Welcome to my friend and first guest post contributor – Razwana Wahid, founder of Your Work Is Your Life.
This month marks the seventh month I have been living on my own in Paris. On my own meaning I share the city with around 2 million other people, but I started off having no friends or family to welcome me when I arrived. Being a little British-Asian girl from a small town in the north of England, and given that my sole purpose in life was supposed to be getting married and having children, this is quite an achievement for me.
I was never supposed to amount to anything. Achievement or success was not on the cards. In fact, the cards were of a completely different colour. But as I grew older, I realised I had a taste for bigger things. Well, pretty small things to most people, but big for me, given the expectations of me were so low.
So I left my small town, moved to London, had a blast, and then moved to Paris.
Pretty cool (for me).
But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I want to do more. I want to feel like I am growing – in physical strength, emotional intelligence, and self esteem.
Do you feel the same? Do you want to do more with your life; making changes now that you know will change you forever?
I am marking 2013 as the year of achievement. It’s the year we all set goals for ourselves and achieve them, with flair and style (and in heels if you’re anything like me).
But before you set out to achieve those goals, there are a few things to consider. Five, to be precise:
1. Courage comes after the act, not before
A common misconception about courage is that you have to have some before you do anything.
Au contraire.
The truth about courage is that it is built within you over time – as you are doing, not before you do anything.
Remember Popeye? Those cartoons fed us one big, fat, lie. He would eat a can of spinach to give him strength and courage, eliminating all his fear, before challenging his opponent.
In reality, the fear never actually goes away – you just have to channel it differently.
People we admire are as scared as the rest of us. Do you think Felix Baumgartner drank a dose of courage before putting on his space suit? His courage was built as he remained committed to his goal. If he had waited until he had the strength to achieve it (and it took him 7 years of planning and work) he would never have even completed the thought, let alone put on his suit.
The simple truth is: you don’t know what you are capable of until you test yourself. You are capable of more than you realise.
So to be courageous– do more of the stuff you are scared of.
2. ‘I don’t’ is more powerful than ‘I can’t’
One of those ‘I’ statements is empowering; the other is the beginning of excuses.
Let’s take vegetarians as an example. Do you think vegetarians think to themselves:
‘I know I said I’m a vegetarian, but just this once, I will have a steak’
No.
Their statement is simple: ‘I don’t eat meat’.
Saying ‘I don’t’ makes your intention clear. You have made this decision. ‘I can’t’ implies you don’t have the ability.
Now, of course, there are some changes that we make that do not necessarily mean we stick to them 100% of them time. For example, I’ve made a commitment to wake up at 5.30am so I can work on my blog. Will I do this every day? Definitely not!
If you decide you are going to do something but will also take some breaks, then…
3. It is not OK to take a break…
…when it is not planned.
We all have moments of weakness when we start something new. But high achievers already know those moments of weakness will occur. So what do they do?
They plan for them in advance.
Using the example of my goal to wake up at 5.30am without considering any moments of weakness:
My alarm goes off. I open my eyes and evaluate how I feel on that particular morning. Given that it’s still winter and dark outside, I will decide ‘well, just this once, I’ll press snooze; I can wake up early tomorrow’. What are the chances I will actually get up when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning? Pretty much zero. This will continue on until 2 weeks have passed and I am feeling like a complete loser because I haven’t achieved my goal at all.
However, if I have planned which day I will not wake up early, then I know that that day is my ‘cheat’ day and I can stick to my schedule knowing I have a day of indulgence just around the corner.
It’s only human to fall off the wagon, don’t use this as an excuse to slack off. Plan your humanness into your schedule.
4. The purpose of ‘what if’s’ is to ignore them
What if I decide to have a Paleo diet and I then have no social life because all my friends like to eat is burgers and fries?
What if I go running every morning and eventually damage my knees?
What if I start my blog and nobody reads a word of it?
The ‘what if’s’ are also referred to as fears. Fears hold you back from starting anything.
The easiest way of managing fear is to listen to Vishnu – seriously! Read this post on conquering fear here. It contains all you need to know.
Yes, the ‘what if’s’ matter, but only when they don’t hold you back. Do think of the worst case scenario and consider what you would do if the worst case occurs. Is it really that bad? No? Then ignore this and move on to figuring out how you will achieve your goal.
But remember….
5. Planning = Procrastination
There is a time to plan, and there is a time to do.
A plan is an obvious first step. However, sitting and planning for weeks on end is comfortable and means you don’t actually have to do anything.
How do you feel when you tell your friends you your plans, like quitting your job or travel the world. Doesn’t the mere concept of achieving something feel fantastic?
And how would it feel to actually achieve it? 10 times better, right?
So consider how you would feel if you talked about doing something, but never actually took one step towards it? Not so great, huh?
Are you ready to make 2013 the year of achievement?
Let’s make a commitment to test our abilities. Make it big or make it small. Anything.
Set a date. Make a plan. Get it done.
What fear is holding you back? What will you do to curb the fear and get the achievement-train moving? Please share your thoughts in the comment below.
Razwana Wahid is the founder of Your Work Is Your Life, a movement created around finding wildly wonderful work and a courageous career path you’re truly passionate about. Read more at http://www.yourworkisyourlife.com
Free air-conditioning and rent. What could get better than this?
It was 1:30 a.m.
I was startled awake by a loud knocking on the door. My friend’s roommate had returned a week earlier than planned, and would be needing the room.
Yes, the very room I was sleeping in. That very night.
I hurriedly packed my things, cleaned up, and moved to the comforts of the nearby living room where a beaten-up sofa welcomed me.
I have been couch-surfing ever since.
After sleeping in spare rooms – and on couches – for the past 6 months, I’ve started reflecting on my life.
Can it get any worse?
I now own sufficiently few possessions that they can all fit in my car. I’m equipped to travel with all my worldly possessions in tow: clothes, dishes, laundry basket, ironing board, lamps…
I’m also technically homeless, as I no longer have a permanent residence. My brother has been generous enough to provide a temporary room (and a mailing address) when I need it. My friend Diane kindly let me stay at her home on my last job.
I became jobless the day my last campaign ended in November. Although I should be accustomed to the fact that my employed life ends on election days due to the nature of my work in grassroots activism, it’s still unsettling and terrifying for the period of unemployment that follows.
I also became legally single more than a year ago after a sad – if amicable – divorce. Divorce changed everything I had known about my place in the world and my future and left me lost and searching for meaning.
During this time, I grew increasingly isolated. I eventually stopped contacting my unsupportive parents, who couldn’t see past a wounded family name to be supportive during difficult circumstances.
So, yes, to sum up my life at the moment: homeless, unemployed, divorced and isolated. And don’t forget couch-surfing, with all my worldly belongings in my vehicle.
Can it get any better?
Upon further reflection, I also realized that the four months I spent traveling in Central America last year were some of the best I’d had.
When I returned, I started working on a series of independent and freelance jobs, work which I put very little effort into finding. In fact, a recent project that came out of nowhere might actually turn into a full-fledged business.
Not having a home has allowed me to travel up and down the beautiful state of California. I’ve been grateful to reconnect with friends of new and old who’ve take me in, treated me like an honored guest, fed me, and opened their homes to me.
Not having a spouse has allowed me time to seek out many old friends, family friends, new friends, and blogger friends. So many relationships which have been rekindled, refreshed and renewed.
I’ve immersed myself in weeks of Spanish classes, lived in homes with beautiful views….
A beautiful view of the California bay.
I also attended nearly a month of Sunday church services at the Cavalry Chapel in Chino Hills, Baptist church services in San Diego and a visit to the Zen Center in San Francisco.
Are these the best of times? Or the worst of times?
I find it hard to think of myself as unemployed, homeless, divorced and alienated from my parents. I’ve found, instead, that the people in my life now bring me infinite happiness, the temporary housing has brought me into contact with wonderful people and places to live, unemployment has brought forth exciting opportunities, and spiritual discoveries have helped me uncover lessons of a lifetime!
Here are 6 life lessons I’ve learned in the process.
1) Change happens. Embrace it. I once hated change like you hate being pick-pocketed. It can be intrusive and inconvenient. One minute you have something, the next minute you don’t.
But I’ve realized that being able to adapt to changing circumstances makes you stronger, wiser and calmer. Change can be unsettling, but it also spurs growth. I’ve learned to embrace change, rather than shy away from it. Now, I welcome it.
2) The universe knows better than you. Trust it. I used to demand that my life work out a certain way, always trying to be in control of the circumstances. When life took its own twists and turns, I realized I could no longer do that. And the universe was infinitely wise in bringing me opportunities that were a perfect fit for me.
3) Friendship is a choice. Cherish it. While I am no longer with my spouse, or in touch with my parents, I’ve created much stronger bonds with everyone else in my life. My brother, who I fought with growing up, has been both supportive and helpful. I’ve strengthened relationships with many friends from my past, and reconnected with many people who fell out of touch.
Since friendships are a choice, you can make a choice to value them and work on them.
4) Gratefulness is a practice. Thank it. Although so many bad things have happened, so many great things have also swooped in. I’m grateful for the positive people, circumstances and energy I have found.
When you notice, acknowledge and appreciate the positive events in your life, you invite more of the same in.
5) Happiness is a choice. Choose it. Here’s the thing about happiness: you’re confronted with many opportunities to be happy each day. I have come to realize that I can choose happiness in every decision. So, I choose to be happy in both the simple and big events in my life. The people you’re with, the places you go, the work you do – all are laden with choices.
You have the power to choose happiness, and that’s a compelling feeling.
6) Happiness comes from within. Be it. You don’t have to go very far to be happy. No one person or event or job will make you happy. Happiness is an everyday practice. And more importantly, it comes from within. You have the ability to be happy exactly where you are, without doing one thing more.
Find the happiness in what you have, where you are, in the moment.
“I could chose to see this differently.” – A course in miracles*
I used to feel like I had so much control over my life. Now I feel like I’ve surrendered my life to the universe, and it leads ME.
I used to be so averse to change. Now I welcome it, accepting that it’s a part of life.
I used to strive towards happiness someday. Now, I simply choose to find it every day.
I used to hate falling. But now I realize that, the more I fall, the more I learn and the quicker I get back up.
Where you are in life has a lot to do with perspective. If you’re willing to change your perspective, the world around you changes.
Have you had life experiences that were both positive and negative at the same time? Something that was painful, but spurred personal and spiritual growth in the end? Please share your thoughts in the comments below. * If you would like to share your story through a guest post, please reach out to me. * Thanks for sharing this wonderful quote Galen.
I wanted to take a quick moment to thank the 18 of you for reading my blog. You know who you are.
And let you know that your support and encouragement has led to this year’s blogging resolution – to blog weekly.
Thunderous applause.
Dead silence of a meditation hall.
What you get.
You – my dear reader get to hear from me once a week. What do you mean, thanks for nothing? Hear me out – I will commit to writing for you every week of the year. And yes, this post counts.
When we’re done, you won’t need a spiritual adviser, career coach, or life strategist. You’ll just need therapy.
Is that really your resolution, Vishnu?
Yes, it is. My resolution for the new year is to blog weekly and to give more of myself every day. Lucky for you, I’m going to give you a blog post every Monday. Like it or not.
Where were we?
Oh yeah, how in God’s name am I going to keep up this project and write 50,000 words for the year?
Well, that’s a question between me, God, and my virtual assistant who’s listed blog editing work as part of his job duties. (Writing is editing ultimately, isn’t it?)
I really have no idea if I’m going to start my resolution and keep it but I do have 7 strategies I plan to use for myself to try to make this goal happen.
Now that you’ve done that, are you interested in learning more about your brain and why it sometimes conspires against you? Life coach Tim Brownson has a whole book on the subject of your brain. Find out how yawning cools your brain, why people staring at you bothers your brain, and why you’re 4 times more likely to marry someone with the same last name as you. I highly recommend this fascinating book to everyone who has one. A brain that is.
Second, do you need a job in the new year? Well, if you need to brush up your resume and cover letter (or need a full makeover) and want to work with someone who gets the psychology of job huntin’ and knows how to market ‘you’ like the personal branding expert she is, visit Jenny Foss’s site. She’s hilarious and her advice is spot on!
If you’re working in a full time job but want to know how to start a part-time gig or freelance, join this free webinar with Alexis Grant at the Traveling Writer and you’ll be able to launch your side hustle like a rock star.
If you’re searching for your dream or need to figure out how to execute it, who better than the man we all know as 30 Year Old Ninja -just another person out there who quit his job and move to Japan to become a ninja. You know how the story goes. If you have no idea what I’m talking about but want to follow your own dream, check out his coaching services.
If you’re looking for some daily food for thought, my friend Andrew Olson’s blog, creatively titled www.blogandrew.com showcases intriguing, life-changing and provocative thoughts. He’s planning to write a post every day for the next year. Oh, I said every. single. day! His philosophy is to blog different – check it out.
This next item is just a quick way for me to win a free book and have Milo to pay for international shipping. He seems to be highly praise-worthy of Seth Godin’s book, the Icarus Deception. Milo, in the words of Seth Godin’s book Linchpin, “you’re a genius”. Now, my shipping address is 7809 Rosewo… Actually, if you’d like to win a book and do a more detailed review than you’ve seen here, check out the contest Milo’s running.
Writer and novelist, Ali Luke, has her latest book out on the Blogger’s Guide to Loyal Readers. I should have probably read this book before I started this blog but I don’t think it would be too late to read about how I’ve really screwed up blogging.
If you know a kid facing family problems, like living with an alcoholic loved one, children’s author Jody Lamb has written a novel for tween readers dealing with alcoholism or other family problems. The book is filled with hope and inspiration. And life lessons, even for adults, which I will be writing about soon.
And finally, one of the funniest people I know online has taken his game, his wife and his life to Southeast Asian. Keep up with Bjorn at Culturemutt who reminds us with every post that we probably should be doing something else with our lives.
And really finally, Marcella Chamorro, just uploaded her TED talk in Nicaragua about how to take the skills from our past-times and hobbiesand apply them to our everyday life. Check out the video (with English subtitles) here.
I hope these links inspire, motivate and improve your life.
It’s almost the new year! Which only means one thing: new year’s resolutions to be made. And broken.
Why do you have such a hard time following through with your New Year’s resolutions?
Why don’t you complete and meet your goals?
How can you actually achieve your goals in life?
Great questions! I don’t have the answer to any of them.
So I spent a part of my holiday trying to figure out how we can actually achieve our goals.
Life coach and life coach trainer, Susan Fox, shed some light on the subject of how to achieve goals. Susan’s a professional life coach who helps her clients get motivated and inspired to get things done in life.
Check out the video below to learn more about how to achieve your goals, resolutions, and inner-most wants and desires.
Well, not sure about the last part but she does give you actionable steps you can take to achieve your personal goals and new year’s resolutions.
(Spoiler alert – there’s no magic pill, magic bullet or abracadabra involved)
Thanks for doing this interview Susan! If you’re looking for a terrific life coach, visit Susan’s site for more information. If you’re interested in a full workshop on achieving your goals for the new year, Susan will help you reboot your brain in late January. Details here.
Do you have a lot of goals planned for the new year? If you have a goal-achieving tip which can help others, please share in the comments below.
Are you terrified this table-flippng New Jersey housewife will become your neighbor?
As the cabin door opened, I felt the Central American humidity and a strong dose of fear strike me. “How am I ever going to survive this trip?” I thought to myself.
I’m not the most adventurous traveler, haven’t traveled on my own previously and never been in a country where I didn’t know the language well.
I was afraid of being kidnapped, of getting lost, of being robbed, of losing my plane ticket and my passport, of not being able to speak Spanish well enough on the street to find a place to eat and then starving to my death in hunger!
How was I going to make it through Costa Rica and Central America for the next few months?
My fears had instantly become real as the stewardess was rattling off welcome greetings in Spanish and passengers stood up ready to make a mad dash to the exit.
I feared my body ending up in one of these carriages if things had gone horribly wrong in Nicaragua. NO BUENO.
What are you afraid of?
Fear is that pesky internal talk within ourselves that makes us imagine the worst outcome, makes us doubt ourselves and prevents us from being our best selves. Regardless of real or make-belief, fear is crippling and damaging to each of our lives.
As my friend Caroline just wrote , fear of success and fear of failure keeps us right where we are in life without allowing us to move forward.
We are afraid of trying out something new and failing because we don’t want to look bad, fall on our face, be laughed at or be ridiculed. (And I’m not just talking about the first time I went skiing a couple years ago.)
We are also afraid of success because we fear change, alienation from people close to us and simply being our best selves.
When trying out something or taking on a new challenge, fear holds us back from excelling.
The best-kept secret to conquering fear.
I’ve found one of the best secrets to conquering fear is reflecting upon past similar successes when you conquered fear.
Remember that trip to Central America that terrified me?
I reflected upon the times I did travel by myself, the times that I was in an unfamiliar country (trips to India when I was younger) and other travel successes. I realized that I had successfully made it through each of those travel challenges and enjoyed myself (and lived to talk about them).
Naturally, my travel adventure was one of the best ones in my life. It was a journey to self-discovery and overcoming my fears of travel.
Reflect on past success when facing uncertainty or the unknown (and when filled with self-doubt and fear)
In my travel fears, I had to reflect upon my past successes and ability to overcome my fears in past situations, to remind myself that I had overcome that fear before and will do so again.
Now, you may be afraid of doing something in your life. Before you take another step, do this:
1) Acknowledge the fear and why you’re scared of doing something. The first step to conquering fear is realizing you’re in fact scared of something.
2) Accept that the fear is real in that it’s holding you back but unreal that it’s likely the worst case scenario you’re imagining. Fear is usually a trumped up feeling of inadequacy and a creation of your mind.
3) Whatever it is you are afraid of, look at and reflect upon those similar past events in your life. If you are afraid of starting a new career, look at how you achieved success in your past career. If you’re afraid of giving a speech, reflect upon all the positive speeches you’ve given. If you’re afraid of whipping up a gourmet meal for your mother-in-law and getting her approval, good luck!
4) Go forth with confidence. Know that you’ve done it well before and will do it well again. Use your previous success and ability to overcome challenges to help you conquer your fears!
A small change is that I’m now back in the States after nearly four months of travel in Central America. I’m glad to be home after my travel adventure. While I loved every minute of my trip, coming home is a welcome change.
Big changes can be life-altering events; unexpected and sometimes traumatic. Some of the changes I talk about in my recent guest post on Tiny Buddha sure felt that way.
As unexpected and traumatic as change can be, change happens. We can’t do anything about stopping change. We either embrace change or get crushed by it.
It took me a few life lessons to embrace change but I think enough life shake-ups helped me come to terms with change and embrace it.
The lessons I learned about change through some of my life experiences were featured on the Tiny Buddha blog recently.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
