I’m a first generation Filipino immigrant to the United States and I’ve got a legit American passport to prove it.
In our first-time plane journey, Mom and I flew to the U.S. from the Philippines to begin our new lives. It all started from one of those pen-pal services that my mom joined pre-online dating sites. Sounds like a ‘Mail Order Brides’ kind of operation to me but who am I to judge?
Mom did what she had to do. All she selflessly wanted was a better life for me.
I spent my whole life growing up in the States; from pre-school through college.
I even worked my first two “professional jobs” in the U.S. We’d visit the Philippines every couple years if money allowed it and when I had those long summer vacations. My last visit was at the age of twenty with Mom. By that time, I was already telling my Tita (aunt) that I wanted to visit on my own next time and really travel the Philippines.
I forgot about this prophetic comment until my next visit six years later. I was twenty-five going on twenty-six.
Newly emerged from a self-proclaimed “quarterlife crisis” in which I had let go of a 5 year long relationship complete with house, mortgage and a dog. That was slowly killing that fire within, that frees-spirit, that wanderlust that I always had. I knew I had to make big changes and so I walked away.
I uprooted my entire life just to reverse all the opportunities I’d known to embrace my Filipino culture and living with my own people.
I thought returning home would be ‘a spiritual coming home’ experience – a return to my roots. I was going back to the homeland. I’m still here now, but it ain’t all bed and roses. Sometimes, it’s wooden floors and coconuts. It’s a strange sort of culture clash, when you’ve all but lost your own culture.
5 Challenges of Returning Home
1. IDENTITY or “Being Told I’m not Pinoy.”
The term ‘Pinoy’is used to describe a person from the Philippines; a Filipino.
Pinoy can also refer to the native culture of the Philippines. e.g. “Woke up to bad karaoke blasting from the neighbors singing Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat It’. That’s so Pinoy!”
I have had many times, especially during when I first landed, where people have told me to my face that I am ‘not Pinoy’.
Who am I if I’m not even Filipino?
Are Filipino-Americans, particularly the Filipino-Americans who don’t know their own language fluently (guilty), such aliens?
Am I a freak?
Do I not belong in my country of birth?
Who am I if I’m not Pinoy?
The comments stung as I grasped for a sense of my own ever-changing identity.
Who am I if I’m not Pinoy and these aren’t my people? Identity is a real bitch.Each devaluation, regardless of the cultural context (OK, so I know I’m not as “Pinoy” as I am “American”), is a kick in the gut. It hurts.
2. ICE COLD SHOWERS or “Going Native.”
Joel Runyon, who runs the popular Impossible HQ, thought it would be weird and crazy to take cold showers for a month just because he can.
I mean, who does that!?
Filipinos.
And probably a big chunk of the world population not in the top 8% we call America. Cold showers are a reality for developing countries and “going native”.
Filling buckets of cold water and using little “dippers” to dump water over my head is a reality for most, especially in the province (Bonus points if you can do this outside with your clothes on. DOUBLE bonus if you can do this outside in your birthday suit. Context is everything. And if you’re wondering, heck yeah, I’ve done both.).
Despite the humid, hot environment, cold showers still take some getting used to.
My technique?
Grabbing my boobs with both hands to cover them while simultaneously jumping up and down with flip-flops (it’s weird to shower barefoot) under the shower. Once I get used to the temperature I let go of my boobs and hang loose, baby! So who’s the crazy one now?
3. CULTURE SHOCK or ‘You’re so yuppy!’
Culture shock is a broad category that can cover a myriad of situations and examples.
But the opposite of ‘Pinoy’ and not being culturally “native” is being ‘sosyal’ (think “social” with an accent). This term refers to the higher-class, often “yuppy” groups of Westernized socialites and urbanites out of touch with their native culture. These social elites live in high rises and not the bahay kubo (“high rise” house on stilts made out of bamboo that the provincial poor dwell in).
I am the LEAST poshy least social person ever and I live in the slums but I still get labeled ‘yuppy’ because it also refers to the mindset, if not the lifestyle, of a Westernized person.
(By the way, things like using utensils to eat instead of a fork and spoon gets you marked a sosyal!?!)
4. GIMME A KISS AND YO’ US DOLLARS or “Family Obligation.”
Money is a real bitch here, and family members are expected to help out collectively, for the greater good of the family. That’s all fine and dandy but it also means you can get taken advantage of as the “rich” Westerner. This was completely new to me having gone back for the first time by myself.
This is a huge culture shock for someone trying to travel and live on a budget!
Add to this the passive-aggressive communication style. How my aunts would call my mom on the phone to talk about how I wasn’t paying and my mom would call me to tell me I needed to pay. Big turn off.
To this day, I still hesitate visiting knowing that I’m expected to shell out money, and being guilt tripped if I don’t.
Now that’s so Pinoy!
At my current rate, trying to build my web/blog design business (www.byjanet.net), I’m just trying to survive like the rest of the ‘Pinoys’, with very little money to spare.
5. SLUMS or “I’m a Survivor.”
My life is so much different than it was a few years ago. I am now living in the Manila slums when I found my money run dry and was faced with living in the cheapest rent of the city that I could find.
This is like a season of “Survivor” but I guarantee you there’s no million dollar grand prize if I survive.
Not surviving means not making rent or having dinner!
My ‘coming home’ path wasn’t the path I had imagined but I’m certain it is the path that will ultimately make me succeed as a person.
Coming home does have it’s plusses – I am with my people (like it or not) I speak Tagalog daily (so Pinoy!).
I eat with my hands (more often at least) I’ve learnt persistence, survival skills and become more of a local than when I first landed here.
You know what? It feels good to be home.
Did you enjoy Janet’s story? Have you had to ‘go home’? Was your return home anything like Janet’s experience? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below
Janet Brent is a straight-up Pinoy, still living in the Phillipines and chasing her entrepreneurial dreams. She works with creative and holistic writers and authors to build web platforms, design ebooks and assists with product launches over at the Purple Panda. She’s also living on $2 U.S. dollars a day this month.
Is it too late to go back to my regular life in Brooklyn?
If you’re a spiritual-seeker hunting for the truth, you might feel like you’re regularly letting yourself down.
You don’t have enough hours in the day to play chauffeur to the kids, be a fabulous manager at work, and super-volunteer in your church and community.
You may feel like your spiritual pursuits go to the wayside. You’d like to live a more spiritual and religious life but you’re just not able to do it ALL.
Wouldn’t it be nice to give it all up, move to a local mountain-side commune and spend the rest of your life seeking self-realization?
Should you disappear into the forests once and for all until you’ve become an enlightened human?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Learn to find spirituality in the world you live in.
You don’t have to pack up the suitcases, sell the house, abandon your family and hit the closest mountain resort to live the monastic lifestyle with a religious community.
You can be just where you are and continue to seek the spiritual life.
Learn to live in the ‘real’ (ok, “illusionary”) world.
You will learn many spiritual lessons in the world you live in today.
You want to move to the ashram, mountains or cave to find enlightenment. But you’re not going to find it there. Well, you might find it there but you’re not going to get to realization if you can’t conquer living in the places you do now.
You’re not going to get traffic jams, lawsuits, suspicious neighbors, antagonistic supervisors, penny-pinching landlords and rebellious children in the ashram!
You’re not going to get offended, heart-broken, crushed, pained, lied to, saddened, depressed in a mountain setting.
No money worries, loved ones dying, divorce, bankruptcy, failure, when you’re solely in deep spiritual pursuits.
Balance your spiritual life with your material life.
Your life gives you plenty of opportunities to practice spirituality: it allows you to confront people and circumstances who will hijack your peace and test your patience.
Not wanting to punch the motorcyclist who just cut you off on the freeway is a divine practice.
Choosing to forgive the man who just duped you of your life’s savings is a spiritual exercise.
Your life allows you to tame your ego, perfect your character and make choices about how you accept your life’s circumstances.
You will also have time for inner spiritual growth, mindfulness and prayer.
You can bring in spiritual practices into your life if you simply prioritize the importance of them.
Start small spiritual habits and be consistent with them.
A little spirituality every day.
Become a better person every day. Build your character every day. Find the spiritual answers to your life’s problems and circumstances.
Take the high road. Take the spiritual road. Give. Forgive. Love.
Be mindful. Peaceful. Thoughtful. Generous. Soul-Centered.
Use every situation and encounter to practice love.
Build up small spiritual practices daily that recognizes the divine. Practices which allows you to reflect on your mind and see through the illusions of the material world.
Stop the “I don’t have time excuse”
You may want to move to the ashram or commune of your dreams because you’ll have all the time in the world there to pursue your spiritual desires.
Pursue those desires right from where you are.
Make time for the things that matter in your life.
If you’d like to seek God, wake up earlier to reflect upon Him.
If you’d like clarity, be mindful throughout the day and spend a few minutes each day watching your thoughts drift through your mind.
Breathe.
Find the time. Make the time. Schedule the time.
Refuse to live by the “all or nothing” strategy some realized beings have taken.
You DO NOT have to go all in. You DO NOT have to spend every minute and every hour in prayer and meditation. You don’t have to do that remotely, in silence or by yourself.
You can chose the middle path. You can straddle the world you live in with the spiritual world.
You can be in the world. You don’t have to be of the world.
You don’t have to choose between the normal life of suburbia and family against the spiritual world of realized beings.
You can seek your best self and find your highest source of inspiration in daily life and everyday moments.
Forgive yourself for imperfections and keep trying every day.
If you’re human, you’ll have a bad day. You’ll fall off the fire-truck when putting out a fire.
You’ll blow half your salary on the roulette table.
Commit perjury, adultery, forgery, thievery and find yourself with all kind of other quandaries.
You might not have time today for silence, meditation, prayer, divinity.
Intentionally hurt someone else.
Refused to forgive a parent who’s wounded you.
Ignored your friends who desperately seek your help.
Refused to let go of your ego so you can salvage the friendship.
When you fall off the path to self-knowledge and enlightenment, keep going. Start over. Start again.
Do not move to the woods, mountains or your favorite religious order in search for the truth.
Friends, if you ever tell me you’re moving to the woods to spend the rest of your life trying to reach enlightenment, I’m going to do three things. First, get a hold of my ex-wife, a psychiatrist, to give you a special rate on weekly therapy. Second, contact the local police department to try to stop your planned-escape and finally, spend the rest of my time trying to track you down and bringing you back to your regular life.
Don’t take the easy way out.
Refuse to disengage completely from people, circumstances and the pressures of the world around you.
Listen, you’re hearing this straight from someone who would be first in line to join a monastery, new religious order or cult. If there’s a promise of free meals and self-realization, I’d get in line like your zealous holiday shopper, setting up a tent overnight to purchase my flat screen tv.
I’m not going to join the order. The brotherhood. The nunhood. Or any ‘hood’ with anyone wearing robes, saffron sheets or sunbathing in the nude.
I’m going to stay and fight. Fight, you say. Fight what?
Fight to come to terms with your human self. To become a better version of you.
Fight your anger, ego, desires, imperfections and all of your human qualities. Fight to become a better person.
You can’t fight in isolation without other humans, without worldly problems and without being challenged. In my opinion, that’s the easy way out.
Let’s confront our nemesis, face our ego, work on our shortfalls. Let’s work on loving our Creator more every day while we’re fighting the battles of our daily lives.
Ever thought about living the life of monastic? (Oh, you haven’t. 🙂 )
To pick up my book, Is God Listening, about God, spirituality and resiliency, click here.
Lord, shut down this blog. Then, please save this man's soul.
4 a.m.’s in the prayer room.
I’d be trying to stay awake while folded up in an uncomfortable lotus-style seating position next to my devoted grandparents.
The smell of camphor and incense sticks either put me in a dreamy daze or might have made me high. I haven’t quite determined which – did the camphor and incense sticks set up the atmosphere necessary for hallucinations or spiritual awakenings?
As my grandparents arranged fresh garden flowers upon the statutes of Siva, Ganesh and the Goddess Lakshmi, I found myself in and out of consciousness. When they noticed, I’d pep up and chant a verse or two of their morning devotionals with them. When their eyes were closed in prayer, I would be in a deep slumber.
From the earliest days of childhood through growing up in Northern California, with daily home prayers and pujas, regular visits to temples that were no closer than a 6-hour drive away by car and two Sunday school classes (nope, not just on Sunday’s either) I grew up in a strong Hindu family with a strong faith.
You grow up with your family’s religion.
Similar to your favorite foods and political views, you most likely practice the religion of your family.
Your eating preferences, life-style, health habits, and ‘eccentric’ personality were probably all shaped by your immediate family or loved one.
Now, if you grew up soaking in the Talmud and spent all your after-school hours playing chess at the synagogue, you’re most like a practicing Jew.
If you grew up with rosary-chanting grandparents, daily Mass attendance and spent a good portion of the year sacrificing hard liquor, horse betting or Cappuccinos , you’re most likely a practicing Catholic today. Or at least, go to Mass on Christmas eve 🙂 and call in your prayers when Notre Dame takes on the Wolverines every year on the football field.
What if the religion you grew up with doesn’t fit you?
We grow up with the faith and religious traditions of our families but they may not necessarily be yours.
Once you start confronting your faith and resolving if it’s a right fit for you, like those high school jeans you still try to fit into but have clearly outgrown, you wonder if the religion of your parents is the one for you.
Does the God and tradition of your faith resonate with you? Are you going to find enlightenment here? Do the scriptures seem palatable to you?
Experiment your way to your faith.
While your parents and family may think this practice I’m about to suggest is bizarre or blasphemous and I’m anticipating bans of this blog by most major world religions – why not give other traditions and religious practices a fair shake?
1) Visit other houses of worship. If you’re not familiar with church-hopping, I highly recommend you give it a try. Not just a church, but maybe a temple, synagogue or gudwara. And of course this is only for those of you not practicing your faith, may not believe in or have lingering questions about your faith.
2) Take other friends with you who can explain their faiths and traditions to you. I started going to church with friends who were familiar with the traditions and the practices. That’s the main reason I didn’t take money out of the tithing plates or ask for a second glass of wine at Mass. You need to attend the new place of worship with someone who can lead the way.
3) Use opportunities you meet with leaders and practicing members of other faiths to question (cross-examine) them. If you see folks wearing robes of other religious traditions, like Buddhist monks or Jain priests, do not, I repeat do not, call Homeland Security. Instead, befriend them and ask about their faith, practice and beliefs. You can determine once and for all, if they’re in la la land or they’re sitting on ancient truths and wisdom you should look into yourself.
4) Start practicing and attending their regular worships. If you find a faith that interests you, start going regularly and try to find out if this is some kind of secret cult or your quickest path to salvation. If they ask you to stand upside your head, empty your wallets and money and hand out bottles of Ciroc Vodka, you’re likely in the wrong place.
5) Read their books and scriptures. No better way to get the lowdown on a religion than see what their prophets, devotees, or spiritual leaders had to say. If the book puts you to sleep, put the religion down and move ten feet back. If the good book transforms your life, you may have the found a religion that fits.
If you’re looking for salvation or just peace of mind and devotion, don’t give up. If the faith you grew up with doesn’t resonate with you, be open to learning about other faiths and beliefs.
Hindu philosophy says get with the God that makes you holler. Not exactly in those words but you get what I’m saying.
Christianity says let the holy spirit win over your soul. Again not exact words, but who’s keeping track here?
You may feel like you’re back-stabbing your family and abandoning your faith but are you really? Aren’t you finding the practice that suits you better? Unearthing the short-cut to the G.O.D?
While your parents may include scotch and liquerish chocolates in their regular diet, don’t you have your preferences in regards to wine, men and dairy-free organic chocolates?
Our mind often seeks what is familiar to us, my friend Tim Brownson regularly points out and even wrote a book about it, but your faith doesn’t have to operate by familiarity – it’s a choice.
Find the God, scripture and traditions which suit you.
Me
Jesus is making a big play for my heart and soul. The scripture, the poetic Psalms and His life sacrifice have brought me to the pews of the Church.
You
While I wait for the holy spirit to instruct me further, I ask you friends – are you ready for a conversion?
Ok, fine, are you willing to give another religion a shot? Are you happy in your faith? Was it because of your parents and traditions or did your faith grow out of your own choosing?
Imagine growing up as a child in an alcoholic family.
Continuously confronting people in your life who were under the influence and behaving oddly. Bouts of anger, violence and confusion in your life?
As a child, you’d probably ask yourself questions like – were you the reason your parents or alcoholic loved ones drank?
Would they stop drinking if you changed your behavior or attitude?
Were you making it worse by causing more stress in their lives?
The story she lived.
Jody Lamb, is a Michigan-based children’s book author who lived this very story. She grew up with alcoholic loved ones and was pained by the family members in her life who drank.
As a child, all she could do was try to adapt to their behavior and lifestyle. She sought understanding but felt all alone because alcoholic family members were not discussed in public. In fact, she thought she was the only one going through such experiences.
She also kept a diary during her childhood to try to come to terms with what was happening at home. She found writing as a way to help her understand what the adults in her life were doing to her and to give herself hope.
The story she wrote.
In her twenties, Jody continued to confront the behavior of her alcoholic loved ones, especially as they hit rock bottom. She also reflected on her 8-year old self, her childhood dreams and if she was doing what she really wanted to with her life.
In this midst of her “quarter-life crisis” as she calls it and by reflecting upon her childhood journals, she decided to start living her purpose and changing the world – one child at a time.
She wrote and published a children’s book, Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool about 12-year old Easter Ann Peters, a child of an alcoholic mother. The story is not only about how Easter survives middle school but creates her own Operation Cool to live a cool life in spite of the craziness of her home life. Her plan includes making friends, being more social around boys and standing up to bullies – especially the world’s jerkiest seventh grader, Horse Girl.
Easter’s mother spends most of the day asleep, hardly reaches out to anyone around town and has become a person Easter no longer recognizes.
The tween novel explores life living with an alcoholic loved one and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy despite all the other social pressures facing 12-year-old Easter. The story culminates with Easter’s mother being sent to rehab and restoring a sense of normalcy in Easter’s life and her relationship to her mother.
This is a story about hope triumphing over isolation, confusion and sadness written for children going through similar circumstances.
Your story.
I initially met Jody through one of my other favorite blogger’s blog, and realized that Jody was doing something remarkable in that she was taking personal pain and struggle to help others – especially children.
Not only through her books and writing but also through her advocacy, like this video here she filmed for Children of Alcoholic’s week:
Jody reminds all of us that we too can take our stories of pain and hurt and turn it into something positive and uplifting.
1) We all have stories of heart-break, pain and suffering from different parts of our lives. If you have journals from your younger days or when you were going through difficult times, reflect upon them.
2) What lessons did you learn? How did you become stronger, smarter or wiser from those lessons?
3) What are you willing to do with your story? Can you share it with others? Can you write about it? Can you send it into publishers, even if you get rejected 30 times? Can you make a public service announcement? Talk to a community group? Share it in a blog post?
4) Can you start an advocacy group or join one which talks about the issue? Are you willing to raise public awareness and public dialogue about what you experienced? Talk to the media so you can help others facing similar situations?
5) Are you willing to embrace your vulnerabilities?Some of the stories of our past and our struggles are sad and embarrassing. We don’t want others to know about the unpleasant and prickly pieces of our life. The defeats and low points.
They say a diamond is a just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well. We want to shine as the diamond and stuff the charcoal pieces into a drawer no one will ever see.
Do you have the courage to tell us who you are?
6) Are you ready for the world to accept you as you truly are? Are you ready to allow your personal story to help, embrace, and uplift others?
Jody’s story truly inspires me and hopefully, you, to talk about the things that matter in your life. You never know who’s out there who needs to hear you.
You may be the one person who someone in pain or struggling can benefit from. It may be a child, someone being abused, someone in fear or in a vulnerable place.
Who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down?
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Oprah
Need more friends in your life?
No, you don’t!
What!!?? How could you say that V?
Well, I can say that, dear friend and blog reader of mine, because if you’re anything like me, you have an abundance of friends in your life. Or maybe HAD?
From our school and university days to our work days, we make friends. We are regularly around folks who are initially suspecting strangers, then mildly warm acquaintances to finally being best buds we want to spend every minute of our time with. (Well, not every minute – that might make you a stalker!)
Some of us might actually need more friends in our lives. If you don’t have any, yes, you need one.
If you have some (friends that is), you should strive to nurture those friendships instead of finding new ones.
Why friendship matters?
During three critical periods in my life, friends were there for me. And helped save my life. Ok, my sanity, at least.
When I was in my final year of high school in Northern California and my family moved back to Malaysia, I moved in with family friends. Along with them, many of my friends from secondary was how I was able to keep a sense of normalcy in my life. I was 17-years-old and found myself completely alone during the most important year of school. Friends were there for companionship, advice and help.
During college, I again found myself in a new city, living in a college dorm. I didn’t know a single person on campus when I arrived during what was probably one of the rockier years of my life. Getting adjusted to college life and complete responsibility for myself would have been tough if I didn’t have the help of room-mates, dorm-mates and friends.
Most recently, after my divorce, friends were the people in my life that I could most rely on for objective advice, non-judgment and understanding. As painful as divorce was, one of the many positive results were the unbending friendships which only became stronger.
Friends are there through the rough and smooth patches of travel. They are there to celebrate the dazzling moments but really are there when you crash, fall down, or fall apart.
A friend can share advice, change your perspective or even be a shoulder to lean on.
A friend in a moment of need can help you through the most prickly of life circumstances and salvage your well-being.
If they can uplift you perspective, rejuvenate your life, mend your soul, rally your drive – aren’t they changing you life? And your outlook on the world?
How do you keep your best friends forever (bff’s) instead of making new ones every 6months?
You don’t need new friends. You don’t need a lot of friends.
Value the ones you do have. Strengthen the friendship in your life.
How you ask?
Visit my guest post over at Mary Jaksch’s blog and find ten simple ways to strengthen your friendships (Please leave me a comment over there and let me know about the rock-solid friendships in your life and what you’ve done to sustain them)
Free air-conditioning and rent. What could get better than this?
It was 1:30 a.m.
I was startled awake by a loud knocking on the door. My friend’s roommate had returned a week earlier than planned, and would be needing the room.
Yes, the very room I was sleeping in. That very night.
I hurriedly packed my things, cleaned up, and moved to the comforts of the nearby living room where a beaten-up sofa welcomed me.
I have been couch-surfing ever since.
After sleeping in spare rooms – and on couches – for the past 6 months, I’ve started reflecting on my life.
Can it get any worse?
I now own sufficiently few possessions that they can all fit in my car. I’m equipped to travel with all my worldly possessions in tow: clothes, dishes, laundry basket, ironing board, lamps…
I’m also technically homeless, as I no longer have a permanent residence. My brother has been generous enough to provide a temporary room (and a mailing address) when I need it. My friend Diane kindly let me stay at her home on my last job.
I became jobless the day my last campaign ended in November. Although I should be accustomed to the fact that my employed life ends on election days due to the nature of my work in grassroots activism, it’s still unsettling and terrifying for the period of unemployment that follows.
I also became legally single more than a year ago after a sad – if amicable – divorce. Divorce changed everything I had known about my place in the world and my future and left me lost and searching for meaning.
During this time, I grew increasingly isolated. I eventually stopped contacting my unsupportive parents, who couldn’t see past a wounded family name to be supportive during difficult circumstances.
So, yes, to sum up my life at the moment: homeless, unemployed, divorced and isolated. And don’t forget couch-surfing, with all my worldly belongings in my vehicle.
Can it get any better?
Upon further reflection, I also realized that the four months I spent traveling in Central America last year were some of the best I’d had.
When I returned, I started working on a series of independent and freelance jobs, work which I put very little effort into finding. In fact, a recent project that came out of nowhere might actually turn into a full-fledged business.
Not having a home has allowed me to travel up and down the beautiful state of California. I’ve been grateful to reconnect with friends of new and old who’ve take me in, treated me like an honored guest, fed me, and opened their homes to me.
Not having a spouse has allowed me time to seek out many old friends, family friends, new friends, and blogger friends. So many relationships which have been rekindled, refreshed and renewed.
I’ve immersed myself in weeks of Spanish classes, lived in homes with beautiful views….
A beautiful view of the California bay.
I also attended nearly a month of Sunday church services at the Cavalry Chapel in Chino Hills, Baptist church services in San Diego and a visit to the Zen Center in San Francisco.
Are these the best of times? Or the worst of times?
I find it hard to think of myself as unemployed, homeless, divorced and alienated from my parents. I’ve found, instead, that the people in my life now bring me infinite happiness, the temporary housing has brought me into contact with wonderful people and places to live, unemployment has brought forth exciting opportunities, and spiritual discoveries have helped me uncover lessons of a lifetime!
Here are 6 life lessons I’ve learned in the process.
1) Change happens. Embrace it. I once hated change like you hate being pick-pocketed. It can be intrusive and inconvenient. One minute you have something, the next minute you don’t.
But I’ve realized that being able to adapt to changing circumstances makes you stronger, wiser and calmer. Change can be unsettling, but it also spurs growth. I’ve learned to embrace change, rather than shy away from it. Now, I welcome it.
2) The universe knows better than you. Trust it. I used to demand that my life work out a certain way, always trying to be in control of the circumstances. When life took its own twists and turns, I realized I could no longer do that. And the universe was infinitely wise in bringing me opportunities that were a perfect fit for me.
3) Friendship is a choice. Cherish it. While I am no longer with my spouse, or in touch with my parents, I’ve created much stronger bonds with everyone else in my life. My brother, who I fought with growing up, has been both supportive and helpful. I’ve strengthened relationships with many friends from my past, and reconnected with many people who fell out of touch.
Since friendships are a choice, you can make a choice to value them and work on them.
4) Gratefulness is a practice. Thank it. Although so many bad things have happened, so many great things have also swooped in. I’m grateful for the positive people, circumstances and energy I have found.
When you notice, acknowledge and appreciate the positive events in your life, you invite more of the same in.
5) Happiness is a choice. Choose it. Here’s the thing about happiness: you’re confronted with many opportunities to be happy each day. I have come to realize that I can choose happiness in every decision. So, I choose to be happy in both the simple and big events in my life. The people you’re with, the places you go, the work you do – all are laden with choices.
You have the power to choose happiness, and that’s a compelling feeling.
6) Happiness comes from within. Be it. You don’t have to go very far to be happy. No one person or event or job will make you happy. Happiness is an everyday practice. And more importantly, it comes from within. You have the ability to be happy exactly where you are, without doing one thing more.
Find the happiness in what you have, where you are, in the moment.
“I could chose to see this differently.” – A course in miracles*
I used to feel like I had so much control over my life. Now I feel like I’ve surrendered my life to the universe, and it leads ME.
I used to be so averse to change. Now I welcome it, accepting that it’s a part of life.
I used to strive towards happiness someday. Now, I simply choose to find it every day.
I used to hate falling. But now I realize that, the more I fall, the more I learn and the quicker I get back up.
Where you are in life has a lot to do with perspective. If you’re willing to change your perspective, the world around you changes.
Have you had life experiences that were both positive and negative at the same time? Something that was painful, but spurred personal and spiritual growth in the end? Please share your thoughts in the comments below. * If you would like to share your story through a guest post, please reach out to me. * Thanks for sharing this wonderful quote Galen.
I help people overcome their devastating breakups and divorces and find love again. Instead of visiting the Himalayas, sign up below and join me. I am taking a writing break but will be back soon.
This guide is free. A ticket to the Himalayas is $2000. Your move.
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