, and is also a coach, speaker, and media personality. The advice on her blog about relationships, productivity, and purpose is both practical and helpful. Celes openly shares her life experiences and struggles; in so doing, she inspires a global audience to pursue personal excellence. Whenever I read her blog, I feel motivated to do more and to achieve my dreams.
7. Corrine Rodriguez is a Mumbai-based blogger, writer, and motivator who helms the Everyday Gyaan blog. She regularly takes her readers through journeys of gratitude, happiness, and creativity. Corinne uses her life as an example of how to live, how to improve, and how to become a better person. One of her blog’s highlights is the fact that it’s socially conscious and regularly takes on difficult subjects so that they’re brought to light.
8. Debbie Hampton is a survivor of life. Despite decades of depression, a suicide attempt, and an ensuing brain injury, Debbie kept going and stayed strong. At her absolute lowest point in life, after losing her brother and facing the end of her marriage, Debbie found herself in a coma after swallowing 90 pills. From this low point, Debbie decided that she would no longer live in such a manner. Slowly, she recovered and started making radical changes. With the help of various therapies, yoga, meditation, and a keen desire to understand the brain, Debbie made a remarkable comeback. She now dedicates her writing and her blog, The Best Brain Possible, to helping others understand and improve their own brains, focusing on behaviors, emotions, and thoughts.
9. Elle Sommers writes a blog called Reflecting a Life, where she dishes out actionable tips for abundant living. Whatever your dream is, and even if you don’t have one yet, Elle’s blog will help you discover and pursue it, enhancing your life in the process. Whether you are dealing with change, need some encouragement, or are trying to get motivated, you’ll enjoy reading Elle’s blog. It radiates with love, positivity, and abundance.
10. Lilou Mace—Lilou inspired me to quit my job, co-create, start my blog, and live a more conscious life. I’m so grateful for her web-interview series, through which she’s introduced me to leading spiritual thinkers and modern-day philosophers. This series, seen by millions of people, not only motivates viewers, but also teaches them to be better people. Lilou is a reminder that you can do anything you want and that you should go after your dreams. We are watching her online now, but she’ll be hosting the Lilou Mace Television Show before we know it.
11. Lori Gosselin is the blogger behind Life, for Instance. Think of her blog as a porch where you gather to discuss life. How do we deal with failure, overwhelm, despair, and fear? How do we laugh, stay inspired and hopeful, and find happiness in our lives? Lori shows up for coffee in the morning and is usually available throughout the day to check in with her regular customers. A couple years back, Lori lost her 23-year-old son in an accident. Despite this unimaginable life event, Lori got back to writing and blogging. She openly speaks about the loss of her son. Behind every word she writes, I see the soul of one of the most resilient people I know.
12. Luminita Saviuc is the creator of the lighthouse of the Internet, Purpose Fairy. A survivor of life and of a turbulent childhood, Luminita has taken all of her struggles and turned them into one of the Internet’s most illuminating places. If you’re dealing with trauma, pain, heartbreak, or life-crippling circumstances, find your way home by reading Luminita’s writings. Her personal examples and words of wisdom can be both healing and transformational. Her talk at the Mindvalley Awesomenessfest offered one of the most courageous personal stories I’ve ever heard. Look for Luminita on her blog, but also look for her sitting next to Oprah before too long.
13. Swapna Raghu Sanand writes and blogs via Petals from the Heart, where she is extremely honest and open about her personal struggles and challenges. She blogs about how to be a better person, as well as a more resilient and spiritual one. A talented wordsmith, she uses a toolbox of words to tell stories, make us think, make us cry and inspire us. Swapna mixes up her inspirational posts with posts containing book reviews, movie reviews, and tales of motherhood. While she writes book reviews for a global audience, I can’t wait for the day when she shares with us excerpts from the book that she’s going to write herself.
14. Varonica Frye teaches people to hug their fears and go after their dreams. Instead of trying to become fearless, Varonica shows you, through her appropriately titled blog, Hug Your Fear, to live with fear, work through fear, and take action despite your fear. Her courageous blog offers personal examples: how she quit her job, reconnected with her father, reached out to people around the world, and more. I enjoy reading her blog because she regularly introduces us to folks around the world who are facing their fears and taking big actions in pursuit of their dreams. After reading Varonica, you’ll start feeling braver and, eventually, unstoppable.
15. Vidya Sury is a freelance writer, blogger, and author. She shares how-to advice, health tips, inspiring daily reflections about her family, and photos from around Bangalore, where she lives. Vidya is the epitome of inspiration. Each of her posts will bring a smile to your face. If you’re going to a coffee shop, there is no better companion to pull up on your iPad than Vidya. No matter what’s going on in her life, Vidya shows us how she gets through it. In the process, she helps us face our own struggles and life challenges.
16. Zeenat Merchant Syal is a psychological counselor, holistic healer, and writer at Positive Provocations. She’s a spiritual soul who fosters kindness, compassion, and love with every utterance on her blog. If you’re healing from past hurts and pain, and feeling hopeless, visit this online oasis of positivity. When you read Zeenat or follow her on social media, you’ll feel the love! If you’re feeling stuck in life and need a transformation, this is the blog for you.
Career
17. Barrie Davenport—Barrie is a certified life passion coach who helps people find their passions so that they can live their best lives. If you don’t believe you have a life passion, or you’re not sure what yours is, check out Barrie’s blog. In addition to helping people find their way in life, Barrie teaches them to build up their confidence and create good habits that stick.
18. Farnoosh Brock—Since I’m writing only briefly about each woman here, I’ll have to try to limit all the good things that I can say about Farnoosh Brock of Prolific Living. I had the pleasure of meeting Farnoosh in Southern California at (where else?) a green juice café. 🙂 Farnoosh left her corporate job to write and coach others to live their truth. In addition to providing information about living a prolific life, Farnoosh can help you get ahead in your job, quit your job, or determine which job is right for you. Farnoosh is one of the most down-to-earth, friendly, and helpful people you’ll ever meet.
19. Jenny Foss—Jenny Foss is the best friend and coach you need when you’re looking for work, updating your resume, or learning the ins and outs of LinkedIn. She has a true gift for taking job hunting principles and serving them up, through her blog, Job Jenny, in the form of practical, lively, and often funny nuggets of wisdom. So many boring and unhelpful career advice blogs are out there; this is not one of them. If career advice puts you to sleep and you had resigned yourself to staying in your job for the next 50 years, you need Job Jenny on your side. You can either hate your boss, or work with Job Jenny and navigate your career like a boss. Her resume and cover letter kits, like her, are ridiculously awesome!
Business
20. Janet Brent—Janet Brent is a friend; I really do need to meet her, since we chat just about every day, and we’re not that far away from each other geographically. (Of course, she’s never in the U.S., but globe hopping most of the time.) Janet decided to quit the life that she had and live a bigger life, which includes world travel and her own freelancing business. She read all those blogs about becoming a suitcase entrepreneur and actually did it. A graphic artist and freelance designer, Janet helps people create visually appealing e-book layouts and market their e-books. She’s a designer with plenty of heart, wisdom, and courage.
21. Razwana Wahid—Razwana Wahid is a bartender of words and wisdom. That’s a funny way to describe a friend who I turn to for most blogging, coaching, and life questions. If you have an online business and need to stand out, read Razwana’s blog for tagline advice, copywriting tips, and branding help. She doesn’t do “same old” or clichéd; everything she writes is unique and persuasive, and just might make you fall on the floor laughing. It’s also filled with practicality and truth. If you need your online business to reflect how awesome you are and, more importantly, to deliver results, you need Razwana on your writing team.
Wisdom
22. Julie Barrett—Julie reminds you that you’re an intuitive with your own spiritual team. Her spiritual blog offers glimpses into her life story. If you want to better understand yourself and the intuitive voices that guide you, check out Julie’s blog. It’s a great place for self-reflection, learning, and wisdom about how to contact your spirit-guides to live your soul’s purpose. Julie is a great story-teller and has the funniest anecdotes on life (based on her own life)!
23. Lori Deschene—I love Tiny Buddha; I also love Lori Deschene, who runs Tiny Buddha! Lori has created a global community of people who share with and learn from each other. Experience is the best teacher, and every day, on Tiny Buddha, regular people from around the world share their life experiences. Lori is proof that one person can affect and change so many people’s lives. The community that she’s created is a light of hope for many. I’ve acquired so much life wisdom from the Tiny Buddha community, and immeasurably more from Lori, about how to be a compassionate, caring, and generous person.
24. Martha Orlando is a blogger and author of the Glade series of books. She is a prolific writer who simultaneously churns out regular blog posts and novels. Her devotional blog is one of my favorites. She weaves in her observations, personal life events, and devotional stories to inspire each of us to seek the truth. She packs a church sermon and prayer into every one of her posts. If you’re looking for more peace or grace in your life, get your weekly blessings at Martha’s blog.
25. Melissa Tandoc is a former Catholic nun who returned to her worldly life after a decade or so in the order. She’s a friend who inspires in her own quiet and unassuming way via the Ahuv Sheli blog. Steeped in faith, her writings urge us to seek the divine within. Sometimes she writes in parables, and sometimes she writes with poetry, but she always speaks with divine truth. She’s motivated me to live a more purpose-driven and inward-seeking life.
26. Sandra Pawula is a wise teacher who invites her audience to go within, to be more mindful, and to find personal happiness. A visit to her blog will inspire you to slow down and live a softer, gentler life. She makes us think about what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and how to be more mindful about it. In a world that embraces a fast-paced lifestyle and mindless living, Sandra’s blog is for anyone who wants to go against that norm. If happiness, peace, and inner fulfillment matter to you, sit on Sandra’s porch and take notes. (I don’t mean show up at her house and literally sit on her porch; I mean, visit her blog, Always Well Within.)
Parenting and Home
27. Alex Simpson—Alex is the creative, better (lol), and blogger half of the Rolex couple. She (Alex) and her then-fiancé (Rod) created the celebrity nickname “Ro Lex” or “Rolex” and turned it into a blog after the two met and fell in love. They married and their story became sweeter with the introduction of baby Henry. For plenty of northern California travel photos, how-to tips on raising kids, and ADORABLE baby pics, check out Alex’s blog. Alex (and Rod) are two of the handful of people in the blogosphere whom I’ve met in person. We were friends before our blogs began. I was at their wedding and personally met baby Henry. This blog is one of my favorites.
28. Cathy Taughinbaugh is the writer and coach behind Treatment Talk. Her blog is the go-to place for parents dealing with children who are addicted to drugs and alcohol. She regularly blogs about how to cope with having an addicted child and how to support the child without experiencing the guilt and shame that typically accompanies such a situation. This blog is an essential resource for any parent dealing with the unimaginable. Cathy provides resources, encouragement, guidance, and coaching. I read her blog religiously because it helps people start over and deal with life’s serious problems. It also teaches us how to experience more joy in our lives.
29. Jody Lamb—Imagine that you’re a kid with a parent addicted to drugs or alcohol. To whom would you turn for solace and guidance? Jody Lamb. Jody’s mission in life is to be there for these kids, through her blog, her bookEaster Ann Peters, Operation Cool, her talks at schools, and her advocacy. Jody grew up as a child surrounded by alcoholism; however, she has taken that challenging experience and used it as the basis of her efforts to help children cope with similar situations. She not only survived a childhood with alcoholic parents, but has faced other adversity as well. Somehow, she’s been able to roll with it, write fiction about it, and be the voice for countless kids who might not have anywhere else to turn.
30. Wendy Irene—Wendy blogs at Give Love Create Happiness. If Oprah, Martha Stewart, Giada De Laurentiis, and Ina Garten started a blog together, it would look a lot like Wendy’s. In addition to offering delicious vegan recipes and seasonal creative projects, Wendy shares guided meditations that she’s filmed and placed on YouTube to help moms (and all of us) find inner peace. Her gift is to transform healthy eating, meditation, and even household creative projects into things that anyone can do. I can’t wait for Wendy’s blog to become a magazine or television show. 🙂
Check these blogs out and change your life. If you could do me a quick favor and share this with the people you love via Twitter or Facebook, I’d appreciate it!
We're going to have to stay positive on this one, team
Our conscious thoughts run wild as soon as we awake in the morning. ”What am I going to eat for breakfast? What’s the weather like today? When is that presentation due?”
These are the conscious thoughts that bombarded some of our most precious and powerful minds. These recurring thoughts build up in our minds and become just, “normal” thoughts.
What if we could change those numb thoughts and have more positive thoughts?
These positive thoughts are ones that help us throughout our life; they provide us with a beautiful present moment and an amazing future. I couldn’t stress the importance of starting the day with a happy thought.
Just as we can control the speed of a car, we can control the conscious thoughts in our mind. In addition, just as we driving is a privilege, so is it a privilege to think more conscious & enlightening thoughts in our heads.
Early Thoughts
Throughout many years of growing up, I wasn’t always conscious of my thoughts at all and I admit that sometimes my own thoughts were of: judgment, sadness, resentment and pride.
In high school, I remember times when I would wake up in the morning and just play every single negative event that was going to unveil that day. Since our thoughts are so powerful, most of those negative thoughts were the ones that exactly played out. As a result, my body would get fed up with me and would present me with headaches. My body was signaling to me that my lacks of positive thoughts were ailing my body.
Somewhere towards the end of my college days was when I had my paradigm shift and for that shift, I am humbly grateful.
My paradigm shift
It started when my older brother introduced me to the book, “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. After reading it, the words resonated with me like nothing I’ve ever read before.
I began noticing small things like the effects of quieting the mind and being grateful for small thing such as clean running water or my hands to type. Like any concept, this one made me wonder and ask questions so I did online research; I stumbled upon my favorites such as Eckhart Tolle and Louise L. Hay.
Those first years enlightened me for the rest of my life. I decided that from that point on that whatever I consciously decide to put into my mind will be investing thoughts that will better me today and an even better tomorrow.
Although, I am not perfect and I have to constantly remind myself to come back to the present moment and just think in terms of gratitude, bettering myself, those around the world.
Not only can your thoughts better yourself but they can better other people around the world. Our thoughts are like energy wave forms, so whatever positive or negative thought we think about others, I believe that it reaches to that person (in some way or form) no matter how far the distance.
It is tough getting into this habit, especially when your mind wants to start thinking about the rest of your day.
Presently, I choose to think more positive thoughts as soon as the alarm sings in the morning, I remember to say, “Thank you Universe for this amazing day, I intend that everything so amazingly well today.”
Change your thoughts
If we want to see a positive change in your life, you must start by getting into the habit of consciously choosing uplifting & positive thoughts.
Quick tips to stay present & conscious:
√ Say, “thank you” for small things such as running water, the sunlight or to the person who held the door for you.
√ Place a reminder on your phone or car that represents positive thinking
√ Go out in nature and take three deep breaths; clearing your mind for just a few minutes
√ Humbly walk away when gossip is around.
√ Turn off the news and pray (or send light) for the negative events going on.
Staying consistent in any area of which you trying to excel at is highly crucial as well.
It must become a habit in which you repeat the process every single day. It isn’t easy at first; a lot of people can tell you that.
However, the long-term rewards and the changes that happen within you is very much worth it.
Kimberly [Kimbundance] Jacinto is a self-improvement blogger who was inspired to encourage other people through helpful tips and thoughts which begin to better us from within. Practicing thoughts of gratitude and abundance into her life has really changed the way she views herself and the world around her. Her intention for her blog is to encourage and uplift all of those who visit her site. You can also like her page on Facebook. Photo credit nawywawy.
Do you consciously choose positive thoughts? Or do negative thoughts run amuck in your life? Please share with us in the comments below.
I sat on the curb at 2 a.m, in front of my grandparent’s home.
I had never spent the night on the streets of Singapore (or any country really) and having just arrived at midnight, I didn’t want to startle my sleeping grandparents –or have them ring the cops!
I hadn’t told anyone I’d be visiting.
I flung my luggage in front of the iron gates and made myself comfortable on the curb to wait for dawn. I did what anyone sitting on a dimly-lit street at 2 a.m. would do in Singapore: I pulled out my laptop and started reading my friend Galen Pearl’s ebook on forgiveness.
The journey to this curb had been one of the longest journeys of my life. And I’m not just talking about the 20-hour flight from California.
See, I hadn’t spoken to my parents for a little more than 2 years.
During one of the most difficult periods in my life – the most difficult, in fact – my Indian parents aggravated a painful experience by actively intruding in and opposing my separation from my ex-wife.
“What about our family name,” they pleaded. “What will others say about us?”
“You have no choice – you must stay together,” they commanded uniformly.
Being in a place of extreme vulnerability, pain and hurt, I couldn’t handle the added pressure and demands of my parents.
So, we stopped talking. I did, anyway. For 2 years so I could complete the divorce and move on with my life.
I resented them for being unsupportive and choosing to see me in pain rather than alleviate painful circumstances.
This trip back to Singapore was the first step on my journey to forgiveness. I hopped on a flight I didn’t want to take. Struggled to book my ticket, to hop on the plane and sit through a 20+ hour grueling journey. Survived transit lounges, immigration and customs to confront 2 people who had hurt me so much.
And here I was now contemplating how I’d forgive the two people that compounded the pain of my separation and later divorce. The parents who opted for self-interest and family name before their son’s interest.
I needed all the advice and inspiration I could get before I would have to confront my parents in the next couple of days and find a way to forgive them.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smeedes
I re-read the forgiveness chapters for the fourth time. Galen recognized forgiveness was a challenge to most, but provided a convincing argument in several chapters of why to forgive someone.
I needed every reason in the book to allow forgiveness into my heart.
Wanting to forgive was why I had gotten on the plane and why I was now sitting on the curb in the middle of a mildly humid Singaporean night.
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” Suzanne Somers
Here are 6 reasons that moved me to forgiveness during that trip, per Galen’s book, and why you should forgive the people you’re holding grudges against in your life.
1) When victims of tragedy and crimes can forgive, why can’t you? Galen gives an example of the most horrific crime committed on a community of people. For example, the Amish schoolhouse shooting by Charles Robert in 2006 which killed 5 young Amish schoolchildren.
When the community was willing to rely on their faith to forgive an unfathomable crime, are you not able to let go of small or large trespasses against you?
All major religious faiths and traditions encourage forgiveness, one of the most important principles after, ‘love your neighbor’. Religious traditions encourage forgiveness for the most horrific, painful and destructive acts by others.
Why aren’t you able to forgive the person who didn’t send you a ‘thank you’ card?
2) No matter what your reason for holding grudges, you’re poisoning yourself internally.
Are you holding back on forgiveness because you’re upset, angry or wanting to teach the perpetrator a lesson? You’ve probably realized that holding a grudge and not forgiving someone may be “secretly delicious”, as Galen says, but it ultimately hurts you the most.
When you don’t forgive, you’re filled with anger, bitterness and revenge.
Not forgiving will cost you your well-being – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
You think you’re hurting someone else or making them feel your wrath. But the gorilla of anger and bitterness envelopes you daily and your every interaction. Your life and view of the world are blinded by anger, hate and bitterness.
Every relationship and interaction is clouded by your inability to forgive.
* Here’s the big secret about forgiveness: you’re freeing and releasing yourself in the process. Forgiving others benefits you and releases YOU from pain. Your life improves dramatically when you let the grudge go.
3) Even if you’re not ready to forgive, set the intention to forgive. I wasn’t ready to forgive but got on a flight and made the journey back to Asia. I had set the intention to forgive even if I was finding physically and psychologically hard to do so. How do you forgive people who’ve caused you so much pain?
Although I didn’t know how I’d forgive, I forged ahead anyways. If you set the intention to forgive, you’ll start opening your heart to the possibility of forgiveness.
Galen writes that we need, “a willingness that opens the crack in our hardened heart shell just enough so we can breathe in the healing power of compassion and breathe out the toxic bar of bitterness.”
Explore the possibilities of forgiveness. Visualize what it’d be like. See what needs to happen in you to let go and stop the hurting person or their actions from continuing to plague you every day.
4) Forgive radically. Did the wronged act benefit you in some way?
Radical forgiveness is not your traditional way to excuse another but more dramatically to look at the incident as a gift.
What??
While you may have no intention to pardon your ex who broke your heart to a million pieces, your parents who destroyed your self-esteem or your friend who betrayed you, could each one of them have brought forth revelations in your life, paths for growth or self-understanding?
You have to go to a pretty radical place to realize and change your perceptions on the wrong-doer and the pain they caused.
And forgive them while focusing on the many benefits and positive circumstances that came out of their wrong-doing.
Did my parents help teach me how to be there for others in their time of need?
Did they make me want to consider restraint before meddling in other people’s problems or relationships?
Were they trying to show me their love and trying to protect me from the heart-break and pain that came with divorce?
5) Forgiveness transforms pain into compassion. Once you’re able to exonerate someone, you’ve just showered the person and situation with compassion. You’re willing to acknowledge the pain and let go of it.
Forgiving allows you to build your ability to be compassionate to others. It allows for understanding others, excusing their wrongs and redeeming them. If you can extend this kindness to those who pain you, you’ll be better able to live with more compassion towards all those around you.
Compassion brings you happiness and allows you to celebrate the divine quality in others.
6) Forgive to open up paths to be forgiven.
You may want to be forgiven some day too, no?
Although this might be the one of the more selfish reasons to forgiven, I thought I’d add to reasons to forgive by suggesting using the Golden Rule to your advantage.
You’ve wronged others and hurt them. Sometimes, you don’t even know how much you’ve irritated, infuriated or wronged someone else. You may have hurt someone who means a lot to you and who you want to continue to have a strong relationship with.
How would you feel if you could NEVER be forgiven by someone you cared about? Now, do you want to be that person? A person filled with so much indignation and self-righteousness they couldn’t allow their ego to pardon a wrong?
Don’t be that person. Build up your arsenal of forgiveness karma.
There’s someone you need to forgive today. There may be more but there’s probably one person you were thinking of as you were reading this article.
Are you ready to forgive them? Have you forgiven someone and glad you did?
Please add to the conversation in the comments below – your thoughts give me more perspective on these issues.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
![How to consciously choose positive and uplifting thoughts [a guest post by Kimbundance]](https://www.vishnusvirtues.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/thinking-225x300.jpg)
