by Vishnu | Sep 21, 2014 | Love and Relationships, Personal Development, Spirituality
Where have you been all my life?
“Love will immediately enter into any mind that truly wants it.” Course in Miracles
Have you found love to be difficult, challenging, confusing, or painful?
Do you wonder why love isn’t appearing in your life? Why does love seem to have bloomed in everyone else’s life, but not in yours?
Here’s the thing—you might be thinking that love is independent of everything else that’s going on in your life. You can be the way you are and live your life with ego, fear, and lack, but still expect that love will show up.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Until you deal with some of your internal blocks, fears, and judgments, love will seem far away and hidden.
How you view the world, how you view each person, and how you treat others in all your relationships determine the ways in which love shows up in your life. Your internal judgment, ego, and unkind behavior, even if held only in your mind and heart, affect your relationships.
More than likely, you need a radical shift in your perspective, behavior, and mindset to create a space of love.
If you’ve been thinking, ‘I need more than love; hell, I need a miracle to find the man of my dreams,’ you’re in luck. (It just may take a bit of work.)
Create miracles in your love life.
Gabrielle (Gabby) Bernstein’s book, May Cause Miracles, could be the heart opener for which you’re looking. It was for me.
Do you need a love miracle?
It helped me realize that love is not something for which you go outside looking. Love is something that you first must cultivate inside yourself.
Let me explain.
The book helped me see that many of my thoughts about love and relationships were steeped in my own ego, fears, judgments, and resentments. My internal world, mindset, and self-talk literally created my external relationships and determined the people whom I drew into my life.
Gabby reminded me of the Course in Miracle’s powerful teaching: “Your task is not to seek love but merely to find all the barriers within yourself that have built against it.”
Her book is filled with affirmations, meditations, and tools for shifting your mindset and altering your perspective on love altogether.
She teaches us to consider love holistically. In any situation, the only thing missing is love. When there is fear, there is no love. She considers miracles simply shifts in perspective from fear to love.
When you continually shift from fear to love, you will experience more love in your life in all your relationships—including romantic love.
Are you ready for a miracle-minded approach to love?
Gabby’s book is a 40-day guide for subtle shifts that let you see everyday miracles in your life. Following, I review the six days in week 4 during which she talks about relationships.
Here are six ways to shift your mindset to love so that you’ll see more miracles in your love life.
(For the exercises and daily practices required to live a miraculous life, pick up May Cause Miracles (not an affiliate link), and check out the end of each chapter.)
1. Witness your ego’s drama.
Gabby states that it’s the ego that convinces us that we’re alone, and that encourages us to complete ourselves by finding someone else. Our egos are the reason that we go out looking for a romantic relationship to feel whole.
The ego consumes our lives and, especially in romantic relationships, judges, attacks, compares, and makes our significant others feel more special. Our egos encourage us to feel different and special, and to elevate ourselves in our romantic relationships as well.
Gabby suggests that we become more mindful of our egos in all relationships. Start by witnessing your ego’s false perception of others.
Ask yourself who you judge and attack in your mind. Who do you elevate and make more special? How do you make yourself feel more special? To whom do you compare yourself?
2. Surrender your ego.
It’s very difficult to overcome the ego, which is so pervasive in our lives. Gabby encourages us to surrender—to release ourselves from our egos’ grip by releasing our egos to our inner guides (our voices of love, our internal teachers).
Release your ego for healing to your spirit and inner guide. Go within yourself and choose to see everyone as equal. See everyone as love. Ask the inner guide to teach you love through every encounter you have (not just with your romantic partner).
When you find yourself comparing or judging others, surrender and respond by saying out loud, “I am willing to see love instead of this.”
When you want to make someone feel special or put yourself on a pedestal, say out loud, “I am willing to see love instead of this.”
Surrender to your inner guide to heal your ego and to see the oneness in everyone.
3. Use kindness when the ego runs wild.
Use the tool of kindness to remind yourself that you come from a loving, kind place and that thoughts of kindness will help you remember your truth.
On Day 24, Gabby suggests making kindness your primary goal and to allow genuine altruism and authentic love.
Whenever you judge, feel separation from others, or start attacking others in your mind, use an affirmation like “Kindness created me kind,” or something similar.
Look at your thoughts and actions—are they unkind? Become aware of unkind thoughts. Reflect on how they make you feel, and forgive yourself for your unkind behavior.
“By continuously acknowledging your ego’s behavior, you will weaken the bad habit and transcend the ego’s need to judge,” writes Gabby.
Continue to infuse your day with kind affirmations and intentions so that you are more kind to people.
4. Be aware of your thoughts and judgments of others.
When you judge or attack someone in your mind, you likely do so because you feel a place of lack. Your judgment of others can mirror what you feel about yourself.
“When we send love toward what we want, we feel better about ourselves and thereby experience more love in our own life,” Gabby writes.
Start looking at all your relationships as assignments—opportunities for spiritual growth.
Infuse with loving thoughts all your encounters with people whom you meet each day. Be grateful for the lessons and the growth that different people teach you.
Remember that each person you come across gives you the opportunity to strengthen your miracle mindset through the choice to embrace love over fear.
5. Be happy or be right? The F word.
While the ego refuses to forgive, you can use the F word (forgiveness) to restore your faith in love. “Forgiveness is the answer to true serenity and peace,” writes Gabby.
If you’d rather be happy than be right all the time—forgive. Forgiveness lets you wipe clean the slate and begin anew. It embraces oneness and love in all your relationships.
Consider repeating this affirmation from May Cause Miracles daily:
“With each holy encounter, I choose to forgive and release my ego’s false projections. Forgiveness reminds me that we are one. Each time I have a false thought toward someone, I will choose to forgive the thought and remember that we are one. In turn, I forgive myself.”
Every time your ego is bruised or your mind attacks or judges someone, fall back to peace by forgiving. Chose peace and happiness over your ego (and being right).
6. Honor the moments when you chose love.
As you expand your loving intention toward everyone, spread kindness to others, and forgive others throughout the day, you’ll feel a sense of peace passing over you.
Honor the moments when you’re transforming and growing.
Continue to see love in your most difficult relationships. Find peace and healing in every relationship and encounter that you have. Chose the difficult path of letting go, overcoming, and forgiving. Transcend your fear through your faith in miracles.
Think of every moment that you chose love as a holy moment—a divine encounter. Sit with these moments and let them help you become a more loving person.
In your meditations and prayers, ask that others in your life be guided, protected, and healed from fear. Desire that others have the same happiness and oneness that you have in your life.
Gabby’s book and message are reminders that you can’t simply focus on one special or romantic relationship. Everything in the universe is tied together. How you show up for your neighbor or a total stranger is how love will show up in your life.
If you’re not seeing love and you don’t know why, could it be because you’re not showing up in your most loving, kind, and non-judgmental self each day?
If you’re operating from a place of ego, fear, and lack, you’ll see that in your romance.
Alternatively, if you show up with kindness, love, and abundance, you’ll find that in your relationships, too.
The work to be done is within you. Make the necessary changes to become the loving person whom you’re capable of being. Return to your truth.
You’ll not only start seeing improved relationships, you’ll also miraculously stumble upon the romantic love and partner for whom you’ve been looking.
If you know someone who is looking for love in his or her life, please consider sharing this post via Twitter, Google+, or Facebook. Thank you.
Photo credit @benurs
by Vishnu | Aug 18, 2014 | Inspiration, Motivation, Optimism, Overcoming Challenges, Personal Development
We all go through dark and scary times in our lives. Here are some of the most uplifting quotes to give you strength and inspiration during the dark and difficult times.
Please find 21 quotes that will inspire you to keep hope alive and your spirits high.
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“Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” Jack London
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“I’m not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott
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“Colors come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunlit sky.” Rabindranath Tagore
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“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Nelson Mandela
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“Getting knocked down in life is a given, getting up and moving forward is a choice.” Zig Ziglar
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“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” Winston Churchill
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“It is often hard to distinguish the hard knocks in life and those of opportunity.” Frederick Phillips
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“The beautiful thing about setbacks is they introduce us to our strengths.” Robin Sharma
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“Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.” Unknown
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“Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” Susan Taylor
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“I am not what has happened to me, I am what I chose to become.” Carl Jung
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“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” Douglas Adams
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“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” Author Unknown
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“Sometimes the wrong train can take us to the right place.” Paulo Coelho
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“At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” Christine Mason Miller
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“Sometimes we fall down because there’s something down we’re supposed to find.” Unknown
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“Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow”. Alice Mackenzie Swaim
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“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” Zig Ziglar
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“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” Desmond Tutu
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“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.” Unknown
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“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you enjoyed these quotes, please share on Facebook, Twitter, Google + or your favorite social media sites. Thank you!
by Vishnu | Aug 4, 2014 | Courage, Habits, Inspiration, Personal Development
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” George Addair
Plunking your feet up on a hammock on a sandy beach in the Maldives and sipping on coconut water.
Relaxing.
Snorkeling at Lord Howe Island in New South Wales, Australia with 500 species of fish and 90 coral species in nature’s paradise.
Easy.
Facing your fears and going for your dreams? Not so much.
Although you may have a dream that has captured your heart, it’s easier dreaming about starting a business, making it in Hollywood or becoming a fully-fledged doctor than actually doing something about it.
Making a dream come alive is hard work. Sometimes very hard work, because it’s fraught with the resistance of our fears.
My path to my dreams.
A few yeas ago when I was practicing law, I decided that I wanted to start my own practice: my own legal office providing services to clients primarily online. Of course, once the idea took hold of my heart, I was quite resistant to it.
How could I start my own practice? What did I know about business? How confident was I in my own skills? How effective would an Internet-based law office be?
The fears started bombarding me on a daily basis.
Despite facing my deepest fears of failure and uncertainty about how well this online law firm would turn out, I forged ahead.
I planned ahead, took small steps, found a mentor, established a website, sent out newsletters, got clients and started earning money to support myself. I soon left my day job and transitioned to my online legal practice full-time.
The journey was long and arduous. And scary. Making ends meet, supporting myself and being able to re-invest profits in the business every few months was nerve-wracking.
I’m happy to say that I continued this business for a couple of years and successfully closed the practice. I had achieved moderate success and was running an established business, but I was beginning to feel that the law wasn’t quite fitting in with my values in life.
I went back to a day job and let go of the anxiety of working for myself. I’m really proud of this experience because I was able to show myself that I could do what I had feared.
Fast forward a few years later to this very blog you’re reading now.
Another life-long dream was beginning to pester me. Throughout my life, I had been drawn to the world of personal development and spirituality. I had learned many concepts and studied various methods of self-improvement (and I had a lot to say about them).
I had been coaching friends and collegues on various issues related to confidence, courage and following their dreams. I noticed that that much of the advice I was giving to one person applied to others as well.
I decided to start a personal development and spirituality blog to help people on their life journeys to overcoming fears, finding their callings and cultivating the courage to live their dreams.
Guess what happened again?
Those inner voices of resistance. Who will read your blog? What do you really know about personal development? How could you ever be in a space that successful bloggers like Leo Babauta, Celestine Chua and Farnoosh Brock had already occupied?
Despite these fears and doubts, I forged ahead again. After a couple years of studying and planning for my blog debut, I launched the blog. It’s been a uphill challenging journey once again. I’ve had moments of self-doubt, instances I wanted to quit, thoughts that made me doubt my ability to write this blog and my purpose for doing so in the first place.
There were posts that no one commented on. Posts that no one shared. Writer’s block. Rewrites to my about page. Rewrites to my tagline. Rewrites to what my blog was about.
The blog was this ever-evolving process and I felt like I was in the dark most of the time, but nearly 2 ½ years later, I have some positive developments to report.
There are more than 600 people who have signed up to read my mostly weekly updates. (What do you mean, why not every week? When else would I find time to binge-watch Oprah’s Super Soul Sundays and attend month-long meditation retreats in search of enlightenment and good vegan food? Never. Exactly.)
More than a few thousand people make their way to my blog every month and actually find it useful, practical, or hey, at least entertaining!
People write me messages like this one I received below on Twitter, which I’m inspired by and grateful for.
In addition to a good readership and some of my writing resonating with people, I took this life-changing life coaching course with my spiritual guru, life coach, Tim Brownson, to learn the ins and outs of coaching. Tim helped me take some of the life lessons I had learned and my passion for self-improvement to teach me effective techniques and strategies to coach others.
I learned the art of powerful questions, how to reframe and reshape our lives and the absolute brilliance of getting clear on values in our lives. Tim gave me the tools, the courage and the confidence to start coaching others.
So a few months ago, I added a coaching page to the blog and now coach clients around the world on how to live more courageously, get through difficult transitions in their lives, and live their dreams.
No, it’s not my full-time job (yet), but I am on my way there. I’m overcoming my fears (even as we speak) by telling you that I’m doing this work. I’ve been reluctant to tell even you – my readers – that I now offer coaching because I’ve been afraid of what you’d think, if you’d think I could really help you or if you could really benefit from my coaching.
This is despite the fact that I’ve coached dozens of people in my life in various capacities. I ran a college admissions consulting business and coached young people on discovering their dreams and pursuing degrees that most fit with their goals. I’ve coached my legal clients through issues that had nothing to do with law, political candidates on matters far outside politics, and friends who have sought me out as their own life coach and advisor.
In pursuit of this dream, I’ve had to fight my fears and my doubts. And as you can hopefully see from the progression of this blog, I’ve been able to walk through some of fear’s tricky behavior.
It’s not been easy. It’s taken hard work to write more than 100,000 words of content, guest blog on other blogs, sit up morning and night to commit to building this community and business.
But this is the price of a dream.
Dream-catching has also required a daily stand-off with fears and uncertainties that have plagued me: ”What am I doing? Am I capable of doing this? Is this ever going anywhere?”
I am here to tell you mid-journey, I’m doing it. I’m living the dream. Yes, I had to create it, but it can be done. I’m here to remind you that you can do it too if you decide to come to terms with the barriers that are detracting you from living your dreams and keeping you stuck. Principally, your fears.
And as you can imagine, having worked through some of my fears and reflected on how I dealt with them, I’d like to offer you a handful of practical strategies to help you work through your fears and achieve your dreams.
What’s preventing you from achieving your dreams?
The fears that we face when following dreams.
- Self-doubt. Every time you want to do something, you question if you have the ability, capability and skill to get it done. You doubt your ability to achieve the task or think you’re not good enough.
- Voices of our critics. They’ve become our inner voice these days, but the people who doubted us, criticized us, told us we were unworthy and incapable start playing in our heads. We have heard these negative voices from the people closest to us, and we now hear this voice in our thoughts.
- It’s not worth the risk. We think about how it takes too much time, money, effort and risk to pursue our dreams. We have a mental checklist of all the problems, shortcomings, and issues that could arise.
- The fear of failure. And success. We are afraid of failing, but it’s also our fear of success which holds us back. Not only are we worried about all things that could go wrong, but our minds are nervous about everything going right. We are afraid of achieving our dreams and the happiness and success that follow.
- The fear of standing out. We want to be part of the crowd. We don’t want to stand out like a sore thumb. Our fear of being ourselves, fear of rejection and fear of being alone further stand in the way of our dreams.
First, let me suggest 4 provocative questions to help you change your mindset about fear, followed by 17 strategies you can use to be more courageous when facing your fears.
4 questions to challenge yourself about your dreams.
Will you settle for a mediocre life?
This question asks you to consider the type of life you want to lead. Are you comfortable with living an average life without any great achievements or defeats? Will you settle for ho-hum?
Will you regret not having followed your dream?
What would happen if you didn’t follow your dream? How would your life feel if you didn’t achieve or even start on your dreams? Are you ok with allowing your dreams to die a silent death? What do you lose and miss out on when you don’t follow your dreams?
What if your life ended tomorrow?
Similar to the last question, what if tomorrow were your last day on earth? What would you do today about your dream? Pursue it, live it or let it go?
Also, if death met you tomorrow, what do you want to be remembered for? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral, about how you lived your life and how you pursued your dreams?
What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
What actions would you take and what would you do if you knew success was certain? That no matter what, circumstances wouldn’t let you down. How much more likely would you to be follow your dreams? What would you do this very moment?
17 practical strategies to tackle the fears standing in the way of your dreams.
1. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. Take a step back and count all your life accomplishments, minor achievements and major life breakthroughs.
You’ve confronted fears, overcome obstacles and achieved your dreams repeatedly. You learned how to ride a bicycle, learned how to swim, got your driver’s license, passed difficult exams, won soccer tournaments, (or American Idol maybe, if you’re Carrie Underwood) and got cast in the movie Zero Dark Thirty (Jessica Chastain) after a lifetime of dedication to theater.
You’ve done it before and done it well. Use your record of achievement to help inspire you to take on the dream at hand.
2. Prove your fears wrong. Your fears may be very real to you, but could they also be False Evidence Appearing Real? You don’t have to accept your fears at face value.
Try to identify and list your fears about pursuing a dream. Make a comprehensive and detailed list. Now respond in writing to these fears. Are there contrary reasons or perspectives on why your fear is misplaced? Misguided? Or plain false? Can you prove your fears wrong?
3. When do you feel most confident and fearless?
There have been times in your life you’ve felt fearless and absolutely confident.
You may have a talent, skill or ability that you know you can do with your eyes closed, be it writing a report, closing a home sale, cooking a difficult dish or mastering a certain kind of ballroom dance.
Use those moments of greatness as fuel for your current dream. What if you cultivated the same confidence for the dream that’s pulling at your heart?
4. Consider the worst that can happen.
What if you did ask for a raise? Your boss could say no, then get angry with you and fire you. They could put you on a no-hire list and give you a terrible recommendation for other jobs. Now that you’ve taken this to the extreme, how likely is this to happen?
What if you did asked your dream guy out on a date? He could say no. Then check your Facebook profile, fall in love with your best friend and propose marriage to her. You’d be asked to be the maid of honor at their wedding and godmother to their children? Is the worst that can happen that bad? And more important, is the worst-case scenario really that likely to occur?
Since you’re already preoccupied with fears, take your fears to the most extreme level.
5. Let go of the big picture and start with the smallest step. You have a brilliant and radiant dream that includes quitting your job, becoming a billionaire while pursuing your passion, buying up a few islands in Fiji and starting your mornings with Bloody Marys.
Yet starting on a dream like that could be frustrating and paralyzing. Although it’s good to know the final destination, consider the most immediate and smallest step you could take and take that step tomorrow.
By small, I mean tiny. If you want to be a writer, write each day for five minutes. If you want to open a bakery, buy the ingredients to experiment with your first cake. If you want to marry George Clooney, become an international leading human rights lawyer.
6. Always know that you can let go of a dream if it’s not for you. You may also feel paralyzed by starting because once you’ve begun, you’re in it for the long run. Not true.
Just like how you gave up that instrument you hated to play or the roommate who had a hookah machine in her room or the career that inspired you to use up all your sick days and quit, you can quit a dream.
If it’s not right for you, there are ways out. You’re not signing up for a life sentence. Start today and see where it takes you. Know there’s always an exit available mid-stream.
7. Create time for your dream and do it consistently. Your fears may be swirling around in your mind and eating away at your heart.
You don’t have to combat your fears or fight them. Instead, take some action on them. Not big bold steps. How about small, tiny, but consistent ones?
Again, writing for a few minutes a day. Reading business books a few minutes a day. Starting with an easier yoga class on your way to better fitness. Listening to an audio book on how to be a better public speaker or perusing new recipes in a cookbook.
Whatever your dream, make time for it and calendar it in.
8. Become aware of obstacles, distractions and resistance. That sale at French Connection or Roopam’s, near the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus railway station in Mumbai, sure is distracting.
So is having to clean your flat from top to bottom, including washing the windows, steam-cleaning the carpet and shampooing the sofas.
You may experience these unknown urges to fill up your time with tasks that can’t wait or things you’ve been putting off for ages.
When you feel there’s no better time for a guilty pleasure or dreaded task, become aware that these activities you’re opting for represent another form of resistance and procrastination.
Become aware that petty tasks and unavoidable errands are simply distractions. They can wait. Your dreams can’t.
9. Stay inspired by others who have achieved their dreams.
At one time in their lives, they were just souls with dreams, but then they went about achieving them. Before she sold 300 million records, Madonna was just a girl from Michigan with a dream. Before Lady Gaga became the best-selling musician of all times, Stefani Germanotta was just a art and theater enthusiast in New York.
Stephen King’s first book, Carrie, was rejected 30 times before he went on to sell over 350 million books worldwide. Steven Spielberg was rejected twice by the University of Southern California film school before he became one of the world’s most acclaimed directors. Dr. Seuss was rejected by 27 publishers. Oprah was demoted from her job as a news anchor.
History is filled with people who have gone after their dreams and achieved them even after setback. Learn about them, be inspired by them, and get in gear so you can start on the path to your dream.
10. Don’t seek validation of or opinions on your dreams.
You can be inspired by others, but don’t look to others around you for support, validation or encouragement.
In fact, keep your dream to yourself if you can. It’s ironic that the people who love us the most and care most about us are often the people who discount our dreams and discourage us.
They’re trying to be “practical”, be wise friends or look out for your best interests. Or they could be fearful for you and want to hold you back. They were too afraid to pursue their dreams and definitely don’t want you to see you achieving your greatness.
For the most part, keep your dreams to yourself and go about the task of achieving your dreams. You don’t need to talk your dream up to all those around you. Just live your dream and show people you can do it.
11. Pursue your goals, but focus on how you feel internally on the way to your dreams.
Small goals or milestones can be important in helping you achieve your dream. If you’re the goal-oriented type, make sure you follow Leonie Dawson’s advice and write them down! Her recent post discussed how writing down your goals and reviewing them is a habit of the highest achievers.
Just as important as goals is how you feel internally.
If you’re pursuing something that meets standards and deadlines but hate doing it, your fears will be roaring at you.
So, when pursuing your dream, consider and validate how you’re feeling. Check in with yourself emotionally and be willing to make the necessary adjustments.
Pursue those things you’re passionate about, and you will naturally find the courage to keep at them.
Another technique is to cultivate the feelings of having achieved your dream now to stay in a state of positivity.
Imagine what it would feel like to have achieved your dream. How do you feel? How do you walk? How do you wake up every day and live your life?
Visualize the feelings of waking up on the Sea Cloud luxury yacht, checking out the millions of dollars of new sales on your website Amazon.com and stopping for kaffee and kuchen at Café Chagall in Berlin.
Don’t fake it ‘til you make it. Feel it like you’ve made it!
12. Focus on the journey, not the fears that stop you from getting there.
If you think about your wedding day and the work involved in planning it, you’ll feel like passing out.
If you think about the manuscript you’ll have to submit to the publishers at Hay House, you’ll want to buy an around-the-world ticket and go on a pilgrimage.
When you think of your dreams, you often think of the final goal or end result. But that’s when the flames of fears start to roar.
Instead of focusing on all these fears that come up, focus on something productive – getting things done.
Instead of fearing failure, what are 2 or 3 small things you need to achieve today to help you move towards your dream?
Focus your mind on action steps, not fears.
13. Cultivate persistence and determination.
When you’re facing challenges or obstacles on the path to your dream, you’ll feel like giving up.
But think about why you pursued the dream in the first place and find the inner strength to keep going. Know that obstacles are bumps in the road, not dead ends.
Stay true to your dreams by holding onto them when times get tough.
One way to keep going is to create effective habits, so you’ll plow through your resistance by staying true to your habits.
I try to write a few hundred words every single day and usually early in the morning in order to share my message with all of you.
If you’re fixed on a habit, you’ll feel less like stopping. Your habit will inspire you to keep going because it’s ingrained. If you want to make your habits sticky, check out Barry Davenport’s course (not an affiliate link).
14. Get hungry about your dream (but not in a Ben and Jerry’s or Amul ice cream late-night binge kind of way)
How badly do you want to achieve your dream? How hungry are you for it?
Anthony Robbins asks you if your dream is a must (an absolute hunger and necessity for you) or a should (something that sounds like a good idea if you have time).
Get clear on why exactly you’re pursuing your dream. Follow a dream that your soul yearns for. Passionately figure out your ‘why,’ as Tony suggests in this video.
15. Believe in yourself.
Continue to remind of yourself of the goals and achievements you’ve had in your life – how you’ve overcome change, obstacles and difficulties.
Learn how to accept yourself and move away from needing the acceptance and approval of others. You are whole, you are complete just as you are.
Brian Tracy offers some great tips here on the process towards self-acceptance and self-belief.
You have a voice inside yourself that might be regularly talking down to you and being critical. Become aware of this voice and shower it with love and compassion.
Understand that this voice comes from a place of lack, scarcity and not having had enough in life. Positive self-talk, meditation, EFT tapping, feel-good activities and positive, uplifting people in your network can all help you love this internal critic and make her a raving fan.
Finally, when you fail, keep on failing. Tim Brownson suggests that a powerful way to develop your self belief is to recognize evidence contrary to what you may be thinking about yourself.
You’re not a failure because you’ve failed. Instead, Tim reminds us in this video below that many of the greatest people in history failed repeatedly.
To change your beliefs, challenge the disempowering ideas that you have about yourself.
16. Acknowledge that your fears are signs that your dreams are worth pursuing.
Fears may hinder you from your dreams but they have a role in your life as well.
In fact, they are a reminder that something is worth doing. Only when you feel the pangs of fear do you know that you are at the edge of your comfort zone.
You’re on the verge of growth, you’re moving towards a dream that has the potential to change your entire life.
Recognize and become aware of your fears so you can use them as a trigger to achieve your dreams. My friend Razwana encourages you to use fears as a wake-up call and motivation to get things done in your life.
Use fear as a trigger or a kick in the pants to start on the path to your dreams.
17. Practice facing fears repeatedly. Just like everything in life, we get better on what we work on.
If you’re terrified of your fears and don’t pursue dreams because of paralysis, you’re going to be a novice to fear.
On the other hand, if you repeatedly find yourself in situations that you’re scared of and learn how to overcome them, you’re going to get better at it. You’re going to develop a better relationship with fear and think of fear as a confidante.
If you’re scared of going to a large international conference like the World Domination summit without knowing a soul there, you’re likely to be more courageous if you go to your first one. My friend, Varonica, did just that and recounted her experiences of facing her fears and surviving the conference. Can you imagine how much easier attending her next conference will be?
You’ll likely take more risks and be open to facing your fears. Once you see that your deepest, wildest fears usually don’t manifest, but fear is a friend who can motivate you, you’ll put yourself out there more.
You’ll show up when you don’t know anyone at the World Domination summit.
You’ll go to the audition.
You’ll invest in yourself by signing up for that course.
You won’t settle.
Find the courage to live the life you’re capable of. Fearlessly share this article with your friends, neighbors, and the guy across the table who’s too afraid to ask for your number.
If you’re interested in coaching, sign up for an “Awakening” or “Enlightenment” coaching session. We’ll get clarity on your life direction, work through your fears and help you come up with action steps to achieve your goals in life. Wake up with a greater sense of direction and fulfillment than ever before.
* Photo Credit Splitshire
by Vishnu | Jun 8, 2014 | Change, Culture, Goals, Inspiration, Optimism, Personal Development, Traditions
Time to stop dreaming and start living?
I never thought I’d hear those words coming out of anyone’s mouth. Let alone hers.
“I wish I’d killed you when you were born.”
Her disdain echoed in my head. It was like we’d moved from the living room of my mother’s house to a valley deep in New Zealand, and she’d just screamed the words out loud. Her voice bounced off every surrounding surface. Startled birds screeched and flew away in the distance.
Anyone who’s ever watched a Bollywood movie knows exactly what I mean. (Walking along the street one minute, dancing in a field in Sweden the next, right?).
What are you thinking after reading what she said to me?
That those words from my mother were unacceptable?
That a parent should never say anything like that to their child? That I should have walked out and never spoken to her again?
Or are you thinking – your mother has her own story, Raz. Her own struggles. And those words? Are a result of both of those things.
They’re less about you, and more about her.
If you’re thinking the latter, you’re practicing forgiveness. Just as I’ve learned. From Vishnu himself, no less.
But this post isn’t about forgiveness.
It’s about pushing boundaries.
Because pushing boundaries not only makes you grow, it changes the entire social environment for the next generation.
When people witness you taking steps to move your life away from the norm, they’re encouraged to do the same themselves. It’s how new communities are built.
And that’s a movement that’s starting. Today.
My generation of women – born in the West, to families who migrated from the East -, are experiencing an awakening. It’s happening one woman at a time. With small actions, and major show stopping ones.
They’re looking back at their childhood, when they were told that they weren’t good enough to compete with the boys, and realising that they are. Only it isn’t a competition. It’s expansion through unity.
They’re replaying those messages that conditioned them to believe that they were only bound for a life of marriage and children, and they’re redefining it in their psyche.
They’ve learned that they’re bound for whatever they choose to be. Not what their social circle expects of them.
They’re witness to the limitations of their communities, finding ways of challenging the standard, and making tiny changes. It’s creating its own butterfly effect.
And the same is happening within me.
Because when I heard those words from my mother, I decided to uproot my entire life. And I started something new.
I stopped thinking what if I:
Moved out of my home town
Moved into the capital city
Made new friends and turned my hand to a new life
And the thing I started? Is thinking why not?
Why not:
See the stagnation in my current life and build something new?
Live in the city I’d admired from afar for so long?
Get out of my comfort zone and into new circles?
And so it began. An adventure. An EatPrayLovin’ exploration. And my very own awakening.
Because when you stop dreaming of what if…, and start living why not? Your entire life begins to slowly shift. And it moves you to the direction that was previously possible in your mind alone.
And the most beautiful thing? Is that it can begin with very small movements.
My small movements took me all the way from the North of England to luscious Paris.
Where are yours going to take you?
Changing your thought patterns like this can raise a preposterous amount of resistance (I’m English. Using words like ‘preposterous’ is mandatory). And there’s a hellova lot that you can do about it:
Know that it’s temporary because it’s in your control. Resistance is a result of fear. And fear in your mind can be changed. Read this gem and learn the best way to do it.
And what’s more? It’s a chemical reaction in your body. Did you know that when positive change happens, your body starts to receive Seratonin, the feel-good chemical? But because your body was previously content with receiving Cortisol, the stress hormone, it starts to resist it.
Wanting more of what it’s accustomed to (Cortisol), your body decides to tell you to give up, only start and not finish, or tell you that you’re failing. All this leads you to abandon the change, and give up.
DON’T LISTEN TO IT.
Carry on down the path you started. Feed your body with feel-good Seratonin. Because that’s what it’ll eventually start being accustomed to. Y’see folks? Science.
Resolve to see your bigger picture. What experiences do you want in your life, and how do you want to feel? Take time to flesh this out and write it down. This itself will drip-feed the drive you need to start with limited hesitation.
Once it’s written, read it whenever you feel resistance. It’ll be your personal cheerleader. And who doesn’t need one of those?
And the final thing to do is to simply start small. Baby up those steps. Because Practice makes persistence. And persistence makes you unstoppable.
Today may not be the day you quit your job to do nothing but retire to the Himalayas and monk-out ‘til eternity. The job you have took investment. So perhaps today you simply book yourself onto a meditation retreat, and build from there.
And so it starts. The movement that takes your what if.. and makes it an unstoppable why not?
And today? Is your opportunity to share your story with our community here. What times in your life did you decide to challenge yourself and do something different? What change did you create, big or small? When did you turn your what if… into a why not?
And if you’re feeling like sharing some more, join the campaign. We want you on our team. It would be an honour to have you.
Razwana Wahid is the founder of Your Work is Your Life. A copywriting and online business strategy service dedicated to coaches, consultants, healers and service providers. The ‘what if …. why not?’ movement has started. Are you in? Join us. Right here.
If you enjoyed this post, please share on your favorite social media sites. Photo credit
by Vishnu | May 26, 2014 | Abundance, Career, Habits, Personal Development, Present Moment
I hate it when there's no wifi...
I feel like I’ve had two working lives. And they seem like night and day.
There was a time that I was chained to my phone, email and work. I would literally work around the clock attending to problems that couldn’t wait another second and the next unfolding crisis.
My life was tied to the news of the day.
The next political attack.
The next political move by an opponent.
“She said, he said” politics.
Twitter bickering and Facebook wars.
That was my life working in electoral politics, helping candidates get elected to office.
Always on the go. 24/7.
Furiously climbing the mountain, but where are we going?
I thought staying active and productive was the best way to live a rich life.
Your dreams came true more quickly when you worked harder.
The more quickly and intensely your pursued your goals, the more quickly you climbed the mountain—the mountain to wealth, success, power and prestige!
No, no one really stops and asks why we’re climbing the mountain in the first place. Or how we even ended up on that mountain.
But you look around and see others climbing that mountain of success with a furious intensity.
The happiness at the mountaintop comes with money, power, social mobility, financial and material success.
Right!
Right??
Hello?
Fast forward to slowing down.
Why just eat breakfast when you can eat breakfast and get caught up on all the political news at the same time?
Why just drive to work when you could talk to clients and managers on speakerphone while you’re on the road?
Why just wait in line to buy groceries when you could also answer an email or ten?
I was doing all of this and more in my own my career at one point.
In my desire to get “there,” I forgot where I was going or why I wanted to get there in the first place. And I was completely missing the point on my way there.
After life threw me into the washing machine of life for a prolonged spin cycle, I began to become more conscious of what I was doing.
When you lose everything (okay, a relationship, but it sure did like losing everything), you hit rock bottom.
And when you’re there, you can do one of three things:
- Gallivant in sorrow, drinking yourself into a drunken stupor, living a life on the edge, marinating in loneliness, sadness and pain.
- Continue doing what you’ve been doing – living the fast-paced and mindless life in pursuit of things that really don’t make you happy.
- Or start evaluating everything that you’re doing in your life. Reprioritize. And slow the heck down.
I had a choice to continue living mindlessly or to begin to live consciously.
You get the point: when life breaks you down, chops you up and grinds you to a halt, you wake up to realize you have choices. A lot of them.
To start over.
To think things through.
To consciously decide how you want to spend your life.
So now, instead of racing through life like a cheetah in search of my evening meal, I gently graze like a goat on the country grass as I take in the sights and sounds.
A leisurely breakfast at home. Heck, even working from home.
A morning walk. A silent meditation. Listening to the birds chirping outside my window. Watching the sun rise. Watching it set.
Are you overbooking your life?
In Arianna Huffington’s new book, Thrive, she observes how we try to shave a few seconds off our daily routine, in hopes that we can create enough space to schedule yet another meeting or appointment that will help us climb the mountain of success.
“Like airlines, we overbook ourselves…We fear that if we don’t cram as much as possible into our day, we might miss out on something fabulous, important, special, or career advancing. But there are no rollover minutes in life. We don’t get to keep all that time we ‘save’. It’s a very costly way to live,” she observes.
Are you mindlessly overbooking your life because you are trying to be overly productive or keep up with your high-performing celebrity wannabe White House-crashing socially mobile neighbors?
Or are you going to fight back against what Huffington calls “hurry sickness”?
Why should you slow down in a world of Twitter, Snapchat and Kimye-style televised weddings?
I’m going to show you below how slowing down your life is the real secret to untapped wealth and abundance. And even a few steps on how to do it!
When you slow down and enjoy life, soaking up the small moments, you will find the meaning and fulfillment you’re looking for.
Here are just some of the reasons to hit the pause button and travel in slow motion:
To be one with the now.
You seem to be working for a day that may never come. Running, packing, racing, speeding…to what? For what?
This is the very moment that you and I know for sure exists. Yesterday is a story that can be forgotten, and tomorrow isn’t a guarantee.
As Garth asked, “What if tomorrow never comes?”
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x17oekw_garth-brooks-if-tomorrow-never-comes_music
Slow down so you can be present and in the moment.
Embrace and value experiences.
Enjoy the experiences that you have daily. Instead of simply surviving your work day, tolerating your social life and hustling to survive another day with the kids, find meaning and fulfillment in each day and experience.
Slowing down allows you to taste and feel the joy of everyday experiences, the taste of that oolong tea and the company of your bestie.
To celebrate everyday happiness.
Waiting for happiness for tomorrow? I was.
A message from happiness to you: don’t wait on me, girl.
Happiness doesn’t come from your life partner showing up tomorrow, landing your dream job at Mindvalley or Zappos, or your life falling into place as you desire it.
Happiness comes from within you. Here. Now. Per your request. Your soul’s desire. Your heart’s choice.
Finding happiness in the small moments and everyday moments is the real secret to a happy life.
Connection and relationships.
When you slow it down, you have time for the people in your life. You can simply sit and be present with them. Enjoy their company and their presence.
When you don’t have to go anywhere or rush to the next thing, you can simply enjoy the people in your life.
Soul time.
When you slow down, there is time for seeking within. You can reconnect with your spiritual nature and water your soul. When your external world slows down, you have time to visit and sit with yourself.
Within is where all the answers you’re looking for can be found.
Growth time.
When you race through life without stopping, you don’t have much time to reflect and grow as a person.
You don’t have time for personal development, self-improvement and character building. You have no time to learn life’s lessons because you’re always off to the next thing.
Slowing down allows you reflect, observe and grow as a person.
And when you take all these factors into account, you have the makings of a very rich and rewarding life.
A life that slows down gives you the treasure of time, which permits connection, relationships, inner-awareness, growth, character-building, and more.
Your inner peace, stress-less lifestyle, and uncountable moments of pleasure are things that money absolutely can’t buy.
10 ways to take off your running shoes and slow it down.
1. Set the intention to live a slower life.
Nothing is more important than this. If you’re operating on auto-pilot in life, you enjoy cruising at 100 miles per hour.
You’re dashing through life with an Olympic torch in your hand so you can enter the stadium to pick up your medal. Unfortunately, you’ll be dead tired when you get there, and you’ll find that the medal ceremony only lasts for 5 minutes.
And you would have missed the sights and scenes on your way to victory.
If you want to slow things down, set the intention to slow it down. Commit to yourself that you’re going to spend less time living an overcommitted life, less time in your car in traffic, and less time doing things you can’t stand.
Say yes to simplifying, reducing commitments, and living more slowly.
2. Know yourself better so you can reprioritize your life.
If you don’t know what you want, you’re going to be pulled in many different directions without much focus.
Identifying and acknowledging what’s important to you – family, passion, fun, adventure, creativity, spirituality, service or other values – is your first step to self-understanding.
Once you acknowledge that yes, these 2 or 3 things are what make for a fulfilling life, then you can create a life that’s based around those things.
You can start doing more of those things that are in alignment with what’s important to you in life and shut the doors on all those other things that are wasting your time and energy.
Understanding your values system is a great way to begin to reprioritize your life, and life coach Tim Brownson has an entire book dedicated to this topic alone.
Understanding your values allows you to live a life that’s more in line with who you are while reducing frivolous commitments.
3. Carve out blocks of “do-nothing” time.
Are you one of those people who has every minute of their day on their calendar? Wonderful.
Please put the gun down and step away from your calendar.
Your productivity and efficiency has gotten you far in life, but has it really?
Could slowing down and resting turbo-charge your productivity and your output?
Purposefully add blocks of time into your calendar, during the work day if possible, where you’re doing nothing constructive. Take this time to do nothing or do something leisurely: walking, a nap, or simply sitting and taking in the day.
If you can’t calendar in blocks of “do-nothing” time into your day, then try to find moments where you squeeze in some “do-nothing” time. Try a longer lunch, a more leisurely walk to your next meeting, or some breathing exercises on your next work conference call.
4. Plan a little.
Similar to creating blocks of time where you do nothing, one way to slow things down and take life at a slower pace is a little daily or weekly planning.
You have to know what’s on your plate so you can identify what’s important to you and what’s not.
Once you realize what’s important to you and squash those things that terrorize you and eat up your time, then create a plan that allows you to do what you have to do in the amount of time you have.
If you plan ahead, you can reduce the rushing, the anxiety and the mindless “busyness” of life. A little pre-planning reminds you how much time you have to do the work that’s in front of you.
If it’s overwhelming, then get help, push some things off to the following week, say “no” to some of what’s on your plate and get a little more breathing room.
7 minutes of planning can reduce 7 days of reckless living.
Simple – plan a little, breathe a little easier.
5. Stop overbooking yourself.
If you were a hotel, would you be the sold-out New York Four Seasons Hotel?
Social gatherings, family gatherings, kids’ events, pet reunions, Burning Man festivals, the asparagus festival, the Cannes film festival. Enough already.
You may feel the desire to be seen. To be seen is to be admired, you might mistakenly believe.
You’re wrong.
People who are dashing around from the party scene to the nightclub scene to the charity dinner scene for the sole purpose of being noticed are living an illusionary dream.
If you’re simply showing up for your own vanity and ego, first get over yourself.
Then start saying “no” like Solange’s flying kicks to brother-in-law Jay-Z: quickly, furiously and with purpose (but in a loving “we’re still family at the end of the day” kind of way).
Say no:
“Sorry, I can’t.”
“I’m over-committed.”
“Nope, can’t do that.”
“Maybe next time.”
“Thanks for the invite anyway. Love you. Kisses. I send my best. I send my regards. I send my ex. I send my condolences, etc. etc.”
Socially, personally, professionally and even sexually (huh?), say no.
6. Spend time alone. Focus on self-care.
Enjoy the view @Torrey Pines state beach
What do you do with all that extra time you now have?
First, savor it. Then use that time to take care of yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually.
Exercise. Meditation. Yoga. Reading. Thinking. Dreaming time.
The art of simply sitting and doing nothing.
Self-reflection. Introspection.
Sleep.
“More and more scientific studies speak to the irrefutable benefits of sleep,” Arianna Huffington writes in Thrive.
“A study published in Science even calculated that for the sleep-deprived, an extra hour of sleep can do more for their daily happiness than a $60,000 raise,” Huffington shares.
When you’re rushing through life sleep-deprived, you’re harming your body and your ability to be most productive.
Set earlier bed times and give yourself the luxury of waking up without an alarm clock. Wake up when you’re rested. Read more tips here on getting better sleep.
7. Set limits on technology.
Are you hooked to your cell phone, iPad, laptop and other accessories?
24 hours a day?
Turn off all devices at a certain time. Disconnect.
As Huffington suggests in Thrive, shut your electronic equipment off and keep it in a different room.
“Disconnecting from the digital world will help you reconnect to your wisdom, intuition, and creativity,” she writes.
I’ve started doing this of late and am surprised at how much more peaceful and less worried I am. I don’t worry about who’s emailed me, who’s texting me at midnight or tweeting at me.
Get the technology out of your room and shut it off before you go to bed.
8. Take as much time as it takes to do something.
In a rush and tumble world, it’s all about speed and efficiency. What’s the quickest way to get the job done?
As an experiment, why not give yourself the liberty to take as much time as you need to do a task?
And do only that one task at a time. Cut out multi-tasking and opt for a single-minded approach to the task at hand.
Pour yourself a cup of tea.
Eat your breakfast focused on the taste and texture of the food you’re chewing on. Cut out emails and skimming the news headlines as you devour your Cheerios.
Enjoy the process—slow down and find satisfaction in doing the task by itself.
9. Don’t waste your time, like you wouldn’t waste your money.
Would you go around giving people hundreds of dollar bills for no reason?
Do you toss bags of money from your Jetta’s window (if you do, please text me your address ASAP)?
We don’t frivolously shell out the Benjamins mindlessly, so why waste a chunk of your time?
What if your time was like your money?
Would it easier for you to be more protective of your time?
Could you say “no” more?
I understand that the point of this article is to encourage you to have more time and not live in time scarcity, but this point asks you to be mindful of and careful with the time you do have.
What do you really want to do with your time? Treasure your decisions and choices based on what’s important to you.
10. Stay focused on your own life.
It’s very easy to start going every which way when you’re trying to march in someone else’s parade.
Just because EVERYONE you know is doing the same thing, pursuing the same things and living the same life, that doesn’t mean you have to.
Your friend getting a Masters doesn’t mean you need to get your application in too. Your friend going to law school shouldn’t inspire you, but remind you to get them psychological help.
Your friend nailing her dream job at the top-four consulting firm shouldn’t make you feel like you’re slacking in life and you need to get out of your comfortable career.
It’s so easy to see what people are doing and want to duplicate their dreams. You start running around frantically trying to live their lives, driving yourself to your wit’s end.
Ask yourself if you really want something before you do it. See how it fits with your life, your dreams and your values.
Go from within. Don’t let outside pressures or people dictate how to live. March to your own beat.
When your life slows down, you will have peace and happiness that’s priceless. You’ll also have the focus and productivity to pursue those things that YOU really want in life.
Living in alignment with your priorities and your values will produce a feeling of immense joy, abundance and happiness that no dollar amount or job could give you.
Now go brew yourself a cup of tea and call it a day, mate. Time to turn off the iPhone, enjoy a little “do-nothing” time and get to bed early for a full night’s rest.
* Photo Credit daran_kandasamy
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by Vishnu | Dec 1, 2013 | Authenticity, Love and Relationships, Personal Development
The Real Me?
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”― Siddhārtha Gautama
“I’m a flop.”
“I loathe everything about me.”
“Nobody loves me. I’m not worthy of love.”
Have you experienced similar thoughts where you felt like you weren’t worthy or good enough?
You might have felt some of these emotions when you confronted traumatic life events at work, home or in your relationships.
You may have even had the recurring negative talk and thoughts of inadequacy when growing up.
Especially so if you grew up in a mob or KGB family. Or attended religious boarding schools with disciplinarian teachers!
Confronting my self-worth.
While I didn’t grow up in a mobster family or the KGB, I’ve had my fair share of self-hating reflections about myself.
Growing up, the barrage of critical and negative comments from family takes a toll.
There’s also no experience which tests a person’s self-worth like a divorce.
When someone who you love rejects you, you begin to feel like you’re inadequate and unworthy of love.
Like you’re not fit to be loved.
You’re not whole.
Broken. Damaged.
More than the breakup and separation, it were these reoccurring thoughts which filled my mind and my life. As time passed, my self-pity and sorrow turned more towards reaffirming self-loathing and hatred.
“Why would I want to live with myself when even my former wife didn’t?”.
I questioned and scrutinized myself with these unhealthy thoughts.
Of course, none of these thoughts were an accurate reflection of myself . They may have described how I was feeling in life but they were skewed and far removed from reality.
These were thoughts that I was expressing to myself because of some of the painful circumstances I was experiencing.
You may be going through something similar. Or you may have had emotionally scarring experiences and a rough childhood which created your negative self-image.
Self-loathing isn’t a permanent condition – you have the power to shift your mindset.
Thoughts of self-hatred and loathing can arise from painful life events. Or simply a recurring pattern from growing up in a negative and critical environment.
Such thoughts can come about before you slide into a state of depression. In fact, psychotherapist Drew Coster says “depression often happens when people feel like they’re not good enough, or a failure.”
Regardless of how these thoughts arise in your life, you can take action to turn around this self-imposed mindset of negativity.
Your thoughts and feelings are not etched in stone.
Instead think of them as rain drops sitting on the railing after a heavy rain. When the sun comes out, these raindrops, like your negative self-talk, have the ability to dry up quickly and evaporate.
A simple mind-shifting strategy to call out your negative self-talk and love yourself more.
Let’s start with this premise.
You don’t have to allow these thoughts which control your mind to control your life.
You can help boost your self-esteem to shift the tide of disheartening thoughts.
How do you develop self-esteem? According to Dr. David Burns, in the best-selling book, Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy, says “you don’t have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is turnoff that critical, haranguing inner voice.”
Here’s a very simple, yet powerful, mind-shifting, practice you can employ to turn the tide on the thoughts and feelings which arise from this emotional load you’ve been carrying around.
1. Identify these thoughts of worthlessness you may be experiencing.
Catch those irritating critters like how you would pursue pesky mosquitos: patiently and mindfully.
Self-reflection, journaling, talking about your thoughts to a friend or professional, and mindfulness practices are some ways to come to observe and recognize your negative thought patterns.
As these thoughts arise, acknowledge them by writing them down.
2. Examine and evaluate your thoughts about yourself.
Are these thoughts and feelings valid? Ask yourself, “what if this thought wasn’t true?”
Look at these thoughts objectively – are the negative thoughts valid? Or are they simply inaccurate reflections created by your past?
You may have performed poorly in a task or had a failure at work, but does that make you an overall failure at life?
You could have bombed your last interview for a job but, does that mean you’re incompetent and not hireable by any company?
Play devil’s advocate with these negative thoughts to question their validity.
3. Challenge the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing.
Counter your thoughts. Challenge them.
For the thought, “I’m good at nothing”, counter with, “well, I successfully navigated to work and back, completed my job duties on time and effectively completed another day at work.”
For the thought, “No one likes me,” think about the friends you do have, the solid relationships you have cultivated and the people who enjoy your company.
When you think you’re not worthy or deserving of love, counter with the thought that you were born as a bundle of love. You were loved unconditionally as a baby, loved by many people in your life since then and have many people today who love you.
You’re both capable of receiving love and giving love.
Look for any small or large achievement of the day to show yourself that you’re not what a self-defeating thought is rattling to you.
View these thoughts through a lens of gratitude instead of lack and negativity.
This practice can be a challenge because your conditioned mind and emotions will try to prevent you from embracing more positive and loving thoughts. Your mind can feel uncomfortable experiencing something new and positive.
If you can’t carry out this exercise on your own, seek the assistance of a trusted friend to help you examine and challenge self-defeating thoughts.
If the thoughts and beliefs are more deep-rooted, seek counseling so a licensed professional can help you identify, evaluate and help you reject those disempowering and deep-rooted thoughts.
Once you do this practice once, like unruly weeds, harmful thoughts will crop up again. Each time, they do, be prepared to confront them and practice self-love.
Come up with counter-examples to destructive thoughts of how you’re capable, worthy and loveable.
Your assignment.
Take out a sheet of paper and capture those self-hating thoughts running through your mind. I’ve included a sample worksheet for you to use as a guideline – you can click here to see it: Selfloveworksheet.
Divide the paper in three.
On the left side, capture the harsh talk and thoughts running through your mind.
In middle column, write down why these negative thoughts aren’t objectively true. Poke holes in these undesirable thoughts.
On the right side, take away power to those negative thoughts by replacing them with contrary and more empowering thoughts.
How is every thought you noted on the left side of the page inaccurate or false? Allow those thoughts to evaporate and allow the empowering thoughts on the right side of the paper to replace them.
Continue this practice until you can successfully confront, challenge and turn around harmful thoughts and feelings.
You can also try these practices, self-love or self-confidence affirmations, treat yourself better, or writing healing self-notes to yourself.
* Image credit: Best Brain Possible
Do you experience negative and self-defeating thoughts? Please help other readers by sharing other practices to increase self-love, self-worth and improve one’s self-image in the comments below.
