by Vishnu | Aug 22, 2015 | adversity, Optimism, Perspective
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Why me?”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
You’re a good person. You did all the right things. You played by the rules.
You are kind, generous, spiritual, giving and helpful. You have always tried to do the right thing. You’re one of the good guys.
So why is love playing such a cruel game with you?
Why does your life feel like complete chaos, as though it’s in shambles?
As you’re going through the pain of a divorce, the sorrow of heartbreak and the grief of a family torn apart, you’re likely asking yourself what went wrong. “Why is this happening to me?”
I certainly asked these questions as I went through my own separation and, ultimately, my divorce.
As you might imagine, I asked myself a lot of questions. Not only “Why is this happening to me?” but “Why is God punishing me?”
I was going through so much turmoil and heartache, I wondered if there was even a God. And if there was a God, was he listening to me? (Those questions, by the way, led me to write a book, titled, appropriately, Is God Listening. You can pick it up here.)
But today, I want to explore the question, “Why is this happening to me?”
If you’re going through heartbreak, divorce or separation, or if you find yourself in a court battle for your children, you’re likely asking this question.
If tears pain you, sleepless nights make you groggy and heartbreak makes you numb, consider the following thoughts as you ask yourself, “Why is this happening to me?”
1) Some questions have no answers.
Asking why something is happening to you is similar to asking why you were born in a certain country or to certain parents, or why someone got a certain disease or sickness.
Folklore, mythology, astrology and our parents want to find an answer, but not everything has an answer.
There may not be an answer, and even if there is one, it may not help you deal with the pain.
Resign yourself to the fact that there may not be an answer to this question and that this is okay.
Confront what life deals you. You don’t have control or the ability to influence what shows up in your life.
2) Choose a more empowering answer.
Let’s say that you still insist on getting an answer to this question.
You have many options in terms of how you can address it.
You can pick disempowering answers like we do in India – It’s your fate. It’s your karma. It’s your “time.” It’s your astrology. It’s your bad acts from a past life.
You can imagine that it’s because you did someone wrong or hurt someone in the past.
Or you can choose more helpful and empowering answers.
This is happening to you as a means of fostering spiritual growth.
Your breakup is happening so that you can set your ideal life into place.
Your divorce is happening to clear up the rubble in your life and to bring you to your soulmate.
You must get through this rough patch to achieve clarity, growth, insight, self-awareness and future happiness.
You are learning to embrace change and working on the art of surrender.
These life happenings are occurring to help you become the best version of yourself.
3) Which of your expectations are not being met?
Another activity is to question which of your life expectations are not being met because of your breakup.
You imagined your life a certain way and had certain expectations and outcomes that you, your family, your community and your culture shaped.
Everyone expected that you would do things a certain way and live a certain way.
Now that things are falling apart, life no longer seems in your control.
What is it you imagined for your life? What did you expect to have?
How is this current situation disappointing your expectations and desires?
Hopefully, you’ll come to see that it’s not the current situation itself that’s a problem in your life – it’s your unmet desires and expectations.
Not getting what you want – or, possibly, resisting the current situation – is the cause of your current pain.
4) How is this circumstance serving your highest purpose?
Instead of asking why this is happening to you, ask how this experience will transform your life and lead you to your highest purpose.
If you were put on earth for some reason, and I believe you were, how will this experience help you realize your highest potential?
I truly believe that heartbreak, divorce and struggles are setups for breakthroughs that help us find our purpose.
Your job now is not so much to survive the breakup, but to come through it as a new person and to discover what it is you’re here for.
5) How do you get through the intensity of your experience and the ups and downs of daily living?
Now is not the time to ask, “Why me?”
It’s time to figure out how to get through this roller coaster of a situation you’re in.
To come up with a strategy, an action plan and day-to-day activities that help you get out of bed and get through the day.
Time to separate your stuff, find a place to live and have some stability in your life.
Now is the time for legal paperwork and signing on the dotted line.
Time for self-care, healing and recovery.
6) Who do I need in my life for support and guidance during this time?
You don’t have your ex in your life, so you might feel like you have no one.
That sure was the way I felt when I was going through my divorce – like I didn’t want to share the weight of my problems with the people who loved me.
In my case, the people who loved me were not always very constructive in their help, so there’s that. They were trying to sabotage the divorce and were insisting on us staying together. While their intentions may have been good, the effect was harmful.
So, naturally, I kept away from them.
But there were others who would have easily supported and helped me during this time. I should have relied on them more.
I did have a counselor who offered help.
God certainly helped, and my faith became much stronger during this time.
As much as we like to think we’re action heroes, we’re not. We’ve been able to keep it together most of our lives, but during these difficult days, we need help, support, love and encouragement.
Reach out to the people in your life who can help you, support you and be there for you.
7) What choices are in my power? What control do I have in my life?
You might not be able to change the circumstances or anything that stems from those circumstances.
What is in your power is the way you react to what’s going on around you.
You can’t do anything about the fact that your husband left you for someone else. You can, however, get your house in order, work on your legal affairs and start transitioning to a life on your own. You can move toward a place where you’re emotionally and financially stable so that you can meet new people.
You know that famous Viktor Frankl quote? “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
This applies to your life now.
You have the tools, skills, abilities and life experience to handle the circumstances in front of you.
You might feel crushed and unmotivated by the gravity of the situation, but your resilient spirit will help you find a way out. You can put together a plan, take affirmative steps toward healing and get through this crisis!
You can’t get out of the place you’re currently in, but ask yourself: what can you do today that will help you improve the situation?
8) Who do I need to shine the light for? How is this situation preparing to be of service?
I want you to think about this as the storms rage in your life.
You’re going to come out of this experience and you’re going to come out of it stronger than you were when you went in.
Every lesson you’re learning, every battle you’re facing and every struggle you’re overcoming will serve a purpose.
Your life, your lessons and your resilience will be the guideposts and lights for someone else.
Keep this in the back of your mind.
You are currently a student of struggle, but one day you will be a teacher.
Your story might become a book, a blog, a movie, a play.
Your story might affect someone who hears it and becomes inspired.
Your story can be a reminder to your kids, who will recall what you went through and use the situation to keep them going when their own lives get difficult.
You never know who is going to experience inspiration, hope or empowerment because of the fact that you simply lived your life and survived your current situation.
During your darkest hour, you can continue grappling with that question – “Why is this happening to me?” – or you can ask yourself more empowering questions.
Think about who can support you, how you can survive and what you can do every day to get through your current circumstances.
At the same time, consider how this situation is serving your highest purpose and who you’ll be able to help by making it through.
Imagine, if you can, that this gargantuan life shake-up isn’t here to bring you down and ruin you, but to serve you and lift you higher.
Once you get through the storms, clear skies and sunshine await.
If you would like to learn more about the book I wrote, Is God Listening, click here.
*Photo credit Splitshire
by Vishnu | Aug 8, 2015 | Abundance, Manifestation
“The greatest gift you were ever given was the gift of your imagination. Within your magical inner realm is the capacity to have all your wishes fulfilled.” Wayne Dyer
Every time I’ve gone after a dream, I’ve been filled with fears, doubts and uncertainty.
When I first started blogging or when I first released a book I wrote, I had no idea how it was going to turn out. In fact, I was bombarded with thoughts of fear and failure.
When you pursue any dream in your life, there will be this little voice in your head that doubts your dreams and tries to undermine your success. You know that voice I’m talking about.
It can be difficult to see your dreams through from creation to success, because of these self-sabotaging thoughts and mental patterns.
If you’re like me, you begin to think about how everything can go wrong.
You see obstacles, problems, procrastination and stumbling blocks.
You think you’re going to fail.
That’s where Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled, came into my life, and helped me change the view of
It will single-handedly give you the tools you need to help you drown out the loud noises of self-doubt and go after your dreams.
The book starts with a reminder of who you are and how to first claim your divinity.
“Your higher self is a piece of an all-loving, all-embracing creative Source.”
If you’re cut out of the fabric of divinity, you’re part of a divine cloth.
Dyer encourages you to start from this place of divine knowledge and from a place of your spirit.
Experiment with such affirmations as, “I am all-knowing, I am all-powerful, I am unlimited.”
“Try this: imagine God as the ocean. If you take a bucket out of the ocean, is the water in the bucket the ocean?”
From this place of accepting your divine nature, you can materialize your every wish and desire.
Here are 5 steps that Wayne Dyer shares with us in Wishes Fulfilled to help you fulfill your wishes and make them come true.
1. Your sacred imagination
Your dreams and, more specifically, your imagination form a sacred space. This is not something you should deny or assume doesn’t exist anymore as it did during your childhood.
Try not to contaminate your imagination with negativity or the things you don’t want to materialize in your life. Do not allow disempowering ides of how your life used to be take up space in your imagination.
“Your imagination is your own fertile field for growing any seedling that you choose to plant for a future harvest.”
Don’t let your “reality” or how you see the world today govern your imagination. Imagine and mentally visualize where you want your life to be in the future.
2. Affirm your imagination
Rely on your inner spiritual guide and permit your thoughts to transform.
Be confident and persistent about what your mind can already see in the future.
Use empowering “I am” affirmations.
Affirm, “I am love”.
“I am happiness.”
“I am prosperous.”
“Be fearless, and let those ideals be your reality.”
3. Feel your new reality
“Make your future dream a personal fact, by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.”
Dyer suggests that knowing something spiritually is experiencing it – feeling it.
“By literally feeling the reality of the state you seek, which is firmly in your imagination, you have the means of creating miracles,” Dyer writes.
He cites Neville Goddard from the Feeling is the Secret, “a change of feeling is a change of destiny.”
Your feelings affect your subconscious mind, and what you feel is what manifests in your life.
You can choose where to focus your attention and what feelings to feel.
You can choose to feel good regardless of the problems and challenges you see in your life.
“Don’t dwell on your troubles, difficulties or illnesses.”
Instead, “feel the feeling of love in your body directed at what you place in your imagination as an idea, and then you activate the subconscious mind.”
4. Intention and attention
What you focus on and pay attention to materializes.
“You never allow your outer circumstances to deflect you from your desires.”
Instead of focusing on the results and the current circumstances of your life, focus on your dreams and desires. Stay true to the vision you have for your life and what you believe is possible for you.
Have trust and faith that your dreams and desires will come true, no matter what the outside circumstances appear to be.
Use superglue to attach your intentions to your imagination.
Manifesting your wishes is a spiritual process. To stay true to your life’s dreams, you’ll have to ignore facts, logic, past experiences and even your day-to-day reality.
5. Wake up (in your sleep)
Use sleep as a way to propel what you’re envisioning and to make your dreams materialize.
You can reprogram your subconscious mind by changing what you think about before going to bed.
Be mindful of the thoughts that are floating through your mind.
Stay positive, hopeful and confident about your wishes and dreams, especially before you snooze. Feel peace; right before you fall asleep, visualize and assume that your dreams have already come true.
Allow your pre-sleep ritual to reprogram your mind so that you’ll fall asleep imagining your dreams coming true.
It’s time to let go of what has happened and what your current life looks like.
Dyer encourages you to transform your life by escaping reality and staying true to the unlimited possibilities in your imagination.
Embrace your divine nature and allow everything to manifest from this soulful place.
“Seek divine wealth, not the paltry tinsel of earth. After acquiring inward treasures you will find that outward supply is always forthcoming.” Srimati Kashi Moni, Autobiography of a Yogi
To pick up a copy of Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting, click here.
by Vishnu | Jul 27, 2015 | Love and Relationships
By Christel Price
I’m an excellent runner, and I wish that I meant running in the sense of pounding the pavement. Unfortunately, exercise is not my specialty; rather I’m a pro at running away from things that scare me.
It took a lot of soul-searching before I realized that I played the main role in ensuring that I kept my single status. We can look at our lives and come up with a massive list of reasons why we don’t have the things that we want. There was a time when I felt that a lot of the reasons that I was single were external.
I would tell myself:
“He’s not good enough”
“I can do better”
“I just haven’t met the right person”
“When I meet ‘the one’ everything will be easy”
“It’s his fault things didn’t work out”
Only in hindsight do I realize that he probably was good enough, that we make a choice as to whether or not the person is ‘right’ for us (because love at some point becomes a decision), that no relationship is easy all the time and it has often been my fault that things didn’t work out.
Often we are our biggest obstacle. We are in our own way. If you are single and you’d prefer to be a part of the Couple’s Club, it’s important to understand the fears that may be holding you back. There are many aspects to finding someone that we can’t control, but there are also many that we do.
Your single status may have nothing to do with you, but it’s important to look at the fears that could be holding you back in case you are in your own way.
1. Fear of not being good enough
It’s human nature to feel that you aren’t good enough, to believe that you have to hide all the aspects of yourself that you don’t like in order to be loved. If we had to be perfect to be loved then love would not exist on planet earth.
The fear of not being good enough may be holding you back from a loving relationship, but as humans we are all flawed and that’s ok. You are good enough to be loved simply because you were born. Worthiness is your birthright.
2. Fear of being vulnerable
Opening yourself up to another human being is scary. What if they don’t like what they see? What if they reject you? Being able to be vulnerable is a massive part of any successful relationship. You have to allow someone else to truly see you, to witness the beauty and the mess, and have faith that they will love you regardless. Being vulnerable is hard, but some of the best things in life come as a result of being able to be vulnerable, including love.
3. Fear of putting yourself out there
If you don’t open yourself to love, you can’t be disappointed, right? Wrong. You will just be disappointed at yourself, for not taking chances to find love. You can’t expect that love will just find you. You have to do some of the work to give yourself to greatest chance of meeting someone who is right for you.
4. Fear of failing
What if you put yourself out there and you fail? The path to finding love is not always straight-forward. Most people know what it’s like to be rejected, or to make mistakes in love. Failures don’t need to define you; it’s what you do next that makes all the difference. If you do fail you can always pick yourself up and try again. It won’t be easy, but your future self will thank you.
5. Fear of getting what you want
Are you afraid of getting what you want? You may think this is a stupid question but in fact many of us are afraid of succeeding. It’s easy to become comfortable in your current situation because it’s what you know. If you were to put yourself out there and actually find someone it would mean having to change. In relationships you have to compromise and make room in your life for someone else. You may be afraid of this but would you prefer the alternative, being alone forever? My guess to that your answer to this question is no.
Are you an excellent runner? Is fear holding you back from love? We’ve heard it said before, awareness is the first step, and it is. Only once we become aware can we begin to take the steps needed to change.
It doesn’t matter if fear has dominated your life up until this point, what matters is what you do from this moment. One of the most beautiful aspects of being a human being is that it’s never too late to change. To free yourself from your past and move away from fear, towards love.
Christel Price is a writer from New Zealand and author of All By Myself: A Humorous Guide to Navigating the World When You’re Single. Christel has created a free video series which features humorous tips for single women here. Gain access to this free gift here. *Photo credit
by Vishnu | Jul 20, 2015 | Arranged Marriage
https://vimeo.com/40083724
By Razwana Wahid
She’d tied me to a chair.
My hands were clasped together, pulled tight behind my back. A dirty rag stuffed into my mouth. A dimly lit lamp swinging slowly in the background.
“I’ll only untie you if you agree to marry him”, she hissed. “We’ve given his family our word. You can’t break it.”
I closed my eyes and imagined my life 5 years in the future.
If I went for Option A – agreeing to the arranged marriage – I saw a thug of a husband, 3 children I didn’t want to have with him, and a life comprised of cooking his meals and washing his clothes.
And Option B? Implied saying no to the marriage, running away from my family, and in constant hiding from the ruthless bounty hunter at my heels.
Neither was appealing. But a decision had to be made.
And so, with a heavy heart and pangs of guilt, I slowly nodded my head. My eyes filled to the brim with tears. I reluctantly prepared myself for the future.
What do you think? Is this really how my marriage was arranged?
Thankfully not (my life isn’t half as exciting as a scene from Homeland).
And yet? This is pretty much what the majority of the Western world assumes – that marriages in the Indian and Pakistani community are arranged because one party (or both) is forced into a decision.
That neither the guy, nor the girl, set eyes on each other before the wedding day.
And that every girl getting dressed in her bridal clothes hopes she looks like Deepika Padukone in the photos.
(OK, so the last one’s kinda true).
The arrangement of my marriage was pretty simple.
I knew who my husband-to-be was. So, we hadn’t dated for 2 years and I didn’t know his shoe size, but I did know his favourite cricket player – that was enough, right?
My mum sat me down and asked if I was happy to marry him. Her jaw dropped to the floor when I said yes. The shock was so profound that she asked me twice again, in complete disbelief, just to make sure I hadn’t completely lost my mind.
I hadn’t.
What I had lost, however, was my dad. Three days earlier.
And when my mum asked me if I’d marry this man, I couldn’t bring myself to say no.
She’d just become a widow. I could see the pressure she was under from her family to make a decision about the future of her children.
You have to marry your children soon, her relatives pressed. Your husband died and who knows how quickly you’ll go. You can’t leave them alone.
The principle of loss-aversion at work, folks.
My mum had become a widow too young. The last thing I wanted to do was break her heart further.
So I agreed to the marriage.
Not because I loved him, or even knew if I liked him … but because I realised that I was young, too. If the marriage worked, then I’d found my partner early and could finally stop agonising over whether my phone was broken because that cute guy who asked for my number three days ago? Still hasn’t called.
And if the marriage didn’t work, I was young enough to start over.
So I went into it. With my eyes fully open.
It was the moment that defined my transition from child to adult.
I realised truly how in control of my life I was. It hit me, square in the face, that my decisions were mine to make. The consequences were clear to me, and they were mine to live.
Even if, as some people later told me, I was being emotionally blackmailed. Even though my dad’s death was being exploited to force a decision from both me and my mum.
The decision, at the end of it, was still mine.
I see a lot of people in the Indian and Pakistani community talking about how they don’t want to bow to family pressure and marry someone they don’t love. And yet, this is what they feel they must do.
My advice to you? Is to stop whinging, and be brave.
Ok, so your parents won’t be impressed that instead of agreeing to marry Rahul, the sprightly, young pediatric surgeon from the finer part of town, you’re busy swapping doe-eyed dreams of beach holidays and white picket fences with Mark from college.
But if this is your decision? Have conviction in it.
If this is what you really want? Use this belief to fuel your next move.
But Razwana! I hear you cry from way over the Atlantic. How can I tell my parents that I’m shattering their dreams and defying their every wish for me? They’ve done so much for me! I can’t let them down like this!
What about all the shame I’ll bring on the family for choosing someone they don’t want me to marry?
What if they don’t let me see my siblings ever again? Or even step into the house? What then? And what if they disown me?
What if, indeed.
The thing with those pesky little what-if’s? Is that they rarely happen.
The decision you make isn’t about whether you marry this person or that:
It’s about the person you want to be
Do you want to be the person who takes action from what they feel in their gut to be true?
Or do you want to be the person who knows what they want, but decides to do what they’re told because it’s the easy route to take?
And that is the easy route.
The tough route? Is making a decision for you, despite what everyone around you will think.
It’s being aware of the consequences ( -> different to being happy with them) of your decision, and moving forward anyway.
It’s about being brave and standing up for your beliefs.
As for me – my arranged marriage went ahead. I didn’t look like Dipika Padukone in my bridal outfit, but I did feel like a million dollars.
But did my marriage last?
Well that, my friends, is a story for another day.
Razwana Wahid: Killer content copywriter and founder of Relentless Movement – A copywriting service for entrepreneurs who want to write bold and sell big. Lose the headache of writing your Home Page, About Page and Services page and get the no-brainer templates here.
To pick up Vishnu’s book, Arranged Marriage: Run to the Altar or Run for Your Life, click here. It’s available for free on July 20th and July 21st, 2015.
by Vishnu | Jul 12, 2015 | Arranged Marriage
My punchy and insightful book on arranged marriage is here and there’s something in it for you.
If you’re considering an arranged marriage, join me on my personal journey in this book. See for yourself what I experienced, what I think about arranged marriages and what’s in my future!
If you’re on the fence about arranged marriage, learn its pros and cons. See if arranged marriage is right for you – is it total lunacy, or practical and efficient at making matches that last a lifetime?
If you’re in a love pickle or relationship dilemma, this book is also for you.
Here are some questions the book will help answer.
♥ Who should get an arranged marriage?
♥ Who should run for their lives from an arranged marriage?
♥ What should you do if you’ve fallen in love but your family wants you to get an arranged marriage?
♥ What should you do if you’ve fallen in love with someone who comes from an arranged marriage tradition?
♥ How do you resist an arranged marriage?
♥ What qualities do you need to make an arranged marriage work?
Even if you have no interest in an arranged marriage, this book will help you apply some of the wisdom of arranged marriages to your dating and love life.
Finally, if you’re simply curious about this unique tradition that millions around the world practice, buckle up your seatbelt and enjoy the ride.
To pick up this entertaining and insightful book on Amazon, click here. (Yes, it’s free from July 13 – July 15, 2015.)
