“Breakdowns create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.”—Unknown
You may think your life is over right now.
You want to hide or drown or fall into the ground. Slip away. Move to the forests far away and never to be seen again.
The tears have dried up because you’ve cried them all out of you.
You’re silent because you have no more to say.
And you’re experiencing a state of mindfulness NOT because you’ve become more mindful, but because you’re too numb to replay your thoughts in your mind.
You may be facing your life’s most horrific and tragic breakdown – your absolute worst point.
You f***d up at work and got fired.
You cheated and are now dealing with the breakup and impending divorce.
Your ex is trying to take your kids away from you.
You got caught in a business deal gone bad and are now facing a lawsuit.
The company you’ve poured your heart and soul into is going under and you can’t seem to stop the situation.
You lost all your money.
The love of your life dumped you. Your heart’s destroyed.
Your former business partner is suing you.
You can’t make the mortgage payment and might lose the house.
Your life savings has gone down the drain.
You got arrested and the local news is reporting all of your dirty laundry. You see yourself on television.
It’s over. Literally over.
There’s no hope. There’s no tomorrow. There are no better days ahead.
Why live another day?
I can’t say that I’ve been on your journey or know what you’re going through, but I’ve been in similar places in life.
Several times when I wanted to throw in the towel and felt that the tranquility of a coffin would surely beat the madness of the world I’m living in.
When I turned 17 and my entire immediate family left the country as I was finishing high school, I felt alone and abandoned. It wasn’t their fault, but I still felt like the world I had known no longer existed. A few months later I was in a new university and a new city where I didn’t know anyone. Add the stress of college and exams, plus the responsibilities of adulthood, and I was pretty much done.
It was one of the lowest points of my life.
Fast forward 10 years and I realized that what I had thought was my lowest point was anything but.
Divorce was 100 times worse. It shook my entire life to the core. It made me question my existence and wonder whether life was worth living at all.
The pain of breakup, my inability to deal with a traumatic change and the deep grief and sorrow that followed were too much to bear.
Yet I’m still here. And you’re still here.
And that’s why I feel like I need to tell you something. It’s not over. It’s never over.
You’re going to make it through this point in your life.
Your absolute worst point in life is not the end, but rather the beginning.
You’re going to survive this place and, let me tell you from personal experience, you’re going to come back stronger than ever.
When you’re down and out and feel like checking out, hold on.
Here are a few things to think about that will give you perspective on your situation:
1) The benefits of rock bottom – it can’t get any worse.
The best part about being at your life’s worst point is that it cannot, let me repeat, it cannot get any worse.
If you’re in the dumps, be happy in knowing that you cannot fall further back. You have no more back to go. Your money, finances, love, relationships may all seem in the pits. Can it get any worse?
No.
If you’re going to jail (and as a criminal defense lawyer, I had clients who did), the only option left is to come back out. You can’t go to jail again. (Well, you can, but hopefully you won’t.)
Moving on from jails, what if the press smears you, or your former business partner sues you? Can it get worse?
Most likely, no.
Your reputation is at rock bottom. It can only improve.
You’re dealing with the stress and burnout of a lawsuit – it can only get better. A settlement or verdict will arrive soon and you can start over.
When you’re at your worst, take some satisfaction in knowing that it can’t get worse.
(P.S. – Don’t make things any worse by asking yourself, “How can this get worse?” !?!)
2) You’ve done it before.
I’m not saying that you’ve been here before.
You may not have encountered a situation this deadly, but you’ve confronted setbacks, heartaches and disappointments in your life.
You were in bad places, but you came through. You made it out. You survived.
You’ve met every challenge the past presented.
You came out of darkness. You woke up from failure. You found a way.
You got another job. Started another career. Built a new business.
You found the courage to love again.
You forgave and let go.
You’ve been there; you’ve done it. You have the experience to overcome.
It wasn’t the end of the world before and it’s not the end of the world now.
3)Pressure will bring out your “A” game.
No better time exists than now to find out what you’re really made of.
Like the woman in the YouTube video at the beginning of this article, who came back from falling down to WIN the race, you’re going to do the same thing in your life.
This face-punching circumstance you’re going through will help you seek the answers, find the tools and develop the inner strength you need.
You will take your game up a notch.
You will do things you couldn’t do before.
When you’re sitting in a sinking boat, you’ll find a way to swim, to get a life vest or to call for help.
Moments of survival push us to get more creative, resourceful and effective.
You’ll stop procrastinating and lamenting, and instead become active.
Your greatest life challenge is your greatest invitation to take action.
The climactic scene in this movie is awaiting its hero: you.
4) Setting yourself up for success.
You may have trouble seeing this now, but meeting your current challenge will bring out better things in you throughout the days ahead.
To become successful or achieve your dreams or live your greatest life, you must get through the challenge at hand.
You must pass the test that life has given you.
Stay strong in this moment and take one step a day toward improving the situation. Sometimes the situation is so dire, all you can do is change your perspective for that day.
Viktor Frankl did so while surviving the Auschwitz concentration camp. He got through his time there by believing that those worst days of his life would pass, that when he came out he would recount his experiences to help others and that he would spread the message about how a person can find meaning under any condition, any circumstance.
Frankl spent the rest of his life sharing his message though his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” through his writings and through his lectures.
A better day exists for you, too, and mastering today will help you prepare for that day when things are better.
The gift of struggle and surviving will one day positively affect your life.
Through the violent storms of losing a loved one or having your most prized things snatched away, you will realize how life has, in fact, handed you a gift.
Your challenging situation is only perfecting your mind, your heart and your perspective so that you can welcome better days with open arms. You’re preparing for a breakthrough in your life.
Life might be calling you toward a new line of work.
Life might be calling you to prepare for a new relationship.
Life might be preparing you for more responsibilities.
Life might be preparing you to share your story, write your book and be a guiding light to others in their places of struggle.
Your failures are setting you up for your success.
Your heartsong is setting you up for your greatest hit yet.
Your song does not end on a sad note.
5) Follow the light.
I’m not asking you to compare yourself to others. Instead, realize that others have flourished and succeeded from even worse places than where you currently sit.
Use their stories for inspiration.
Jim Carrey’s family was living out of a van as he drove around Canada performing standup comedy at clubs.
The singer Jewel was homeless and living out of her car before she wrote such hits as “Foolish Games” and “You Were Meant for Me.”
Steven Spielberg was rejected from the University of Southern California twice. Yes, twice. The last time I went to USC, I noticed that the school had named a building after him. He’s also one of the school’s trustees.
As you know, publishers rejected Stephen King’s first book 30 times. And Michael Jordan’s high school basketball coach cut him from the team.
J.K. Rowling was an unemployed single mother on welfare benefits before she wrote the Harry Potter series.
Elizabeth Gilbert’s divorce was what led her on a journey around the world and resulted in her bestseller, “Eat, Pray, Love.”
Barack Obama grew up in a single-parent household. Bill Clinton lost elections in Arkansas before ever running for president. Abraham Lincoln lost eight elections.
These are the stories of famous people you hear about all the time. Look around in your own life. What do you find?
Stories of struggle and challenge.
How your grandfather started from nothing and built a name for himself.
How your great-grandparents fled the old country to find success in America.
How people you know made comebacks from childhood problems, poverty, diseases, business failures and divorces.
They did it. You can do it.
They didn’t know that success lay ahead of them. They just believed in themselves. They took one day at a time, one step at a time.
As you go through your life’s critical hours, you’ll discover that things turn around.
You may not realize it and you may not feel it, but I’m asking you to believe it.
I’m asking you to remain hopeful that a turnaround is close by.
As Desmond Tutu has said, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
You just have to stay the course and go through your journey: rebuilding, strategizing and taking things step by step.
Take it one day at a time. Stay encouraged that better days are ahead.
Stay faithful for a better tomorrow.
“If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.”—Mahatma Gandhi.
Stay faithful that your situation will improve.
Stay positive and encouraged that your troubles will set with the sun and that your greatest days are about to rise.
The darkest hour, they say, is just before the dawn.
When pain, tears and the storms of life engulf you – that’s when you will see the way.
You will see that glimmer of hope.
You will see the shadows of possibilities and the promises of a new day.
Thank you for reading. Did you know that I now offer relationship and career coaching? If you’re interested in either, please check out my coaching pages here and here.
* This is a guest post by singer and artist, Nana.
Inspired by my mother, a classical pianist, I started playing the piano at the age of 4. By the time I was 5, I was performing.
Music was my world and the stage was my comfort zone. For many years, I practiced four hours a day.
Along with music, I dedicated my time and energy as a child to learning about the human experience – what “life” was about. I read many books on such topics as self-help, past lives, classical literature, philosophy and religion. I gained hands-on experience in these areas by listening and talking to everyone I encountered. I always felt my calling was to help others.
So how did a young girl who played classical piano and loved to help others end up singing a song called “Blessed Life” and pursuing her music dreams?
During my teenage years, I decided that classical piano was a lonely experience and announced to my parents that I was going to get a job and live life! Yes, I was only 13 years old at the time. My parents were apprehensive and felt devastated about my decision to work and dance in nightclubs.
Though they were disappointed in my life decisions, I spent much of the 1990s in the New York City dance scene, which was still authentic and resembled that of the 1970s. I knew in my heart that dancing was a journey with a purpose. Also, I figured, why wait until I was 18 to get wild and crazy? I might as well get it out of my system when I was younger.
I explored dance music, customs, liberations of the soul and collective experiences of love, kindness and unity on a mass level. For me, dancing was an expressive and spiritual experience.
This understanding augmented my experiences of music, art, self-expression and outrageous customs that later took me on a journey far into the dessert – what we in Burning Man call the PLAYA. The scene there took art, love and community to another level, and inspired me to become the person I am today.
The roads I traveled widened my artistic and musical understanding. I experienced a sense of community on a deep level and understood the things that moved and motivated people.
All this time, deep down inside, I knew that I wanted to write music. I had always known that I wanted to sing, dance and be on stage, but even though those were my callings, I hadn’t written a song yet!!
The time came when I had to help with my family business and, consequently, take on a full-time job. At work I interacted with intelligent people and built relationships with them by helping with their skin problems. I was putting my experiences with learning and healing into practice.
For a portion of my working years I helped clients who came into the skin care shop. In addition to assisting with their skin issues, I offered life advice, book suggestions and even techniques they could use to heal themselves. Having these clients return or write emails saying that my suggestions were useful and changed their lives became music to my ears.
As I helped people improve their skin and their health, a little voice inside me was whispering, saying that I needed to sing, dance and entertain. As the years passed, I got a journal and began writing songs. I wrote on the subway to and from work, jotting down my experiences, thoughts about life and descriptions of things I encountered on a daily basis.
I decided I would “relate to the human experience” through song and create a message that would lift up and resonate with people. I wanted to write songs that inspired others to take action – to love themselves, keep going, help others, etc.
Years went by and these songs – and my dream – remained in my heart. Then I met my life partner, who became my best friend and my biggest supporter. Someone wanted to help me and now it was my turn to learn the lesson of receiving. To give is great, but to receive is another gift and an art one must learn. The balance of giving and receiving is the key to life. If you only give, you will end up bitter; to learn to receive keeps the universe balanced.
A year went by before I became acquainted with the person who would lead and stimulate my music project – a well-established professional who handled many famous artists.
I went to him with three home-recorded songs and told him my vision – “MUSIC WITH A MESSAGE.” I wanted to help and inspire the world and use music as a way to communicate new forms of art. I wanted to bring together people who have love in their hearts and inspire them to create change in the world. I needed someone like him to represent and help me.
With lots of positive thinking, affirmations and support from the universe, I started the journey this past January.
Although I faced many challenges and bumps in the road, I didn’t give up on this project that I call “music with a message” or “revolution/evolution of self.”
I know I have a long way to go and that I’m in the beginning stages of this journey.
I hope you enjoy my first song, on which I collaborated with the great producer Kyle Kelso. The song is “Blessed Life,” and its video contains elements of the club scene, Burning Man-inspired customs, LED light and, of course, regular people I encountered while wandering around New York City.
I hope you feel inspired and share the light and the message to be “Blessed Always!” And I hope you, too, take action on your dreams today, no matter how big or small they are.
Here are six steps you can take to live a more holistic and conscious life, one that enables you to pursue your dreams and live your light:
1. Read.
Books inspire and give you the tools you need to better your life. These are the top, must-read books that have changed and inspired me.
Get a bundle of sage and cleanse either daily or weekly.
It’s like taking a shower, or vacuuming and dusting.
Open all your windows, light the sage and run it around your body. Then go to each room, including all the corners, and ask to cleanse the energy around you and in your home.
Ask to release everything you don’t need. Invite all new, positive energy.
Trust me – you will feel the difference.
3. Use affirmations.
This is so important. If you want to achieve something, you must get a journal and write, write, write. If you come to my home you will see stacks of notebooks and pages upon pages filled with the same statement, written over and over. In every one of your life’s time frames, you have different needs and goals, different things you must get done.
Write what you want, and do so in positive, present tense (i.e., as though you already have it). This lets your subconscious mind envision what you want, and helps the universe bring it to you. You become open to having it.
A few examples of affirmations:
I HAVE A BRAND-NEW, ENERGY-EFFICIENT RED CAR.
I LOVE MY NEW JOB, I ENJOY THE DAILY ACTIVITIES I DO AND I HAVE A GREAT SALARY THAT SUPPORTS ME ABUNDANTLY.
I LOVE MY NEW PARTNER (even if you don’t have one yet). HE/SHE (list qualities)…IS KIND, IS LOVING, IS FUNNY, IS HEALTHY, IS BALANCED, LOVES ME JOYFULLY.
When getting started, you might want to obtain a deck of affirmation cards from Louise Hay (she has many options), then pick one card daily and complete the affirmation. Repeat it at home and in your head.
4. Exercise.
My mom always says, “Healthy body, healthy mind.”
You need to stretch every day and complete some type of physical activity that will engage your body and mind. Take a walk around your home for 30 minutes a day, or go jogging or hiking on the weekends. Hit up a gym. Whatever it is, do something. Your body needs circulation and activity.
5. Give back and receive.
Help others, whether by listening to them and offering advice, or by doing a favor for them. Also, remember that when your turn comes to receive, accept the help and say, “Thank you.” If you find that no one gives back to you, open your heart and ask for help from the universe. Help will come, and you must stay open to receiving it. You will be surprised to discover who lends a hand or smiles at you when you least expect it.
6. Love yourself.
The world is full of demands. We may not achieve our goals quickly, and we may even fail, but we must remember that our worth doesn’t depend on the amount of money we make or the powerful positions we hold or the material things (nice though they are) we own. We are souls – energy – light. Every night give yourself a hug. No matter how tough your day was, tell yourself, “I love you,” and give yourself a hug.
I would love to hear from you, whether you have questions, feedback or thoughts. Please like my Facebook page, Instagram or Twitter feed. You can also visit my iTunes station or website to stay in touch.
MUCH LOVE TO ALL MY ALCHEMISTS OUT THERE,
NANA
P.S. If you feel inspired by my video, please share it with others who you think will enjoy it.
When you’re Indian and single, only one question is on everyone’s mind – when are you getting married?
It doesn’t matter if you’re 16 or 60; this is the question that preoccupies every Aunty, Dadi and family friend you run into.
Aunts seem to be waiting their entire lives to witness your marriage.
Grandfathers tell you that their lives are not complete until they see you married.
Your parents participate in deep daily prayers and fasts, hoping that you’ll marry within the year.
These parentals evaluate their lives according to your nuptials.
They give themselves an “A” when you marry a Harvard-trained doctor who comes from the same village in India that you did. They give themselves an “F” when you marry anyone who…isn’t a doctor, doesn’t speak Hindi, doesn’t have family with property in India, or can’t save lives/program computers.
Your life is not complete until someone puts a ring on it.
Or a chain on it. No! not like a prison chain gang.
More like an exquisite gold necklace around a woman’s neck.
Your life’s not complete ‘til you literally tie the knot.
Even divorce is not enough to end the speculation, prayers and hopes that you’ll get married (or, in this case, remarried).
Today you have a second chance. Or a third chance to make right what the Gods got wrong. What the astrologer miscalculated.
While you feel the mounting pressure to have an Indian wedding that generations of relatives can attend, you’re probably wondering whether marriage is even right for you.
And non-Indian people who have no idea what I’m talking about – you too might feel the pressures of finding a doctor kind-spirited, enlightened man who earns a living, provides unlimited emotional support and accompanies you on international travel and spiritual retreats. A man who wakes up the kids and gets them to school and awakens your spirit at the same time.
But what if a romantic partnership or marriage isn’t for you? What do you do then?
Are you better off alone? Should you stay single?
Only you know the answers to these questions.
Are you happy by yourself? Do you get enough companionship, friendship and emotional support from friends and family? Do you find life fulfilling and complete without a significant other in it?
Does your life have meaning, passion and purpose?
It’s difficult in today’s society to be by yourself. Your parents scorn you, your impatient family members continually check their mailboxes for wedding invitations, and every form you fill out shames you for not having a husband’s name to write on it.
Should you stay single?
Again, only you know the answer to that question, but I can list a handful of circumstances in which, yes, you should absolutely stay single!
Here’s when you should consider being by yourself, no matter how many wedding gifts you could net or how fantastic a honeymoon trip to the Bermudas would be.
Here are 5 situations in which staying single might save your sanity and your life.
1) When you’ve just broken up.
When you’ve just broken up with someone, you feel as though the world you know has crashed down on you.
You feel broken, unattractive, unworthy and like a failure.
It’s time to stock up on Häagen-Dazs ice cream, stream the Mindy Kaling show on Hulu and camp out at home with your cat.
It’s also time to cry, heal and take stock of what happened to you.
You might want to take glamor photos of yourself, upload them to a Match.com profile and start packing your calendar with dates for the next several weeks.
Maybe you want to bypass the grieving process for Tinder rendezvous and Shaadi.com introductions.
Of course this is an invitation to meet Mr. Wrong. You won’t be singing Sheryl Crow’s “My Favorite Mistake,” but instead writing the lyrics to a new song, “My Life’s Most Neurotic Mistake.”
When you feel broken down, opt for sanity instead of romance.
Allow yourself to rest, reflect and heal the pain.
2) When you’re not comfortable being by yourself.
Throughout your life, have you been in a series of relationships, one after the other, without any breaks in between?
Are you fulfilled only when you have a romantic interest?
Are you dealing with emotional bankruptcy, perpetual loneliness or a feeling of emptiness? Like your life has no meaning or purpose?
Don’t get back into another relationship simply to fill a void.
If you’re humming along to Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” and can empathize with the lyrics, “Deep down I know this never works, but could you lay with me so it doesn’t hurt,” you should step away from relationships.
If loneliness and emptiness are lifelong issues, address those issues first.
Begin the journey to embrace yourself and do the daily inner work you need to find peace within yourself.
3) When you don’t know yourself.
You believe your partner is the problem.
The relationship didn’t work because of his jealousy. Or his communication issues. His lack of compassion. The fact that he didn’t listen to you.
If you have pre-packaged excuses and justifications that explain the reasons each of your relationships failed, hold the trumpets and silence the wedding bells.
Your issues might have nothing to do with the men you’re dating or meeting.
They might stem from you.
Do you have some issues that you have to work on yourself?
Family issues that still haunt you and are holding you back?
Have you not made peace and released the grief associated with a previous relationship?
Have you spent no time understanding yourself, being mindful of your thoughts or watching the emotional waves that flood you every day?
You don’t have to go to Rishikesh for a spiritual awakening or make the hajj to Mecca for clarity, but you can begin the process of going within. You can enter the shrine of silence and the halls of reflection.
You can acknowledge life long issues that are bothering you and start working on them.
4) When you’re with the wrong person.
This is both a simple decision and an impossible one.
It’s easy to linger in a relationship that’s not right for you. From the beginning, you knew he was an egotistic, selfish and anger-fueled mad man. And you were right.
You’re in the wrong relationship with the wrong person but you’re not able to break out of it.
Every fiber of your being says, “get out,” but family, friends and your 10 years of shared history make this task virtually impossible.
If you have an emotional investment, kids or family obligations to be together, you’re in a tough spot.
The solution is not to break things off and move on (as much as you may want it to be). You’ll have to work hard, engage in more self-reflection and maybe even seek outside help to get you both on the same page.
If family or kids aren’t issues but the relationship is still not functioning, you may have to do the inner work needed to come to terms with your situation.
Are you in the relationship simply because you fear change? You loathe heartbreak? You hate starting over?
Does staying in this dysfunctional relationship give you comfort, safety or companionship?
Again, it’s virtually impossible to walk away from a relationship, as much as your heart and intuition tell you to do so.
When your intuition rings the alarm bells and you ignore them, you’re living in contradiction to your truth.
5) When you’re uncertain about whom you’re looking for.
Many people go about dating and meeting people the wrong way.
They figure they’ll give everyone a chance and see what’s out there.
This, to me, is like going car shopping without knowing which car you’re looking for.
It would be like taking an international trip and not knowing which country you’re going to.
Essentially, I suggest that the key to finding your ideal mate is to determine the values you desire in another person. Decide your relationship goals and uncover common interests you share with the other person.
If you don’t know who you’re looking for, how will you know you’ve found him?
Oh, and to avoid the 3,000-item checklist you’ve been using to help you find Mr. Right.
How about three shared values, two relationship goals and a partridge in a pear tree a couple of shared interests that indicate you would likely enjoy the other person’s company.
If you don’t find these things after a 45-minute conversation, it’s time to move on.
Don’t let other people’s interest in you determine your interest in them. Trust yourself.
And until you have an idea about who you’re looking for, stay single.
If you go about dating while you’re lost, confused and uncertain, you’ll find a lost, confused and uncertain soul.
You don’t have to be single forever, but there are times in your life when you can benefit from being on your own.
If you still have work to do on yourself or need to figure out what kind of partner you’re looking for, spend some quality time alone.
Hold off against social demands, parental wishes and Facebook references to happy brides. Take care of yourself first.
Nope, you don’t blog just to build a popular blog.
You blog for meaning. For impact.
You blog to make a difference.
You blog to help others and to serve.
Don’t create a popular blog.
Create a blog that matters, and people will come.
My blogging journey.
I’ve been blogging for a little over two years now. With 1,000 readers and 10,000 monthly views, I wouldn’t say I have a popular blog, but I do have passionate readers – you.
And from time to time I get questions about what I did to build up my blog.
Here are 10 tips to help you start your own blogging journey towards a popular blog that matters.
1. Be passionate about writing (or creating).
This is my number-one tip, and you know what? No one tells you this. If you read all the blogs that tell you how to blog well, not one says that you should have an interest in or a passion for writing.
If you don’t like to write, think twice about blogging because it requires a lot of writing. At a minimum, I’ve written 200,000 words on my blog and in guest posts. That doesn’t include comments, emails and “about” pages!
What if you don’t like to write? You can still become a great blogger if you enjoy creating. That means podcasts, videos, photos or other creative ways of sharing your content.
If you’re not a natural writer and don’t like to write, you can still blog if you commit to becoming a better writer. Commit everyday to building this skill. Put in the hours and practice writing.
2. Know your “why.”
Simply put, have a message. Even if you don’t know what your message is, know that you must develop one to build up your blog. You can’t stand among the thousands of blogs out there without standing up for something, without saying what you believe.
It took me awhile to develop my message, which started as spirituality and ended at resilience. My blog’s initial premise was that you could start your spiritual journey today without moving to the Himalayas.
Today, my message is that you can make a comeback in life no matter how bad things get. In the dark of night or the depths of your darkest hour, hope and light exist.
I developed this message because it paralleled my own life. During my darkest and most difficult hour, after my marriage ended, I had a meltdown that inspired this blog. Today I’m able to share this message with others who are in similar places, whether in their careers, relationships or lives.
You will take weeks, months or possibly years to develop a message. Be patient while you craft it.
3. Pick a niche or topic you’re passionate about.
Blogging is hard work. You’re writing, almost always alone, for hours at a time. Just you, your computer, your thoughts and your writing. If you pick a topic you’re not excited about, you’ll get bored quickly and simply give up.
I love blogging because I love the topic I’m writing about: resilience, getting back up, finding your meaning in life, living your purpose. I love it because I can share a message with people who need to hear it. I can share a message with people who are in life-crushing situations and who need hope and encouragement.
It’s difficult for me to write posts on topics and subjects I don’t care about.
Sometimes you have to do work you don’t care about – like your day job. But blogging should be your “passion” business, so focus more on the passion than the business.
Of course, if you don’t have a day job or another means of earning a living, and your service-based business is completely online, you must make money doing work that you may not feel passionate about. My suggestion, then, is to get closer to the intersection of pursuing your passion and earning a living.
4. Guest post.
There are no two ways about it. You have to guest post to grow your blog.
When I publish new content, no matter how great I think it is, I never receive immediate responses or subscribers. Sure, you may have found one of my posts a few weeks or months after I wrote it, but you didn’t find it on the day I published it.
Likely, the way that you, as a new reader, found my blog was by reading an article I wrote on another blog. The best and most effective way I’ve grown my blog is by guest posting. Guest posting requires that you up your game – writing effective, high-quality content for popular blogs.
5. Make friends and get social.
To be successful as a blogger, you need a tribe of readers, followers and allies.
People will NOT simply visit because you’ve built up your blog. You will have to invite them. Let them know you exist.
In addition to guest blogging, I’ve found that these four strategies work.
Use social media to meet and connect with people in your niche. Interact with them on Twitter, share their content on Facebook and +1 their posts on Google +. Add, follow and engage your friends on social media.
Comment on other people’s blogs. If you’ve found a blogger you’d like to connect with, comment on his or her blog. Without question, the blogger will click back on your blog to learn more about you. Provide smart and insightful comments to help make the blogger’s posts even better. Other commenters and readers will also read your comment and possibly check out your page.
Email people. I’ve met some of my readers and other bloggers simply by emailing them or responding to their emails about a post that I wrote or a question they had. Email still works in terms of building relationships and meeting new people.
Meet bloggers in person. I’ve met a handful of bloggers in person through meetups, lunches and other get-togethers. If you get a chance, take the opportunity to meet a blogger in person. Don’t let your relationships always be cyber ones – bloggers are real people, too.
6. Listen to your audience.
Your audience has questions, problems and challenges. They’re willing to share their struggles with you. Be willing to listen to what they say.
Pay special attention to reader emails and questions. If you get a question repeatedly, respond to the asker by email, but also write a post addressing the question so that you can deliver your response to a bigger audience.
Survey your audience. Use Survey Monkey and send a survey to your readers, asking them about their challenges and problems. If you’re thinking about writing a book or designing a course, find out how interested in it they would be.
Your readers will willingly share their opinions and thoughts with you.
7. Work on becoming a better blogger.
Blogging, like anything else in life, is a process that takes time and practice. Here are four mini-tips on becoming a better blogger.
Learn more. So many free resources are available online to help you become a better blogger. Three sites that I read regularly are Unmistable Creative, the Middle Finger Project and Social Unmistakable Creative, The Middle Finger Project and Social Triggers. I like these blogs because they dispense free, practical tips that help me improve my blog.
Get inspired. Read and follow not only blogs that help you blog better, but also those that inspire you. Know where you’re going and what you’re trying to build. From the very beginning, three blogs have inspired me: Zen Habits, Becoming Minimalist and Tiny Buddha.
These blogs focus on topics different from mine, but they still inspire me to blog better (and, hey, even live better!). These popular blogs had strong messages that impacted people’s lives.
Collect ideas. Blog topics come from brainstorming sessions and inspiration, so always be on the lookout for ideas. Keep a journal to write down ideas when they pop up.
Your best ideas and thoughts will come to you at the most random moments.
Edit. Don’t just write a piece and hit the “publish” button. Take the time to review, edit and improve your post. If you have the funds, hire an editor to proofread and edit for grammar and spelling, and to ensure that the post makes sense.
8. Commit to the long-term.
There’s no such thing as overnight success in the blog world. Success requires relationships and blockbuster content. All of this takes time to build and create.
Are you willing to blog for the long haul? Will you spend the hours necessary to churn out content? Are you willing to put your passion to the test? Will you put yourself out there for responses (some nice and some not so nice) from your readers?
Are you willing to sacrifice several hours a week for your blog? Willing to wake up early to write, spend Friday evenings responding to readers and take all weekend working on your dreams?
9. Be helpful, generous and different.
Help and serve your audience. Solve your readers’ problems. Provide content your audience needs. If one reader has a challenge, others who come to your blog will have similar challenges.
Give generously. As a blogger, you have the opportunity to give to people on a regular basis. Freely share as much content as you’re comfortable with.
Reduce the number of ads and hindrances on your blog. Remove pop-ups and invitations for people to subscribe. Yes, such invitations are effective, but they’re also annoying.
Give by sharing other people’s content generously. Tweet a blogger’s post that you liked, or share it on your Facebook page. Keep up with blogs that you enjoy reading. Add value by leaving a comment. Show support by being there for your blogger pals.
Be different. Don’t be just another blog on the Internet. Don’t be another raincoat, umbrella or bowl of chocolate-flavored ice-cream. Be known for something. Differentiate yourself in some way so that your blog stands out in the crowded blogosphere.
Be personable, humorous or vulnerable in your writing. (And, this goes without saying, always be yourself.)
Find a way to stand out.
10. Start.
You can read articles like this from today until the next century, and still one thing won’t change: you’ll still be waiting to build up your blog.
I have one suggestion for people who aren’t sure whether they should blog. It’s what I did. Write 10 posts about the topic that interests you. No, you won’t get feedback and you won’t get comments, but you’ll prove to yourself that you can write 10 articles. If you’re able to write 10 articles and not hate the experience, you’re ready to blog.
To start:
1) Brainstorm, check and buy a domain name for your blog.
2) Get hosting services through Bluehost. (It’s affordable, reliable and the hosting that I use for Vishnu’s Virtues.) You can click here for a free blog name and 50% discount on Bluehost hosting.
3) Pick a theme like Thesis (the one I use for my blog) or Genesis (many bloggers recommend this one.)
4) Write content and click “publish.”
And, of course, let me know that you’ve started blogging. I try to keep up with as many of my readers’ blogs as I have time for. Send me a tweet on Twitter or email me using the contact form at the bottom of my blog. I’d love to check out what you’re creating.
“When you walk with purpose, you collide with destiny.”—Bertice Berry
You’ve had enough.
Enough of browsing The Huffington Post and Match.com. Enough of reading Live Your Legend articles and pinning photos of Michael Kors handbags you’d like to own one day.
You had coffee, billed a client, called your mom, billed a client, browsed Facebook 18 times and billed a client. Now you can’t wait until 8 p.m. so you can leave the office.
Your life as a corporate lawyer is soul-sucking, depressing and completely mind-numbing.
The thought runs through you. ‘Who cares about this @#$%? What does it matter who owns a piece of intellectual property? Who cares who buys who and who’s infringing on the trademark?’
As clients fight and your billables increase, you lose sleep, your hair and your sanity. Oh yeah, and your soul.
Yup, it’s time for a change.
You’ve decided to listen to the soft whispers you’ve heard your entire life, and to pursue your calling, your life’s work, your dream…
My transition to my purpose.
“Be the change you want to see in the world” is the quote from Gandhi that has had the most impact on my life. Growing up in America, I saw a world filled with inequality, injustice and powerful corporate interests that took advantage of others.
It’s why I went to law school and became a lawyer. I thought I could achieve the greatest amount of change in people’s lives, as well as in society, by helping to change laws and policies.
When I found myself filing lawsuits for unhappy neighbors, people who rear-ended each other and bitter spouses, I knew it was time to do something else.
I wanted to help people; the practice that called to me was immigration law. I also wanted to work on my own terms, so I left a stable, full-time, well-paying job at a law firm to start my own immigration practice.
Was I crazy? (Don’t answer that.)
I opened an online immigration office. During the year I spent preparing to leave my full-time job, I rented an office, built a website that advertised my legal services, and hired contractors to help with various aspects of the business.
I left my steady job and found myself immersed in the world of entrepreneurism and business. I had to quickly learn about online business, sales and marketing.
I felt overwhelmed but in my element. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I was a conduit or vehicle for families to unite, for people to build their dreams and to live their best lives in the United States.
I loved everything about the work but had to let it go when, a couple of years later, I started struggling financially. Running a new business was a challenge and I realized that I was investing much of my earnings back into the business.
I went back to a regular, full-time job, but over the next few years I experienced another strong pull to serve people, albeit in a different capacity. I found that I enjoyed coaching people more than I enjoyed doing legal work for them.
In my clients’ most critical hours, they seemed to benefit more from my coaching skills than from my legal skills. I could help people change their perspectives, reframe their situations and achieve more control of their lives.
I wanted to become a coach and I launched this blog.
As I’ve built the blog, I’ve once again gone into and out of employment. I’ve taken a coaching course and started helping people around the world build their lives after epic downfalls. I’ve helped people stand up after hitting rock bottom in their careers and relationships.
I’ve had to plan for this change, alter my lifestyle to fit my variable income and take small steps to build the business. But now more than ever I feel like I’m in my element.
I’m able to help people with their most challenging life situations by confronting the very obstacles that keep them stuck. I help them dramatically improve their lives. The people I coach have moved on from paralyzing relationships and left soul-crushing corporate careers to perform more meaningful work.
Why ditch the corporate ladder to live your purpose?
No one is asking you to quit your job and turn your life upside-down today.
Or asking you to live a life of hunger and poverty.
But you need to embark on this career change to stay true to your lifelong calling and dreams.
If you don’t know what your life calling is, that’s another story, and a discussion for another day. This post is for those of you who know what your mission in this world is. You’re just not doing anything about it. (If you’re trying to figure out your purpose, read this post, or, after signing up for my weekly updates, check out the e-book I wrote on the subject. You’ll receive a guide called “11 ways to discover your highest purpose…”.)
Consider changing your career and pursuing your dreams. Life’s too short, and you don’t want to live it in regret. You don’t want to retire in 30 years and think that you could have done so much more.
When you’re pursuing your purpose, you’re contributing your greatest good to the world. You are serving yourself by staying true to yourself. You’re having the biggest effect on people. Your purpose is a gift, and we should always share our gifts.
Finally, when you pursue your purpose and you’re in 100-percent alignment with it, you become better at what you do. You realize more opportunities and become luckier in life as circumstances fall into place.
Here are 14 tips to help you transition from your humdrum career to your purpose.
1. Seek more clarity.
Don’t jump into a new venture until you’re sure it’s what you want to do. Don’t look around and think, ‘That sounds fun,’ then dive into something that might not suit you. Don’t take big leaps until you’ve done both the internal work necessary for discovering your purpose and the practical work involved in figuring out how you’ll arrive there. In other words, plan and prepare to undergo a transition.
2. Listen to yourself.
You may be hearing soft whispers or loud chatters within yourself to pursue a calling. First, ensure it’s not the alcohol talking. Then, become more aware of this inner voice – your intuition and your guide. You may have heard it your entire life, and it may be screaming at you now to pursue your dream, live your purpose or follow your calling. Be more receptive to the messages you hear from yourself.
3. Are you passionate about it?
A good way to determine whether your plans are in line with your purpose is to discover whether you’re passionate about the new line of work.
Your passions can sustain your purpose. If you’re about to undergo a career transition, why not do something you enjoy? Why not do something that won’t feel like work? Why not do something that you LOVE? Determine those skills that you love in your current job and that you can incorporate into your next venture.
4. Are you good at it?
You have no idea how you’ll do in your new career, but consider whether your strengths transfer to that line of work. Ideally, you want to use skills and strengths that you already have and find a new place to use them. What skills and abilities does your new line of work require? Do you already have them or will you be able to develop them?
5. Earn experience in your new field.
Get it (experience) any way you can – attend workshops, volunteer, take part in an internship or find another way to jam your foot in the door. Can you build the skills for your next venture in your current job? Can you work in a different department or on different projects that will help you hone the skills you’ll need for your new career? Can you transfer divisions at your current job, or receive training for work you’ll do after you leave your current position?
6. Freelance or consult.
A great way to test your new interest or your lifelong calling is to consult. Become a freelancer and work for a flat fee or an hourly fee (or for no fee if you’re just starting out). Give yourself an opportunity to test your big move while you still have a job.
How valuable can you be to people? How can you foster change? How much can you learn while helping and serving others?
By consulting and freelancing, you’ll develop a better idea regarding whether you’d like to pursue your purpose full-time.
7. No more school.
Unless your calling is to be a heart surgeon or to represent people in court, don’t think that you need another degree or more education. You can do 95 percent of what you want to do by acquiring more experience, conducting your own research and taking online courses that help you better understand your business or career. Don’t feel as though you must go into debt or take out loans to pursue your calling. Don’t let your finances or the excuse of more school stop you from moving toward your purpose.
Don’t get me wrong – a few professional fields require that you obtain another degree or license. But you definitely don’t need a certificate from a fashion school to start a fashion line or a culinary degree to open your own restaurant. Be creative and resourceful, and learn on the job.
8. Prepare.
If you’re planning to change careers, research your next venture. Read, find information online, talk to people and determine what you’ll need during your transition. Give yourself enough time to prepare professionally, personally, financially and mentally.
9. Save up.
Start preparing your finances if you’re pursuing something risky or that will leave you with unstable income for the foreseeable future. If you’ll be starting a business, consulting or going from a full-time salaried job to an entrepreneurial project, ensure that you have enough savings to cover your basic expenses for the next 6 to 12 months.
10. Scale down.
If you’re living large now but will be taking a dramatic shift in the opposite direction when you start your business, scale down to reduce your personal expenses. Move to a less costly apartment, pay off your car, and reduce expenses like cable and your wine-of-the-month-club membership.
11. Seek mentors.
Before you take the jump, find mentors in the field. Use your current contacts or even new LinkedIn contacts to learn more about the field you’re interested in.
When I decided to transition from my previous job to coaching, I reached out to other coaches, speakers and personal development experts who do this kind of work. Some I contacted online and some I contacted in person. I asked people to put me in touch with their own contacts who were coaches.
Every mentor you meet can provide you with ideas, inspiration and practical information about your future career.
12. Build your network.
Although you should have a strong network regardless of where you are in your career, this is especially important when you transition to a new field.
You’ll need allies, partners and people to hire you. Find out who they are and reach out to them. If you’re moving to a new field and don’t have contacts in that industry, start meeting them.
Find out which LinkedIn groups your tribe belongs to. Determine what events and associations represent the people you’re interested in working with. Learn the speakers and leaders in that field.
Attend events and workshops to meet potential allies and clients.
13. Rebrand yourself.
Most people have trouble with this part, but it’s critical if you’re undergoing a career change. Here are a few ways to rebrand yourself so that you’re able to tell a new story.
You’ll have to reframe your past experiences so they mesh with your new line of work. Whatever you’ve done in the past, you must explain it in terms of your new career. You must help people see the connection between your former skills and your current position. You must demonstrate how your former skills and abilities are relevant today.
Let’s say you used to work in banking but now consult for small businesses. What are the skills and abilities you have from your past life that can serve others now?
Or let’s say you were in sales but are now trying to become a teacher. You must highlight your sales strengths (listening, problem solving, helping people) and demonstrate how they apply to your current job.
If you’re a stockbroker who wants to work for a charity, determine which skills and abilities you can transfer. You must show that your ability to decide wisely, perform thorough analyses and communicate effectively are relevant to your new job. Your ability to work well in team-based environments, and with others in general, is also key.
You must rebrand everything about yourself – from your resume and LinkedIn account to the way you talk about yourself to other people.
One effective way to rebrand yourself is to look for jobs that you’re not only interested in but that align with your purpose. Look up a sample job description that provides information about your industry of interest and that lists the skills and qualifications you’ll need. When you analyze those criteria, think about all the actions you’re taking now that are on that list. This will tell you exactly how you should rebrand yourself.
14. Stay true to yourself.
As you narrow down your purpose and pursue what you should be doing in this world, you’ll meet both internal and external resistance. In terms of your own resistance, you must ensure that what you’re doing aligns with your values. You must challenge negative beliefs.
In terms of resistance from others, you must acknowledge that you will face judgment. Society wants you to conform to what it finds acceptable.
How do you stand up to societal expectations and family pressures?
As certified life passion coach Barrie Davenport has written, “The secret to non-conformity is the willingness to accept discomfort for a time – to accept the anxiety of uncertainty, the fear of the unknown, and the tension of possible rejection. By accepting the inevitability of these feelings from the get-go, you can dilute some of the discomfort. The rest will disappear over time as you become comfortable – even excited – about being your own person.”
You must be willing to not fight over it, to not force others to understand what you’re doing and to simply stay true to your life’s calling. If what you want to do diverges from the straight path that others follow, stay vigilant and focused on your mission in life.
Thank you for tweeting out this post and liking it on Facebook. Photo credit *Billy Gast
Interested in discovering and transitioning to your life’s purpose? Please visit my life direction coaching page here. Pick up my book on changing careers here.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
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